Name: Bobby & Andrew Stuck On An Island: The Survival Plan!
Uploaded: 2024-01-02T11:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby & Andrew Stuck On An Island: The Survival Plan!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby & Andrew Stuck On An Island: The Survival Plan!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-02. Transcript available.

i mean how far is it from cuba to florida okay there you go 12 days what would
you need
on 12 days on a like on a raft yeah oh yeah i would see i would probably get
you know that the bottle of water from air one i need a couple of those you
need a 30 bottle of
water yes i need two of them smart right but they're heavy yeah okay glass okay
oh yeah i'm
willing so you think for 12 days you could two vapes two vapes how many vapes
two like six six
or seven yeah right but you have to charge them before i go yeah me yeah you
have to charge them
right sugar-free red bull for sure how many a dozen 24 20 oh my god okay two
dozen okay great right
what else would i need i would need two a day yeah uncle paulie you gotta have
a sandwich a bunch of
them you have limited you have limited blt limited weight though in this thing
you can't if you put
too much in there you know the rest well i'm not gonna bring my fucking switch
really yeah i'm not
playing stardew valley out there dude really what are you gonna do what are you
doing all day
all right i'll bring it yes you are that's the first thing i thought i'll bring
my switch what
else would i bring i have to bring do you get internet out there of course starlink
dude thanks
to elon oh really it's everywhere all right so i can bring my ipad of course
you can and it's like
a portable charger so i can jerk off right right so i can still get on the porn
hub imagine that the
the the navy is like we see him down there oh my god we can't rescue him yeah
yeah you're giving them
one second one second one second right i don't want to get rescued imagine that
like moment where i
like lose the the the switch in the water what would you bring uh water what
kind it's very important
mountain valley baby bottle my fave i know but it's what you still see that's
what you made fun
of me about my bottle yeah but yours is thirty dollars mine's thirty for like
two cases of them
okay so you bring two two two big ones um i would bring uh i'm trying to think
food i think pizza would
last the longest because pizza you can eat it warm or cold it doesn't matter
sandwich is going to be
nasty when it's sitting in the sun remember you're out in the sun right it's
baking you that sandwich is
going to get nasty nasty not if you use elven bread elfin bread elven bread
elephant bread elven
who's elven do you remember when frodo and sam why does gamji they survived on
elven bread that's
not part of this world buddy for five months dude you know what elven bread too
when you eat it dude
that's the bread right it keeps you full for like days do you turn into what
him what he is a good
looking white dude yeah is that a good looking white dude orlando bloom yeah
yeah no bloom not like
that i don't think that's a hot version of orlando bloom but you're just
looking at the ears anyway
you're an asshole so just go back to what you're gonna do water water what
pizza okay that's it um
probably i mean to be honest yeah i probably would bring a flashlight oh bring
a flashlight to joke
off yeah but no porn no just use the brain oh you're a brain guy well you're
out at sea you're probably
disillusioned you're probably gonna see uh what is it called like mirages and
stuff like that oh so
you may see like masturbate to a mountain or something well yeah like the the
clouds may be big huge boobs
oh i see caesar's palace and you just yeah because you know how something you're
in vegas
uh-huh i go oh we go walk to caesar's palace and then three days later you're
still not there
yeah you know we never get there yeah it's how far is caesar's are you right
four miles
those casinos are so far dude they don't want you to leave baby yeah yeah but
you think
it's anyway go ahead so pizza fleshlight water water what else um and then a
pillow i want a pillow
i know what kind my pillow yeah the my pillow yeah when i like michael and i
want i want mike lindell
in the boat with me yeah yeah yeah yeah just screaming out well i write down
all these conspiracy
theories yeah yeah yeah yeah what's your favorite so far of mike lindell's of
his conspiracy theories
um the hugo chavez this is not one of them like like argentina and all these
other countries have
something to do with i like michelle obama's a man that's my favorite do you
not know this i know that
michael obama you don't know about this no this is so good what do you mean he
there's a lot of these
guys that believe in this that michelle obama is just a dude it's so fucking it's
so funny
it's funny so funny it's so funny yeah yeah they believe in it deeply yeah they're
like show me a
picture of her pregnant and they have pictures of her uh they have pictures of
her like walking and they
have like an outline that they say is a penis it's so funny dude it's mean it's
mean-spirited
i know i know but it's a conspiracy theory yeah like let me ask you something
melania trump or
michelle obama melania trump racist that's not why you piece of no i just like
cold eastern europeans
yeah you're right they're cold yeah after you hook up with her she's like no
cuddle no no cuddle
yeah she barely wants to touch you that's great that's amazing yeah when she's
done she's just like
come here baby michelle wants to have a conversation come here baby come here
baby michelle's michelle's an
intellect she'd want to converse with you don't you want that no no what what
get out of here oh so
michelle obama seems like the person like if you're playing your playstation
two days in she goes give
me that and throws it off the ball yes yeah melania doesn't give a fuck she's
not even there she's not
there she doesn't even know what it is as soon as you guys are done having sex
she's just like i go now
yeah yeah and you're like no no you don't have to she's like i want to yeah you're
making me sick
oh my god she's pretty hot how hot is that if she said that to you right right
right after you have
sex yeah you're making me sick oh my i would go let's again i just reloaded but
what about okay
melania or vanka vanka why for sure why i don't know i don't know what it is me
too me too i don't know
she testifies well yeah she's in the pocket she's cool she does yeah all right
lauren bobert
the girl who oh yeah no i know lauren yeah yeah colorado or aoc
in what in what way though to date oh to date yeah this is your girlfriend now
aoc to date
really yeah one night stand no chance bobert she's so much more fun i'd want to
date her
she's a lunatic it's embarrassing it's awesome i love hamilton you're gonna get
kicked out with her
first of all you of all people you're not staying through a whole play you know
how great that is
she causes a scene you get kicked out it's great it's embarrassing it's like
yeah no i i'm gonna go
hey don't vape now she's vape don't vape now you're vaping too not in the show
of hamilton yes you
would if you could get away with it you would you'd vape and blow it in your
shirt yeah i've been with you in
places where they tell us not to vape i got kicked out of elton john do you
guys know that for vaping
no i was drunk would you just yell gay or something in the middle of a song he's
like no this is your
song i'm gonna say what i did i spent eight hundred fifty dollars on the front
row in vegas and they
kicked you out and i was so drunk and he just stood behind this fucking piano
at five songs and i just go
this is so boring i go dance you yelled dance at elton john yeah because he was
standing sitting
behind the piano he's old yeah you want to see an old guy geometric dance back
in the 70s when he was
like moving his legs over there in the troubadour right and like he didn't do
any of that man
he was just like comatose so go dance then they pulled me out of the place
and then the um you know the talent advi he slapped me you got physically
assaulted by elton john's
talent coordinator tell a talent guy right he slapped me how dare you well he's
right how dare you
well move your legs he elton john's paralyzed you don't know that that's what
the crocodile rock is
about you know his legs yeah yeah dragged behind him but i love him elton john
and then years later
i got invited to his birthday party i never went because of that like he would
he would never
remembered imagine you walk into a birthday party and elton john is like
telling the story he's like
well that night we and sees you all right and he goes dance dance would you
dance for him yeah i would
dance better than he did well he didn't dance at all so exactly exactly all
right anyway so let's go
back to the float all right so i want water pizza a fleshlight yeah and
honestly i need music but i
don't know but i i don't know what i would do make your own okay so i'd bring a
lately no i like i don't
know how to do ukulele okay i'd bring a hang drum but aren't you gonna attract
like sharks yeah they
love music yeah i'm a shark yeah is that music yeah that's what i meant oh i
better go see what's
going on yeah there do you think that's what sharks do i don't know they're
just gonna hear
it and they're gonna be curious all right me and you are sharks and we're
swimming and we're like
hey marcus yeah ted do you hear that up there not not really oh is that a ukulele
uh-huh let's
go check it out check it out oh my god it's a red-headed guy playing ukulele
and what's that
on his penis what's that contraption i think they call that the flashlight you
know how we
fuck dolphins imagine if you got eaten by a shark while you were jerking off oh
that'd be terrible
like the moment oh you don't stop you're saying oh what are you gonna do do
they like calm or no no
yeah look at sharks like blood or come more public blood probably both i think
i think i'd bring as
minimal stuff as i could i would just bring a little bit of food water and then
something from music to
to keep myself occupied yeah light what would you bring one of those butts one
of those little
butts you could have sex with yeah no because i've never done that before so i
was just thinking
i can't believe none of us could last 12 days without doing without sexual yeah
well you have
another but but kill two birds with one stone make the flotation device a
gigantic pot whoa that's a good
idea right that ain't yours just you know create something kill two birds with
one stone is what
i'm saying all right i was just bringing yeah xanax and a and i would make a
sex toy out of my raft