Name: Bobby Lee Gets BANNED!
Uploaded: 2024-04-10T16:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Gets BANNED!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Gets BANNED!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-10. Transcript available.

Dave, you're not married.
Look at me.
Of course I'm not.
Girlfriend.
Nothing.
I'm totally, I want to meet this Jewish girl like you're talking about.
I've heard tell of them.
So, just zero?
Nothing.
Wow.
That's the best thing when you come out here.
There's so many, I was just in Austin, the most beautiful, am I right?
Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
Everywhere.
And I'm just, once again, lurking around without the tie on.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I don't know, buddy.
I'm so old.
I really, you know, I guess I have a lot of issues.
My mom, I have to take care of her.
She has dementia.
Oh, wow.
Stuff like that.
I'm so sorry.
It's a lot of work.
And luckily she's doing okay.
But the road is not fun.
I mean, it's like you go out there, you do your thing.
Maybe you find a place to eat when you're, you know, like old.
So, these young pups out there, of course, having some laughs.
How about you, buddy?
I mean, honestly, I can assume I'm one of these apps.
You must be the real get.
No, I'm...
No apps?
I'm just...
No Raja?
I'm out of the Raja.
I figured you would.
Raja, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm on it, yeah.
Is that what it's called?
Raja?
Yeah, it's called Raja.
Then what did I sign up for?
You got banned?
He got banned from a few apps.
I got banned from all of them but Raja.
Wow.
Really?
Wait, like, guess why?
This is even better.
Why do you think he got banned?
I can't...
I didn't know you could get banned.
Oh.
Oh, you can.
You can.
Was it politics?
No.
Nudity?
No.
No, no.
But very accurate get.
Very accurate.
Yeah, yeah.
Is your hashtag bring money on the date or something?
You got banned from being Asian?
How dare you?
Wow.
You son of a...
Dude.
He lied about his age.
Wow.
On all of them.
On all of them.
That's okay.
I thought that's okay.
It's not.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, I said I was 34.
He was reported.
I'm 52.
And what happens is...
Wait, that is not even like...
You can't dance around that.
Like, did I tell you...
Well, I kind of lied.
I'm about 19 years older than...
I mean, you know, I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah.
Two decades is a lie.
Yeah.
But they could just Google me and, you know, my age is on the internet.
So it's like, that's not what I was doing it for.
I mean, can't they see the picture of you running from the 9-11 towers?
You said back at Steve Rennes-Zizzi.
Steve Rennes-Zizzi.
I said you were in grade school.
You're a day trader.
Yeah.
No, because when you're 52, you get matched on those sides with other 50, you
know, people
because they're younger.
I'm sorry, younger.
I know.
Women in their 30s are like, their cutoff point is 40.
Okay.
Right?
So you're not getting them in, you know, they're not getting your profile in
their...
And there's a reason for that.
Well, let me, I'm curious.
Well, they're not, they're not interested in 52-year-old men.
I understand.
But can I, let me defend myself.
Go ahead.
I will.
Please.
Who's aggressive now?
I don't know.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry.
So, let me defend myself.
Please.
I'm going to.
You're thinking about, well, how?
No, I'll defend him.
I'm not thinking about him, right?
Dude, this is what he does.
Relax.
I'll defend him.
He's a young 52.
A very young 52.
No, because by going to 34 and I've gotten on dates, you know what I mean?
And then they go, yeah, my, my thing's at 40, but I'm glad I met you.
It's like, I, I, I play young.
They want you to lie.
They're forcing you to lie.
They're forcing me to lie.
They shouldn't have that thing on their page thing, right?
All is welcome.
That's what it should be called.
All is welcome.
No, it's all famous people.
They don't want the trash in there.
That's exactly right.
Right, right, right, right.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm a doctor and I work with a, get out of here, loser.
They should like, get out of here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There should be a scale where like, you can lie about your age to the amount of
money you
have in your bank account.
Yeah.
So, the higher the bank account, the more you can lie.
Wow.
Yeah.
What about that sugar daddy thing?
I mean, you'd be the awesome, like, I mean, come on, the young, you know what I'm
saying?
Oh, yeah, so there are sugar daddy sites.
You don't want that.
Do you want that?
Yeah, he does.
Yeah, but let me ask you about the sugar daddy sites.
Yeah.
How much money are you, if you're a sugar daddy, what's the limit here?
What do you mean, a limit of what you have to spend?
Yeah, because there are sugar daddies, I've been on them, right?
And then it's like, you know what I mean, they're asking for a certain amount
of money.
I'm like, that's insane.
How much money are they asking for?
So, what would you say, like, you know what I mean, like, 50 grand a month?
I don't know.
50 grand a month?
Oh, yeah, to keep them in the lifestyle.
Why not just get a book or it's so much?
It's cheaper.
I know.
Well, that's his expertise, the guy with the backwards hat.
Carlos is a, that he loves paid friends.
Yeah.
Paid friends.
Yeah, you don't have to go on Seeking to get, like, a hot girl, though.
Can we go on Seeking and look at the profiles or no?
What's Seeking?
It's a sugar daddy site, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Can we just look at the, see what's available here?
Yeah, my profile.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, you have a profile?
Yeah, he's already.
You have one?
I had one, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But the girl I saw, she died, like, two months later.
Oh.
Yeah, so I got off.
I knew this would lead to a cold case.
Yeah.
No, I just played to leave.
Dude, what's even funnier about this is that you were on Seeking.
Yeah, but what?
You don't have any fucking money.
You have no money.
Yeah, because they're not all, they're asking you for 50 grand, so they know
you're worth
more.
Right, they're asking you for $50.
Oh, shit.
You get the bus pass, girls.
They call us salt and pepper daddies.
What does that mean?
What does that mean?
It means it's not all, like, sugar.
Oh.
Oh.
It's a little bitter.
It's a little bitter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So how much money do you think is, like, if a girl goes, well, I just need
three grand
a month?
Well, I would say no to everything.
Even if I was single, I'm not fucking paying you four grand to hang out.
That's insane.
No, that's the, I think you had to put them up in an apartment and, like, fly
them around
the world and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
Some of them are like that.
This is if you want a total disconnect, and if you just want.
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't, I know that.
Disconnect.
No, don't do this, because they're here.
You know that's not true.
I like disconnecting.
He wants to find love so fucking bad.
I want love.
He's done.
He's lying.
Yeah.
You know you do.
This would be so weird, and you wouldn't get any sort of connection whatsoever.
It'd be fucking weird.
Yeah.
Well, then you have to do it like everyone else in this town.
You have to shop at that Ralph's.
That's right.
That seems to be the place.
The heck of a place.
Wait, with the rock and roll Ralph's on Sunset?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a good one.
You go down there, man.
It's crazy.
That is a pretty good, there's some hot chicks there.
But more rock.
Yeah.
You get, like, also vampires like yourself, you know what I mean?
You're not into that?
What kind of, are you just like a, you don't like tats and stuff like that?
They have to be taller.
Easy.
Which is everybody.
And, and, and.
They be taller, right?
They have to have some education.
What?
Some form of education.
Like GED?
No, no, give me some GED, no, above.
What about street smarts?
No.
Street smart doesn't work with me.
Wait a minute.
You don't have a college education.
Why do you care?
That's why I want to breed.
You like a, yeah.
Yeah.
I want to breed with something.
Everything he doesn't have, he wants to, or partner to have.
You like, we connect.
Yeah, I get it.
Okay, so.
Attractive?
Actually, very attractive.
Very attractive.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a big one, right.
They have to have.
Driver's license?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some semblance of.
To vote.
Yeah.
Of culture, you know.
What does that mean?
Well, they have to just, like, basically what I'm saying is the things that you
know.
You know, the other day I was telling you that, like, it's odd that you know
certain things.
Like, you surprise me all the time.
Yeah.
Like, I want that.
People that read.
No, no, no, no.
The people that just have, they're just kind of like, oh, I know about Rembrandt
or I know
about.
It's from reading.
That's how you get it.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
It's not like you're bit by a historian and all of a sudden you have all the
powers.
It's not like Spider-Man.
That's so funny.
I think those are all accessible.
I think those are really good.
You didn't say anything crazy.
Nothing crazy.
Actually, the range of women that he has dated, because I've been here for all
of it, is it's
actually pretty great.
You haven't had a typical, they all kind of have a different style, a different
look.
They're like, they've all been pretty cool.
Some of them you haven't liked.
There's been, there's, well, there's one I'm like, you didn't like her either.
What the fuck is, I know, but you said, I don't like that.
You know when you know right away when your friend is with somebody and you're
like, oh
my God, this is, I can't wait till you find out.
Oh yeah, that's what, yeah.
I can't wait till you know that this is a terrible idea.
The one thing you didn't say was sense of humor.
That's right.
Yeah, sense of humor.
Yeah.
No, you don't want that.
No, I do.
You don't want that.
You didn't say it on your list.
But I don't want, here, I've dated hams.
Breathe.
Yeah, I've dated like, you know what I mean?
I'm on the boomy, ba-da-da-da-boom.
You know what I mean?
Like, hammy, people.
I don't like that.
It's terrible.
I know, is that a real song?
I don't even know.
Yeah, I got exactly.
I'm on the booty, I'm on the booty.
You know what I mean?
I don't like that.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I like, you know, like little sly jokes.
You know what I mean?
Just got to get your stuff, right?
A little roast, like a little roast.
Yeah, that's nice.
You know what I mean?
Witty, but laid back.
Not like your improv one class.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah, I don't like sketch.
I like a sketch artist.
Like a sketch player.
Like what you do.
Yeah.
I don't want me.
You don't want you.
For the opposite.
I get it.
I think so.
You want a complimentary partner.
Yeah, and also I need somebody that isn't against,
like that loves the culture of Korea.
Who doesn't love the culture of Korea?
Yeah.
This guy?
Wow.
Yeah.
I mean, I want somebody that, like, like, like, you know,
I was on it, the girl that last week.
Yes.
And, you know, I would, I go, have you ever had Shabu Shabu?
Have you had Shabu Shabu?
I was just in Vegas.
I didn't see him playing anything.
Is that a magician?
Is that a contortionist?
Who is that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, Shabu Shabu.
I know him.
Yeah, he was the roommate of Sirhan Sirhan.
Thank you, Bobby, for showing my memory of culture.
Shabu Shabu.
You know Shabu Shabu, Louie?
Boiling water.
The grilled, it's the grilled stuff?
Oh, no, it's the boiling water.
It's boiling water.
And it's fucking phenomenal.
I can't recommend this more.
If you're a big foodie, dude, go to a Shabu's place while you're here.
I'm down.
Do they make you cook it?
Yeah.
I don't like that.
No, no, it's...
I need someone else to cook it.
I understand what you're doing.
Yes.
You can get them to cook it.
They don't.
That's fine.
The places I go, they don't.
They don't like to.
Well, you choose your broth, right?
So it's like, you know, there's always a variety of five, like bone broth, a
tomato broth.
Hot pot.
Hot pot is correct.
That's correct.
That is correct.
That is correct.
Okay.
All right.
So, like, you know, last week, she's like, and she goes, well, she's from the
Midwest.
She's like, I haven't even heard of that.
Yeah, that's okay.
Yeah, but that's not fair.
I mean, maybe she's just called...
No, but she did go.
She was like, but I'm willing to try.
Yeah.
And she went, and she had a great time.
She's like, I love this.
Did she say, what is this garbage?
And she's like, spit it all out on an American flag.
God, what are you doing to me?
My point is, I want them to, like, be able to, like, you know, try things.
Yeah.

Bobby Lee Gets BANNED!

Dave, you're not married.
Look at me.
Of course I'm not.
Girlfriend.
Nothing.
I'm totally, I want to meet this Jewish girl like you're talking about.
I've heard tell of them.
So, just zero?
Nothing.
Wow.
That's the best thing when you come out here.
There's so many, I was just in Austin, the most beautiful, am I right?
Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
Everywhere.
And I'm just, once again, lurking around without the tie on.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I don't know, buddy.
I'm so old.
I really, you know, I guess I have a lot of issues.
My mom, I have to take care of her.
She has dementia.
Oh, wow.
Stuff like that.
I'm so sorry.
It's a lot of work.
And luckily she's doing okay.
But the road is not fun.
I mean, it's like you go out there, you do your thing.
Maybe you find a place to eat when you're, you know, like old.
So, these young pups out there, of course, having some laughs.
How about you, buddy?
I mean, honestly, I can assume I'm one of these apps.
You must be the real get.
No, I'm...
No apps?
I'm just...
No Raja?
I'm out of the Raja.
I figured you would.
Raja, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm on it, yeah.
Is that what it's called?
Raja?
Yeah, it's called Raja.
Then what did I sign up for?
You got banned?
He got banned from a few apps.
I got banned from all of them but Raja.
Wow.
Really?
Wait, like, guess why?
This is even better.
Why do you think he got banned?
I can't...
I didn't know you could get banned.
Oh.
Oh, you can.
You can.
Was it politics?
No.
Nudity?
No.
No, no.
But very accurate get.
Very accurate.
Yeah, yeah.
Is your hashtag bring money on the date or something?
You got banned from being Asian?
How dare you?
Wow.
You son of a...
Dude.
He lied about his age.
Wow.
On all of them.
On all of them.
That's okay.
I thought that's okay.
It's not.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, I said I was 34.
He was reported.
I'm 52.
And what happens is...
Wait, that is not even like...
You can't dance around that.
Like, did I tell you...
Well, I kind of lied.
I'm about 19 years older than...
I mean, you know, I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah.
Two decades is a lie.
Yeah.
But they could just Google me and, you know, my age is on the internet.
So it's like, that's not what I was doing it for.
I mean, can't they see the picture of you running from the 9-11 towers?
You said back at Steve Rennes-Zizzi.
Steve Rennes-Zizzi.
I said you were in grade school.
You're a day trader.
Yeah.
No, because when you're 52, you get matched on those sides with other 50, you
know, people
because they're younger.
I'm sorry, younger.
I know.
Women in their 30s are like, their cutoff point is 40.
Okay.
Right?
So you're not getting them in, you know, they're not getting your profile in
their...
And there's a reason for that.
Well, let me, I'm curious.
Well, they're not, they're not interested in 52-year-old men.
I understand.
But can I, let me defend myself.
Go ahead.
I will.
Please.
Who's aggressive now?
I don't know.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry.
So, let me defend myself.
Please.
I'm going to.
You're thinking about, well, how?
No, I'll defend him.
I'm not thinking about him, right?
Dude, this is what he does.
Relax.
I'll defend him.
He's a young 52.
A very young 52.
No, because by going to 34 and I've gotten on dates, you know what I mean?
And then they go, yeah, my, my thing's at 40, but I'm glad I met you.
It's like, I, I, I play young.
They want you to lie.
They're forcing you to lie.
They're forcing me to lie.
They shouldn't have that thing on their page thing, right?
All is welcome.
That's what it should be called.
All is welcome.
No, it's all famous people.
They don't want the trash in there.
That's exactly right.
Right, right, right, right.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm a doctor and I work with a, get out of here, loser.
They should like, get out of here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There should be a scale where like, you can lie about your age to the amount of
money you
have in your bank account.
Yeah.
So, the higher the bank account, the more you can lie.
Wow.
Yeah.
What about that sugar daddy thing?
I mean, you'd be the awesome, like, I mean, come on, the young, you know what I'm
saying?
Oh, yeah, so there are sugar daddy sites.
You don't want that.
Do you want that?
Yeah, he does.
Yeah, but let me ask you about the sugar daddy sites.
Yeah.
How much money are you, if you're a sugar daddy, what's the limit here?
What do you mean, a limit of what you have to spend?
Yeah, because there are sugar daddies, I've been on them, right?
And then it's like, you know what I mean, they're asking for a certain amount
of money.
I'm like, that's insane.
How much money are they asking for?
So, what would you say, like, you know what I mean, like, 50 grand a month?
I don't know.
50 grand a month?
Oh, yeah, to keep them in the lifestyle.
Why not just get a book or it's so much?
It's cheaper.
I know.
Well, that's his expertise, the guy with the backwards hat.
Carlos is a, that he loves paid friends.
Yeah.
Paid friends.
Yeah, you don't have to go on Seeking to get, like, a hot girl, though.
Can we go on Seeking and look at the profiles or no?
What's Seeking?
It's a sugar daddy site, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Can we just look at the, see what's available here?
Yeah, my profile.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, you have a profile?
Yeah, he's already.
You have one?
I had one, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But the girl I saw, she died, like, two months later.
Oh.
Yeah, so I got off.
I knew this would lead to a cold case.
Yeah.
No, I just played to leave.
Dude, what's even funnier about this is that you were on Seeking.
Yeah, but what?
You don't have any fucking money.
You have no money.
Yeah, because they're not all, they're asking you for 50 grand, so they know
you're worth
more.
Right, they're asking you for $50.
Oh, shit.
You get the bus pass, girls.
They call us salt and pepper daddies.
What does that mean?
What does that mean?
It means it's not all, like, sugar.
Oh.
Oh.
It's a little bitter.
It's a little bitter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So how much money do you think is, like, if a girl goes, well, I just need
three grand
a month?
Well, I would say no to everything.
Even if I was single, I'm not fucking paying you four grand to hang out.
That's insane.
No, that's the, I think you had to put them up in an apartment and, like, fly
them around
the world and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
Some of them are like that.
This is if you want a total disconnect, and if you just want.
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't, I know that.
Disconnect.
No, don't do this, because they're here.
You know that's not true.
I like disconnecting.
He wants to find love so fucking bad.
I want love.
He's done.
He's lying.
Yeah.
You know you do.
This would be so weird, and you wouldn't get any sort of connection whatsoever.
It'd be fucking weird.
Yeah.
Well, then you have to do it like everyone else in this town.
You have to shop at that Ralph's.
That's right.
That seems to be the place.
The heck of a place.
Wait, with the rock and roll Ralph's on Sunset?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a good one.
You go down there, man.
It's crazy.
That is a pretty good, there's some hot chicks there.
But more rock.
Yeah.
You get, like, also vampires like yourself, you know what I mean?
You're not into that?
What kind of, are you just like a, you don't like tats and stuff like that?
They have to be taller.
Easy.
Which is everybody.
And, and, and.
They be taller, right?
They have to have some education.
What?
Some form of education.
Like GED?
No, no, give me some GED, no, above.
What about street smarts?
No.
Street smart doesn't work with me.
Wait a minute.
You don't have a college education.
Why do you care?
That's why I want to breed.
You like a, yeah.
Yeah.
I want to breed with something.
Everything he doesn't have, he wants to, or partner to have.
You like, we connect.
Yeah, I get it.
Okay, so.
Attractive?
Actually, very attractive.
Very attractive.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a big one, right.
They have to have.
Driver's license?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some semblance of.
To vote.
Yeah.
Of culture, you know.
What does that mean?
Well, they have to just, like, basically what I'm saying is the things that you
know.
You know, the other day I was telling you that, like, it's odd that you know
certain things.
Like, you surprise me all the time.
Yeah.
Like, I want that.
People that read.
No, no, no, no.
The people that just have, they're just kind of like, oh, I know about Rembrandt
or I know
about.
It's from reading.
That's how you get it.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
It's not like you're bit by a historian and all of a sudden you have all the
powers.
It's not like Spider-Man.
That's so funny.
I think those are all accessible.
I think those are really good.
You didn't say anything crazy.
Nothing crazy.
Actually, the range of women that he has dated, because I've been here for all
of it, is it's
actually pretty great.
You haven't had a typical, they all kind of have a different style, a different
look.
They're like, they've all been pretty cool.
Some of them you haven't liked.
There's been, there's, well, there's one I'm like, you didn't like her either.
What the fuck is, I know, but you said, I don't like that.
You know when you know right away when your friend is with somebody and you're
like, oh
my God, this is, I can't wait till you find out.
Oh yeah, that's what, yeah.
I can't wait till you know that this is a terrible idea.
The one thing you didn't say was sense of humor.
That's right.
Yeah, sense of humor.
Yeah.
No, you don't want that.
No, I do.
You don't want that.
You didn't say it on your list.
But I don't want, here, I've dated hams.
Breathe.
Yeah, I've dated like, you know what I mean?
I'm on the boomy, ba-da-da-da-boom.
You know what I mean?
Like, hammy, people.
I don't like that.
It's terrible.
I know, is that a real song?
I don't even know.
Yeah, I got exactly.
I'm on the booty, I'm on the booty.
You know what I mean?
I don't like that.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I like, you know, like little sly jokes.
You know what I mean?
Just got to get your stuff, right?
A little roast, like a little roast.
Yeah, that's nice.
You know what I mean?
Witty, but laid back.
Not like your improv one class.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah, I don't like sketch.
I like a sketch artist.
Like a sketch player.
Like what you do.
Yeah.
I don't want me.
You don't want you.
For the opposite.
I get it.
I think so.
You want a complimentary partner.
Yeah, and also I need somebody that isn't against,
like that loves the culture of Korea.
Who doesn't love the culture of Korea?
Yeah.
This guy?
Wow.
Yeah.
I mean, I want somebody that, like, like, like, you know,
I was on it, the girl that last week.
Yes.
And, you know, I would, I go, have you ever had Shabu Shabu?
Have you had Shabu Shabu?
I was just in Vegas.
I didn't see him playing anything.
Is that a magician?
Is that a contortionist?
Who is that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, Shabu Shabu.
I know him.
Yeah, he was the roommate of Sirhan Sirhan.
Thank you, Bobby, for showing my memory of culture.
Shabu Shabu.
You know Shabu Shabu, Louie?
Boiling water.
The grilled, it's the grilled stuff?
Oh, no, it's the boiling water.
It's boiling water.
And it's fucking phenomenal.
I can't recommend this more.
If you're a big foodie, dude, go to a Shabu's place while you're here.
I'm down.
Do they make you cook it?
Yeah.
I don't like that.
No, no, it's...
I need someone else to cook it.
I understand what you're doing.
Yes.
You can get them to cook it.
They don't.
That's fine.
The places I go, they don't.
They don't like to.
Well, you choose your broth, right?
So it's like, you know, there's always a variety of five, like bone broth, a
tomato broth.
Hot pot.
Hot pot is correct.
That's correct.
That is correct.
That is correct.
Okay.
All right.
So, like, you know, last week, she's like, and she goes, well, she's from the
Midwest.
She's like, I haven't even heard of that.
Yeah, that's okay.
Yeah, but that's not fair.
I mean, maybe she's just called...
No, but she did go.
She was like, but I'm willing to try.
Yeah.
And she went, and she had a great time.
She's like, I love this.
Did she say, wh