Name: Bobby Lee Finally Learns The Alphabet!
Uploaded: 2023-12-21T14:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Finally Learns The Alphabet!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Finally Learns The Alphabet!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-21. Transcript available.

- Although, you know, you're gonna meet Dan.
- Dan Rather from CBS News?
- Yeah.
- How do you know him?
- We follow each other on Etsy.
- Dude, you're like Theo Vaughn today.
- No, I'm not.
- You're like taking things somewhere else
that don't belong together.
- No, we both create things on Etsy, we trade.
- Oh, you follow each other on Etsy?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- What do you make on Etsy?
- Mittens.
- You're a mitten guy?
- Yeah.
- Bobby Mittens. - Mitten and Babu.
- So no fingers, mittens.
- They're so stiff though.
- Yeah, you just can't have to pick it up.
- And so not warm.
Yeah, and don't wear them around pandas.
- What does he make Dan Rather on Etsy?
- Oh, he makes these,
so you know how he loves to talk on the mic?
- Yeah.
- He makes it out of, you know, linen.
- Good, you got it.
- Yeah, yeah, linen swabs.
- He makes linen microphones?
- Yeah, and you know the tips of the Q-tip?
- Do I?
- Yeah.
- Cotton?
- That's not really cotton.
- Is it not?
- No.
- What's on the tip of a Q-tip?
- Q.
- Oh, it's just a bunch of Q.
- Yeah.
What do you think the tip?
Dude, the tip of its Q.
- So that's a bunch of Q woven up?
- Yeah, man.
- Oh, wow.
- You don't know the difference between Q and cotton did?
- What is it?
- Well, I don't know.
And that's why it's like mysterious.
It's like Q, like in Star Trek, Next Generation,
there was a character named Q.
And he was like, sort of like this character that,
he was sort of like God.
He came in and out, but no one could really describe
what he was.
- That's a Q-tip.
- So that's what the Q-tip.
- So the Q-tip is named after the Q from?
- Q is a mystery.
You know, first of all, isn't that a mystery letter?
- Q?
- Yeah.
- There's not a lot of words with Q in it.
- No, he's saying Y is a mystery letter.
- I'm saying Y is a mystery letter.
- That's a good, another mystery, there's two of them.
- How many words start with the letter Q?
- Question, quail.
- Queen, quince, quagmire.
- Queef.
- 975 words start with the letter Q.
- That's not good.
- Quadruple, quaff, quince.
- How many words start with B?
- L, less.
Wow.
- That can't be right.
- How many words start with B?
- What is, how does it say?
- It's pretty interesting.
- In the English, yeah.
- Yeah, 890, less words start with B than Q.
We learned something.
- That's no way, dude.
- Pretty impressive.
- What's, there probably isn't a lot of words
that start with what I think it starts with.
- Well, how many, yeah, what do you think?
What letter has the most, what letter?
- Let me see, I can't even think of 20 words
that start with B.
- 20 words?
- What?
- No, you know it.
- B?
- Yeah.
- I'd have to think, though.
- Let's do it right now, ready?
You go one, I go one, you go one.
- Oh, and whoever stops?
- Yeah, go.
- Buffoon.
- Bombastic.
- Burrito.
- Bouquet.
- Below.
- Beef.
- Bark.
- Bussy.
- Bussy.
- Yeah, a bussy.
That's a new, that's a new term
that's in the dictionary now.
- Okay.
- Yeah, it's a male pussy.
- Yeah.
- Really?
- You don't know about this?
- We can do urban stuff?
- Why couldn't we?
We have an urban audience, don't we?
- Oh yeah, go ahead.
- Balls.
- Booyah.
- Black.
- Bounce.
- Barracuda.
- Barracuda's good.
- Isn't barracuda one?
- Yeah, barracuda's good.
- A fish, right?
- It is a fish.
- Yeah.
- Beacon.
- Bamboozle.
- Banshee.
- Bowdry.
- Bent.
- Black.
- I said black.
- You did?
- Bruise.
- Block.
- Bruise.
- Block then.
- What?
- Are we going this way now?
- Go.
- What?
- Blah?
- Blah.
- B-L-A-H.
- Blood.
- Oh, blood?
Blot?
Blah?
What are you saying?
- Blah.
- Forget it.
Forget this game, man.
We're going forever.
- We did it.
- We did it, do it.
- We did it.
- That was at least 898.
- Now let's see if we can do Q,
'cause Q technically has more.
- I can't do it.
- Let's do it, go.
- I know three.
- Go.
- Queen, you already said it.
- Quail.
- Quagmire.
- Question.
- Quince.
- Q-Tip.
- Qualify.
- I don't know.
- I got no one.
- Quaint quandry.
I have no idea.
- Quantify.
- Quantify.
- Quality.
- Question.
- Oh.
- Quaint.
- Quaint.
- Quick.
- Quack.
- Quell.
- Ooh.
- Quit.
- Ooh.
- Oh, wow.
- I'm out.
- Yeah.
So we know a guy who met somebody on a set.
- Yeah.
- And way above, you know what I mean, his pay grade.
- She's the most famous person I think we, people.
- No, anyone knows.
- Yeah.
- And you know, this is when he was single.
- Yeah, it was a long, long time ago.
- And she would live up on the hills.
- Well, multiple houses, but yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
And late at night, we would see him walk down the hill.
- Uh-huh.
- Right, with his face just...
- Just a fucking...
- Pussified.
- Puss juice.
- Pussified.
- Famous celebrity puss juice all over his face.
And he looked confused and gratified.
- Happy.
- Happy.
- I remember the night we took a walk and talk.
We smoked a joint in my neighborhood
and he told me about who it was.
And it did make me think for a second,
are all my friends gonna date famous people?
- All right.
- Like it made me go, oh my God, is that a normal thing?
- You can do that?
- Yeah, that's what I mean.
- Like you never think you can do that.
- I thought that was...
- But you can do it, if they let you.
- You can.
- They never let me.
- I think you could.
- Well, I never got like, you know,
I had dinner with Cate Blanchett once.
I never got the vibe.
- Cate Blanchett went to dinner with you?
- Yeah.
- On a date?
- Or on a movie, when I did a movie.
- Oh, you were shooting a film?
- Yeah, and at night she was like,
well, let's go take out the whole cast out to dinner.
And I sat next to her at dinner.
- But you were there with like 20 other people?
- Yeah, Jamie Lee Curtis, all these people were there.
- That's not the same thing.
- And I was sitting there and in my mind,
I'm like, if she did, I would do it.
- If she made a move.
- Yeah, yeah.
- If Cate Blanchett made a move, what would you,
what's your move?
Look it, I'm Cate Blanchett.
- No, no, no, no, please.
- Bring me a photo of her so I can play her, please.
Just so I can get in character.
- No, I don't wanna get in trouble here.
- And she's British, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
She's the nicest person I've ever met.
- Bobby?
- Yeah, that's dead on.
- What will you be ordering?
- Me?
Well, you know, I'm sober, so I'll get Diet Coke.
- Okay, Diet Coke for the little one.
- Well, what would you be having?
- I'll have a gin and tomic.
- Oh, that's nice, a good choice.
- Do you mind if I drink in front of you?
- Oh, I don't mind at all.
- Do you mind if I have a drink
while you're licking my toes later?
I'm hitting you, Robert.
- Here?
- Under the table, you go.
- I would do it.
- You'd go right under the table?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- If she said right in front of all those people.
- Oh, yeah, well, why would you?
You can't say, you know, improv, always agree.
Well, I mean, have you done movies with,
before you were married, with famous people?
When you were single ever?
- No, I still don't do movies with famous people.
- Kevin Hart's not famous?
- No, but that's now.
That was only a couple years ago.
No, I never got a big movie.
I never got to do anything with...
The only people that I got to work with that were like...
- Who's the biggest actor you've worked with?
- In my life?
- Yeah.
'Cause you just did John Cena.
- Tom Arnold.
- That's not even fucking...
I've done Tom Arnold.
- Tom Arnold.
- I've done Tom Arnold.
- Who was the biggest I ever worked with?
Melissa Leo, when I did...
I mean, she's an Oscar winner.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, huge.
And she would not... - How about you?
- Not hook up with me.
- Mark Wahlberg.
- Whoa!
- Wait, what?
- Yeah, 'cause I was in the wardrobe department on Transformers 5,
and I delivered him his shoe inserts.
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
Was he nice?
- How big are they?
- Really nice.
- How big are they?
- They were like, not like padding, but just like comfort.
- Yeah, but you were the 10th person to give him one.
- Yeah, that's right, they were stacking them up.
- That's funny.
- I didn't want to say it, 'cause he was like kind of shy about that.
- Yeah, yeah.
- He was really nice.
He came out of his like trailer.
- If Mark Wahlberg, you know what I mean, hit on you, would you?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Even now?
- Well, wait, why you say even now?
- Like now he's older, I mean, I don't know.
- Older?
He's one of those like ageless Hollywood...
- All right, so if Mark Wahlberg called you out of the blue...
- He's ageless.
- And he goes, "Hey, baby, let me take you on a date."
You would go on a date with him?
- Yeah, I would love to go on a date with Mark Wahlberg.
- And if he tried to...
- Why, has he said something?
- He would make out and all that stuff with him?
- Maybe, I mean, I would like, I mean, he's still a person.
I'd want to get to know him.
- Probably, but I'd still want to see Mark Wahlberg.
- What if he was like, "Yo, I want to take you on a date,
but just let you know, like, I gotta fuck on the first date
and it's only anal."
What would you say?
- Oh, man.
- You don't do anal at first date?
- No.
- But it's me, it's me, it's Mocky Mock.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I know.
- You gotta let me do it, baby girl.
You gotta let me do it.
- Yeah.
- Gotta fuck on the first date and I gotta get the ass.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Is it your ass or my ass?
- Both.
- I mean, I'll put your ass.
- I got a happening poster, I'll sign it for you.
- You never heard of the Wahlberg way?
- What?
- Okay, happening poster.
- You want free hamburgers for my family?
- Yeah, and free Wahlbergers.
- And you get free Wahlbergers for life.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Sounds like a good deal.