Name: Are YOU Breaking California State Law?
Uploaded: 2024-05-19T16:15:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are YOU Breaking California State Law?' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are YOU Breaking California State Law?' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-19. Transcript available.

you know by the way in your pool in your backyard i learned this you know it's
illegal to not have
it fenced in if a kid crawls into your backyard like a kid in the neighborhood
it falls in the
pool in california yeah they can sue you well mine's fenced in no you're not
there's a fence
around your property there's not a fence around your pool like that any
property the pool in
california must have a property fence that's at least five feet tall do you
have a pool yeah you
have a fence around it no we're both yeah dude somebody brought this up to me
the real estate
agent was like uh there's no fence right i was like no this the house my house
was built in 1940.
oh my god imagine what would you do well i'd move no i don't want a dead kid go
imagine going into
your backyard and you see you know i mean a kid floating what do you mean it's
just gnarly that's
awful so what do you do you're just like you know what i would do get back on
the road and do stand
up no no i would pick up the kid oh my god i'm not gonna touch him no watch
what i do huh
and put him in the other swimming pools next neighbor oh yeah it's somebody
else's you could
put in the neighbor's swimming pool right transport them you transport it right
and that was the way
right so now you've broken multiple laws what what law did i break what what
the swimming pool law
yeah but tampering with you can't move a body no i don't think so no why why is
that illegal i don't
know man but it definitely is if i didn't kill it and if i didn't kill somebody
hold on in some states
you can transport a human body by ground yourself without the services of a
funeral director
so you could be like i was just transporting yeah what states are that
definitely not here you know
that's got to be your neighbor and the other if your neighbor saw would he snitch
your neighbor looks
over he's in the bathroom and he's brushing his teeth he looks down barbara he
sees a kid in the
pool oh yeah he would he would snitch of course but then you and the other guy
though that my other
neighbor is a writer on babylon 5. is that still on the air no oh but it was
like an old sci-fi show
yeah it was like 30 years right right so he's an old writer right so i got a a
comedy producer on one
side and a babylon and a babylon writer wow i would put in the babylon writer
right they both have
pools you have to put in his pool i just know about the best way to go to his
back well the writer might
figure out a good story to tell at some point he'll might write that could be a
book yeah a body is
found in my pool it's probably his also kind of if the kid would probably come
from him jesus christ
this got sad what does he have little kids no but grandkids it's not that big
of a deal oh okay yeah
yeah that's fine i mean that's pretty hard no no grandkids are fine yeah or
what else what could
you find the bot what else could you do or could you drain the pool first of
all i mean you don't
know you got to drain it why well i don't go in there that's true you don't
yeah yeah it's all for
show like to girls i have a pool you've never been in your pool never been in
there isn't that amazing
yeah you've never once been in your pool no never do you have a hot tub no okay
it's like a salt pool
or something yeah salt water pool yeah but you've never gone in yeah do do is
that do do do yeah go
ahead do asian people i'm a great swimmer no no i'm saying but like culturally
we swim so if you
went to a pool party i go in the pool you don't go in your own pool you'll go
to buy myself just
waiting by myself in the bed i'm not going to do that it's so relaxing i do it
okay maybe i will
but wait i'm asking you an asian guy gene hong throws a house party it's mostly
asians
are you getting in the pool if you say it's a pool party if there's a pool
party i've been always known
to do gags in the pool you're a gag in the pool and have fun in the pool but my
point being is if i'm
alone in my house i'm not going to go in the pool by myself do you ever take a
bath yes that's not in
the pool it's kind of the same shit instead of in terms of like solo relaxation
and water what's
the difference or i'll do it this summer i want you to do it i'll do the summer
anyway what are we
even talking oh the dead kid in the pool dead kid in the pool yeah i would just
call the cop yeah
call him yeah and then what do i go to prison you might yeah because i don't
have a fence around my
fucking pool no because they could tell that you tried to move the body no i
wouldn't move it they
could tell there's like so much water on the side of the pool where you drug
them out and then try to
footprints yeah then they're like did you try to remove the bottom what would
you do
hit the pool cover
just pretend it never happened oh oh you have a pool cover you just press a
button
wow i gotta get one of those no i don't have one yeah you would have to call
yeah you call it yeah
by the way it reminds me my dad's one of my dad's best friend they have a
beautiful big pond in their
backyard back home in chicago they go in that they go in the pond in the pool
no oh no they have a
pond but they have koi fish in there koi fish you know they do suspend they
suspend themselves in the
winter in the frozen water they can they they animate what is it called uh well
don't look it
up don't look it up don't look it up i want to guess what it is go explain
yourself the koi can
live in frozen pond water they freeze they freeze and then they thaw out during
the summer 100 because
frogs do that yeah but these koi do it and i was like wait aren't you didn't
you have to take out
the koi he's like we we had to net the koi pond because coyotes would come and
eat the koi when
they're frozen in the middle of the night no no no just regular but he was like
we take it off in
the winter because they're frozen underneath the ice and you can see their dig
marks still the coyote
stuff are trying to get to him oh wow but it's so thick and deep of course they
can't get to it
wow but so the koi fish are just there frozen under the water that's what do
they dream about
what do you think they dream about for five months six months what could you
dream about no matter
what they're dreaming about it's pretty like it's always like like they could
be like dreaming about
like you know you know i mean i'm at disneyland right but do they get to go to
yeah but the whole
time they're just cold freezing yeah at disneyland show show me what koi fish
frozen thing is
i don't know why i'm doing this look at my hands no that's how they freeze
yeah yeah no that's not frozen pot frozen give them a frozen pot there that one
was frozen that's
frozen too dude that's crazy it's crazy to me look it up look up the you looked
it up walt disney
has had a theory here he knew what he was doing yeah go back to all the
original yeah that one's frozen
just chilling go back to all just so i see the text of it all what did it say
in the beginning
now the goldfish nor koi wait nor koi can freeze into a block of ice that
thought in the spring that's
a lot that's not true so what it just they stay in the water when it's cold
the fish are warmer and safer with ices oh so it's frozen but underneath the
water they just stay
still yeah i guess so so you just lied no they're no you just lied no i didn't
lie yeah you did you
said they they're frozen they look frozen but they're not frozen well they're
obviously now
now you know they didn't freeze thank you dude i'm informed i mean just don't
throw out facts
that you know that wasn't a problem is dude liar you're a liar the the koi's
metabolism slows down
to a crawl they spend most of their time treading water at the bottom of the
pond and we all do that
no they look frozen when you see it you've never seen me in the tundra dude i
do that too i go right
you don't get into the pool it i could be in any environment and you know what
i mean and i will my
will i can bring my body down to barely alive you're doing it right now point
point
pointed so i guess they don't freeze wow but they just stay in frozen water but
there are frogs that
do it google that are there let me see if i i want to see if i won this point
it's not a point it is
you got yours wrong i'm going to say about me are there frogs that get
completely frozen and then
they come back alive 65 of the body is frozen solid so no they don't completely
freeze that's
pretty that's a lot that's more than half yeah yeah that's a lot of frozen dude
they're half
yeah yeah more than look at them there that's it yeah look at that guy probably
bummed
yeah probably bummed he's just like rib is he conscious rip rip rip yeah well
like you know like
a bear's hibernation they're not sleeping the whole time that was something i
when you were a kid didn't
you think that they slept the whole time they told you that they did they don't
sleep the whole time
no they played jenga yeah oh and uno yeah oh some yeah some of them do well
yeah black bears probably
play dice yeah that's a good one that's a good one dude yeah yeah yeah yeah
that's funny it's from protein is used bears do not do wake up however move
around inside the den
yeah yeah so what they'll do is they go in and out of sleep but then they
quickly go back to sleep
so they're not sleeping the whole time i would you are like that what you would
love if career
wise we could hibernate for a little while oh yeah if we could sleep for like a
month or two straight
but do i have to um gather before you've been gathering my guy no but like
squirrels they gather
right bears do too they gather they gather yeah well what happens is it says go
back to that
article it even said you would make carlos gather for you yeah 100 percent
eight to 12 degrees
they're lower their body temperature that's there is one oh he's taking a shot
no no you did that
that was a lazy shot that's like you're lazy you let carlos do your gathering
so that's another no
movie no you're a bear you know if there's nothing you can do you you broke
your contract
yes you did you wrote a did he not read a contract right he just broke it you
did
i'm lazy no no fuck you dude you even said you were gonna make fun of me and
you didn't you made
fun of him yeah yeah yeah it's difficult to do it right yeah yeah because you're
mean
okay so you know i don't know maybe ronnie cheng's available we'll see what
happens i doubt it anyway
um so busy look at him napping well that go deeper in no he's too exposed oh he
doesn't even know how to
oh wow no see they don't need to be like oh they don't even go into a cave they
can go underneath a
tree as long as it's protected right yeah there he is that's his little spot
whoa oh wow that's
interesting where do they go if there's no kid that's what it says yeah oh that's
how you know
the difference shoulder hump this is good information but why can't let me ask
you something if i made
there's business i don't know how i'm gonna get money for it but if i can you
build them a house
build a bear house yeah like a bear house well you think they would get in
instinctually a sanctuary
a bear sanctuary yeah yeah yeah let me get more domey but i don't know dude
because they're cavernous
creatures like they like caves not houses they like to be k cold caves
underground or close to the
earth like my dog by the way yeah i bought my dog a cool little dog house thing
and she never goes in
it it's a waste of time oh dude i was like why the did i get you that i spent
fifteen thousand dollars
i don't what's the matter on the cat i'm sorry on the cat sanctuary and they've
never been out there
no it's insane sometimes i'll go i'll open up the door come on nothing no they're
just going no no
yeah they even say it meow yeah yeah yeah i bought my cat i already think i
already said this a
expensive bed yeah and i cover once bojo sleeping in the middle of a rolled
yoga mat
he was in there like this right next to the expensive bed it was i mean being
in the inside
a boa constrictor is probably more comfortable than a rolled yoga mat cats they
don't they don't care
Woo-hoo! Yeah! Woo-hoo! Yeah! Woo-hoo! Yeah!

Are YOU Breaking California State Law?

you know by the way in your pool in your backyard i learned this you know it's
illegal to not have
it fenced in if a kid crawls into your backyard like a kid in the neighborhood
it falls in the
pool in california yeah they can sue you well mine's fenced in no you're not
there's a fence
around your property there's not a fence around your pool like that any
property the pool in
california must have a property fence that's at least five feet tall do you
have a pool yeah you
have a fence around it no we're both yeah dude somebody brought this up to me
the real estate
agent was like uh there's no fence right i was like no this the house my house
was built in 1940.
oh my god imagine what would you do well i'd move no i don't want a dead kid go
imagine going into
your backyard and you see you know i mean a kid floating what do you mean it's
just gnarly that's
awful so what do you do you're just like you know what i would do get back on
the road and do stand
up no no i would pick up the kid oh my god i'm not gonna touch him no watch
what i do huh
and put him in the other swimming pools next neighbor oh yeah it's somebody
else's you could
put in the neighbor's swimming pool right transport them you transport it right
and that was the way
right so now you've broken multiple laws what what law did i break what what
the swimming pool law
yeah but tampering with you can't move a body no i don't think so no why why is
that illegal i don't
know man but it definitely is if i didn't kill it and if i didn't kill somebody
hold on in some states
you can transport a human body by ground yourself without the services of a
funeral director
so you could be like i was just transporting yeah what states are that
definitely not here you know
that's got to be your neighbor and the other if your neighbor saw would he snitch
your neighbor looks
over he's in the bathroom and he's brushing his teeth he looks down barbara he
sees a kid in the
pool oh yeah he would he would snitch of course but then you and the other guy
though that my other
neighbor is a writer on babylon 5. is that still on the air no oh but it was
like an old sci-fi show
yeah it was like 30 years right right so he's an old writer right so i got a a
comedy producer on one
side and a babylon and a babylon writer wow i would put in the babylon writer
right they both have
pools you have to put in his pool i just know about the best way to go to his
back well the writer might
figure out a good story to tell at some point he'll might write that could be a
book yeah a body is
found in my pool it's probably his also kind of if the kid would probably come
from him jesus christ
this got sad what does he have little kids no but grandkids it's not that big
of a deal oh okay yeah
yeah that's fine i mean that's pretty hard no no grandkids are fine yeah or
what else what could
you find the bot what else could you do or could you drain the pool first of
all i mean you don't
know you got to drain it why well i don't go in there that's true you don't
yeah yeah it's all for
show like to girls i have a pool you've never been in your pool never been in
there isn't that amazing
yeah you've never once been in your pool no never do you have a hot tub no okay
it's like a salt pool
or something yeah salt water pool yeah but you've never gone in yeah do do is
that do do do yeah go
ahead do asian people i'm a great swimmer no no i'm saying but like culturally
we swim so if you
went to a pool party i go in the pool you don't go in your own pool you'll go
to buy myself just
waiting by myself in the bed i'm not going to do that it's so relaxing i do it
okay maybe i will
but wait i'm asking you an asian guy gene hong throws a house party it's mostly
asians
are you getting in the pool if you say it's a pool party if there's a pool
party i've been always known
to do gags in the pool you're a gag in the pool and have fun in the pool but my
point being is if i'm
alone in my house i'm not going to go in the pool by myself do you ever take a
bath yes that's not in
the pool it's kind of the same shit instead of in terms of like solo relaxation
and water what's
the difference or i'll do it this summer i want you to do it i'll do the summer
anyway what are we
even talking oh the dead kid in the pool dead kid in the pool yeah i would just
call the cop yeah
call him yeah and then what do i go to prison you might yeah because i don't
have a fence around my
fucking pool no because they could tell that you tried to move the body no i
wouldn't move it they
could tell there's like so much water on the side of the pool where you drug
them out and then try to
footprints yeah then they're like did you try to remove the bottom what would
you do
hit the pool cover
just pretend it never happened oh oh you have a pool cover you just press a
button
wow i gotta get one of those no i don't have one yeah you would have to call
yeah you call it yeah
by the way it reminds me my dad's one of my dad's best friend they have a
beautiful big pond in their
backyard back home in chicago they go in that they go in the pond in the pool
no oh no they have a
pond but they have koi fish in there koi fish you know they do suspend they
suspend themselves in the
winter in the frozen water they can they they animate what is it called uh well
don't look it
up don't look it up don't look it up i want to guess what it is go explain
yourself the koi can
live in frozen pond water they freeze they freeze and then they thaw out during
the summer 100 because
frogs do that yeah but these koi do it and i was like wait aren't you didn't
you have to take out
the koi he's like we we had to net the koi pond because coyotes would come and
eat the koi when
they're frozen in the middle of the night no no no just regular but he was like
we take it off in
the winter because they're frozen underneath the ice and you can see their dig
marks still the coyote
stuff are trying to get to him oh wow but it's so thick and deep of course they
can't get to it
wow but so the koi fish are just there frozen under the water that's what do
they dream about
what do you think they dream about for five months six months what could you
dream about no matter
what they're dreaming about it's pretty like it's always like like they could
be like dreaming about
like you know you know i mean i'm at disneyland right but do they get to go to
yeah but the whole
time they're just cold freezing yeah at disneyland show show me what koi fish
frozen thing is
i don't know why i'm doing this look at my hands no that's how they freeze
yeah yeah no that's not frozen pot frozen give them a frozen pot there that one
was frozen that's
frozen too dude that's crazy it's crazy to me look it up look up the you looked
it up walt disney
has had a theory here he knew what he was doing yeah go back to all the
original yeah that one's frozen
just chilling go back to all just so i see the text of it all what did it say
in the beginning
now the goldfish nor koi wait nor koi can freeze into a block of ice that
thought in the spring that's
a lot that's not true so what it just they stay in the water when it's cold
the fish are warmer and safer with ices oh so it's frozen but underneath the
water they just stay
still yeah i guess so so you just lied no they're no you just lied no i didn't
lie yeah you did you
said they they're frozen they look frozen but they're not frozen well they're
obviously now
now you know they didn't freeze thank you dude i'm informed i mean just don't
throw out facts
that you know that wasn't a problem is dude liar you're a liar the the koi's
metabolism slows down
to a crawl they spend most of their time treading water at the bottom of the
pond and we all do that
no they look frozen when you see it you've never seen me in the tundra dude i
do that too i go right
you don't get into the pool it i could be in any environment and you know what
i mean and i will my
will i can bring my body down to barely alive you're doing it right now point
point
pointed so i guess they don't freeze wow but they just stay in frozen water but
there are frogs that
do it google that are there let me see if i i want to see if i won this point
it's not a point it is
you got yours wrong i'm going to say about me are there frogs that get
completely frozen and then
they come back alive 65 of the body is frozen solid so no they don't completely
freeze that's
pretty that's a lot that's more than half yeah yeah that's a lot of frozen dude
they're half
yeah yeah more than look at them there that's it yeah look at that guy probably
bummed
yeah probably bummed he's just like rib is he conscious rip rip rip yeah well
like you know like
a bear's hibernation they're not sleeping the whole time that was something i
when you were a kid didn't
you think that they slept the whole time they told you that they did they don't
sleep the whole time
no they played jenga yeah oh and uno yeah oh some yeah some of them do well
yeah black bears probably
play dice yeah that's a good one that's a good one dude yeah yeah yeah yeah
that's funny it's from protein is used bears do not do wake up however move
around inside the den
yeah yeah so what they'll do is they go in and out of sleep but then they
quickly go back to sleep
so they're not sleeping the whole time i would you are like that what you would
love if career
wise we could hibernate for a little while oh yeah if we could sleep for like a
month or two straight
but do i have to um gather before you've been gathering my guy no but like
squirrels they gather
right bears do too they gather they gather yeah well what happens is it says go
back to that
article it even said you would make carlos gather for you yeah 100 percent
eight to 12 degrees
they're lower their body temperature that's there is one oh he's taking a shot
no no you did that
that was a lazy shot that's like you're lazy you let carlos do your gathering
so that's another no
movie no you're a bear you know if there's nothing you can do you you broke
your contract
yes you did you wrote a did he not read a contract right he just broke it you
did
i'm lazy no no fuck you dude you even said you were gonna make fun of me and
you didn't you made
fun of him yeah yeah yeah it's difficult to do it right yeah yeah because you're
mean
okay so you know i don't know maybe ronnie cheng's available we'll see what
happens i doubt it anyway
um so busy look at him napping well that go deeper in no he's too exposed oh he
doesn't even know how to
oh wow no see they don't need to be like oh they don't even go into a cave they
can go underneath a
tree as long as it's protected right yeah there he is that's his little spot
whoa oh wow that's
interesting where do they go if there's no kid that's what it says yeah oh that's
how you know
the difference shoulder hump this is good information but why can't let me ask
you something if i made
there's business i don't know how i'm gonna get money for it but if i can you
build them a house
build a bear house yeah like a bear house well you think they would get in
instinctually a sanctuary
a bear sanctuary yeah yeah yeah let me get more domey but i don't know dude
because they're cavernous
creatures like they like caves not houses they like to be k cold caves
underground or close to the
earth like my dog by the way yeah i bought my dog a cool little dog house thing
and she never goes in
it it's a waste of time oh dude i was like why the did i get you that i spent
fifteen thousand dollars
i don't what's the matter on the cat i'm sorry on the cat sanctuary and they've
never been out there
no it's insane sometimes i'll go i'll open up the door come on nothing no they're
just going no no
yeah they even say it meow yeah yeah yeah i bought my cat i already think i
already said this a
expensive bed yeah and i cover once bojo sleeping in the middle of a rolled
yoga mat
he was in there like this right next to the expensive bed it was i mean being
in the inside
a boa constrictor is proba