Name: The Filipino Lick: A Rudy Homeland Lesson!
Uploaded: 2023-12-13T16:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Filipino Lick: A Rudy Homeland Lesson!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Filipino Lick: A Rudy Homeland Lesson!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-13. Transcript available.

let me tell you how much i love filipinos my physical therapist is filipino
love this guy
love he uses all those filipino tricks of the trade that you guys have back
there
like what he hits me in the back with uh um little tiny like little sticks with
bugs all over them
he says that's from the home country that's what he says and it's getting all
the impurities out
of my back he licks my feet which i think he said is a thing that they do in
the philippines do you
lick feet well i had a cousin that he they said that he had she had like
healing saliva so she
would just like everyone and then it would heal everything so i did make my
part up but it is
so beautiful that yours was real you've had someone who are you she's like the
filipino theo vaughn
i know yeah he's like someone in my village would lick the sickness right out
of you it's insane
that's i've never heard anything like that that's crazy you're saying the
saliva was had magical
powers everyone thought that she had magical powers because every time she
would lick like
something would like heal right yeah it would heal wow it was like their wolverine
would just close
that's insane so i'm getting in the neighborhood has like a broken arm yeah
yeah come over here
oh like yeah whoa whoa that's what she did and you saw it first yeah have you
been healed by her
no no no but i remember my sister was like had a um a fever and she licked her
forehead
there's no way no there's a way she did that i'm not sure she did it and the
girl got healed from
embarrassment she was like i'm okay now yeah she could have died that night she
wouldn't have told
anybody she was so embarrassed yeah maybe it's psychological well everyone
thought so i believed
it yeah yeah okay my grandmother yeah how many people in your village had
magical powers
my lola my grandma like you said with your physical therapist he would hit me
with bug sticks
not he she didn't use and i made that up but she used like leaves and stuff and
she would like put
it on like the wound yeah palm like palm fronds yeah that's that's not magical
that's not magical
that's ancient chinese techniques yeah yeah there was this old lady who we
thought was like a
mananangal oh well we've had three of those growing up yeah i had three mananangals
growing up i used
to have a mananangal underneath my balls yeah like a year and a half i had to
get it removed so
expensive though they're like three thousand dollars a month yeah to rent one
it's a mythical creature
exactly and they're hard to find yeah they really are yeah yeah so you thought
you someone in your
village was a mananangal yeah and then you know where you can find a mananangal
in the taint of a
bigfoot that's right that's where mananangal yeah yeah they cling on right you
know how like
sometimes sharks they have other fishes that clean their skin that's what a mananangal
does to a
bigfoot so that's how i got mine and a lochness monster if you can find one
okay i have another
one yeah i have another one so they said that okay so there was like a bunch of
like pregnant women
in my village yeah and then they said that there was this lady an old lady that
would come at night
and then she had like a really long tongue and then she would go to their room
and would lick the baby
the baby would die what wait a minute wait so that was were these women getting
an abortion
i don't know and they blamed it on a long-tongued woman yeah yeah they were
just shoving
hangers up there and were just like he has like a planned parenthood fucking
walking that's what my grandma told me that's what your grandma said she would
go down on women
maybe she was related to the other lady with the tongue
yeah the lick lady the lick the lick family the lick family yeah yeah one kills
one heals
i'm bing bong lick yeah that's insane yeah so she the the myth that i really
this is why i love
the philippines they have they believe they all believe that perhaps this woman
could tongue could
go inside of another woman and kill the baby yeah and they believe that yeah
everybody believes that
yeah we were scared yeah i was i'm scared now i'm scared now you know that's
insane yeah and my mom
was pregnant and then i kept like i was so scared for her thinking that the
long tongue was gonna come
yeah yeah was now was the woman's name long tongue is that a filipino name long
tongue no i don't know
i forgot her name something stick out your tongue is your tongue long whoa that
is a long that's a long
tongue dude you could be it you could have the thing i'd do that you'd kill
babies with your tongue
you're killing it yeah but i think what we're learning is that rudy needs to go
through a serious
unfortunate breakup and we can be there for you but i do think you need to get
you need to break up how
are you gonna do it no i can't do it all right yeah bobby is the kid whatever
his name is bobby's him
break up with him now hey jew how you going doing don't do that accent that's
what it sounds like
you want it to be real or not yo jew what are you doing uh does he call her jew
i don't know okay
okay joey yeah yeah what's up it's me you want to go watch a movie no let's
talk oh shit what do you
want to talk about okay well first of all can i say something to you okay the
first time i ever saw
you it was like i seen myself and being oh i'm too loud first me first me first
no can i say something
first though no no no me first i'm gonna tell you just something i never felt
love no no no i never i
never thought love in my life i didn't even know what love was until i met you
and then once i met you
i was i felt like i was at home okay okay hold on let me finish let me because
i have i wrote this down
and i i want to get this off my chest why are you seeing it now because because
i don't know it just
what a beautiful day what a beautiful day and today i have the courage to do it
all right so i also
want to say can i tell you something it's like um i would do anything for you i
would lay my life
down for you and it's so weird because we're not family or nothing like that
you know i wouldn't even
do that with my own dad but with you i would die for you do you know why i love
you your soul hey guys
i made you to tina pizza rolls oh thank you so much we love you you love the
church jump of pizza rolls
what are you guys talking about yeah yeah anyway tell me what you were gonna
say to me i'm your mom
i i don't know mom you love you think the best pizza pizza pizza was all the
world what did you want
to say to my son oh tita this is private you can go okay i can stay because
remember i told you last night
yeah about how her yeah you don't she doesn't give you head i know aside from
that okay yeah yeah okay
i said yeah no tongue work no tongue anyway um is it yeah what is it uh did you
want to watch a movie
no no i'm okay here yeah mom stay here i will yeah tell me what you're about to
say to me okay joey
yes love of my life sweet dream he really does love i love you
so rude that's my mom yeah don't shoot my mom oh sorry sorry okay joey yeah
yeah listen i'm listening
love love okay sweet love oh oh shut up oh so sexy don't say that to my son he
will come
yeah when you tell him okay joey joey joey i'm about to come right now joey let's
be serious yeah
i don't i don't like you anymore
i think mom mom do you have a mirror do you have a mirror at home have you seen
what your face look
like i know out of my house mom go get the sucker mom get the sucker he's gonna
kill you no no no no
no mom i thought i was the love of your life no you are give me the gum mom you
got it thank you
oh yay confetti