Name: Meet the Goop! | Bad Friends Clips
Uploaded: 2024-05-05T16:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Meet the Goop! | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Meet the Goop! | Bad Friends Clips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-05. Transcript available.

- Me and Andrew had many discussions about this, right?
And we just thought when your name came up to do it.
- Home run.
- Not home run.
We laughed for four hours straight.
Just the thought of you makes us laugh.
So I just wrote the song for you.
- Oh yeah.
- La la la, Craig a gulp.
I like your eyebrows.
One is thicker than the other one,
which is weird.
- No.
- Yeah. - Really?
- No.
- Rosy cheeks.
He's got rosy cheeks.
- I got rosacea.
- Hurley hair.
What?
- Yeah.
- No, just let us finish the song.
- No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Do you have rosacea?
- What's rosacea?
- I get red.
I guess I ate something spicy once,
and between that and this dress up horribly funny,
I just turned red for like three months straight.
- Yeah, yeah.
Your whole body or just your face?
- Just my face.
- Yeah, yeah. - I ate something spicy once.
- Yeah, it was- - Impossible.
- That's impossible.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So you ate salsa one time?
- Well, it was like Mexican salsa from like a-
- Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Hey.
- Jesus Christ. - Carniuria, Carniassad, Carniurie.
- We have Mexicans here.
- Whoa, two.
- Do you wanna introduce him and tell the fans who he is?
- Oh yeah, so let me do a little history.
- Yeah, do a little bit of a history.
- I don't know how he got my number.
I don't know how that, but stop.
- I know.
- Stop. - Amazing.
- God, your cheeks, dude, I just wanna grab 'em.
I wanna grab 'em aggressively, right?
And I just wanna go on your face.
I really do.
So anyway- - Go ahead.
- So, dude, did you steal those from Santa?
Those cheeks?
Dude, those are so rosy.
He stole them from Santa.
Holy shit.
Have you seen the photos of Santa?
- Say ho, ho, ho real fast.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- No, that's not Santa.
- I will tip over if you make me laugh, I realize.
- All right, stop.
I'm not done with the intro.
Thank you so much for doing this, by the way.
I love you so much. - Are you kidding?
- But my point is this.
I don't know how you got my number,
but years ago you started calling me to do your shows.
He does a show called Horribly Funny.
- It's a wonderful show.
- It's a wonderful show.
It's probably the best, bring a room, is that?
- It's not a bring a room.
- No, promoted show.
- Outside Booker promoted show.
- So in LA, right, we have about four or five guys
that are outside promoters, and they have their,
well, they use the same people, let's be honest.
- Yeah, they do.
- Yeah, yeah. - It's you and me.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
Yeah, and then you always get Arsenio,
but that's it, he gets Arsenio all the time.
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.
Right, and then, who hasn't aged?
- Like, he looks the same as he did when you did, ooh.
- He really does, it's a little creepy
how young he looks. - A little creepy, he looks young.
Anyway, he's the best promoter,
but every time we're backstage, and I look at you,
you're always in a puddle of sweat.
- Yeah.
- You're just a bundle of nerves,
and you don't know how to relax.
Yeah, yeah, and I asked you questions back there.
- You make him so nervous.
- I know, what, do you make him nervous?
- No.
- Who makes you more nervous, me or Andrew?
- Bobby, there's no one that makes me more nervous
than you back there.
- Andrew, like, shows up 15 minutes early.
He, you know, he's peaceful, and just does this.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- You're great.
- He's peaceful?
- Yeah.
- It's like he's meditating.
- Oh, so he's like, "Namaste."
- Yeah.
- Right, and I'm chaos.
- And I had to wrestle Orny Adams, like, you know,
so that he doesn't go on stage
because you didn't want him watching you.
- Wait, wait a minute.
Orny Adams didn't want to watch Bobby?
- No, Bobby didn't want Orny Adams to watch him.
- Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You know why?
- Why?
- He's judgy.
- Oh.
- And I don't like judgy.
- Oh, oh, you don't want him to see your material,
then say something like that?
- No, I just don't want him to be there.
I love him as a human.
- Oh, right.
- I just don't want him to watch.
No watch to you.
- Does he want to watch you?
What does he care about watching you?
- He likes to watch me.
And I said, no.
But anyway, so out of all the comics you hire,
I'm the one that stresses it at the malls.
Is it because I'm the only one
that really asks you questions about life?
- Well, that too, but honestly,
you also make me the most happy.
Like, whenever I text and you actually respond,
I get the zoomies.
- Like a dog.
- Yeah, I don't know what to do with myself.
- You run around.
- Yeah, wow.
- It's like the part in "Black Swan"
where I just hold my phone against my chest
and drop to my knees, you know.
- It seems...
- Is that the right movie?
- It seems sexual.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- You're not sexually attractive.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Wait, what do you mean no, no, no?
Too many knees, not at all?
Like, he's not attractive at all?
- No, he's very attractive.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I'm not your type.
- No, it's not that.
It's just, I'm very grateful
and lucky to be working with you.
You're worth every text, you know.
I text you so many times to get a response.
And I just...
- Hear that, Andre?
I'm worth every text.
- Yeah, every non-response,
when you finally do respond?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- I was getting a little personal.
- We have different experiences over that.
- I'm gonna put that on your tombstone.
Worth every text.
- Not me.
- I am really worth every text.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you know that.
- I don't know.
- Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you do though.
- I don't know.
- Don't act shy and calm.
- I'm prompt.
- Yeah.
- I'm on time.
I'm always nice.
I always say, "Hey, thank you."
And then I leave immediately after my set.
I get out of the green room.
I don't take any air.
You take a lot of air.
- May I?
- That sounds like this show.
- I'm late?
- Never, never.
- Then what the fuck?
- Well, it's...
- I'm always early is what he's saying.
- I know, but am I...
- You're always early too.
But like, it's getting you there.
It's getting you there.
That's getting me there.
What do you mean?
How many times has he canceled?
How many times has he canceled?
- On me, believe it or not, zero.
- Wow.
- Wow.
- You think it's you?
- Zero.
- Who's canceled more, him or me?
- No.
- He has.
- No, it was an accident, but it was...
- Oh, oh, stop.
- Yeah.
- But he has.
- I've never canceled.
- He just said it was an accident.
- No, no, no.
He said it was like a miscommunication of booking.
- It doesn't matter.
- No, I've never canceled.
- No, he hasn't canceled.
- I've never canceled.
- But he had been booked and he wasn't there.
- No, that's not true.
- I knew early and I did it.
I fixed it.
- Sub me out.
- You did it.
- Yeah.
- Say your name properly.
- It's Greg Agop.
- Agop?
I call you a goop.
We call you the goop over here.
- The goop over here.
- No way.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Well, your new name for the show is the goop,
the goop dog.
- I think it's the goop dog.
- Well, you're a goop.
You're a goop over here.
- I love dogs.
- You assume he's like a dog.
- I love dogs.
One day I will be able to take care of one,
but for now I'm just taking care of me,
which is hard.
- What do you mean?
- It takes a lot to take care of me.
- Greg, he has fucking a thousand animals.
He can take care of animals.
You're fine.
- You can.
- My For You page is all puppies and Bobby Lee.
- What?
- Is that on your dating profile as well?
Do you say that to people?
My FYP is Bobby Lee and puppies.
- They're the things that make, I think,
not just me, but lots of people very happy.
- I agree.
Look, both these things are wonderful.
Stop kissing his ass.
It's enough.
- Okay, so how about this then, okay?
What are you?
- I'm Lebanese and no.
Okay, my mom.
- What?
Why is that?
- Your mom's Lebanese?
- I've always wanted to know.
I never know.
I don't know.
- Okay, I don't know either, but like.
- Yeah, you do know.
- Yeah, I do know.
- Okay, so why'd you say that?
- Okay, my mother was born in Lebanon.
My father was born in Syria.
They live in Lebanon.
I'm Armenian.
So I'm just as lost as you are, so.
- Wait, you're Armenian, your mother's.
So Syrian and Lebanese, that's what you are.
You're Syrian and Lebanese.
- Yeah.
- Can I ask a question?
Serious question.
I feel like if you were raised in that area
and you were still there, that you maybe wouldn't survive.
- No.
- No, I'm too bougie for that.
- No, I just think something would have happened.
- Yeah.
- I feel like they would have got you.
- Oh, no.
- You would open up a paper bag on the side of the road,
something would have happened.
- Something would have got you.
- Boom.
- I didn't say that.
- Yeah, no, honestly, yeah.
I'm glad I'm not there.
I'm glad I'm not anywhere.
- You love kebabs.
I feel like you like a kebab.
- I'm a vegetarian.
I'm just a sleeper agent.
- Are you a sleeper agent?
- Dude, dude.
- When you do zingers, you gotta come clean.
- Yeah.
- You gotta come clean with them, dude.
- Yeah, you gotta come clean.
- Yeah.
- You can't stumble on a sleeper agent.
You have to say, are you a sleeper agent?
Or give it to Carlos.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Give it to him.
- Write it down and then give it to him.
Anyway.
- Wait a minute, you're a vegetarian.
- Yeah.
- Are you single?
- Single vegetarian?
- Can I just say that?
I don't even mean.
- Yes, are you a single vegetarian?
- I stopped eating meat because of Miley Cyrus.
- All right.
- I wanna say something.
- Did she say?
Hold on, did she tell you not to eat meat anymore?
- Well, I was really high at a Miley Cyrus concert twice
and she just said, "We need to stop eating our friends."
And I'm like.
- When?
- Once in New York City at Terminal Five
and then at the Wiltern Theater in LA.
And then I just replaced.
I replaced all the meat for cheese
and then I gained 60 pounds.
- Goop dog.
- I went from not eating bread to just eating bread.
- Yeah.
- And yeah, I'm.
- You went from meat to cheese and you gained 60 pounds.
- Yeah.
- In what span of time?
- Probably two years.
- Oh, that's not that bad.
- Okay.
- Then I just keep going.
- I'll see you next time.
- Bye.