Name: Bobby & Andrew Santino's REINCARNATIONS!
Uploaded: 2024-03-05T13:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby & Andrew Santino's REINCARNATIONS!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby & Andrew Santino's REINCARNATIONS!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-05. Transcript available.

They should have a business, like a Black Mirror episode.
A place where they wipe your memories.
Scientology's open 24 hours a day.
I know, but just a place where I can just restart.
Well, when you die, I think you restart.
You think so?
100%.
I think when we die, we restart into another soul and body and entity.
I think you've died a thousand times.
You just don't know it.
Not as Bobby Lee, but as other shit.
What do you think I was?
Before this?
A worm.
Samurai.
A samurai worm.
What if you were a unicorn?
Oh, that's why you love it so much.
I don't love it.
That's why you're mentioning it now.
I'd rather have a minotaur come.
You're definitely not a minotaur.
No.
You're a minotaur?
I'm definitely more a minotaur than you are.
Yeah, I'm a centaur.
You're not a centaur.
Oh, fuck, why not?
You're a unicorn.
How about a siren?
You're a worm.
No.
I'm not a worm.
You're a warrior worm.
Worm's not a mythological creature.
Sure it is.
Worms have been around for billions of years.
I've been studying the folklore of...
It is now.
How about it?
Can I be a worm like in Dune?
No.
Yeah, I want to be a gigantic worm.
No, you're an earthworm.
You're a little tiny baby earthworm.
No, no, no.
I want to be one of those in the desert.
No.
Dune, Dune.
I want to be a dune worm.
That's you.
You're an Asian jumping worm.
No, Google Dune worm.
Google Dune worm.
That's an Asian jumping worm.
Google Dune worm.
Google Dune worm.
Dune worm, dude.
No, you're not.
That's me, dude.
No, you can't.
Yeah, that's my butthole.
No.
Have you seen my butthole?
Exactly like that, dude.
No, it's not.
What?
It's got the lines and everything.
Look at that's me, dude.
And that's pussy right there, those two girls.
You're an Asian jumping...
They're going into your butthole?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
You're an Asian jumping worm.
Okay, well, then what are you then?
Ask the girls.
What was I in my previous life?
I feel like Tito Andrew would be like a horse or like...
Yeah, a centaur.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right there.
Yeah, that's me, right?
Oh, so he gets a good one.
Yeah.
I get worm.
No, no, no, but you've...
Okay, how about this, girls?
What was he before he was a worm?
Maybe you were the one that rode Tito Andrew.
That's right.
I rode him?
You rode on my back.
You were like in my horse hairs.
No, it's...
No, dude.
Okay, check it out.
No, it's like those...
You know, on a whale, right?
They have the little fish that clean their back?
That's you.
That's not me.
100% that's you.
You're the barnacles on the whale.
You're the barnacle.
You're a fucking barnacle.
I mark barnacle on your whale back.
Fuck, dude.
Dude, that looks exactly like you.
Does that even have a brain and feelings?
Do you?
No.
Okay, barnacle.
I'm a barnacle.
Barnacle Bobby.
Yeah, barnacle Bobby.
Barnacle Bobby riding on a whale's back.
All right, dude.
Enough.
Make you feel better.
What was he before he was a worm?
Because you lived enough...
You lived other...
So many minutes, so many lives.
What was he before he was a worm, girls?
Maybe you were working on 9 to 5.
Yes, you were.
I was working on 9 to 5.
Yes.
A regular guy working on 9 to...
Yeah.
What?
He was a blowfish?
Man, you've been...
Working 9 to 5 at a restaurant?
Yeah.
Work at your order.
Can I speak to the manager?
I'm sorry, but the blowfish has forgotten.
Our drinks came late.
Yeah.
Well, I don't have any hands.
What a shitty server.
Shitty.
Or I was a blowfish.
You're a blowfish.
Well, let's go to you guys then.
Oh, yeah.
What were the girls?
Oh, shit.
How many varieties of maggots are there?
You can't make the call because we already made your call.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
So once you make the call, I can't make a call?
Can't make the call, baby.
What kind of fucking game is this?
What are you talking about?
I think, I think, I think Rudy...
Oh, my God.
I can see it now, her previous life.
Butterfly, butterfly.
No, no, no, no.
Rudy was...
Dolphin.
Rudy was...
Mermaid.
Have you ever been to the Great Wall of China?
No.
At the Great Wall of China, there's a little patch, a little crack in the rocks,
and flowers
grow through there.
Oh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
Coral?
Flowers.
There's a group of wild flowers, and the Chinese government has just let it
continue to grow,
so now it's a patch of wild flowers.
I think you were a wild flower at the Great Wall of China.
That's so cute.
That's good.
He said, where were you before this?
I can see it in my head.
Let me see it.
Oh, I see it.
I see it.
I see it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, my God.
I see it.
Yeah, yeah.
I see it now.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
What, what, what?
Oh.
What, what, what?
No, she was...
Oh, my God.
She was a little ground squirrel.
A little...
Oh, no.
A little tiny ground squirrel, and she popped up at a construction site, and
her head came right
off.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
It was a tragic death.
That was...
Oh, you have the ability?
I can see.
Oh, my God.
Let me see Carlos.
You really have the...
Oh, I can see Carlos.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God.
I can see Carlos.
What is it?
What is it?
What is it?
Hold on.
What is it?
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, my God.
You remember?
Oh, my God.
You know, in New York, in Central Park, they had the horses on the carriages?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, the bag that catches all the horse poop?
Carlos.
That's Carlos.
He was a bag of horse shit.
Oh, shit.
He was the bag that collected all the horse shit in Central Park.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God.
At the turn of the 27th.
Whoa, dude, you're gifted.
Wow.
Well, let me see if I can do fancy.
We should have a 1-800 number.
Yeah, just to call me.
Yeah, yeah.
Call me now for your free history reading.
Yeah.
It's Mr. Cheeto.
Mr. Cheeto.
Yeah.
Okay, hold on.
Let me see if I can do fancy.
Hold on.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I know.
Oh, can you feel it?
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
I just gave it to you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just gave it to you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you feel it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
What is it?
He's the, um, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know what it is.
He's a, he lies.
Oh, I see it.
Oh, yeah, yeah, but not on top of human head.
No, no, no.
Pussy.
No, no, no, not for a pussy.
Not for a pussy.
Not for a pussy either.
Not a pussy.
Not a pussy.
No, no, no.
Crabs?
No, no, no.
It's a, it's a turd.
It's a turd.
It's a turd.
It's a turd.
It's a turd creature.
Oh.
It's, it's, it's Eric Griffin.
Dude, I like that.
I like that Rudy said you're a fucking pussy lice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pussy lice.
Women don't get lice.
Do they get lice?
You guys know about pussy lice?
Is that a real thing?
Yeah.
No way.
It's called crabs.
Yeah.
No, crabs and lice are two different.
Two different things.
Cubic lice is super common.
Tiny insects that look like tiny versions of the crabs you see at the beach.
They live on the skin and coarse hairs.
People get pubic lice.
Whoa.
No way.
Have you guys ever known anybody that's got that?
No.
No.
But we used to have so much lice on our hair.
Yeah.
When you were a kid.
Oh, really?
Yeah, a lot.
Really?
A lot.
So funny.
Yeah, guess what?
Guess what?
Andrew and I never had it.
Never had it.
You know why?
Shower.
It's probably because you were a lice in your old life.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
And then you died from getting picked and then you were born as Bobby Lee.
Oh, wow.
Picked on, picked.
I get it.
Wait.
How do you get lice out of your hair?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Roll around the dirt.
That was how you got it out?
I feel like that's how you get more lice.
Yeah.
Combing wet hair with a fine tooth, knit comb, remove lice and some nits.
There's something called nits.
Yeah, we used to have a lot and like eggs and like-
Oh, and the egg?
Yeah.
Yeah, you used to be like crawling.
And I bet you money, I bet you money you eat those too.
No.
No.
Yeah, right before it's about to hatch, right?
You eat it like balut.
Balut?
Like little tiny balut balls.
Oh, we don't eat it.
Yeah, little balut balls.
You want some balut with sprinkle of lice?
Yeah, yeah.
Right, so basically, so you get the little eggs too up there.
Yeah.
So lice comes from eggs.
Yeah.
They lay them.
They're just reincarnating on your head.
Oh, that's interesting.
They're so itchy.
Yeah, yeah, I bet.
A lot.
Do they come from-
Oh, imagine that.
That's awful.
Oh, that's awful.
You never had lice?
No.
No, we never have lice.
We don't ever get stuff like that.
If you live in like a swampy area, you can get like, if you go swimming, you
can get leeches.
Ticks.
Ticks and leeches from the woods.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can get-
And ticks give you Lyme disease.
You know what that is?
Yeah.
You guys have that over there?
No.
Lyme disease?
But you have leeches in the water.
Don't you have leeches?
Show them a leech.
You don't have leeches at all?
I've never seen one.
I've never seen one.
Oh, they suck on your skin like that.
They suck your blood.
They're little vampires.
Look at that.
Maybe Tito Bobby was like that.
Oh, my God.
Oh, really?
Now I'm that too?
You weren't a vampire.
I'm that too.
You were a leech.
Oh, really?
Interesting.
She's saying before, this was another life.
Have I ever had a good life?
You were a nine-to-five blowfish?
No.
I was a nine-to-five blowfish as a waiter.
And then you were a leech.
Where?
Where was he a leech?
Was he working?
In the Philippines.
Oh, you were a leech in the Philippines.
Oh, in the Philippines.
He wasn't working.
He was homeless.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
I was a lazy vampire leech?
No.
You were a homeless leech.
All right, so I didn't even want to work.
No, you were just-
No, you just couldn't work.
You guys go in and suck the blood.
I'm just going to sit here on the corner and beg for fucking-
You couldn't get any blood.
You would beg for blood.
You'd sit-
All the guys would go suck all day.
They'd come home and you'd be like,
you got any blood?
You got any blood?