Name: What Would You Do As Public Enemy Number 1?
Uploaded: 2024-01-31T13:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What Would You Do As Public Enemy Number 1?' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What Would You Do As Public Enemy Number 1?' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-31. Transcript available.

they shut down the 10 freeway because a dude a woman lit it on fire oh i saw a
dead guy yesterday
oh give it up let's give it up you guys two days ago i saw me and a gene saw a
dead guy where on
western what did you do anything no we drove by oh okay we caught traffic are
you sure he's are
you sure he's dead he was dead dude how do you know because they um the paramedics
all the and
they just left him there no one touched him no good and he was just there you
go like are you
our paramedics were there yeah oh okay okay wait wait wait stop stop stop i
thought you said no i'm
sorry i'm sorry uh-oh what's up man oh no what happened no dude he questioning
he wants to fight
you know what's questioning my story or i was wondering i thought what's up bro
what's good
shit it was just a member of the tiny asian boy am i being checked by a cambodian
right now
what's the meaning of this friend just just a follow-up question yeah yep
i take rescinded no don't rescind it fight for your right fight for your right
to i don't care
that much honestly okay i was just gonna ask him how fucking dead was the guy
was his head cut off
no we just drove by we just i mean gene and i were like i think he's dead and
because no one touched
him i think people were like weeping oh yeah it was a whole thing i was walking
home from a show in
hollywood boulevard i just this just reminded me so wild i was walking west on
hollywood and a woman
came kind of like like quickly up to me and was like hey can you come help me
and i was like uh
what you know like yeah any city if you live in a city when someone's like can
you help me oh yeah
i just had to let one fly so good when you live in a city when someone goes can
i help you always go
maybe yeah what is it yeah and she's like this man this man something's wrong
and there's an
apartment complex right there and there's a little like inlet where the gate
would be to go to the
garage you know what i'm talking about when you go there yep and she's like
please come come and i go over there
and she looks like well to do so i was like what is this she doesn't she must
not know this guy
and this dude was clearly overdosing or something of that i mean dude he it was
real bad damn he was
whiter than me and he was just like oh and i could tell he was like choked up
and he was like
super out of it and i he was oding so of course i'm like put him out of his
misery yeah i kicked him
in the neck what are you gonna do dude you're running late dude i immediately i
was like did you call
the cops and she was like no i'm like what the are you waiting call the
ambulance and she's like okay
okay she was panicked and i was like you know this man she's like no i live
here and i saw him wow i
was like get out get out of here i'll do it and i called you called yes and you
stayed no yeah oh
dude i had a thing to go through yeah oh i see no i know we did i stayed there
until a crowd
fucking formed and then i got the game on the roku channel he couldn't yeah i
had a tubi pitch later
that day no i know why until a crowd started to form around people were all
like standing there
you know doing that you know what's funny about when something bad and then
everyone crowds around
who will do nothing to help yeah but they're just want to stare at him so a
crowd gathered and i
literally started to walk home i was like this i mean the cop what's the crowd
gathers what am i
gonna do yeah also the cops are gonna come or they're not gonna come in in la
they're not gonna
they're not gonna yeah yeah i've been i've been my car's been broken into uh uh
my wife's been robbed
like like pushed down to the ground rob the cops have never come once not not
even come i've i've
called the car i hit a guy with my car i told that story on this show i hit a
man with my fucking
vehicle cops never came wow i waited there for two hours two hours cops never
came wow wow wow the guy
left by the way the guy hit with my car i was like ah no he was i told the
story it was wild though
he was g they were fucked up like i tell they were on some shit he had a
backpack and his boy was like
let's go and i'm like dude give me your information and he's like he's like get
the
out of here man leave me alone and i'm like bro if you if something happens
what if you have a
brain bleed yeah you die i'm fucked right because you're gone and it's as if i
left the scene right
i stayed there stayed there stayed there cops never came i called multiple
times wow we already
said a unit is on its way sir that's what they said that's awesome dude la the
cops aren't coming
they're not coming don't call them they're not you know where they are the grove
they're at the
grove right last night they're at the mall six of them they're nice guys and
they talked to me i
talked to them yeah i had my coffee with them we're talking about yeah but i'm
like why so many
comms he's like well you know apple store yeah they'll rob people rob an apple
store yeah yeah
yeah i mean i guess that's happening now that like people just oh the mob mob
robbing yeah
groups of people are coming and just carrying shit out been going on dude smash
and grab
grab in la i think it hits the news every fucking day it's go to go to the news
go to the news there's
we still have community in this in this country yeah this is nice they're at
least they like gathering
that's also like even when people like watch like an old like some guy passed
out people
milling around as useless as it is it's like such a human thing to like be near
it just to be like
like in the village of some fucking like you know what i mean if somebody like
fell down
somebody got kicked in the head by a donkey yeah we'll just mill around that
would be what they do all
day well imagine dude that's awesome people you have him just coming in here
like he's the tennis
ball boy giving you giving you a fresh vape by the way mind you he's got three
vapes on his desk
i want a different flavor it's unbelievable anyway no but think about what you're
saying
is true in a very creepy way people would make an event out of going to like a
public hanging or
some right right that was like a night out yeah like oh back in the day yeah
that was their netflix
yeah yeah would you go and when they and when they hung someone who went
the netflix got that sound yeah yeah dude you would get dressed up for this
okay this was like a
thing to go to do people would wear like their sunday's best to go to these
things it's insane
yeah and then by your friend get usually if i if i went if i was getting home i'm
bringing popcorn i know i'm
selling it popcorn here execution of a korean popcorn if i'm there right and i'm
looking at you and you're
just i'm smiling oh my god you would infuri first of all knowing yeah knowing
bobby and how
fucking self-involved he is yeah if i was looking away for one second he'd be
like hey watch me get
hung watch me i would do that he would be so mad if i i'm like i'm looking what
am i tying my shoe
he's like watch me get hung yeah yeah yeah not a good friend yeah i mean what
if people weren't
crying like just just well dude i imagine a lot of people didn't i can imagine
okay who would not
cry time i think i think yeah i think bert bert would laugh he would laugh yeah
all right i'm okay i'm
hung give me tom segura you pretend to cry he would never show up yeah oh yeah
he would he's got
shit going on he wouldn't be there all right who also theo uh theo would be
there but he would leave
early yeah but he'd watch you get hung and the second you're dead he's out i
gotta go yeah you gotta
go yeah that shit is wow all right um um whitney uh whitney would bring a bunch
of dogs right
to watch over reverse the dogs eat you whoa karma karma dude wow that's funny
dude who else would be
there um who else i would okay who would come to your public you know who you
would get too self-involved
rick glassman at his own hanging yours yeah yeah he'd be in the back like
talking to people he'd be
doing a bit oh you think so yeah yeah he'd be doing a bit the entire time oh i
i would think that he
would be like you know what i mean so um what happens to the body afterwards
and trying to
figure out the logistics of everything i'll tell you what i think rick would
try rick would somehow
finagle his way into convincing them to do it later what do you mean listen
listen this doesn't work
for me like the light and the war he would make them hang you later in the day
oh that's good
that's a friend you know he's very smart very smart and adam ray would dress up
like one of the
executioners yeah in character right and accidentally have to execute no you
would do his doctor phil
yeah he would do his doctor phil i'm gonna hang you guys yeah a lot of people
the execution wow you
think there'll be a lot of mine oh yeah you'd have them probably the most no i
don't think you
i think both of you would have good numbers no you'd know you'd sell out too no
no you wouldn't
i you and i wouldn't sell out an execution you'd sell out an execution
absolutely imagine going
to ticketmaster to an execution and being like it'd be funny to watch you like
flail around your little
body oh you think so i think so you think i'd have like residual you would die
funny you'd pull
your dick out you think i would die funny you would i think you pull your dick
out at the end
yeah all right he's hanging he's like you get a puke shot yeah yeah you know
you know what would
actually be a serious power move yeah start jacking off while you're getting
hung yeah like it's not
ironic as fixation you're like oh now you're okay now you're okay this feels
awesome and then you
fucking bust the sweetest nut of all time yeah because it's gonna feel sick
yeah and then you
die that's actually how you do it you're chanting now you all are gay now you
guys are gay you're
you're right i'll kill you i would that would be sick i would purposely do a
funny face yeah yes
right so i'm hung overdo it
right you know i want to get a laugh you know me yeah yeah yeah yeah the
classic tongue out like yeah
or you know what would also be really good paint two x's on your eyelids ahead
of time
that's a funny bit oh you know what you do yeah that's you make it so that you
the moment you get
hung your pants fall down wow yeah a lot of great ideas you rig it so your
pants fall down and you're
and you know what you're doing with a slide whistle in the crowd dude how about
when you get hung your
pants fall down and you're tucking you're doing the mangina