Name: Andrew Santino Plays Hooky for Jerry Springer!
Uploaded: 2024-02-03T14:00:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino Plays Hooky for Jerry Springer!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino Plays Hooky for Jerry Springer!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-03. Transcript available.

you you made bad baby famous right that's like not on purpose either but it was
inevitable
certain people have star quality jet ski let's yeah let's talk about it to my
right there's a
there's a star shining and you can see it and you understand it and you want it
to shine
bad baby no one had any intention of seeing her fly uh up into the sky and i
apologize for
rhyming so quickly but i just i think that what she's doing is uh impressive
and it's uh i stand
by the choices she made yeah she came on my show and i'll be honest with you
andrew and bobby when
she first opened her mouth all i could think in my head was shut your dumb
mouth you stinky twat
whoa but then that's a little aggressive dr phil but then she spoke and i go i
get it you knew right
away i could tell you could tell because the attitude was real and the
character was relatable
kind of like theo vaughn hmm we'll blink we'll blur that name no no we don't
have to blur that
we'll just how about we blank off the theo and see if people can guess what vaughn
we're talking
i bet they will can we switch a little bit i want to ask about your show real
quick please yeah please
you guys were uh guessing and phenomenal appreciate you okay anyway um
a lot of times i see on your show you have people with phobias
what's the craziest phobia you saw in your show very good well arachnophobia is
a big one
it's fear of spiders the fear that's not really a big one yeah yeah i've seen
like cucumbers people
are afraid of cucumbers well let me finish in the jewish community yeah careful
dr phil when you see
i've done it all wait when you say spiders do you mean hamas is that what you're
talking about well now
now that we're here yeah oh wow so so let me just back that up okay and put it
in reverse you could
keep that in because it's i'm not saying okay oh yeah no we're keeping it in my
lawyers already draft
up a whole thing about this yeah yeah yeah i i the the the biggest phobia i saw
was the fear of public
speaking okay i get that but the biggest fear yeah was fear of sexual intimacy
okay and and still not
weird but well i've seen other shows you'd seen people okay okay let me finish
with hermaphrodites
oh so hermaphrodite intimacy who's playing coachella i think
no no second night this year second night yeah doing the hologram thing yeah
yeah with tupac
uh fear of fear of just sexual touching uh and then fear of um gas stations you
ever seen strange
addiction on a and e yeah where like a girl would be like i can't start my day
unless i eat a bar of
soap and you're like well i feel bad for you but also gross gross yeah so we
just try to deal with
it as it comes but phobias are uh everyone's got a phobia of something what's
your phobia phil well
ghosts who pop balloons unexpected big fear um i heard you say black people
yeah but that was a joke
okay okay yeah i mean you know yeah what's your real fear dr phil i want to
break you down what is
genuinely the thing that that that shakes you what really gets under your skin
you're playing a pickup
game at 24 hour fitness basketball yeah oh yeah and someone's uh you know
talking a little bit too much
shit and they can't back it up so you dig deep right you stretch a little bit
extra and you uh
you throw a couple bows you drop a little charles oakley on them but sometimes
that didn't go your
way and they ban you from that 24 hour fitness that's your fear well i'm
getting to it please my fear
is not being able to control my anger oh okay against certain kinds of people
that's not what i'm
saying well it did sound like it well okay look most of the pickup games are uh
featuring less than white
characters yeah dr phil you can just say i'm racist say that i won't say it
you won't okay i won't say it because oprah will be mad oh i've been with
everybody and i think once
you experience everybody yeah you get to know truly that this country's made up
of a cool species of
people what i'm listening actively let me ask you i want to see if you're the
real dr phil um there
was a comedian that taught you how to play tennis yeah who was that comedian's
name taught him is that
true oh kirk fox yeah want to see my kirk fox impression yeah that's really
good you do know i'm
very good very good you do know we're all just doing it
your took us took it again very good what mitchy wanted so you know but i don't
do impressions
actively seems like you do yeah but we i taught kirk tennis he's got a good
good forehand
backhand could use some work you taught him tennis oh yeah i thought he taught
you know he was like
a professional kirk's going around telling everybody that he taught me let's
okay and i don't want to
say i write a lot of his material because i don't but i have influenced some
punch lines wow you guys
know what it's like when you're hanging out busting balls someone says
something funny and they go you
gonna use that you do that with him i don't have to but i do it what's dr phil's
favorite meal swimming
after breakfast because it challenges my body to step up right breakfast you
don't have a great body
doctor it's not where i want it to be but 2024 is coming up and i'm looking to
i don't know get a
stair stepper or a trainer or ozempic oh you're gonna get on the oz is that
what the kids are calling
it that's yeah and you should know that for your show yeah i'd suck on dorothy's
titties because your
friend your friend well i i can take you down that yellow brick road your
friend oprah revealed she
was i saw that yeah what now is this why you got influenced to do it because
the big o did it well
i prepared a statement so oprah as you said recently on the uh on the oz is
that all written on one
paper or is this yeah i prepared a lot of statements all right uh it's uh size
eight courier new
you're a courier new guy yeah i look at you i think i think wingdings all day
now which one is that again because it's been a minute since i've written a
paper it's all the
simple that's great that's wingdings that's a dr phil get it together bud right
so
a lot of heat is coming towards my pal oprah they go hey you were bigger and
now you're not what you do
well in her defense you know food has been an issue for quite some time as has
been for me as well
one night in particular i think it was 1996 and i just uh gotten some sort of
an award and we were
getting a little stony bologna dipping gushers into cool whip i digress but i
think that that night
told us a lot about ourselves that we we have a sugar addiction so leave her
leave leave her the
fuck alone wow i'm glad you write this stuff down there we are toasting i think
that's when i i think
i just i don't know died my pubes or something what did we no she was oh that
was when the the book came out
i will say that's a very relatable thing to drink cristal i think most americans
oh that picture was
not staged i would say most americans want to see you in a in louboutin shoes
cheers and cristal you
want to get back to your roots i think relate to the people you got to wear
five thousand dollar shoes
drinking drinking two thousand dollar champagne we're of the people dr phil we're
people people it's a good
oprah we're people people yeah she says that a lot we're people we're people
people well i love the
big o because she's chicago she represents my city i love that now was she
going to an oprah taping
seems like almost like a mad tv taping from the 90s energy i was on that show i
know that's why i
brought it up oh yeah let's not go back to it yeah yeah that's not pretty good
yeah enough i'm a big
fan i went to jerry springer when i was in high school did you really yeah that's
awesome on senior
ditch day are you kidding me i swear to god on senior day that's where we went
that's we went to jerry springer
downtown um hey he was a legend and b the audience must have been banana city
we'll be right back
keep it right here no yeah i went to jerry springer and i just i don't know why
we haven't talked about
this for my senior ditch today i didn't know that it was the most fun i think i've
ever had was there
violence that day you i bet you can guess the category of what it was that day
baby's mama baby's
mama was the first one what do you think the second one animal attack videos no
but that's very good i wish
we got an animal yeah so baby's mama and then um who's the daddy who's the
daddy oh who's the daddy
that's what the category was called the baby mama that was the first one what's
the second one called
um was it rebellious kid no not rebellious teen yeah that's a good guess that's
a very good guess
those are great when they get uh scared straight you see the one where the guy's
like
you you should fuck you and then the kid's like he's like what where's your dad
and he's like
yeah and then he's like oh you want me to be your dad and then the kid's like
i've never seen that one oh it's fucking sad yeah i like it when the kids
though double down i love
that you mean fuck you yeah i love that yeah you know you gotta go tell me what
to do and then they
never get kicked out of the house they win and then i love it then sometimes
they send them to scared
straight remember that tv show yeah where they put them in a prison i didn't
want to one you went to
scared straight no mine was in the forest are you serious scared gay what was
that no no mine was um
come here behind this tree no mine was you have to walk from mammoth to yosemite
and back you did
not do that i did you did not know where you completed that task i did you
walked from it was 12
rebellious kids i did it my i did it my junior sophomore year in high school
you walked from
mammoth it not in a day like it took weeks and weeks where did you stay at
night in a tent you did
this yes how the fuck have we never talked about this why it's not something i
want to talk about
i want to talk about i was always the last guy i remember to go catch up lee
dude that entire walk
would take how long did it say 14 14 14 hours did you sleep weeks huh what did
you guys go there and
back would you do a mile a day no we would camp and they would talk to us about
rocks okay this sounds
made up did you alert did you learn anything no but i remember sound like it
but i did but i won the
talent show what was the talent i sang a song called ed i mean sing it right
now i don't remember the song
but i made up a song i go edie you mean dun dun dun dun dun do you know what i
mean something like
that are you serious yeah and all the guys were like yeah and that one it won
it did no one else
do anything yeah hey fuck you dude no i mean that fuck you you're very talented
that's not it yes it is
it no that's not good i performed it somebody must have done something i went
out there i did it dude
did you give a pube shot no back then you couldn't do that why it was against
the rules but you walked
from you and i remember jumping in a lake through on a cliff what lake i don't
remember well zoom in
there's one right there i mean i'm i'm gonna say this too i have photos to
prove it at home next week
you're bringing them i will i have photos to prove it what that lake grant lake
would have been the one
he passed grant lake yeah jumped in yeah how was it i remember being cold but i
remember doing it
and i remember being proud of my did nobody else do it everyone did it we were
all meth kids
right wow so so the great meth hike from yosin yeah