Name: David Spade on SNL Glory Days!
Uploaded: 2024-02-24T13:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Spade on SNL Glory Days!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Spade on SNL Glory Days!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-24. Transcript available.

do you get did you get nervous because i remember just even my show i would get
so nervous between
before when you're looking over here and you look is that where you're looking
when you keep
looking away from me here he looks at the guys he always looks at the guys look
at the guys
but you look all the way over there do you look here why does it matter because
you're not looking
at me i'm looking at you now when i look i'm looking at you now like this when
you did snl
and i go oh yeah yeah it's his nervous tick i thought i have a nervous tick
yeah thanks for
being there looking better yeah again do it again see oh god damn now do the
lip thing do the lip
thing go ahead when i did snl i have time for one more yeah so he's got you get
nervous before table
reads because i i just that's a lot of pressure right because what you do yeah
of course you read
a lot of sketches not all of them is going to get picked well in fairness i
wasn't in that much so
if i was in something because there's a lot of little birds in that nest
give me a little crumb like i just gave you something so i want more sky
everyone's being
more yeah i'd see love it sad he's like i'm only in three things i'm like do
you even count who gives
a when i first got there i saw him and i go do you really even care like i just
think you're hilarious
yeah i just see you in a sketch i go oh this is funny he's funny but they do
and i go i'll never
be like that and four days later i was like oh no it was exactly what i said i
wouldn't do freak out
could not be more stressed in my whole life than that wow it's too hard the
whole time too hard but
i wasn't really gaining ground it was just and of course the jealousy is uh
yeah off the charts wow
setting off jealous meters in japan i just see everyone killing it i'm like it's
just hard to keep
your head keep your friends pull for everybody and not go what about me well
that book live from new
york did you read that book it's just it's crazy it's just a weird thing you're
you're on the bachelor
where they're all nice at the beginning and then it gets whittled down and then
they have to hate
each other not hate each other but you go how much can you pull for a guy
because i'm out so you have
x amount of sketches yeah and this happens today i talk to people they go i'm
trying to keep my head
together but i just they give this one so many in you it's like it's not fair
and you just go i know
i believe i've been there but if you're good usually and you need some people
picking sketches on your
team because you have to have an alliance in there to help you because there's
so many good ones if
you're not like writing with the person or whatever they might just go we'll
pick all the ones we like
and there's just not enough even if some are good they don't make it so i'm
kind of frustrating place
i'm glad i never got to do it uh i mean i would have killed in retrospect you
don't really need
it like back then when there was only a handful of things to do oh yeah but uh
it did help me get
everything else i did i did okay on there but i once i got on just shoot me
that was a sitcom and that
i had way i it's sort of more fun because it was like it was more relaxing
helping me write i would add
stuff but it was pretty much them and i'm like you just show up and read these
jokes it's such a
fucking miracle yeah it was so different yeah best and uh and then doing out
more sitcoms like that
that was i'll probably do another one i i did like doing it and you would do
another sitcom i probably
would i don't know a multi-cam or single i don't know because singles are good
but they're hard like
movies if it's good i would do whatever was best right but there's two i'm
talking about right now and
i go they're both pretty good ideas so i might happen that'd be great really
unpredictable you
really are yeah you are not at all i'm shining down oh no no no i'm you want me
to go no no what do you
mean how many of these do you have today how many of these five no this is it
right do you always have
a guest or yes no we never we have we've had maybe in my lifetime maybe six
cats we don't we don't do
a lot of guests we usually do just oh is that why it was dude we've been
wanting you for so long but
is that why it was such a colossal hassle to have me come on i used to call him
i go he goes can you
come on when i see him in real life and then i hit him the next day hey i where
are you like
wednesday to friday anything next week nothing crickets two weeks later oh yeah
i can't do it then
i'm like right yeah okay but when you go okay but well let's do it for sure
definitely and then i go
all right what about when i'm back from the road and he's like yeah and the
real reason i was late
is because i wanted you guys to have a little rapport that's smart yes yeah
that's my you did
thinking because you know i didn't come in here for a little bit because like
on mine i didn't want
to i don't want to actually love that i love that you stayed out there because
i don't like seeing
the guests before too much because then it feels like well you guys didn't talk
no we didn't
i went out for a while because i go the first thing i was going to say is
something jokey and
i'd rather just save it yeah yeah the problem was we were waiting on the co-host
so i was doing
a lot of due diligence trying to get the co-host here andrew is professional he
got here early
i go oh they're not here and he goes well andrew's in there right behind the
desk so then i get in
the mental space of like fuck is bob gonna and then because david walk in the
room and he goes
i'm probably gonna leave soon because today it felt like when i was on a sitcom
with oliver hudson
yeah with jenna fisher just let me finish just plugging sitcom let me finish
let me finish my
story i did a show called i'm dying and also i know but i remember one day i
woke up in my house
and there was a man in my living room oh i remember that right and i i go there's
someone in my living
i walk out there and it's like it's a guy that works on the show he goes it's
10 and i go so he's like
call times at six and that that feeling of holy you know and just getting in
the car like that
feeling i have every single day when i'm late for something every time at the
comedy show they go
i go mom after bobby's here yet they go oh he's not coming i go jesus perfect
anyway today felt like
that yeah like when you were when you you you said come on man the way you said
say that again come on
man oh my god that's really sad i jumped out everyone was sad we started on a
sad note when
i say come on man like that it's like i'm just i'm not upset i'm just
disappointed yeah my last text
you i'm gonna go say bye to santino oh my god i feel so bad you know what we
did it i don't give a
fuck we have it in the can it was a good podcast so fuck it this one was yeah
it was great it was
very good it was great comparing it to hey santino and then i go by the way the
whole drive here he
doesn't go on way or anything he's just like you texted me i'm like what's
better than your phone
to get to you what's easier because most people it's phone yeah you don't like
to call you're like
yeah and then the old i used to joke about girls when they don't they go i'm
the worst texter like
you text them and then four days later oh my god i just saw this i'm the worst
at this i'm the worst
texter it's always a lie no one doesn't know how to text and then you included
and then like five and
then i answer i make her sweat about a minute and then i answer and then
another five days
goes by and she's like oh my god i'm so bad at this and then we go to dinner
and the whole night
she's hunched over her phone like this
you're getting the hang of it wow that's so true yeah yeah you're like a yeah i
you do well you leave
a lot of voicey voice yeah yeah that's good yeah voice text it's called a gift
yeah i have so many
voice texts saved you gotta save them you gotta save them they're good you
gotta you know i'll
tell you a horrible story and then i gotta go okay i used to have a voice
recorder like old people
you know like beep leave a message on the phone you know those so answering
machine answering machine
thank you do you have those in uh where do you live again spain morocco so i go
uh they make them over
there they get all the way over so i i have this and then i got one that's
electronic or something
because it was getting they're phasing out but i when i moved to town i was
doing just shoot me so
i it maxed out at 35 messages and i had 33 and it was farley norm sandler and
everyone doing
fucking bits because when they call yeah you sandler you know they just do a
fully committed
fully form hilarious run on bit and so many of you are like yeah are you good
good
wow dave spade what are you rolling doobies just goes on and on the stupidest
shit and i go i want
to make an album something one day just and then uh the old girl that worked
with me went through my
office she goes i moved your desk and i go and i ran in there and she goes don't
worry i put your
phone machine over there unplugged it no and it was zero and i go no and i went
to the store and
and they're like oh there's nothing oh my god i'm so mad sickening wait it's
not the girl that you
brought today no that one i haven't beat up because i would have beat the shit
out of her yeah that's
insane no she's great it was just one of those things where you just go there's
nothing you can
do like holy fuck but there was so many funny ones oh well thank you so much
for coming to our
program really appreciate it shut up safely like sick feeling yeah drive safely
and good luck with
the last time i blow dry my hair for you yeah i'm so sorry i love you so much i'll
make it up the far
the farley ones the farley ones that obviously hurts the most because the other
ones you could
talk to again yeah do you have other stuff saved from him that no one will ever
hear or see
you know it's funny i was just saying the other day that i haven't looked back
to my norm messages
because just texting because farley wasn't in a text era but went like even brody
stevens i don't
delete him from twitter instagram no i still have all those texts it's too
weird and there's texts and
messages and i but i can't read them it's too heavy but uh farley stuff you
know i have his coat from
tommy boy i have his uh security shirt from wayne's world that he wore in that
scene and i watched
lauren gave him i still have some stuff for on the house but it's not super sad
i showed it to
uh akroyd because he did tommy boy with us oh yeah i almost didn't even
remember that wayne zelinski
no yeah zelinski that's right wayne zelinski all right zelinski auto parts so
you don't have to
when you do the work work so you don't have to yeah something like that but you
said but you did save
a bunch of you used to i did yeah some stuff but you know it's more it's too
tear jerky to go
through it yeah like do you ever do this i know this is dark i know we're going
on this road but
if i've lost somebody sometimes for some reason i'll just call their phone i'll
just call their
fucking phone with some weird hope or something i don't even know what i why i
do it but i call the
phone until the number gets disconnected or changed too heavy i know i don't
know why but i do it
i've done that for years for people answer hello i think about that like what
if someone what would
you do you'd freak out no i'd be like oh you owe me 50 bucks and you're gonna
fucking die what i do
with the bad friends is this your merch yeah it's our merch we sell bad david
thank you so much for
coming give it up for david spade give me a round of applause again give me a
hug man and remember to
take your chair back too oh wow rude rude rude very rude dude