Name: The People vs Bobby Lee: Trial of the Century
Uploaded: 2024-03-30T16:00:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The People vs Bobby Lee: Trial of the Century' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The People vs Bobby Lee: Trial of the Century' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-30. Transcript available.

You know, I've been watching online on YouTube what I've, you know, court drama.
Yeah.
And if I was guilty, I wasn't guilty and I was accused of something and I get a
life sentence.
I don't know if I'd be stoic when the judge says the verdict.
I'm going to hand it down to you right now.
Order.
Should I be?
Order in the court.
Should I be stoic?
You should react how you'd react.
What did I do?
What am I accused of doing?
I'll get to it.
Oh, okay.
Mr. Lee, please be quiet.
Would the court stenographer, CreeCorp, please hand me my sheet?
Thank you, CreeC.
Looking good today, CreeC.
Hold on, hold on.
Thank you.
Hold on.
I always turn to the family.
Yeah, you have to turn to the family.
And no one's there.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, that's sad.
Mr. Lee.
No, no one came.
Mr. Lee.
Andrew.
Mr. Lee.
Andrew.
Mr. Lee.
I'm not going to ask again.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah.
Pay attention, please.
Okay, okay, okay.
Mr. Lee, in the county court case 4965, you have been accused of showing your
anus in a
public forum, open anus.
How do you plead?
Not guilty.
You plead not guilty.
They don't really do that because the court, when you give the verdict.
Mr. Lee, how do you plead to showing your public anus, your anus in public?
Not guilty, not guilty, your honor.
Oh.
We do have this video right here that we can show you of your anus being shown
in public.
You still plead not guilty?
I'm guilty.
I'm guilty.
I'm guilty.
I didn't know you had video.
Mr. Lee, I've been a judge.
You have the video.
For 36 years.
Who gave me the video?
Carlos?
I've never seen something so egregious and disgusting in my life.
Yeah.
I'm sending it to you now.
45 life.
45 to life.
What?
What?
What?
Wait.
45 for what?
Because of my butthole?
Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, I've changed my mind.
Because of your emotion.
I have changed my butthole.
Because of your emotion, I've changed my mind.
Mom!
No one's there.
Where the fuck are you, man?
That's the stenographer.
Pre-core?
Yeah, that's Creek.
Mr. Lee, because of your emotion.
Oh, you'll go?
No, I'll go to prison.
Okay.
I'll suck your dick.
Okay.
In prison, I will.
You're going to get more time by doing this.
Okay, all right.
Don't suck the judge.
Did he say dick or dicks?
He said dicks.
Thank you.
Thank you, Creek.
Good reaction.
Really?
That was really good.
I would have given you less time.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cut in half for sure.
Well, they don't do the guilty thing then.
They do the trial, and then so now it's just that they're not-
You saw the one guy that jumped and almost tried to beat the shit out of the
judge?
Oh, yeah.
They sent this to him, and he jumped over the desk?
Oh, yeah.
Or the guy, his lawyer, he's handcuffed, but he does that elbow attack?
Yeah, to hit him in the-
Yeah, yeah.
And he gets him.
Yeah.
God, it's so good.
What would you do?
Well, am I cuffed?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you headbutt him.
Yeah.
You know how-
Where's the head?
You know sometimes-
Where's the head?
No, don't do that.
Don't hurt that thing.
Why?
Because it's going to break.
He's my lawyer.
All right.
All right, here we go.
My lawyer right here.
Hope you hurt yourself.
I won't.
Well, I'm going to do this like this, so it's like-
He's a little head.
Yeah, and your lawyer's whispering to you, we're going to go away for a little
while.
It's not going to work out.
You're just going to have to take it.
So give me the guilty verdict.
Mr. Lee, in the case of 495648, showing your open butthole in public, I find
you guilty.
45 years to life.
I knew it was going to break.
Did it crack?
Yeah.
Bob.
We could fix it.
Such a nice gift.
I know.
We could fix it.
Can we?
That was real acting.
Yeah, the acting was good.
He'd be in trouble.
No, he'd be fine.
You'd go to prison.
I hurt so.
Yeah, it's got to hurt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, why?
Stop typing now?
Oh, please stop.
Stop typing.
I can't believe-
You typed the action?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, pick that up.
Pick that up.
That was improv, right?
Yeah, yeah.
No.
Pick that up.
That was scripted.
Give it to me.
Bobby-
Give it to me.
Oh.
Oh my God.
I know, it's okay.
I can't believe you broke that.
No, we could fix it.
Can we?
Yeah.
There we go.
It looks like new.
You know what's incredible about you?
The fucking beautiful artist that made that will like it more now that it's
broken.
Do you know that?
That'll look better.
And if I did it, they'd be fucking livid.
It'd be-
McCone, this is your new job.
You're going to get epoxy and glue and all that stuff, and you're going to fix
that the
next time we do it with epoxy and glue.
Show me that video.
I want to see that.
This is so true to life.
How true is this?
Here we go.
This woman.
Going for a fart walk after dinner is something that's going to help you age
wonderfully.
And if you follow me, you know that my husband and I go out for fart walks most
nights after
dinner.
So about 60 minutes after we've eaten, we put on our wedding shoes and off we
go.
Now, why do we do this?
Well, we eat a lot of fiber, so we have gas.
Everybody does.
And yeah, you fart when you walk.
So that's why I named it that.
But the main reason that we do the fart walks is because by walking for as
little as two minutes,
we used to walk for about 10, 15, 20, but not really quickly.
It's more of a moderate walk.
We are helping reduce our chances of developing type 2 diabetes.
Pause it.
Wow.
That's incredible.
Incredible.
A fart walk is genius because every time you're with your girlfriend, boyfriend,
husband,
wife, you eat dinner and then you sit around the house and you're holding it in.
I don't.
Well, you're not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But if you're trying to like hook up that night and you're trying to have a
sexy night
together, you should take a fart walk.
Yeah.
I highly recommend a fart walk.
You know, we do this.
We take fart walks.
You and your wife?
I swear to God.
I cut mine.
Huh?
Is that Susan Sarandon?
No, it's not.
Yes.
I cut my farts.
What do you mean you cut your farts?
Oh, this is the butthole, right?
Oh.
Oh, you slowly let it slide.
No, I don't.
No.
God damn it, man.
Yes.
But let me finish.
I don't think that's, I'm going to use this.
That's too big of a butthole.
Let's just say this is the butthole.
No, that looks right.
Right.
This is the butthole, right?
What I do is I cup it like this, but with my fingers here, I spread open the
cheeks a little
bit.
Oh.
What's so funny?
Carlos likes it.
Yeah.
I spread open the cheeks so it doesn't make a sound.
Right.
So it's.
So it goes in my cup, right?
And then what I do is I cup it.
And you can get 40% of the smell in your hand.
That's a number scientifically?
Yeah.
I've experimented.
Where do you put it?
What?
And you go, hey, Charlie.
Oh, you wave it out to the sky.
Yeah.
You wave it.
Hey, Frankie.
Whatever.
Even if there was no one's there.
You just wave.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
Yeah.
Okay.
You don't cup your farts?
I do not.
Okay.
Grab them?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I grab them.
It's a gas.
Yeah.
I got to say this.
I think healthy couples should be able to fart in front of each other.
You and Kalilah farted on each other.
Yeah.
That was kind of part of your tradition.
Mm-hmm.
Do you ever fart in front of your wife?
Of course I have.
What are you talking about?
Oh, but you were mad at me.
Yeah.
When you farted on my wife?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I was very mad.
I didn't see a man get so mad.
I was very upset.
That was a line cross.
Yeah.
You get really defensive around her.
When you fart on her, yeah.
No.
You can't fart on someone's wife.
That's insane.
It's not even just that, pal.
I don't even sneeze.
It's not even just that, pal.
In front of Fancy's wife, I don't even sneeze.
Here's another thing he does, dude.
Yeah.
Right?
The coffee incident in Austin.
What happened in the coffee?
Do you remember?
What happened?
You call me and go, you want coffee?
I go, yeah.
I walked downstairs.
I had just woken up, right?
And you guys, you and your wife were sitting there.
And I woke up to your wife and I go, as if, where's my coffee?
And you go, hey, man, back up, dude.
Sit there, dude.
Fuck, don't talk to my wife like that.
That's right.
Why?
Because I did this?
What the fuck is that?
You don't walk up to someone and go, yes, you do when you want coffee.
Yeah, I had a coffee shop.
No, we were in the hotel lobby.
No, he was saying this to my wife in the hotel lobby.
Okay, you weren't in the coffee shop anymore, Bobby.
That's right.
Imagine, imagine if you said that to your wife, fancy, walked up to her like
this, like she's
a fucking, like she works for you.
You don't ever do that.
So, yes, I made you go sit down and you went and sat down.
I said, sit down.
Don't do that ever again.
Sit down.
Yeah, but see, you don't talk to me like that.
Yes, I do.
And I did and I will.
And you did.
You went and sat down, didn't you?
I don't know why.
You did.
I know, but I did.
When you talk to me like that, I don't know why I do.
I feel, you know what?
I blush a little bit.
Because it was rude.
And I get a little angry too.
But your coffee was on the way.
It's gotten, by the way, I asked you.
I said, can I get you something?
Oh, that's right.
That's what you did.
That's right.