Name: We Rank Dr. Phil's Headshots!
Uploaded: 2024-02-06T13:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Rank Dr. Phil's Headshots!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Rank Dr. Phil's Headshots!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-06. Transcript available.

Dr. Phil, there's a lot of non-comedians that are going to be in this year's
Netflix as a joke
festival I've been seeing online. Are you going to make an appearance by any
chance?
Um, I think so. I think we locked in a show for May the 6th.
Wow. Are you in one?
No. I wasn't in one either.
No, I'm not in one. I did see Tom Brady is doing it, which-
Of course, that makes a lot of sense.
Which makes perfect sense.
Because when I think of comedy, especially athletes-
Yeah, yeah, Sushi Mama.
Your name was Sushi Mama?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh my God. That's incredible.
Well, we're buying that shirt.
Yeah, yeah. Look at that shirt, dude.
It's in stock.
That's awesome.
It's in stock. No shit, Carlos.
$220?
Yeah.
Buy it, please.
No shit, go buy it.
I'm buying-
I work for everyone, please.
I'm buying one. In fact, I'll, if you want, I'll buy one for you.
Give Dr. Phil, give him your credit card. He's going to buy it right now.
Sure, yep.
We could do it later.
We could do it later.
We could do it later.
We could do it, you know, the first time I've taken my wallet out.
I just figured $460 million, he can, that's not a big deal for him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, that is fucking wild.
Sushi Mama is definitely a band.
You think it is?
Oh, yeah.
Sushi Mama?
Yeah, yeah.
We should start a band called Sushi Mama.
Like a surf rock.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Was that like a hidden gem character?
You know what I'm saying?
Like a fan favorite?
No, they did, what they did was, I remember, okay, so I was, I was in, I was at
the La Jolla
Comedy Store.
I was in the open mic.
Shout out.
And the fucking ShamWow guy came up to me.
Vince.
Yep.
And what'd he say?
He goes, yo, I'm the ShamWow guy.
Jesus Christ.
And it was like the first celebrity I ever met.
Yep.
So I froze.
Yeah, I missed that spiky hair.
That's when I first got wind of you.
Really?
Back in the day?
Oh yeah.
That's, you got those headshots with the spiky hair and the Hawaiian shirt.
Yeah, yeah, dog.
I bought that same shirt just because I loved that headshot so much.
Okay, good.
I'm a big fan of.
I'm a big fan of yours too.
My headshots are boring though.
I just, I'm just, I'm just Kirk Foxing it up.
Let's see Dr. Phil's headshots.
I want to see what some of your good headshots are.
They're all normal.
You know, you're, okay, I'll go through the faces.
Ready?
Yeah.
This is me being like, okay.
What's that face?
Who touched you?
Oh, that's it?
Yeah.
What's this face?
What's this one?
I touched, I touched you.
I.
I touched.
That's I touched.
All right.
You can make my mustache fall off, Bobby.
All right.
Let's all, let's take turns.
So then Jess, you do the next one.
It's a fun game.
It's a fun game.
What's the next one say?
I just farted.
Yes, it is.
Very good.
Yep.
Let's see.
No, for real.
I did just fart.
Yeah.
Now, now my question is, where do you think I farted it?
Oh.
Oh.
Like what room?
Oh, oh, I thought you meant guess the fart.
I know this one.
I know this one.
I farted too much.
No shit.
There's a little poo.
And then go to the next one.
That's the face of a guy who's about to shit his pants on the 405.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, and this one.
Oh, what's this one?
Oh.
That one's I'm about to fart.
I'm about to fart.
About to fart.
They're all pre and post fart.
And that one is, you know what I did.
Oh, you know what I did.
That's what my dog looks like.
You know what that is?
That's when I'm driving to the Laker game.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you're in shotgun and I get out first after I've let one rip.
Oh, all right.
And I get out and I look at the valet guy and I go.
Keep that photo.
Keep it.
Can you do that?
What?
That face.
Well, now seeing it from your vantage point, this is terrifying.
Let me see my guy.
Somehow you always go cross-eyed.
Yeah.
It is a little.
What?
I am a little cock-eyed.
I don't know if it's your eyes, but you go cross-eyed when you do faces like
that.
That's so fucking racist.
Look at me and do it.
No, it's not.
Do it big.
You go cross-eyed.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah, the right one's in.
I have that headshot too.
Whoa, dude.
I don't think you guys were made to imitate.
Like the machine malfunction.
Let me see if I can.
Let me see if I can keep them straight.
I'll do the noise.
I'll do the noise.
Oh, you're doing it again.
It's better though.
That's better.
Creepy though.
That hurts so bad though.
They're moving so much.
Yeah, I'm controlling it.
Asian eyes are not supposed to do faces.
Yeah, yeah.
Right, because look at this.
Like your mom, like this.
Yes.
If I say to your mom, somebody died, her facial expression would be what?
Okay, okay.
No, no, no.
I don't know what kind of camera play.
I don't know what's going on.
She would have no expression.
Oh, she would?
She would go, oh.
Okay, okay, ready?
Somebody died.
I just got a big promotion.
That's what you're saying?
Mom, I'm gay.
Yeah, that's great.
Do you think when the two bombs dropped there was facial expression?
Probably.
No.
They were just.
Oh, my God.
Atomic bomb.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can you imagine?
That's right in Godzilla minus one.
I saw them running.
They're like.
Wait a minute.
What do you think is scarier?
Godzilla or a bomb?
Godzilla with a bomb.
Godzilla is a bomb.
Because in the.
What about watching Godzilla bomb at the ha ha?
Wow.
He's.
His new shit is pretty good.
It's.
But yeah.
Yeah.
Can you imagine?
We got earthquake.
What if a comedian came out and was like, my name is Godzilla?
Could you do that?
Well, more elements would be if we had another comedian that was like tornado.
Well, we had Chinaman.
Oh, yeah.
Who's that?
Mark Britton.
His name was Chinaman?
Yeah.
So years ago, I was in Texas.
Does this story get better?
Yeah, it does.
It does.
So I wasn't.
So Mark Britton.
What was his name?
Chinaman.
Oh, I remember this guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
His name was Chinaman.
Yeah, that's him.
He's half Asian.
His name is Mark Britton.
Can we get this guy on the show?
Can I say something?
Let me say something about Mark.
Please.
Okay.
He taught Pablo Francisco how to do impressions.
No way.
Yes.
This guy is the best impression that you'll ever see.
The movie trailer voice is probably.
Yeah.
From him.
Right.
Number two.
Right.
He's a.
He would sell out every fucking show in Texas.
Sure.
I don't doubt it.
And number three.
He came up to me once and he goes.
Yeah, man.
I don't know.
I can't make, you know, get anything going in Hollywood.
And I go.
Maybe because your name is Chinaman.
What is the name of his album?
Because you know, now he changed his name to guess what?
His name is Kid Walk?
Kid Walk.
Wait, look at his website.
No way.
No, you're kidding.
I swear to God.
www.mesofunny.com is where you find his work.
That's a very funny website.
Me so.
Me so funny.
Uh huh.
That's very good.
Kid Walk.
Yeah.
Kid Walk.
Funny.
The Chinaman was and he would sell it.
So, you know, but he wasn't even full Asian.
That was what's crazy.
Well, but half.
Used to get the hottest chicks too back in the 90s.
Do you think it was the goatee or one of them at least?
He had to be one of those guys.
No, but he's so funny this guy.
I once met two girls in San Jose that had been with Pauly Shore.
Yeah.
They had nothing but great things to say.
Yeah.
And I gotta be honest, I was a little jealous.
Of the girls or Pauly?
Maybe a little bit of both.
Yeah.
Because I've never hooked up with a celebrity.
You are a celebrity.
Have you ever jerked off?
Today.
Have you jerked off?
I mean, I don't like to say it's a problem, but it's not an issue.
Do you need to tell us something?
All right.
I jerk off a lot.
I don't know.
What do you jerk off to?
Music.
Oh.
Oh, can we guess?
Wow.
Can we guess the band?
Sure.
I got no shank.
It's classical.
No.
Sometimes, but not usually.
Megadeth.
Yep.
That's what you jerk off to.
Okay.
Don't act so surprised.
No, we're not.
It's fine.
It's cool.
Yeah, it's, I don't know.
It's the contrast.
Some people like a little bit of lotion.
I'm more of a soap guy.
I thought you were Bruce Hornsby.
That's just the way it is.
Yes.
Where's that guy?
Love that song though.
Love it.
Just the way it is.
What was the lyrics in the beginning?
Staying in the time, marking time, waiting for the marriage.
Yeah, some sad shit.
Yeah, sad shit.
Working class work shit, and then that's just the way it is.
I think it was like, yeah, wait, like nine to five, abortion time or something
like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nine to five, abortion time.
But he played the piano with such a-
Your dad just died.
Your dad just died.
It got dark real quick.
Yeah, it got real quick.
That's just the way it is.
That's just the way it is.
And then you're listening going, it is the way it is.
It is the way it is.
I guess I have to suck it up.
Yeah.
And then the sweet piano would make you forget about your-
Any laugh.
That's just the way it is.
Oh, okay.
I guess I can get a job.
Right.
No, you can't.
You know, another song that-
Fast Car by fucking-
What's her name?
Tupac then used that song, by the way, and made it amazing.
What?
Fast Car?
No, that's just the way it is.
Oh, it is?
Yeah.
Fast Car is another depressing song.
From Tracy.
You got a fast car.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit.
That was-
Oh, shit.
Bro, bro.
You just hit my fucking heart just night.
You got a fast car.
You know what Bob is jacking off to tonight?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Yo, you're two for two, and I might be going on tour, so-
What's that song about, Fast Car, Bob?
It's about her dad or something, right?
It's-
Her dad has diabetes or something.
Right, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's-
Legless?
Legless, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Her diabetes.
Where's she going to in that fast car?
She wants to go somewhere with her man.
A combination KFC-Taco Bell.
Whoa, look at that.
Yeah, wow.
Speaking of-
You got a fast car.
Yeah.
We got to go to KFC and you on Taco Bell.
Yeah.
I'm gonna bash potatoes and a gordita.
See?
Gordita.
Sweet.
And a dime in a minute ago.
What can be a cantina?
There it is.
Okay.
There it is.
I once stayed at the Taco Bell Hotel.
That's not something I tell everybody, but-
How was the Taco Bell Hotel?
Diarrhea City.
Yeah.
Really?
Everyone was shitting themselves.
Yeah.
I had a stand-up joke about Taco Bell slash KFC.
Okay.
What was it?
You just did the punchline though.
What?
What was it?
It's hard to decide when you go to those things.
It's like, how bad do I want my diarrhea?
Oh, funny.
You can have it.
Nope.
I already did it.
Well, you know, I've been doing it.
That was in the 90s.
Well, I shot a special on Vimeo.
Did you really?
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's, you know, I'll send you the link, but it's not worth watching
twice.
Anyway.
Yeah.
KFC and Taco Bell.
What a combination.
What other combination do you wish were out there?
Oh, really?
That's nice.
What do you wish-
How about just like two-
Okay.
So what about this?
Yeah.
Tommy burger?
Okay.
Jamba juice.
Yikes.
That's really good.
Why?
Why would I say that?
Because I like the bowl.
Because Tommy bowl always fucks up your stomach.
Yep.
Yeah.
With the chili.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
But then you're like, oh, I'll have some wheatgrass.
Level you out.
Level me.
Like a little ginger shot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like a ginger shot.
I'm going to empty everything from inside.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What is another good combination?
What's a good combination?
In-N-Out and Orange Julius.
Pretty good.
Why?
Well, the In-N-Out burger's, you know, going to treat you right, Dairy Queen
style.
But also, you know, hot eats, cool treats are coming up inside you.
Drop down a nice little Julius on top.
Okay.
Good.
Very good.
Circle gets the square.
I get it.
I get it.
Circle gets the square.
Yeah, yeah.
But I think that, yeah, it's the sweet on sweet that I like.
Jess?
I'd probably do like a Jack in the Box with a CVS.
Ooh.
Why?
Very smart.
Just because I get like so much from Jack in the Box, I can't help myself.
Because I'll get the tacos, the jalapeno poppers, the sourdough Jack.
Yeah.
How about an egg roll?
Sometimes an egg roll too.
Maybe a chicken teriyaki bowl if you're getting frisky.
I've never got, they have that at Jack.
They have everything at Jack in the Box.
They have everything.
And they have everything at CVS to cure.
Everything that you get.
Ah.
And more beverages too.
You can get a Gatorade Zero to CVS.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you guys are never like on your period.
And then you have to get fast food.
And then you have to like go to the.
I know what that's like.
Yeah.
I know what that's like.
I would want to combine.
Firehouse subs.
Oh good fucking call.
You know firehouse subs.
I love them.
Yeah.
Firehouse subs and a AutoZone.
Why?
Why?
I've been, I have to change my fucking oil and I just can't get there.
But if you put it near in a combination of a firehouse subs.
Because I'm going to eat lunch.
But how often can I go fucking to AutoZone to change my oil?
That's nuts.
I need oil in my car.
Haven't been there.
It's been beeping at me for a month and a half.
Hmm.
Put them together.
I'll fucking do it.
Wow.
I love that.
Let me get a fucking turkey avocado.
I'll get some oil then.
That's a really good idea.
Because AutoZone doesn't have snacks.
No, there's no snacks there.
Yeah.
But they have a lot of things that you need for your vehicle.
But not for your vehicle.
Thank you.
We'll be right back.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
I was, I pointed at you to do it.

We Rank Dr. Phil's Headshots!

Dr. Phil, there's a lot of non-comedians that are going to be in this year's
Netflix as a joke
festival I've been seeing online. Are you going to make an appearance by any
chance?
Um, I think so. I think we locked in a show for May the 6th.
Wow. Are you in one?
No. I wasn't in one either.
No, I'm not in one. I did see Tom Brady is doing it, which-
Of course, that makes a lot of sense.
Which makes perfect sense.
Because when I think of comedy, especially athletes-
Yeah, yeah, Sushi Mama.
Your name was Sushi Mama?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh my God. That's incredible.
Well, we're buying that shirt.
Yeah, yeah. Look at that shirt, dude.
It's in stock.
That's awesome.
It's in stock. No shit, Carlos.
$220?
Yeah.
Buy it, please.
No shit, go buy it.
I'm buying-
I work for everyone, please.
I'm buying one. In fact, I'll, if you want, I'll buy one for you.
Give Dr. Phil, give him your credit card. He's going to buy it right now.
Sure, yep.
We could do it later.
We could do it later.
We could do it later.
We could do it, you know, the first time I've taken my wallet out.
I just figured $460 million, he can, that's not a big deal for him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, that is fucking wild.
Sushi Mama is definitely a band.
You think it is?
Oh, yeah.
Sushi Mama?
Yeah, yeah.
We should start a band called Sushi Mama.
Like a surf rock.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Was that like a hidden gem character?
You know what I'm saying?
Like a fan favorite?
No, they did, what they did was, I remember, okay, so I was, I was in, I was at
the La Jolla
Comedy Store.
I was in the open mic.
Shout out.
And the fucking ShamWow guy came up to me.
Vince.
Yep.
And what'd he say?
He goes, yo, I'm the ShamWow guy.
Jesus Christ.
And it was like the first celebrity I ever met.
Yep.
So I froze.
Yeah, I missed that spiky hair.
That's when I first got wind of you.
Really?
Back in the day?
Oh yeah.
That's, you got those headshots with the spiky hair and the Hawaiian shirt.
Yeah, yeah, dog.
I bought that same shirt just because I loved that headshot so much.
Okay, good.
I'm a big fan of.
I'm a big fan of yours too.
My headshots are boring though.
I just, I'm just, I'm just Kirk Foxing it up.
Let's see Dr. Phil's headshots.
I want to see what some of your good headshots are.
They're all normal.
You know, you're, okay, I'll go through the faces.
Ready?
Yeah.
This is me being like, okay.
What's that face?
Who touched you?
Oh, that's it?
Yeah.
What's this face?
What's this one?
I touched, I touched you.
I.
I touched.
That's I touched.
All right.
You can make my mustache fall off, Bobby.
All right.
Let's all, let's take turns.
So then Jess, you do the next one.
It's a fun game.
It's a fun game.
What's the next one say?
I just farted.
Yes, it is.
Very good.
Yep.
Let's see.
No, for real.
I did just fart.
Yeah.
Now, now my question is, where do you think I farted it?
Oh.
Oh.
Like what room?
Oh, oh, I thought you meant guess the fart.
I know this one.
I know this one.
I farted too much.
No shit.
There's a little poo.
And then go to the next one.
That's the face of a guy who's about to shit his pants on the 405.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, and this one.
Oh, what's this one?
Oh.
That one's I'm about to fart.
I'm about to fart.
About to fart.
They're all pre and post fart.
And that one is, you know what I did.
Oh, you know what I did.
That's what my dog looks like.
You know what that is?
That's when I'm driving to the Laker game.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you're in shotgun and I get out first after I've let one rip.
Oh, all right.
And I get out and I look at the valet guy and I go.
Keep that photo.
Keep it.
Can you do that?
What?
That face.
Well, now seeing it from your vantage point, this is terrifying.
Let me see my guy.
Somehow you always go cross-eyed.
Yeah.
It is a little.
What?
I am a little cock-eyed.
I don't know if it's your eyes, but you go cross-eyed when you do faces like
that.
That's so fucking racist.
Look at me and do it.
No, it's not.
Do it big.
You go cross-eyed.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah, the right one's in.
I have that headshot too.
Whoa, dude.
I don't think you guys were made to imitate.
Like the machine malfunction.
Let me see if I can.
Let me see if I can keep them straight.
I'll do the noise.
I'll do the noise.
Oh, you're doing it again.
It's better though.
That's better.
Creepy though.
That hurts so bad though.
They're moving so much.
Yeah, I'm controlling it.
Asian eyes are not supposed to do faces.
Yeah, yeah.
Right, because look at this.
Like your mom, like this.
Yes.
If I say to your mom, somebody died, her facial expression would be what?
Okay, okay.
No, no, no.
I don't know what kind of camera play.
I don't know what's going on.
She would have no expression.
Oh, she would?
She would go, oh.
Okay, okay, ready?
Somebody died.
I just got a big promotion.
That's what you're saying?
Mom, I'm gay.
Yeah, that's great.
Do you think when the two bombs dropped there was facial expression?
Probably.
No.
They were just.
Oh, my God.
Atomic bomb.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can you imagine?
That's right in Godzilla minus one.
I saw them running.
They're like.
Wait a minute.
What do you think is scarier?
Godzilla or a bomb?
Godzilla with a bomb.
Godzilla is a bomb.
Because in the.
What about watching Godzilla bomb at the ha ha?
Wow.
He's.
His new shit is pretty good.
It's.
But yeah.
Yeah.
Can you imagine?
We got earthquake.
What if a comedian came out and was like, my name is Godzilla?
Could you do that?
Well, more elements would be if we had another comedian that was like tornado.
Well, we had Chinaman.
Oh, yeah.
Who's that?
Mark Britton.
His name was Chinaman?
Yeah.
So years ago, I was in Texas.
Does this story get better?
Yeah, it does.
It does.
So I wasn't.
So Mark Britton.
What was his name?
Chinaman.
Oh, I remember this guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
His name was Chinaman.
Yeah, that's him.
He's half Asian.
His name is Mark Britton.
Can we get this guy on the show?
Can I say something?
Let me say something about Mark.
Please.
Okay.
He taught Pablo Francisco how to do impressions.
No way.
Yes.
This guy is the best impression that you'll ever see.
The movie trailer voice is probably.
Yeah.
From him.
Right.
Number two.
Right.
He's a.
He would sell out every fucking show in Texas.
Sure.
I don't doubt it.
And number three.
He came up to me once and he goes.
Yeah, man.
I don't know.
I can't make, you know, get anything going in Hollywood.
And I go.
Maybe because your name is Chinaman.
What is the name of his album?
Because you know, now he changed his name to guess what?
His name is Kid Walk?
Kid Walk.
Wait, look at his website.
No way.
No, you're kidding.
I swear to God.
www.mesofunny.com is where you find his work.
That's a very funny website.
Me so.
Me so funny.
Uh huh.
That's very good.
Kid Walk.
Yeah.
Kid Walk.
Funny.
The Chinaman was and he would sell it.
So, you know, but he wasn't even full Asian.
That was what's crazy.
Well, but half.
Used to get the hottest chicks too back in the 90s.
Do you think it was the goatee or one of them at least?
He had to be one of those guys.
No, but he's so funny this guy.
I once met two girls in San Jose that had been with Pauly Shore.
Yeah.
They had nothing but great things to say.
Yeah.
And I gotta be honest, I was a little jealous.
Of the girls or Pauly?
Maybe a little bit of both.
Yeah.
Because I've never hooked up with a celebrity.
You are a celebrity.
Have you ever jerked off?
Today.
Have you jerked off?
I mean, I don't like to say it's a problem, but it's not an issue.
Do you need to tell us something?
All right.
I jerk off a lot.
I don't know.
What do you jerk off to?
Music.
Oh.
Oh, can we guess?
Wow.
Can we guess the band?
Sure.
I got no shank.
It's classical.
No.
Sometimes, but not usually.
Megadeth.
Yep.
That's what you jerk off to.
Okay.
Don't act so surprised.
No, we're not.
It's fine.
It's cool.
Yeah, it's, I don't know.
It's the contrast.
Some people like a little bit of lotion.
I'm more of a soap guy.
I thought you were Bruce Hornsby.
That's just the way it is.
Yes.
Where's that guy?
Love that song though.
Love it.
Just the way it is.
What was the lyrics in the beginning?
Staying in the time, marking time, waiting for the marriage.
Yeah, some sad shit.
Yeah, sad shit.
Working class work shit, and then that's just the way it is.
I think it was like, yeah, wait, like nine to five, abortion time or something
like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nine to five, abortion time.
But he played the piano with such a-
Your dad just died.
Your dad just died.
It got dark real quick.
Yeah, it got real quick.
That's just the way it is.
That's just the way it is.
And then you're listening going, it is the way it is.
It is the way it is.
I guess I have to suck it up.
Yeah.
And then the sweet piano would make you forget about your-
Any laugh.
That's just the way it is.
Oh, okay.
I guess I can get a job.
Right.
No, you can't.
You know, another song that-
Fast Car by fucking-
What's her name?
Tupac then used that song, by the way, and made it amazing.
What?
Fast Car?
No, that's just the way it is.
Oh, it is?
Yeah.
Fast Car is another depressing song.
From Tracy.
You got a fast car.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit.
That was-
Oh, shit.
Bro, bro.
You just hit my fucking heart just night.
You got a fast car.
You know what Bob is jacking off to tonight?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Yo, you're two for two, and I might be going on tour, so-
What's that song about, Fast Car, Bob?
It's about her dad or something, right?
It's-
Her dad has diabetes or something.
Right, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's-
Legless?
Legless, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Her diabetes.
Where's she going to in that fast car?
She wants to go somewhere with her man.
A combination KFC-Taco Bell.
Whoa, look at that.
Yeah, wow.
Speaking of-
You got a fast car.
Yeah.
We got to go to KFC and you on Taco Bell.
Yeah.
I'm gonna bash potatoes and a gordita.
See?
Gordita.
Sweet.
And a dime in a minute ago.
What can be a cantina?
There it is.
Okay.
There it is.
I once stayed at the Taco Bell Hotel.
That's not something I tell everybody, but-
How was the Taco Bell Hotel?
Diarrhea City.
Yeah.
Really?
Everyone was shitting themselves.
Yeah.
I had a stand-up joke about Taco Bell slash KFC.
Okay.
What was it?
You just did the punchline though.
What?
What was it?
It's hard to decide when you go to those things.
It's like, how bad do I want my diarrhea?
Oh, funny.
You can have it.
Nope.
I already did it.
Well, you know, I've been doing it.
That was in the 90s.
Well, I shot a special on Vimeo.
Did you really?
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's, you know, I'll send you the link, but it's not worth watching
twice.
Anyway.
Yeah.
KFC and Taco Bell.
What a combination.
What other combination do you wish were out there?
Oh, really?
That's nice.
What do you wish-
How about just like two-
Okay.
So what about this?
Yeah.
Tommy burger?
Okay.
Jamba juice.
Yikes.
That's really good.
Why?
Why would I say that?
Because I like the bowl.
Because Tommy bowl always fucks up your stomach.
Yep.
Yeah.
With the chili.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
But then you're like, oh, I'll have some wheatgrass.
Level you out.
Level me.
Like a little ginger shot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like a ginger shot.
I'm going to empty everything from inside.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What is another good combination?
What's a good combination?
In-N-Out and Orange Julius.
Pretty good.
Why?
Well, the In-N-Out burger's, you know, going to treat you right, Dairy Queen
style.
But also, you know, hot eats, cool treats are coming up inside you.
Drop down a nice little Julius on top.
Okay.
Good.
Very good.
Circle gets the square.
I get it.
I get it.
Circle gets the square.
Yeah, yeah.
But I think that, yeah, it's the sweet on sweet that I like.
Jess?
I'd probably do like a Jack in the Box with a CVS.
Ooh.
Why?
Very smart.
Just because I get like so much from Jack in the Box, I can't help myself.
Because I'll get the tacos, the jalapeno poppers, the sourdough Jack.
Yeah.
How about an egg roll?
Sometimes an egg roll too.
Maybe a chicken teriyaki bowl if you're getting frisky.
I've never got, they have that at Jack.
They have everything at