Name: Bobby's DONE With Cheap Water! Erewhon or BUST!
Uploaded: 2023-12-15T16:00:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's DONE With Cheap Water! Erewhon or BUST!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's DONE With Cheap Water! Erewhon or BUST!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-15. Transcript available.

Can I ask you why this, did you put on a pimple patch on the pimple on your
chin?
So what happened this last night, I put a pimple patch on, and then when I was
driving here...
It looks worse.
I know, when I was driving here...
Just leave it as a pimple.
When I was driving here, I took off the patch...
And it looks more noticeable because of the sweat.
Stop, stop, let me finish.
The sweater's yellow, your skin is yellow.
Let me finish.
The pimple is yellow and red.
It's me and you on your face.
I know.
Can I just finish?
Yeah.
So I was driving here, had the pimple patch from last night.
Well, you left it on.
You're not supposed to leave it on for a whole day.
But I did.
Good.
You slept in it.
Yeah.
And I looked in the rear view window.
Mirror.
Mirror.
Mirror.
Imagine if it was a window.
Right?
And I saw a white hat.
Me.
Just poking it.
Yeah.
So then I fucking peeled it.
Yeah.
I popped it and it was oozing blood.
So I took the fucking patch and I put it back on.
No, idiot.
You're supposed to do it when it's dry and not bleeding.
And did it do the damn effect that I thought it was going to do?
Let me see.
I mean, it just looks like a flooded pimple patch.
Like it's a full diaper on your chin.
Why do you still have pimples?
Why be your 50?
Two.
And you know what, dude?
That kind of talked to me.
You're going to get a lot of shit sprayed on the toilets this week.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, you want sprays?
Hold on.
Stop.
Oh, it looks hilarious now.
Now it's leaking.
How much money?
Stop.
Can I put this on you?
No.
Please.
Can I put this on you?
No.
Ten grand.
Stop.
Stop.
I'll have pimples.
What?
Stop it.
Stop it.
Can I just put it on your face?
Ah!
Put it on to Andrew!
No, no.
Lick it.
All right.
Eat it.
No.
What if I ate this?
Well, it's your shit.
Oh, that's right.
That's not going to bother anybody.
What are you doing?
Fucking eating this?
Can I tell you?
These pants?
What?
These pants are fucking fun.
What's your pants?
Go up to the front there.
Show off your pants.
Empty your pockets.
Empty your pockets first.
Look at these slacks.
These are sexy.
They're so tight.
Let me see.
Go forward a little bit so I can see more.
Will you spin around for the camera?
You are a little sex machine.
These are soccer pants, aren't they?
No, I don't know what day.
I got them when we were on the road one day.
But I'm going to wear them tomorrow to go to Denver.
I really like them.
I like when you wear tight stuff.
It turns me on.
I had a panic attack in line the other day.
Like a full-on panic attack.
What happened?
I was going to order a salad, and I was on the phone with the wife,
and she didn't know what she wanted, but it was already my turn.
And I was doing a build-your-own salad.
And I was freaking out, because she would change the order as I'm ordering it,
and the guy's like, no, no check piece.
Air One?
Huh?
Where were you?
Air One?
No, no, no.
Oh, no.
Air One?
I've walked in there once.
I walked out.
Oh, I hang out there all day long.
I know you do.
What's up?
People that don't know, Air One is like an overtly pretentious, overpriced
market.
I bought that $50 water.
Oh, you got that one?
I still get it now.
I get this little bottle that's $50 water.
Why?
What is in it?
I want to try it.
It's top water.
Oxygen.
Top water.
Oh, it's oxygenated water?
So good.
No, it's top water.
It's not top water.
No, it's real.
I drink it, and I get fizzy-eyed.
Let me see.
What is Air One $50 water?
Don't make fun of me.
I'm just saying.
No, I'm gonna.
That's insane.
It's $50 American dollars?
It's exactly the same as the woman who licks babies.
She probably started that company.
That's not it.
Not Mountain Valley.
No, I know.
It's $26.
Zoom in.
I'll tell you what the brand is.
Oh, that's $40?
That bottle.
The first bottle.
Yeah.
That's it.
Oh, for $30.
A $30 bottle of just a regular bottle of water.
Yeah.
What is it?
It's oxygenated water.
It's from the heavens.
But it's a wabi.
You have a filtered.
Shut the fuck up with the filter.
Shut the fuck up with the filter.
Every time you're fucking.
Shut the fuck up with the filter, all right?
Wait, go up.
Go up.
This says nanopure.
Go up.
This says nanopure.
It's nanopure.
Hyper oxygenated and restructured.
Dude, they restructure the water for your mouth.
I can feel it in my body.
It's like, it's going down different channels.
What's H2O?
What is H2O?
Oxygen.
Hydrogen?
And water.
And aqua.
Aqua, dude.
Okay.
What could be re-engineered?
Infused with an unmatched level of bioavailable dissolved oxygen.
40 plus PP.
Listen, humans get re-engineered now.
What?
Yeah, they do.
I want to be a woman now.
People who transition?
Yeah, it's trans water, dude.
You can soak in it.
Now, you can soak in it and drink it?
Do you drink it after you soak in it?
They have a wellness spa.
Dude, you need that.
I need that so bad.
Yeah, get a quote.
They didn't even tell you.
$30,000 probably for that little.
All right.
Whoa, a pool?
Oh, my God.
Ophora keeps your pool organically fresh, sanitized.
All right.
Totally salt water.
All right.
Can I say something?
Can I say something?
Okay.
Why did we get Ophora water?
Sorry?
No, no, no.
We had guests on.
We had Are You Garbage on.
Oh, and you got them fancy water?
No, no, no.
And we go, we want you to see if there's a difference between the two waters.
And we did a taste test.
And did they?
We all said, Ophora's number one.
There's something about it when you drink it.
Your mouth goes, ah.
It's a Christmas.
A breath of relief.
Yeah.
It's the best water, dude.
I don't believe that water can be that much better.
Look at the Mexicans.
The Mexicans.
Well, if they like it.
Mexicans make it?
Just like everything else.
It turns out the Mexicans are making it.
You like good sushi?
It's not made.
It's great water.
It's Mexicans.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You like good water?
It's Mexicans.
Will you try it, though?
By the way.
Will you try it?
It's Mexicans.
I love Mexicans.
No, I know.
They make everything.
Will you try it?
No, I'm not buying it.
I'm going to buy you.
I don't want $30 water.
There's good reviews, Andrew.
Yeah, give me the review.
Oh, there's good reviews, Carlos.
Let me read.
Ashley, white, and white people know their shit.
Do not trust white people.
White people love water, dude.
Do they not?
Do we trust white people?
No.
In terms of water, yes.
No.
Yeah.
What do you mean white people?
Euphoria is simply the best water I've ever tasted.
I am a healing arts practitioner.
The consumption of clean, pure, structured water is one of the most critical
components of health.
What is structured water?
If you haven't tasted it, you don't even know.
But when you drink it, you go, oh my God, that's structured.
I would recommend it all day long.
I drink so much.
It's like drinking dirt water now.
This.
She goes, I drink so much that 10 pounds melted away.
But this is bot.
This is generated.
It's not generated.
That's real people.
Yeah, she lost 10 pounds.
What's her name?
What's her name?
What's her name?
What's her name?
Deb.
No one's been named Deb in 100 fucking years.
Every Deb is dead.
Give me more reviews.
Only two?
Yeah.
Six total reviews of this bullshit.
Go down to the bottom.
This is the biggest crock of shit on earth.
Go down to the way bottom.
Yeah.
Right there.
Yeah.
Dr. Jeff.
Let me zoom in.
I'm going to say what he says.
And I'm going to say, thank you, old Fora.
My family's been drinking oxygenated water for the past year.
My nine-year-olds hardly ever get sick now.
This is cockamamie bullshit.
It's so crazy.
This guy's trying to pitch you that your water fucking makes you not get sick.
It's so crazy you say that because I have.
Go suck on a COVID doorknob.
I had COVID.
That's like the leaking lady.
It's the same thing.
You guys are so stupid.
You know what I hate about you guys right now, dude?
What?
What do you not like about us?
I'll tell you what you don't like.
When Coke One came out.
Coke One?
Yeah.
When they redid Coke.
Coke Zero?
No.
The One.
Original Coke.
Oh, yeah.
No, Coke.
What was it called?
What was it called?
When they reinvented Coke?
New Coke.
New Coke.
That's not it.
There was no new Coke.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
In the 80s.
New Coke.
You weren't even live, you fucking dickhead.
In the 80s, they got rid of old Coke, and they go, I'm new.
It was just Coke.
And then the people went, we don't like it.
But a lot of people didn't try it.
A lot of people didn't try it.
We bottled a big can of shit.
We bottled human poop, and a lot of people didn't like it, but they didn't try
it.
What I'm saying is try it.
You're such a marketing major.
Dude, I'm the best.
You are.
I'll try it.
I'm telling you that water.
I'm going to give everyone a bottle of fucking $30 water.
Please, you buy it.
I'll buy it.
Bring it in here.
And then put it in your fridge, let it chill.
And in the morning, wake up, take a shot of it, and then you see.
I'll tell you what I like.
I like crystal clear Pepsi when it came out.
What was that?
And no one liked it.
No one liked it.
And it got pulled off the shelves.
And you know why nobody liked it?
Why?
They didn't try it.
And I hate crystal clear Pepsi.
Never had it.
Look at it.
It was literally clear Pepsi.
You can still buy it on the internet today.
It was so good.
I don't know why I liked it so much.
It's for black people.
Whoa.
What the fuck, Carlos?
It's such a black person drink.
What are you talking about?
It's like combining like-
It's menthol?
There's menthol in it?
No, it's like combining low-rent Coke with Sprite.
So it's like perfect.
Dude, you're a bigot.
You're like a grade A bigot.
Oh my God, dude.
That's insane.
No, I mean, LeBron has his own Sprite.
It is named after a black girl.
Crystal Pepsi?
That's a black girl.
Uh-uh.