Name: Rudy News!
Uploaded: 2024-03-08T18:46:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy News!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy News!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-08. Transcript available.

yeah we want to see how how good you would be in the business if you uh if you
were in the business
okay okay all right so so the rhythm would be
right so try it hi i'm rudy jules and welcome to rudy news perfect very good
first tonight a manila man named hernando guan lao turns his house into a
library and local
patrons are forever grateful public libraries are rare in my country for
students claire
micah ogoy and jane rain venida mung nani's library is a significant aid in
their studies
mas naka mas nakakaaliw po kasi ito kaisa social media and the cell phone po
said ogoy thank you
hernando that's it with rudy new again that's it with rudy news i'm rudy jules
good night okay
it's not you you did great you did great who did the writing
it's just not funny was it supposed to be funny well it's a new the real news
story yeah but i
thought at one point it was gonna get crazy in it yeah and funny and funny yeah
we need a writer yeah
but you are he is a comedy writer yeah it's just the news i know but i i know i
i what we assumed
you were gonna do was take the news and interject insanely wild shit well i
thought it was already
funny the way it was well you're wrong just the regular news you don't take
your headphones off
yeah yeah what are you going what's that move me mad at bobby are you gonna
make him use you're
gonna make him fucking use be nice no no no sober dude i'm dude i'm so happy
for your sobriety
and i i know you did your best but as a comedy writer yeah yeah i just i was
waiting for like
it to get so crazy that we would all be like laughing you copy and pasted the
news well just
the quotes because i can't write yeah yeah yeah yeah you copy and pasted though
not completely i was
reading it and then writing it out myself too it wasn't plagiarized like i
thought you're gonna go
you know what i mean and just crazier words you know what i mean show bob that
video then show the
video that you said i sent you for having me and i'm very excited to pitch a
degree field that one's
tough that's a tough one go back to that real fast that one's the toughest part
one were you excited
to pitch at for having me and i'm very excited to pitch a degree field okay
since he woke up that
morning he was repeating wiggity field wikipedia really feel we get a feel and
the driver is like
wiggly field and he's like wiggity peeled wiggly peels that's mean okay keep
going they don't make
us do that when we go over there what do you mean you know when like basketball
players go play
overseas they don't have to like learn the language to do a press conference
that's so hard is there a
word in japanese that americans can't say that's all of them everything oh you
think we can't speak
japanese well like give me like a little japanese modeling i think i can do it
yeah isa could do it you
can speak japanese yeah oh that's right you were learning it last time yeah
yeah what's give me
here speak some japanese say hey i'm so excited to be here in los angeles america
that's it
they really can they really do everything really more efficient yeah you can
say that
that's i'm excited to be here in los angeles but saying put them a call food
statement like i'm so
like very overly excited in a way that it's like sexual really really go cool
say say it again i
want to do that i want to try to repeat that yeah let's see can you do it
absolutely not okay do it
again try it again i'm so excited that's good just to say i'm so excited to be
here just say to be here
yeah i'm so yeah i have coco i have coco that's it i have coco that's it
i have coco that's it i have coco that's it
that's it it's so hard i don't understand how that's so hard to do crazy as as
a 15 year
old young person as you're starting to come into looking forward into like you're
not a little kid
you're not a grown grown up do you start to see the world in a way where you're
thinking about
what you might want to do in the world what your contribution what do you think
you want to do in
the world i don't know but do but does anything interest you like that are you
like you know what
i would do for a job would be fun i should be a scam artist yeah that's true we
did say that on this
show yeah i think that was bad to influence her to do that but yeah but izzy
what do you want to do
what would be fun to be as your life i should be a realtor okay okay yeah yeah
yeah no she could
sell a house yeah sell us a house this is my wife this is my wife babina okay
hi hi hi i'm babina
what a beautiful house very beautiful this was picked especially for you wow
wow what do you mean we
we just we just we literally just came here it's an open house no you're
supposed to you're supposed
to tell me what you want and then oh no well it says open house it says open
house and we walked in
i'm babina this is my felipe i'm felipe that's babina my wife yeah so just so
you instinctually
know that this is our house wow yeah i can feel it from your bones we can feel
bone bone energy
what are you army hammer what's wrong with our bones leave our bones out of
this yeah yeah um so miss what's
what's your name oh um babina what you're you have the same name as my wife
crazy no that's how i knew
that you wanted this can i see your id real quick oh my god sweetie look it is
babina wow wow okay miss
well how many bedrooms and how many bathrooms are this has six bedrooms wow
that's a lot yeah that's a lot
how many bath how many bathrooms four bathrooms six and four that's not that's
not bad how many square
feet um you must know the property yeah yeah yeah yeah how many square feet
around as much as you
would want it to be what would that be what would that be the specific number
because how many do you
think because we do have we have we have we have certain certain furniture and
yeah yeah that's right
let's ask um my partner no no no no no you have another partner named babina no
her name's poopina
oh popina hi popina hi popina oh she's deaf oh she's oh she's a mute mute i
mean she's mute all
right so babina how many square feet do you think it is just guess because it
maybe around
just throw out a number throw out a number okay 10 10 square feet wow so six
wait wait wait excuse
me for a second like can i ask something guys six bedrooms four bathrooms in
ten square feet
this is insane this is how they do it in the philippines in the philippines wow
these rooms are so
small this is unbelievable well how big is the lot around how many square feet
is the lot yeah we're on
20. so 20 square feet so just double double yeah so wow wow how much is it how
much is that how much
is this house well do you want to end around do you want around pesos or well
dollars would be preferred
yeah because we're american yeah and we're but around 30 mil 30 million dollars
square feet of land
oh my god six better four but intense wow wow 30 million 30 million we gotta
call our accountant i don't
know if we can afford yeah well can you can you explain to me the school system
because we have six
kids yeah oh yeah what kind of schools are in the area well the one near us
actually had a shooting so i
wouldn't recommend oh there's a shooting maybe the the other closest one would
be around two hours away
two hours away wow we are you're selling us yeah i think you're selling it we
do want to be away
from everything how about crime yeah what's the crime rate out here a lot a lot
tell me tell us how
much 30 million dollar house in a high crime area yeah 10 square feet high
crime no school six five
six bed four bath six bed four bath wow wow there are actually a lot of people
that would try to carry
your house so you might be you might want to be careful of that carry it oh so
it's portable so this
is on wheels it's a portable house we are buying a portable 30 million dollar
house yeah in a bad
neighborhood that they can carry huh like huh what's is there hoa fees is there
any what does that cost
yeah you know what the hoas are over here no yeah what do you think oh there
isn't any or there are
because it says there's hoa right on the flyer yeah yeah yeah yeah what would
that be what is that
a month a month a month yeah maybe half 30 mil so also 15 million a month no so
15 million let me
get this straight we put hoa fees 15 million a month wow what a deal that's
pretty good that's
pretty good does that provide security of some kind yeah of course there's
actually there's actually
poopina outside oh so she comes with the she comes with the house the house wow
and and but
she can't talk so if something bad happens talk and fight so she would try to
sign the the robber
she would sign yeah go away beware okay dog okay i see all right so are there
any other offers on
this house because we might be interested yeah yeah are there competitors out
there are people
trying to buy this house there's a lot of people who a lot of competition a lot
of competition might
want to buy it now wow okay they want to buy right now i see what percentage
down payment do you
require to buy this what percent yeah around 90 90 down payment so we need 25
million dollars
do we have 25 of liquid money we do we do i know i just don't know if that's
all that's all we have
though 25 million 15 million a month so that's a million that's a lot for hoa
wow okay okay i can i be
honest with you yeah i think you've got a future in real estate yeah i do i do
that's great
you