Name: Bobby Lee PISSED Over Missing Fries!
Uploaded: 2024-01-05T10:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee PISSED Over Missing Fries!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee PISSED Over Missing Fries!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-05. Transcript available.

McCone tried to make up for all his blunders by getting Bobby in and out.
That's very nice.
But what did you forget?
What'd you forget, McCone?
Fries.
Yeah, French fries.
The quintessential pairing.
The quintessential pairings.
The quintessential pairings, I guess?
Yeah.
A burger and fries.
Peanut butter and jelly, right?
Yeah.
What don't you understand about that?
I don't think I've ever gotten a cheeseburger without fries.
Freddy, AIDS.
Freddy Mercury, AIDS.
Freddy Mercury and AIDS.
These two things go hand in hand.
Magic Johnson, AIDS.
Yeah, yeah.
Easy E, AIDS.
Next time I'm in an in and out, I'll think about easy E and AIDS.
I'm sorry.
Next time you're in the order and they say, welcome to in and out.
How can I help you?
What would you like?
Some AIDS.
Welcome in and out.
How can I help you?
What would you like?
A double double with regular onions and fries and a Coke.
Diet Coke, please.
Okay.
A double double with AIDS coming right up.
Window two.
See, they'll know.
They'll know.
They'll automatically know.
And I'm not making fun of people with that disease.
It's terrible.
No, we're saying the two things that go together.
Yeah, they do come together.
It's a terrible disease.
Well, a burger was a very nice gesture.
Thank you.
But a burger without fries seems worthless to me.
But did you see what I did?
You call me.
I'm just leaving the store.
I said I was at 7-Eleven.
You go, get me some snacks.
Get me some snacks.
What did I do?
Well, I said, please.
What did I do, though?
You got me seven different things to choose from.
See, that's how you do it.
That's what friendship is.
That's what love is.
That's what family is.
And you don't do that.
You don't complete it.
Yeah.
Like, when I play a video game, I need to complete all the objectives.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And here's another thing.
Hi, guy.
Hi, guy.
Me?
Yeah.
You're ripped.
You're ripped.
You're shreds.
Out of your mind stone.
I told you it's later in the evening.
I'm going to start drug testing on this show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The employees on the show are going to go into rigorous drug tests.
I'm not kidding.
You're so high right now.
I'm not so high.
I'm normal high.
Yeah, I've seen your eyes.
Get on Amazon right now and order drug tests for the crew because I want to
start drug testing everybody.
Yeah.
This is a sober show.
Bobby is sober.
He's going through the program.
You show up here on drugs and alcohol.
McCone said you were drinking.
Whenever I look at you, I get uncomfortable.
Look at him.
He's itching.
He's itching right now.
I want marijuana too.
No, Bob.
He's given me marijuana before.
Yeah, because we get him for free at comedy shows.
He gives you what we get.
When?
Hawaii.
Was I high?
Yeah.
When I was high.
Yeah, when you were relapsing.
Yeah.
That doesn't count.
We were in Hawaii together?
Yeah, bro.
Wait, wait, wait.
Why?
We did a show.
No, we didn't do a show in Hawaii.
No.
What?
You mean Mexico?
No, I was in Hawaii with him with Trash Tuesday.
Oh.
Oh, you were?
Yeah, and you were filming something, and so you were there too, and then, yeah,
it was
chaos.
But do we get high together?
Oh, yeah.
Fun.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was fun.
Hey, hey.
No.
Yes.
Bad.
Carlos, bring me back to Hawaii.
No.
No, I won't.
I won't.
Andrew will get too mad, and these drug tests are pretty reasonably priced, too.
Yeah, well, I want the whole crew drug tested.
Fancy, I want you to drug test as well.
You're not exempt from this, because I don't know what you're up to if you're
using.
He seems like he could be using.
And Carlos, meanwhile, what did McCone say?
You were drinking in the car before you came in.
The Topo Chico margaritas are good.
McCone, go get a Bud Light out of the fridge.
He has to drink one on the air now.
Hell, yeah.
Don't drink that on camera, okay?
You pig.
Just do that like the sad pig you are.
Hide it behind the wall.
It's the gay drink, right?
It's, well, they-
The trans drink.
It's trans drink.
Yeah, the Bud Light supports trans rights.
Yeah, let me ask you a question, Andrew, my best friend.
Yeah, baby?
Why is it that you can't mix foods?
Who are you talking about?
What do you mean?
What do you mean I can mix foods?
No, but think about what I'm saying.
You can't, different lands, right?
You can't, at a restaurant, get a California roll.
Did you give him weed?
I promise I did.
Beef stroganoff.
I'm trying to tap into it.
No, you can do that.
It's at a buffet.
California roll, beef stroganoff.
At a buffet.
Have you ever been to a buffet?
They have all that stuff.
They have pizza, spaghetti.
They have a Baja fish taco.
Go to any, when we're in Vegas, you can get all that at one.
We'll go to the famous-
You shouldn't do it.
No, yes, you should.
Why?
Because that's what makes America great.
Oh, that's true.
That's what Donald Trump was talking about.
Right.
Can you get a torch?
I want a torch.
A tiki torch?
I want a tiki torch, and I want to be able to wear, not a red hat, but without
anything on it.
Just a white hat.
No, red hat.
Like a red baseball hat.
They're just going to wear a white hat.
Like a pointy white hat?
Well, I want that at night.
Yeah, with the torch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, at night.
But during the day, wear the red hat, right?
With nothing on it.
Nothing on it.
And let them infer.
Right.
I think you can mix foods, but honestly, do you even like it?
What do you want to?
You want to get a California roll and then have spaghetti?
Yeah, I mean, I've never had a California roll with beef stroganoff before.
Is this something that you want?
Well, I just, in my mind, I'm like, there's no way that's good.
I don't know.
I kind of think that might be really good.
But would the Baja Fizz Taco do?
I mean, what's wrong with it?
I just don't get it.
I just don't see what's bad about this.
An eponata.
Again, these are all home runs.
All right, okay.
I don't hear any flaws in this.
Okay, what about this?
If I take a California roll.
Got it.
I take a bowl and I stir it.
Like you mash it?
I mash it.
Got it.
Then I put beef stroganoff in.
Stir it.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
Steel-cut oatmeal.
Why?
Stir it.
What do you mean, why?
Why not, is what I said.
Why not?
I said why not.
I mean, you're Irish, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, is that our thing?
Well, I mean, I put it in a California roll.
You need...
Then cut up some potatoes.
Put some potatoes in there.
You stir it, right?
Right.
And then what else would you put in there?
I think you'll have enough.
You think so?
No, I think you put an entire packet of American cheese.
That's right.
On top.
Slices.
Singles.
Craft singles.
The craft powder.
Ooh.
All right.
The macaroni and cheese powder.
Mac and cheese powder?
Yeah.
You pour that in there, right?
You mix it.
Then you bake it.
Yeah.
350 in the oven, right?
And you bake it for two hours.
That's so long.
Two hours?
Yeah.
All right.
All right, no, hour.
What's long?
I never baked anything.
30 minutes.
All right, 30 minutes of baking.
At 400.
Could you put flour in there?
Just like a rose?
Yeah, yeah.
You can.
Yeah, like a dandelion.
A begonia?
A begonia, yeah.
You throw that in there.
No, I put flour like the wheat flour, the bread flour, right?
Why?
Why?
Could you make a bread out of it?
Not if you just put flour in it.
That's not going to do anything.
Oh, how do you make bread?
We need water.
Let me guess.
Water.
Flour, flour, egg, butter?
Yeast, yeast, yeast, yeast, yeast.
Let it rise.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll get Tom Papa on the show.
He'll teach us how to make bread.
Oh, really?
You know what I did in the middle of the night that I have to admit and I feel
very bad about?
I stepped on my dog going to piss in the middle of the night.
Oh, no.
You know that sound that they make when you step on?
It's different.
Yeah.
It's different.
There's a different sound that they emit.
It's like inside their computer, deep inside of the algorithm.
And when you step on them, it's like.
Yeah.
They've never made that sound before.
Yeah.
I've stepped on a Jewish person before.
What do they say?
Same thing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just stepped on one?
I stepped on one, yeah.
Wow.
Oy vey.
Oh, yeah.
That's a Jew with my Jewish dog.
Oy vey.
But so you stepped on your dog.
Your dog's so cute.
You're a poodle.
I feel so bad.
She was.
See, what happens is she does this.
I don't know if your dog does this, but she goes on and off the bed during the
course of the night.
Like sometimes if she's too warm, she'll jump down off of the bed and then she
sleeps under the bench.
She gets cold.
She wants to come back up on the bed again.
Well, last night, she must have been on the bed.
She must have jumped off when, before I passed out because I didn't know.
Yeah.
And I, my fat ass rolled out of bed and I took a big thud onto the ground and I
stepped on the back of her legs and her butt.
I mean, hard.
And did you wake your wife up?
Yeah.
Freaked out.
Well, because the dog went, it did that thing.
And did he walk out of the room?
No, she panicked.
She started moving around the room like crazy, like she, and I was trying to
hold her to see if she was in pain.
And I picked her up and I was holding her and I just started peeing.
I went piss.
I had to piss.
You pissed while you were holding the dog?
Well, I was comforting her, but I had to piss.
What am I going to do?
Not piss?
I got to comfort the dog.
Has your dog seen your penis?
Seen it?
Seen it?
How else did you adopt the dog?
That's how you let them know who you are.
Oh, that's right.
I don't know.
Peanut butter, baby.
Peanut butter.
Oh, yeah, yeah.