Name: Bobby & Andrew Read Bizarre News Headline?!
Uploaded: 2024-05-16T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby & Andrew Read Bizarre News Headline?!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby & Andrew Read Bizarre News Headline?!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-16. Transcript available.

- Did you hear about this Vietnamese woman?
- I love 'em.
- She's getting the death penalty?
- Uh-huh, why?
- Vietnam Sentences Real Estate Tycoon,
you say it, 'cause I guess you'd know her.
- Oh, I don't know how to do that.
- What is that?
- Vietnam, Sin Thi, Real Estate Tycoon.
- Trong Mai Lan.
- The largest ever far place.
- We're getting him to learn how to do it.
- Yeah, I'll do it again.
Give me another shot here.
Go back.
- Vietnamese Sentences Real Estate Tycoon,
Trong Mai Lan, to death is .
I'm gonna do it as a newscaster.
- You know what?
Will you reach out to KCAL, the local LA news,
to see if we could become newscasters for a day,
to see if he could do the--
- I wanna see, give me the shot.
This is the audition.
- Can you imagine him trying to do the scroll?
- Oh, dude, I'm so good at teleprompter, dude.
- Really? - Sum in, sum in.
- That's not even moving.
- Yeah, it's my eyesight, though.
- All right. - Right.
- Teleprompters move.
This isn't even moving and you can't read it.
- Trong Mai Lan is the hard thing to say, dude.
- Trong Mai Lan.
- All right, here we go.
Vietnamese Sentences Real Estate--
- No, already wrong.
- Oh, yeah.
That's right.
Vietnam Sentences Real Estate Tycoon,
Trong Mai Lan, to death in its largest ever fraud case.
- That's good, but it's so hard to hear you do it.
- Why?
- Because I can hear you going.
It's like robotic.
- I'm a newscaster.
I'm doing it as a newscaster.
- Oh, oh.
- I'm doing it as a newscaster.
- I'll show you how newscasters do it.
You ready?
- You always try to show me up, man.
- Vietnam Sentences Real Estate Tycoon, Trong Mai Lan,
to death in its largest ever fraud case.
Do you hear like the inflection?
- I'll try.
I'll try to get it.
- What did you just say?
- His was way better.
- He's not doing the movie.
- I'm not doing the movie.
Those things don't work with me.
- Okay.
- So this woman, Trong Mai Lan,
sent it to Thursday by death in Ho Chi Minh City
for stealing $12.5 billion.
3% of the country's GDP.
- Wow.
- Dude, $12 billion?
How did they catch her at some point?
It took you that long to catch $12 billion?
- But that's not a death sentence.
I mean, stealing money is a death sentence?
- That's what I would say.
Why are they going to kill her?
It's nuts.
- I mean, you should only get the death sentence.
Why?
- The death sentence?
- Yeah.
- If you murder.
- Bingo.
- You murder, you get murdered.
But who murders?
See, this is the-
- Cape is a good one too.
- Yeah, rape, rape.
- Rape.
- Let me ask you though.
- What? I don't know anything about Mai Lan.
- I'm asking you about Mai Lan Tang, sang.
- Okay, sang.
- Sang Lan Tang.
- Yeah.
- Trilang Mai Gang.
- Trilang Mai Gang.
- Go ahead.
- Open your gang.
Trilang Mai Gang.
- Okay.
- Sang Man.
- Try Mai Lan Sang Man.
- You're in a good mood today, huh?
Trilang Mai Sang Man.
- He's on fire today.
- I played with the dog in the backyard before I came here.
- But anyway, so what is it?
- I played with the dog in the backyard.
- No, you're killing it.
- Am I not allowed to find happiness in playing with the dog?
- You know, it's so funny.
Last night I was at the store and a girl comes to me,
you know, I didn't know you, but I'm a huge friend of Andrew.
But you know, since watching "Bad Friends", you know,
I got acquainted with you.
- She's a friend of mine?
- No, she's a fan.
- Oh, fan.
- I'm tired of hearing it.
It's like, yeah, I get it.
He's talented.
You know, it sucks, you know?
And sometimes, you know, sometimes you think-
- Funny, it never goes the other way.
People always come up to me, go, fucking huge fan of Bobby.
Just found out about you through it.
Awesome.
And I go, thanks, man.
That's rad.
I don't think, oh, Bobby.
- That's what I said last night to her.
- No, you didn't.
- You didn't even let me finish!
- You just said, I'm sick of hearing it.
- Because I'm sick of, you know what I mean, being so grateful.
- Fuck you, dude.
- Let me finish, dude.
- You're so foolish.
- I'm so sick of being so proud.
- You're so filled with joy and pride.
- Joy is what I'm saying.
And I looked at her and I go, you know what?
I'm so blessed to be a part of, you know what I mean, the bad friend.
What a great guy that I was blessed to be in partnership with.
- That's right.
- Jeez, you let me finish, man.
- No, I'm sorry, I apologize.
- You never let me finish?
- No, I'm sorry.
I don't want to turn into fancy.
My bad.
That's my fault.
- Can I tell you something that I did the other day at the store,
and it was a travesty on my part.
- What happened?
- And I can't name names because I don't want to edit things out.
- Got it.
- There was somebody that over the years I've been kind of jabbing on.
- Making fun of?
- A little bit.
You know, on podcasting and whatnot.
- Okay.
- You know, a little mean.
So then last week somebody goes, that guy's here.
He never comes to the store.
- The guy you make fun of?
- Yeah, yeah.
- No.
- So I ran out there, right?
And I said, no, stop.
- No, stop.
- I know, I'm just showing Andrew.
- And I see him and his wife.
- I knew who it was.
- Him and his wife.
- Yeah.
- Are you tapping your feet?
- Yeah.
- What's going on?
- I'm nervous, that's why.
- Put some fucking nicotine in your mouth.
- Okay.
No, I'll stop.
You've never known.
I always tap my feet.
- No, but it sounds, you know what it sounds like?
- What?
- When a kid's legs are swinging off a toilet,
and they're like just hitting the ground a little bit.
- That's what I'm doing.
- Yeah.
We can lower your chair, buddy.
- Okay.
I'll stop doing it.
- It's okay.
- Barry.
- You know what?
I'm gonna take my shoes off.
- Take them off.
- I don't want to distract you today.
You're a Hulu.
- Oh my God.
- Today I'm gonna call you Hulu.
And I see him, and I go, what's up, man?
- What's up?
- And I give him a hug.
He gets up from the table, gives me a hug.
- He's sitting in the audience?
- No, he's outside in the patio.
- Got it.
- And his wife is, I've never met his wife before.
So I go, hey, I put my hand out.
And she looks at my hand and she goes.
- No way.
- Yeah.
- She denied a handshake.
- Handshake.
- Wow.
- And as I pulled away.
- Rage.
- Not rage.
No, shame.
- Really?
- Yeah, because it's like, I felt guilt.
- Well, you didn't do anything wrong.
- Yes, I did.
- No, you didn't.
- I would rip, rip, rip.
- You make fun of.
- Yeah, not good.
- But let's say this.
The person you're making fun of is a comedian.
- I don't say that, but okay.
- We make fun of each other.
- Exactly.
- Well, that's what comic, you make fun of me all the time.
- But you know what?
At times it felt like I was punching down maybe.
- Hmm.
- So as I pulled away, it just, it was like a rain of shame.
And I walked away and I literally almost burst into tears.
- Really?
- Because of the guilt.
- It got you.
- Yeah, because I've talked shit for so long.
- But why did you talk shit?
Because you really liked this person?
- No, because you know, we were very competitive when we were younger.
- Right.
- So as I walked away, I just, I became a changed man.
And I got, you know what, dude?
No more of that.
You're going to correct your ways.
You're going to contact this person.
You're going to make amends.
And you're going to make it right.
- Did you?
- I didn't have his number.
I didn't have it.
- And I know the next part is, and I'm not going to find it.
- No.
- You're not looking for it.
- But I have his Instagram.
- Okay.
- So I DM'd him.
- Oh, right, right, right.
- So basically I said, you know, I mean, I could read it to you.
- Read it.
- Really?
- Yeah, I'd like to hear it.
- Okay.
- Because you're known to hyperbolize from time to time.
- All the time.
But you know what?
I'm going to be real here.
I want to prove to you that this is real, dude.
- I believe you.
- Well, I'm not.
- I want to hear the verbiage.
- Okay.
Here we go.
So here it is.
Why is it not loading?
- He probably.
- Oh, there it is.
Okay.
So here, you want to read it?
- Yeah.
- Hi, so-and-so.
It was good to briefly see you last night at the store.
I noticed your wife didn't shake my hand, which is totally understandable.
I've said things about you in the past on podcasts that I regret.
- Right.
- I hope we can meet for coffee so I can make amends to you one day.
If you don't want to, I totally get it.
I just want to say sorry.
- Wow.
- Okay.
- And?
- So he goes basically like understood thank you.
- That's it.
Understood thank you.
- Exactly.
Which is fine.
- No, no, verbatim understood thank you.
- I can show you the fucking-
- I would like to see that.
Because that's awfully short.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- That's basically saying fuck you.
- Yeah.
And I deserve it.
So check it out.
It gets worse.
- Oh God.
- I feel like, now I'm planning to maybe try to do other things.
- What do you mean?
What do you mean?
- To make amends.
- Oh.
- Figuring it out, you know?
- Go further.
- To go further with it.
- The program says go further.
- I'll go further, right?
But then four days later, his wife contacted me.
- On DM?
- Yeah.
- What does that one say?
- She goes, basically she said, I'm confused.
Like, I didn't see your hand.
- Oh my God.
- I mean amends for no reason.
I mean amends.
- Mistake amends?
- I mean mistake amends.
- Mistake amends.
- Now I feel like, wow, you dummy.
- Yeah.
- You could have just moved on.
- Do you think she saw and she's playing?
- Now that would be crafty.
- I would say the other side would be,
this person said something to his wife and said,
why didn't you shake Bobby's hand?
I thought we're okay, we're beyond all that.
And she was probably like, well, I didn't see it.
I don't think I saw it.
And he's like, you saw it.
I was sitting right next to you.
No, I don't think I saw it.
- Yeah, but the way he got up from the table to hug me,
it was really excited hug.
- Well, yeah, you're an excitable person.
- Thank you.
- Well, so that's not validated.
- No, I'm going to show you what it was like.
Okay.
- Yeah.
- If there was a comic, let's say Joe Rogan.
- Joe Rogan.
- All right.
You know, you know.
- Oh, he comes in like that, huh?
- What are you doing?
I'm not going to act out.
Can you move on?
Oh my God.
Fucking guy.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
To be fair, he is doing his job.
- Yeah.
- Let me act out.
What are you talking about?
I always act out.
What are you coming here getting a special shot for, man?
It's like Christian Bale was right on the movie set.
Was it Christian Bale right on the movie set when he fucking went on that rant?
Like don't move.
- Good for you.
- Good for you.
You know what I mean?
- Get the fuck out of my shot.
- Get the fuck out of my shot.
- I'm not working with you again then.
Right?
Because I'm fucking performing and you guys are fixing the lights and jab and
all kinds of
- I can't work under these environments.
I want a professional fucking show, dude.
- Dude, he can't work under these environments.
Okay?
- So stop moving, dude.
- Stop it.
He's doing his job.
Let's not fuck Joe.
Let's see a comic that was above me that had said some shit to me and I had a
little bit
of resentment.
- Chappelle.
- And I haven't seen him in a long time.
Dave Chappelle, right?
He walks up to me, right?
I think my hug would have been, I would go through a process.
Like, should I hug him?
Like there'd be moments of like, what do I do here?
- I would never hug him.
- Right.
But I think end up.
Yeah, I would.
- I would never hug.
If someone I know is like talking shit about me and we don't know each other
that well.
And it's like,
- See, there we go.
So basically this person that I supposedly slighted, that has no idea that even
I did that.
- I'm sure he has a pretty good idea you did.
I'm sure it got back to him somehow.
- But isn't it bad what I was saying?
We were-
- But I mean, if you're mocking somebody and you don't know them that well.
- I'm not mocking.
It's like, you know, I'm telling true stories about things that I've perceived.
But you know, perception is the eye of the beholder, really.
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean?
So I perceive things, obviously.
The other day, Dice goes, "Yo, Ching, you're telling that story wrong."
Right?
About the gambling story.
And I go, "But that's how I remember it."
- Right.
- He remembers it in a completely different way.
- He thinks your name is Ching.
- Yeah, right.
- I mean, that's a big flaw.
- So like, in terms of like, you know what?
I'm glad I made amends.
It just got a little weird.
And that's it.
And that's it.

Bobby & Andrew Read Bizarre News Headline?!

- Did you hear about this Vietnamese woman?
- I love 'em.
- She's getting the death penalty?
- Uh-huh, why?
- Vietnam Sentences Real Estate Tycoon,
you say it, 'cause I guess you'd know her.
- Oh, I don't know how to do that.
- What is that?
- Vietnam, Sin Thi, Real Estate Tycoon.
- Trong Mai Lan.
- The largest ever far place.
- We're getting him to learn how to do it.
- Yeah, I'll do it again.
Give me another shot here.
Go back.
- Vietnamese Sentences Real Estate Tycoon,
Trong Mai Lan, to death is .
I'm gonna do it as a newscaster.
- You know what?
Will you reach out to KCAL, the local LA news,
to see if we could become newscasters for a day,
to see if he could do the--
- I wanna see, give me the shot.
This is the audition.
- Can you imagine him trying to do the scroll?
- Oh, dude, I'm so good at teleprompter, dude.
- Really? - Sum in, sum in.
- That's not even moving.
- Yeah, it's my eyesight, though.
- All right. - Right.
- Teleprompters move.
This isn't even moving and you can't read it.
- Trong Mai Lan is the hard thing to say, dude.
- Trong Mai Lan.
- All right, here we go.
Vietnamese Sentences Real Estate--
- No, already wrong.
- Oh, yeah.
That's right.
Vietnam Sentences Real Estate Tycoon,
Trong Mai Lan, to death in its largest ever fraud case.
- That's good, but it's so hard to hear you do it.
- Why?
- Because I can hear you going.
It's like robotic.
- I'm a newscaster.
I'm doing it as a newscaster.
- Oh, oh.
- I'm doing it as a newscaster.
- I'll show you how newscasters do it.
You ready?
- You always try to show me up, man.
- Vietnam Sentences Real Estate Tycoon, Trong Mai Lan,
to death in its largest ever fraud case.
Do you hear like the inflection?
- I'll try.
I'll try to get it.
- What did you just say?
- His was way better.
- He's not doing the movie.
- I'm not doing the movie.
Those things don't work with me.
- Okay.
- So this woman, Trong Mai Lan,
sent it to Thursday by death in Ho Chi Minh City
for stealing $12.5 billion.
3% of the country's GDP.
- Wow.
- Dude, $12 billion?
How did they catch her at some point?
It took you that long to catch $12 billion?
- But that's not a death sentence.
I mean, stealing money is a death sentence?
- That's what I would say.
Why are they going to kill her?
It's nuts.
- I mean, you should only get the death sentence.
Why?
- The death sentence?
- Yeah.
- If you murder.
- Bingo.
- You murder, you get murdered.
But who murders?
See, this is the-
- Cape is a good one too.
- Yeah, rape, rape.
- Rape.
- Let me ask you though.
- What? I don't know anything about Mai Lan.
- I'm asking you about Mai Lan Tang, sang.
- Okay, sang.
- Sang Lan Tang.
- Yeah.
- Trilang Mai Gang.
- Trilang Mai Gang.
- Go ahead.
- Open your gang.
Trilang Mai Gang.
- Okay.
- Sang Man.
- Try Mai Lan Sang Man.
- You're in a good mood today, huh?
Trilang Mai Sang Man.
- He's on fire today.
- I played with the dog in the backyard before I came here.
- But anyway, so what is it?
- I played with the dog in the backyard.
- No, you're killing it.
- Am I not allowed to find happiness in playing with the dog?
- You know, it's so funny.
Last night I was at the store and a girl comes to me,
you know, I didn't know you, but I'm a huge friend of Andrew.
But you know, since watching "Bad Friends", you know,
I got acquainted with you.
- She's a friend of mine?
- No, she's a fan.
- Oh, fan.
- I'm tired of hearing it.
It's like, yeah, I get it.
He's talented.
You know, it sucks, you know?
And sometimes, you know, sometimes you think-
- Funny, it never goes the other way.
People always come up to me, go, fucking huge fan of Bobby.
Just found out about you through it.
Awesome.
And I go, thanks, man.
That's rad.
I don't think, oh, Bobby.
- That's what I said last night to her.
- No, you didn't.
- You didn't even let me finish!
- You just said, I'm sick of hearing it.
- Because I'm sick of, you know what I mean, being so grateful.
- Fuck you, dude.
- Let me finish, dude.
- You're so foolish.
- I'm so sick of being so proud.
- You're so filled with joy and pride.
- Joy is what I'm saying.
And I looked at her and I go, you know what?
I'm so blessed to be a part of, you know what I mean, the bad friend.
What a great guy that I was blessed to be in partnership with.
- That's right.
- Jeez, you let me finish, man.
- No, I'm sorry, I apologize.
- You never let me finish?
- No, I'm sorry.
I don't want to turn into fancy.
My bad.
That's my fault.
- Can I tell you something that I did the other day at the store,
and it was a travesty on my part.
- What happened?
- And I can't name names because I don't want to edit things out.
- Got it.
- There was somebody that over the years I've been kind of jabbing on.
- Making fun of?
- A little bit.
You know, on podcasting and whatnot.
- Okay.
- You know, a little mean.
So then last week somebody goes, that guy's here.
He never comes to the store.
- The guy you make fun of?
- Yeah, yeah.
- No.
- So I ran out there, right?
And I said, no, stop.
- No, stop.
- I know, I'm just showing Andrew.
- And I see him and his wife.
- I knew who it was.
- Him and his wife.
- Yeah.
- Are you tapping your feet?
- Yeah.
- What's going on?
- I'm nervous, that's why.
- Put some fucking nicotine in your mouth.
- Okay.
No, I'll stop.
You've never known.
I always tap my feet.
- No, but it sounds, you know what it sounds like?
- What?
- When a kid's legs are swinging off a toilet,
and they're like just hitting the ground a little bit.
- That's what I'm doing.
- Yeah.
We can lower your chair, buddy.
- Okay.
I'll stop doing it.
- It's okay.
- Barry.
- You know what?
I'm gonna take my shoes off.
- Take them off.
- I don't want to distract you today.
You're a Hulu.
- Oh my God.
- Today I'm gonna call you Hulu.
And I see him, and I go, what's up, man?
- What's up?
- And I give him a hug.
He gets up from the table, gives me a hug.
- He's sitting in the audience?
- No, he's outside in the patio.
- Got it.
- And his wife is, I've never met his wife before.
So I go, hey, I put my hand out.
And she looks at my hand and she goes.
- No way.
- Yeah.
- She denied a handshake.
- Handshake.
- Wow.
- And as I pulled away.
- Rage.
- Not rage.
No, shame.
- Really?
- Yeah, because it's like, I felt guilt.
- Well, you didn't do anything wrong.
- Yes, I did.
- No, you didn't.
- I would rip, rip, rip.
- You make fun of.
- Yeah, not good.
- But let's say this.
The person you're making fun of is a comedian.
- I don't say that, but okay.
- We make fun of each other.
- Exactly.
- Well, that's what comic, you make fun of me all the time.
- But you know what?
At times it felt like I was punching down maybe.
- Hmm.
- So as I pulled away, it just, it was like a rain of shame.
And I walked away and I literally almost burst into tears.
- Really?
- Because of the guilt.
- It got you.
- Yeah, because I've talked shit for so long.
- But why did you talk shit?
Because you really liked this person?
- No, because you know, we were very competitive when we were younger.
- Right.
- So as I walked away, I just, I became a changed man.
And I got, you know what, dude?
No more of that.
You're going to correct your ways.
You're going to contact this person.
You're going to make amends.
And you're going to make it right.
- Did you?
- I didn't have his number.
I didn't have it.
- And I know the next part is, and I'm not going to find it.
- No.
- You're not looking for it.
- But I have his Instagram.
- Okay.
- So I DM'd him.
- Oh, right, right, right.
- So basically I said, you know, I mean, I could read it to you.
- Read it.
- Really?
- Yeah, I'd like to hear it.
- Okay.
- Because you're known to hyperbolize from time to time.
- All the time.
But you know what?
I'm going to be real here.
I want to prove to you that this is real, dude.
- I believe you.
- Well, I'm not.
- I want to hear the verbiage.
- Okay.
Here we go.
So here it is.
Why is it not loading?
- He probably.
- Oh, there it is.
Okay.
So here, you want to read it?
- Yeah.
- Hi, so-and-so.
It was good to briefly see you last night at the store.
I noticed your wife didn't shake my hand, which is totally understandable.
I've said things about you in the past on podcasts that I regret.
- Right.
- I hope we can meet for coffee so I can make amends to you one day.
If you don't want to, I totally get it.
I just want to say sorry.
- Wow.
- Okay.
- And?
- So he goes basically like understood thank you.
- That's it.
Understood thank you.
- Exactly.
Which is fine.
- No, no, verbatim understood thank you.
- I can show you the fucking-
- I would like to see that.
Because that's awfully short.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- That's basically saying fuck you.
- Yeah.
And I deserve it.
So check it out.
It gets worse.
- Oh God.
- I feel like, now I'm planning to maybe try to do other things.
- What do you mean?
What do you mean?
- To make amends.
- Oh.
- Figuring it out, you know?
- Go further.
- To go further with it.
- The program says go further.
- I'll go further, right?
But then four days later, his wife contacted me.
- On DM?
- Yeah.
- What does that one say?
- She goes, basically she said, I'm confused.
Like, I didn't see your hand.
- Oh my God.
- I mean amends for no reason.
I mean amends.
- Mistake amends?
- I mean mistake amends.
- Mistake amends.
- Now I feel like, wow, you dummy.
- Yeah.
- You could have just moved on.
- Do you think she saw and she's playing?
- Now that would be crafty.
- I would say the other side would be,
this person said something to his wife and said,
why didn't you shake Bobby's hand?
I thought we're okay, we're beyond all that.
And she was probably like, well, I didn't see it.
I don't think I saw it.
And he's like, you saw it.
I was sitting right next to you.
No, I don't think I saw it.
- Yeah, but the way he got up from the table to hug me,
it was really excited hug.
- Well, yeah, you're an excitable person.
- Thank you.
- Well, so that's not validated.
- No, I'm going to show you what it was like.
Okay.
- Yeah.
- If there was a comic, let's say Joe Rogan.
- Joe Rogan.
- All right.
You know, you know.
- Oh, he comes in like that, huh?
- What are you doing?
I'm not going to act out.
Can you move on?
Oh my God.
Fucking guy.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
To be fair, he is doing his job.
- Yeah.
- Let me act out.
What are you talking about?
I always act out.
What are you coming here getting a special shot for, man?
It's like Christian Bale was right on the movie set.
Was it Christian Bale right on the movie set when he fucking went on that rant?
Like don't move.
- Good for you.
- Good for you.
You know what I mean?
- Get the fuck out of my shot.
- Get the fuck out of my shot.
- I'm not working with you again then.
Right?
Because I'm fucking performing and you guys are fixing the lights and jab and
all kinds of
- I can't work under these environments.
I want a professional fucking show, dude.
- Dude, he can't work under these environments.
Okay?
- So stop moving, dude.
- Stop it.
He's doing his job.
Let's not fuck Joe.
Let's see a comic that was above me that had said some shit to me and I had a
little bit
of resentment.
- Chappelle.
- And I haven't seen him in a long time.
Dave Chappelle, right?
He walks up to me, right?
I think my hug would have been, I would go through a process.
Like, should I hug him?
Like there'd be moments of like, what do I do here?
- I would never hug him.
- Right.
But I think end up.
Yeah, I would.
- I would never hug.
If someone I know is like talking shit about me and we don't know each other
that well.
And it's like,
- See, there we go.
So basically this person that I supposedly slighted, that has no idea that even
I did that.
- I'm sure he has a pretty good idea you did.
I'm sure it got back to him somehow.
- But isn't it bad what I was saying?
We were-
- But I mean, if you're mocking somebody and you don't know them that well.
- I'm not mocking.
It's like, you know, I'm telling true stories about things that I've perceived.
But you know, perception is the eye of the beholder, really.
- Yeah.
- You know wha