Name: Fancy ROASTS Bobby Lee's First Date Story
Uploaded: 2024-06-08T16:15:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fancy ROASTS Bobby Lee's First Date Story' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fancy ROASTS Bobby Lee's First Date Story' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-08. Transcript available.

- I went on a date with a girl from Los Feliz
and at the end of the date, I turn, I go in to kiss
and she went...
- The cobra.
- And I...
- You got cobra'd.
- I got cobra'd?
- You got cobra'd.
- The cobra.
Whoa, dude.
Yeah, and I kissed her cheek.
- Whoa.
- You know, when you go in for a kiss, guys,
we all have done it.
We've all done it, right?
- Yeah, but...
- Yeah, yeah.
- You have?
- Yeah, but I mean, I rarely gotten cobra.
- I think I only know.
- I never got cobra'd.
- Well, I go in when I know it's appropriate.
- Sometimes my instinct's wrong,
but I think this is the right time.
- Obviously you were wrong.
- I was wrong.
- Where was it?
Outside of the restaurant?
- No, it was dropping her off at her house.
- So you turn in the car.
- So I'm like, "You had a great night."
She goes, "Yeah, me too.
"We should do it again."
I go, "Yeah."
- Cobra'd.
- Cobra'd.
- What did you say?
What do you then say after she doesn't give it?
- I go, "Oh, oh, oh."
- You can make it like a little oop.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Have a good night.
- Oopsie, oopsie.
- Do you get out and open her door?
- No.
- Have you ever opened a door for a girl?
- It's funny, last night I was with a girl at dinner
and then she goes, "You're not gonna open the door for me?"
Which I've never, like, I've never, no one's ever asked.
- That's like a real white thing.
- Yeah, really?
- Was it a white chick?
- Yeah.
- Oh, you gotta do it.
- White people love it.
- White girls like stuff like that.
Yeah, that reminds me of the old days.
- I'm gonna write it down, so what else do whites like?
- White girls, what do whites like?
- Yeah.
- They like when you hold a door for them in a restaurant.
- Pumpkin spice, I already got pumpkin spice.
- Lattes. - I have to spray.
- Yeah, any kind of latte.
- I have to spray in my car when I go on a date.
So pumpkin spice, they like the door open.
- Flowers, any flower.
You could pick a flower off the fucking side of the road,
they'd love it.
- They don't care.
- Platinum cards.
- No, they don't care as long as you're paying.
- Okay, whatever card.
- Yeah, whatever card, it doesn't matter.
- Whatever card, you need money though.
- You not, it gotta have money.
- You gotta have money.
- They love a good deal, they love like thrifting.
So they love like, they like chic thrifting.
- So I go to a-
- Oh my God, you wanna get some real good white pussy?
Go to a farmer's market.
- I went to one with them.
- That's where all the girls are.
- Yeah, and we got granola.
- Oh, they love that.
- They love granola, they love granola.
- Buy their own honey and shit like that?
- Yeah.
- They're really into that coconut yogurt.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, so we got coconut yogurt.
- Yeah, white chick's like a lot of bullshit like that.
- Coconut yogurt, farmer's market, right.
- Yeah.
- What else?
- Aloe, you know what aloe is?
- Yeah, don't talk to me like that.
What is it?
- It's workout gear.
- Okay, aloe workout.
It's like-
- It's like Lululemon.
- Lululemon, okay, okay.
- But the aloe is like the new shit.
It's like more-
- Is it really a workout gear?
Aloe?
- Aloe, look it up, it's popular as fuck.
I see it all the time.
- Aloe.
- Aloe.
It's like a hip, you know.
- Yeah.
- They love Pilates.
Go hang out outside of a Pilates class.
- What, a fisting?
- Huh?
- Fisting, fisting.
- I think you're gonna get less than 1%.
- No, a pound, I mean, a pound.
- Oh, they love that.
Yeah, a hundred percent.
- I had the word wrong, but so-
- And they love Palm Springs.
That's why people love Palm Springs.
- The location.
- They just like to go out there.
- The desert.
- I don't even know what the fuck they do.
- They love it.
- They just go take a picture in front of that sign that says
drugs at that hotel that every girl like.
- Look at the, look at Palm Springs drug sign.
Watch this.
Look at how many fucking white girls are below this thing.
Yeah, that fucking dumb sign.
Whatever it is, whatever hotel that is.
- It was like dolphins.
- Yeah.
- I noticed.
- They love dolphins.
- They love dolphins.
Dude, I dated four girls in my life with dolphin pat tattoos.
- Shut the fuck up.
Where are they?
- They're like either in the back or like on the shoulder.
- Really?
- And they're just really smart creatures, right?
And they're just like sentient beings.
- So are pigs.
Pigs are smart.
- I know, exactly.
Cause you look like a pig.
Anyway.
- Oh my God.
- That's too much.
That's too much.
- No, get a pig tattoo though.
I'd actually respect it.
Second smartest animal on the planet next to humans.
Who says we're the smartest on this fucking planet?
I disagree with that.
- Cause I saw that documentary.
I don't know.
The Cove.
- I side with the poachers.
I side with the poachers.
- Yeah, me too.
I'm a dolphin, right?
I see a bay.
It's filled with dolphin blood.
- Yeah.
- All right.
It's just eyeball.
A dolphin eyeballs floating around.
Yeah.
And he's like.
There's a part.
There's a rave.
There's a rave.
You know what I mean?
If I'm in the alleyway and I see a human hand,
I'm not going to walk down the alleyway.
- Hello?
- It's not even a bit.
I'm not doing.
That sounds like a comedy bit I'm doing.
I would never do.
- It's a good bit.
It's a good bit.
And it's true.
- Are they smart?
- They're apparently they're second to us,
but which means nothing.
'Cause look at how dumb we are.
- Exactly.
Is what I'm saying.
- 'Cause we love self-destruction, huh?
We're the number one at destruction.
- I think otters are smart.
- Complex problems solving
and understanding abstract situations.
So they understand.
- They kiss.
- But for the art.
- For the art.
- Yeah, not because they like it.
- For the art, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's not gay.
It's just, you know.
- Rembrandt. - It's okay if it's gay.
You're gay, it's fine.
- I love gay.
- Yeah, I know.
- I love gay.
- Why are they adorable?
They're also incredibly intelligent,
have unique adaptations.
Sea otters are intelligent, see?
- Sea otters, because they can also build shit.
- You know why they're so smart?
They're ugly.
They're fucking hideous looking.
- Otters are the cutest creature.
What the fuck are you talking about?
- Sea otters are ugly.
They know they gotta be smart
when they're that fucking ugly.
- Let me see.
Sea otter.
Bro, cute as, what are you talking about?
- I got a good photo.
- You got a Hitler fucking mustache.
- That's a good photo.
- Look at that.
Look at, dude, bro.
- I want one.
- I know.
Exactly, dude.
- Those are great.
- They're great, dude.
Look at that.
- I'll tell you what's funny.
We had raccoons in the backyard for so long,
and raccoons, they're little assholes,
but they're so cute.
- Dude, dude, dude, dude.
- What, what's going on?
- Don't even get me started with raccoons right now, dude.
- Don't, you get me started.
- Don't get me fucking started with raccoons.
- I have six rat traps set up in my backyard,
the biggest ones I can find to try to catch
one of these motherfuckers.
I'm not kidding.
- Right now, in my driveway, guess what's on it?
- Coons, baby.
- No, kung pao chicken.
- Kung pao chicken?
- Kung pao chicken.
- Oh, okay, I thought you meant like kung pao,
like you made it.
- All right, so I went to Cohen, what's his name?
- Genghis Cohen?
- Genghis Cohen.
- Yeah, I love that place.
- And I got three dishes.
- Yeah.
- Beef and broccoli, sweet and sour pork.
- Gotta. - White rice.
- Yes.
- And I got kung pao chicken, all right?
So I'm eating, you know what I do, I over order.
- You take one bite of each and then you throw it away.
- Right, so I'm like, oh fuck,
I wanna fuck with this kung pao chicken.
If I put it in the fridge,
it'll be there for nine months.
- At least.
- Yeah, yeah.
So I go, I'm just gonna keep it in the box
and stick it in the trash bag, put it in the trash.
Bro, kung pao chicken all over my face.
- Oh yeah.
You did that to yourself.
- And I won't even clean it.
- You knew better.
- They clean it.
- No, they ate what they needed and then they're done.
- And then come back tomorrow night and come clean it.
- Did they knock over the can
or they just open the lid?
- They somehow climb on top of it.
- I've seen them open it up.
- And they can balance like circus relations.
- Yeah, it's amazing.
- Right, and they can get the kung pao out.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, wow.
- No, it's incredible.
I've seen some of their, their skills are incredible.
- But is it illegal to murder one?
- No, we looked it up.
You can catch them but you're not supposed to kill them.
But if you do kill them, who's going to know?
Throw it in the LA river.
- But they're so cute too.
- Some of them for sure.
- Yeah.
- You can kill it anytime day or night in any legal manner.
Hey.
- Is that what it says?
- Yeah, California.
- If it's causing property damage, you can kill it.
- Is eating kung pao chicken property damage?
- Yes.
- Okay, then I'm gonna kill it.
I don't wanna kill, I can't kill it, but.
- I don't know if that's eating, if that's,
it's not like ripping up your lawn or anything.
It's not doing anything.
- Yeah.
- I know what I'm gonna do.
- Imagine that Bobby has to go to court
for killing a raccoon.
- Right.
- You can use a lethal body grip trap
that will snap its neck or you can shoot it.
Don't attempt to poison it.
- Why?
- You wind it with bigger problems on your hands.
- A CO2 chamber.
- That sounds like a mafia threat.
You're gonna try to fucking poison me and the other boys.
You're gonna end up with a bigger problem
than you ever fucking wish.
All right.
Dude, when we had raccoons at our house,
we had a guy come in and put six of these fucking stupid things
in the backyard.
- Yeah.
- You know what we caught?
- What?
- Two cats.
- Ming, Ming, Ming has been, you know,
I bought a brand new couch.
- Oh my God, please tell me Ming ruined your couch.
- Not just ruin it, she,
and I'm gonna have to take her to the hospital.
- How much was that couch?
- 10, 15,000.
- $15,000 and the cat fucking ruined it.
- Not just ruin it,
she pees and then there's blood in her pee.
- Why, she's dying?
- No, I think she has a UTI or something.
- Just like her papa.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- And so I put down Saran wrap.
- On the couch?
- Yeah.
- What are you, my grandmother?
- Yeah.
- That's so funny.
- Just wrap the furniture?
- I come in the morning,
I see pockets of pee and blood on my new couch.
I catch it with the Saran wrap.
- Why don't you just put her in a room, like-
- I can't, 'cause she's a free, she's a free.
- She's a free bird.
- She's a free bird, dude.
And she's half black, half white.
She's free.
- She's like Obama.
- Yeah.
- Which does she identify?
Is she white passing or black passing?
- She's definitely white.
- She's white passing.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Right.
Until she needs to use that-
- She talks like this if she was like a human.
- Right.
- Like, "Hi, I'm Ying."
- But then around other black cast does she like-
- What's up?
- Yeah, she gets into character.
- What's up, my cat?
- Yeah, meow, motherfucker.
- Motherfucker.
- Yeah, meow, motherfucker.
- Meow, motherfucker.
- That could also be its Asian name, meow.
Meow.
- So here, check this out.
I bought, they delivered it.
So I bought this stuff called
Nature's Miracle Advanced Platinum No More Marking
Potty Trainer for indoor.
- What is it?
- I bought two bottles of it.
I don't know what it is.
- It just drinks it?
- No, and I'm gonna spray it all over my couch.
- Oh, so ruin the couch more.
- Yeah, yeah, I don't care.
- Right, at this point.
- Because, and you're gonna think this is a joke?
You're gonna think this is a joke.
I swear to God, I'm my mother's life this happened.
- Yeah.
- A week ago, I was with a girl on my new couch.
- Hooking up.
- We were making out.
- Hell yeah.
- All right?
And she rolled on, not just the pee,
but she had pooed, two poos in there.
- Cute.
- Right?
And so when she got up,
I could see the poo stuck to her fucking t-shirt.
Right?
And I, I, I, I, you know, I sort of,
eh, it was, you know what I mean?
Let's go to the bedroom.
And I knocked her off with my hand.
And we went to the fucking,
'cause I don't, how do you say?
- There's poo on you.
- It ruins the vibe.
- Yeah.
- It ruins the vibe.
I think. - Can't tell her.
- I don't know.
Right?
And I knocked it off and I still haven't hung out with her since.
- She doesn't know though.
- She doesn't know.
- She does now.
- I think when I dropped her off,
she probably looked at her shirt and goes,
why is there, you know what I mean?
- Imagine she was embarrassed.
She's like, I went over the guy's house with poop on my shirt.
- She didn't know it came from your house.
- Oh shit.
- She could have thought she brought poop.
- I could have just blamed her like,
hey bitch.
- Bitch, don't come over my house with-
- Wash your fucking shirt.
Why do you have cat pee and poo on your back?
- Fucking shit shirt.
- Dude, you, I don't think as quick as you do.
- Spin it, dude.
- Dude, I have to spin those situations.
- You have to.
- Wow, dude.
- Be like, get your shit shirt off my couch.
- Yeah.

Fancy ROASTS Bobby Lee's First Date Story

- I went on a date with a girl from Los Feliz
and at the end of the date, I turn, I go in to kiss
and she went...
- The cobra.
- And I...
- You got cobra'd.
- I got cobra'd?
- You got cobra'd.
- The cobra.
Whoa, dude.
Yeah, and I kissed her cheek.
- Whoa.
- You know, when you go in for a kiss, guys,
we all have done it.
We've all done it, right?
- Yeah, but...
- Yeah, yeah.
- You have?
- Yeah, but I mean, I rarely gotten cobra.
- I think I only know.
- I never got cobra'd.
- Well, I go in when I know it's appropriate.
- Sometimes my instinct's wrong,
but I think this is the right time.
- Obviously you were wrong.
- I was wrong.
- Where was it?
Outside of the restaurant?
- No, it was dropping her off at her house.
- So you turn in the car.
- So I'm like, "You had a great night."
She goes, "Yeah, me too.
"We should do it again."
I go, "Yeah."
- Cobra'd.
- Cobra'd.
- What did you say?
What do you then say after she doesn't give it?
- I go, "Oh, oh, oh."
- You can make it like a little oop.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Have a good night.
- Oopsie, oopsie.
- Do you get out and open her door?
- No.
- Have you ever opened a door for a girl?
- It's funny, last night I was with a girl at dinner
and then she goes, "You're not gonna open the door for me?"
Which I've never, like, I've never, no one's ever asked.
- That's like a real white thing.
- Yeah, really?
- Was it a white chick?
- Yeah.
- Oh, you gotta do it.
- White people love it.
- White girls like stuff like that.
Yeah, that reminds me of the old days.
- I'm gonna write it down, so what else do whites like?
- White girls, what do whites like?
- Yeah.
- They like when you hold a door for them in a restaurant.
- Pumpkin spice, I already got pumpkin spice.
- Lattes. - I have to spray.
- Yeah, any kind of latte.
- I have to spray in my car when I go on a date.
So pumpkin spice, they like the door open.
- Flowers, any flower.
You could pick a flower off the fucking side of the road,
they'd love it.
- They don't care.
- Platinum cards.
- No, they don't care as long as you're paying.
- Okay, whatever card.
- Yeah, whatever card, it doesn't matter.
- Whatever card, you need money though.
- You not, it gotta have money.
- You gotta have money.
- They love a good deal, they love like thrifting.
So they love like, they like chic thrifting.
- So I go to a-
- Oh my God, you wanna get some real good white pussy?
Go to a farmer's market.
- I went to one with them.
- That's where all the girls are.
- Yeah, and we got granola.
- Oh, they love that.
- They love granola, they love granola.
- Buy their own honey and shit like that?
- Yeah.
- They're really into that coconut yogurt.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, so we got coconut yogurt.
- Yeah, white chick's like a lot of bullshit like that.
- Coconut yogurt, farmer's market, right.
- Yeah.
- What else?
- Aloe, you know what aloe is?
- Yeah, don't talk to me like that.
What is it?
- It's workout gear.
- Okay, aloe workout.
It's like-
- It's like Lululemon.
- Lululemon, okay, okay.
- But the aloe is like the new shit.
It's like more-
- Is it really a workout gear?
Aloe?
- Aloe, look it up, it's popular as fuck.
I see it all the time.
- Aloe.
- Aloe.
It's like a hip, you know.
- Yeah.
- They love Pilates.
Go hang out outside of a Pilates class.
- What, a fisting?
- Huh?
- Fisting, fisting.
- I think you're gonna get less than 1%.
- No, a pound, I mean, a pound.
- Oh, they love that.
Yeah, a hundred percent.
- I had the word wrong, but so-
- And they love Palm Springs.
That's why people love Palm Springs.
- The location.
- They just like to go out there.
- The desert.
- I don't even know what the fuck they do.
- They love it.
- They just go take a picture in front of that sign that says
drugs at that hotel that every girl like.
- Look at the, look at Palm Springs drug sign.
Watch this.
Look at how many fucking white girls are below this thing.
Yeah, that fucking dumb sign.
Whatever it is, whatever hotel that is.
- It was like dolphins.
- Yeah.
- I noticed.
- They love dolphins.
- They love dolphins.
Dude, I dated four girls in my life with dolphin pat tattoos.
- Shut the fuck up.
Where are they?
- They're like either in the back or like on the shoulder.
- Really?
- And they're just really smart creatures, right?
And they're just like sentient beings.
- So are pigs.
Pigs are smart.
- I know, exactly.
Cause you look like a pig.
Anyway.
- Oh my God.
- That's too much.
That's too much.
- No, get a pig tattoo though.
I'd actually respect it.
Second smartest animal on the planet next to humans.
Who says we're the smartest on this fucking planet?
I disagree with that.
- Cause I saw that documentary.
I don't know.
The Cove.
- I side with the poachers.
I side with the poachers.
- Yeah, me too.
I'm a dolphin, right?
I see a bay.
It's filled with dolphin blood.
- Yeah.
- All right.
It's just eyeball.
A dolphin eyeballs floating around.
Yeah.
And he's like.
There's a part.
There's a rave.
There's a rave.
You know what I mean?
If I'm in the alleyway and I see a human hand,
I'm not going to walk down the alleyway.
- Hello?
- It's not even a bit.
I'm not doing.
That sounds like a comedy bit I'm doing.
I would never do.
- It's a good bit.
It's a good bit.
And it's true.
- Are they smart?
- They're apparently they're second to us,
but which means nothing.
'Cause look at how dumb we are.
- Exactly.
Is what I'm saying.
- 'Cause we love self-destruction, huh?
We're the number one at destruction.
- I think otters are smart.
- Complex problems solving
and understanding abstract situations.
So they understand.
- They kiss.
- But for the art.
- For the art.
- Yeah, not because they like it.
- For the art, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's not gay.
It's just, you know.
- Rembrandt. - It's okay if it's gay.
You're gay, it's fine.
- I love gay.
- Yeah, I know.
- I love gay.
- Why are they adorable?
They're also incredibly intelligent,
have unique adaptations.
Sea otters are intelligent, see?
- Sea otters, because they can also build shit.
- You know why they're so smart?
They're ugly.
They're fucking hideous looking.
- Otters are the cutest creature.
What the fuck are you talking about?
- Sea otters are ugly.
They know they gotta be smart
when they're that fucking ugly.
- Let me see.
Sea otter.
Bro, cute as, what are you talking about?
- I got a good photo.
- You got a Hitler fucking mustache.
- That's a good photo.
- Look at that.
Look at, dude, bro.
- I want one.
- I know.
Exactly, dude.
- Those are great.
- They're great, dude.
Look at that.
- I'll tell you what's funny.
We had raccoons in the backyard for so long,
and raccoons, they're little assholes,
but they're so cute.
- Dude, dude, dude, dude.
- What, what's going on?
- Don't even get me started with raccoons right now, dude.
- Don't, you get me started.
- Don't get me fucking started with raccoons.
- I have six rat traps set up in my backyard,
the biggest ones I can find to try to catch
one of these motherfuckers.
I'm not kidding.
- Right now, in my driveway, guess what's on it?
- Coons, baby.
- No, kung pao chicken.
- Kung pao chicken?
- Kung pao chicken.
- Oh, okay, I thought you meant like kung pao,
like you made it.
- All right, so I went to Cohen, what's his name?
- Genghis Cohen?
- Genghis Cohen.
- Yeah, I love that place.
- And I got three dishes.
- Yeah.
- Beef and broccoli, sweet and sour pork.
- Gotta. - White rice.
- Yes.
- And I got kung pao chicken, all right?
So I'm eating, you know what I do, I over order.
- You take one bite of each and then you throw it away.
- Right, so I'm like, oh fuck,
I wanna fuck with this kung pao chicken.
If I put it in the fridge,
it'll be there for nine months.
- At least.
- Yeah, yeah.
So I go, I'm just gonna keep it in the box
and stick it in the trash bag, put it in the trash.
Bro, kung pao chicken all over my face.
- Oh yeah.
You did that to yourself.
- And I won't even clean it.
- You knew better.
- They clean it.
- No, they ate what they needed and then they're done.
- And then come back tomorrow night and come clean it.
- Did they knock over the can
or they just open the lid?
- They somehow climb on top of it.
- I've seen them open it up.
- And they can balance like circus relations.
- Yeah, it's amazing.
- Right, and they can get the kung pao out.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, wow.
- No, it's incredible.
I've seen some of their, their skills are incredible.
- But is it illegal to murder one?
- No, we looked it up.
You can catch them but you're not supposed to kill them.
But if you do kill them, who's going to know?
Throw it in the LA river.
- But they're so cute too.
- Some of them for sure.
- Yeah.
- You can kill it anytime day or night in any legal manner.
Hey.
- Is that what it says?
- Yeah, California.
- If it's causing property damage, you can kill it.
- Is eating kung pao chicken property damage?
- Yes.
- Okay, then I'm gonna kill it.
I don't wanna kill, I can't kill it, but.
- I don't know if that's eating, if that's,
it's not like ripping up your lawn or anything.
It's not doing anything.
- Yeah.
- I know what I'm gonna do.
- Imagine that Bobby has to go to court
for killing a raccoon.
- Right.
- You can use a lethal body grip trap
that will snap its neck or you can shoot it.
Don't attempt to poison it.
- Why?
- You wind it with bigger problems on your hands.
- A CO2 chamber.
- That sounds like a mafia threat.
You're gonna try to fucking poison me and the other boys.
You're gonna end up with a bigger problem
than you ever fucking wish.
All right.
Dude, when we had raccoons at our house,
we had a guy come in and put six of these fucking stupid things
in the backyard.
- Yeah.
- You know what we caught?
- What?
- Two cats.
- Ming, Ming, Ming has been, you know,
I bought a brand new couch.
- Oh my God, please tell me Ming ruined your couch.
- Not just ruin it, she,
and I'm gonna have to take her to the hospital.
- How much was that couch?
- 10, 15,000.
- $15,000 and the cat fucking ruined it.
- Not just ruin it,
she pees and then there's blood in her pee.
- Why, she's dying?
- No, I think she has a UTI or something.
- Just like her papa.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- And so I put down Saran wrap.
- On the couch?
- Yeah.
- What are you, my grandmother?
- Yeah.
- That's so funny.
- Just wrap the furniture?
- I come in the morning,
I see pockets of pee and blood on my new couch.
I catch it with the Saran wrap.
- Why don't you just put her in a room, like-
- I can't, 'cause she's a free, she's a free.
- She's a free bird.
- She's a free bird, dude.
And she's half black, half white.
She's free.
- She's like Obama.
- Yeah.
- Which does she identify?
Is she white passing or black passing?
- She's definitely white.
- She's white passing.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Right.
Until she needs to use that-
- She talks like this if she was like a human.
- Right.
- Like, "Hi, I'm Ying."
- But then around other black cast does she like-
- What's up?
- Yeah, she gets into character.
- What's up, my cat?
- Yeah, meow, motherfucker.
- Motherfucker.
- Yeah, meow, motherfucker.
- Meow, motherfucker.
- That could also be its Asian name, meow.
Meow.
- So here, check this out.
I bought, they delivered it.
So I bought this stuff called
Nature's Miracle Advanced Platinum No More Marking
Potty Trainer for indoor.
- What is it?
- I bought two bottles of it.
I don't know what it is.
- It just drinks it?
- No, and I'm gonna spray it all over my couch.
- Oh, so ruin the couch more.
- Yeah, yeah, I don't care.
- Right, at this point.
- Because, and you're gonna think this is a joke?
You're gonna think this is a joke.
I swear to God, I'm my mother's life this happened.
- Yeah.
- A week ago, I was with a girl on my new couch.
- Hooking up.
- We were making out.
- Hell yeah.
- All right?
And she rolled on, not just the pee,
but she had pooed, two poos in there.
- Cute.
- Right?
And so when she got up,
I could see the poo stuck to her fucking t-shirt.
Right?
And I, I, I, I, you know, I sort of,
eh, it was, you know what I mean?
Let's go to the bedroom.
And I knocked her off with my hand.
And we we