Name: Step Aside Mr. Beast!
Uploaded: 2023-12-06T16:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Step Aside Mr. Beast!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Step Aside Mr. Beast!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-06. Transcript available.

we are staying only a couple blocks in the white house yeah really yeah i've
never seen it yeah
it's it's stupid it's so dumb i when i was with adam ray at dc once you mean i
did a little
monologue it was pretty funny if there was if there was an asian martin luther
king that'd be
great and he did a speech i had a dreaming that white people would do their own
laundry
i did this whole uh speech and what is what's the white martin luther king
speech go go ahead
i can't get to sleep because i'm worried about my 401k
and there's only three people there here here brother yeah we can't sleep too
brother
oh that's funny but anyway um dc's yeah i'm not gonna do it i i did the
monuments i'm not doing it
now i know i've done it before too but i gotta take you to the white house i
gotta take her to
the white house you've never been there i've never been oh you're gonna love it's
clean we
should make a for some areas we should make a phone call and see if we can get
a private tour for her
of the white house can you get jet ski come on or that hot dog place that barack
used to go to
and bill cosby uh-oh hot dog how is that not the name of that place i mean how
do we not open up a bad
friends hot dog hot dog joint i'm from chicago hot dogs is what we do oh hot
and you are the hot dog
king can we open up oh oh hot dog here that's how you happen i'm not listen
please john crane
john crane was an author i don't know who that is john crane go on is a groundlings
guy
he became the the high producers on mad he wrote oh hot dog oh hot dog that's
him john crane okay
okay what do we gotta do we gotta i'm just saying we have to call him first do
you think he's interested
in the hot dog business i think he's probably doing a little bit better than
that but i remember him
calling me over like he wrote it and he goes before the table read because he
didn't know how i was
gonna do it yeah and he goes you gotta go oh he did it you gotta go oh hot dog
you know what i mean
like a white guy and i'm like in a hallway going okay what like oh hot dog you're
like no not as much
you know what i mean more asian i remember working on it with him that's
awesome yeah yeah can you do it
again right now oh hot dog perfect great so much money you're messing out on
buddy why don't we open
up an uh-oh hot dog here right here in the valley you're ketchup you're mustard
it's perfect it literally
is perfect why am i mustard uh oh yeah because of the yellow thing your yellow
beanie you're calling
asians yellow no you'll be right behind you no i'm being real the yellow beanie
is true you know but
you're calling asians a yellow or what uh-oh how do we get out of this dude
that's it we're opening up
uh-oh yeah okay david dobrik's got a pizza place you think we can't smash hot
dogs we have to call
a guy like david chang to make gourmet hot dogs no if i was honestly if i was
gonna do a real oh hot dog
restaurant right i'd have to figure out i want number one i want it to be
quality oh yeah like where do we
get the dogs we got a hundred percent from china you know you're lucky that was
funny that was so funny
that's that's that is not okay yeah that pause though was me laughing yeah
because i was hoping
but then i'm also offended guy dude every once in a while very funny dude oh
hot dog yeah from china
i mean dude the timing let me see here you say oh hot dog in spanish spanish
style
and that will be on the menu as well yeah if you want a spanish style but i
would call david chang and
go listen can we reinvent the hot dog i just want to i don't want to just
because i wanted people to
go oh the food's good too i got it i have something really great that i've
always thought was amazing
okay go ahead my biggest pet peeve when i because every time i go to a baseball
game i have a hot dog
it's you have to get a dodger dog when you go to our stadium my wife and i
anybody i take you have
to i don't i don't like hot dog i don't give a you have to get one there you
have to take a bite
throw it away it's fine i don't like you're putting on all the condiments and
they always fall over
and sometimes the condiments get ketchup or mustard on them i know where you're
going i want the hot
dogs injected with the condiments i want to make a condiment mixture and inject
the hot dog with the
fucking condiments tell me this isn't an amazing idea but i'll tell you this is
an amazing idea i'll
take you one step further give it to me baby you put the bread in there too
whoa how do you even do
that that's crazy wait a minute so you just you're just sucking on a glizzy
just a big round chunk of
meat because the the bread will absorb some of the glizzy oh yeah yeah i mean
how do we get it in
there though like good question dude leave it up to the fucking engineers yeah
you don't need to
worry about yeah yeah we'll call the guys that made jewel the guys that made
jewels right they'll figure
it out right so we inject it no how about this if they can get a pack of
cigarettes into your hand
like that yeah they can get bread inside of a hot dog that's true dude so we
put what we put ketchup
mustard relish well there's different ones you can get onions onions relish it's
a standard one
right cheese the peppers one is chopped up right we stick it inside the thing
yes right i think the
bun if i think about it it wouldn't work of course not that's just thought
about it that's insane
that's fucking insane yeah i was just throwing out ideas i have an idea cut the
hot dog in half long
ways put the bun inside you're fired what do you mean you're fat i don't even
know what you mean
make the hot dog the bun no oh what you're saying you're watching no no this is
insane yeah you're
you're going yeah i know what you're doing you're doing a mcdonald's mcgriddle
that's right kind of
i right pancake no no so what you're saying is you make the hot dog but he has
a point the hot dog is
usually oily it's greasy wet and greasy right and the bun is the handle so we
have to figure out
that's where the uh-oh comes from that's right and we have no napkins no no napkins
you could if you
want to buy a shirt an uh-oh hot dog shirt you can use that it's all it's one
big napkin a shirt is
made our merch shirts are made of napkins you'll save so much money with no napkins
yeah but we'll
charge them for the shirts what do we make you know instead of make the bread a
stick
time out time out put the hot dog on a stick no i'm in time in do we should we
deep fry it no and
make it a corn dog we're gonna have corn dogs on the menu that's not what i'm
doing guy uh-oh
business problems listen to my go ahead i'm trying to do it right what you're
saying is
it's not breaded like a corn dog it's not a stick right what i'm saying is i'm
trying to get around
right how do we reinvent the bun do we have a hot dog on a stick yes what is
this stick a chopstick
we got to make this menu right now that's beautiful we got to make this menu
and it's wrapped in
uh that asian chili zing sauce from from uh from trader joe's you don't know asian
what's
a chile zing sauce asian zing got the green lid thank you yeah okay so good
catch up can we also
have a hot dog called the carlos yeah and all it is is you know those hot dogs
at like 7 11 that have
been on the rotator for like 48 days and they're gray and sideways and lumpy
that's the carlos one
hair on top one hair on top that's the carlos okay oh no the carlos oh my god
the carlos hot dog is
just it's a glory hole it's a hot dog with a hole yeah yeah and you can fuck it
yeah that's the carlos
but let's reinvent the onion ring what do you think reinvent the onion ring
right instead of onion it's
just one whole onion we throw in a deep fryer dude that's so good and instead
of like it like
that's so good like a caramel apple but it's just an onion on a onion ball an
onion ball on a stick
with two onion balls dude yeah right we bread the whole thing deep fried onion
balls right in the
middle we got to put something oh what is in the middle of the invisible the
invisible paper for the
fucking candy is out yeah it's the white rhino the rabbit the white rabbit
right something like that
you know what would be really great onion balls what if it's all a surprise and
sometimes it's not cool
like one of them's a balut egg is in the middle of one or two right you don't
know what you're gonna
get not cool onion balls yeah right not cool onion balls like someone will go
oh great i got a
regular onion some guy goes oh my god i got fucking juju bears yeah what's the
juju bees juju bees
juju bear is my business manager i love him the man no wait so some of them are
bad some of them
are good you know how like you get shishito peppers and some of them are hot
right that's the risk you
take i see this is our shishitos yeah we should have a golden ticket willy wonka
style oh yes a golden
ticket yeah oh golden ticket and you get to use it to become stupid no i think
it's honest i'm not even
kidding when i say this is such a good idea it's such a good idea the uh-oh hot
dog restaurant yeah
and you know who's gonna work there who these guys the cone 100 percent mccone's
a fucking the
fucking onion ball guy i think he cleans out the grease pits okay yeah i think
he dumps out the
grease okay and you know him he'd be like could could i take some of the grease
home yeah chili let's
reinvent chili careful how do we why i don't know anything about chili you don't
know anything about
chili i know what do you mean i know i like it i like it too i don't know how
to make it but that's
we to call the people you gotta call david chang yeah yeah about chili what's
in chili well it's just
beef let's guess let's guess let's guess i'm being real yeah all right so is
there bone marrow there
can be your chili probably yeah you can put bone marrow in anything so i my
chili bone marrow love it
chopped up meat okay what kind of meat um the cow kind the cow kind yeah yeah
if we had in what and
uh toronto that it was like what was it like 70 dollars an ounce that why you
wag you what about
baby cat cow calf what do they call that baby cow calf the calves of the uh veal
veal yeah veal so
good we do veal meat okay chunk chop chop chop that up chunky chunk chunk put
the bone marrow right and
then you put some sort of like base booyah base i know is it what's the liquidy
vibe tomato tomato
tomato tomato tomato paste you put tomato based well you put a stock in there
whether it's a beef stock
or a sesame oil i love sesame oil and everything but that's just an added yeah
okay put sesame oil in
there so the beef and beans then they put beans in chili kidney beans yeah yeah
and just mix it around
right now elbow beans uh what else uh what kind of beans are there lime beans
amoeba beans lime beans
yeah yeah uh some of carlos's family members anyway we'll do that we're gonna
stick hot dogs
no chili then you think it's too big and you know how when you walk into a
convenience store
and then what does ours do let me let me guess let me guess and i'm offended by
it
yeah yeah every time you walk in i want to hear that dude come on come on that
is so
fucking cool right but it's not i have to be it's got to be my voiceover yes of
course
what do you mean it's our fucking restaurant so you walk in
uh-oh hot dog right and then uh and then daddy while you die is playing on loop
right the whole
place and then we have to have dude we have to have a a mascot or like a you
know your dad your
dead dad is our mascot you want a hot dog and he walks around just the ghost of
your father yeah free
free hot dog for you we have to put we have to he's got to be a furry creature
no or no no no a furry
creature make him purple oh okay put fur on him purple by my dad all right okay
oh i'm purple
that's his name pupua pupua pupua and people think it's papa yeah it's your dad
purple purple yeah yeah