Name: Bobby Lee STUCK in the Friend Zone?
Uploaded: 2024-06-12T16:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee STUCK in the Friend Zone?' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee STUCK in the Friend Zone?' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-12. Transcript available.

You just call me roly-poly?
You are a roly-poly.
I just read it.
Yeah, in the show, not in real life.
No, I'm saying-
Oh, in the far-
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But-
I know.
Yeah.
You're right.
Let's hear the question.
Yeah, let's hear it.
Get to it.
Sorry.
What was it?
What's the question?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, Nick-
No, I could talk last night.
Nick Reese.
Christ.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
Until we get the show off the ground, it's Kreese.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I worked for me.
Nick, Kreese.
Yeah.
I've been calling you Kreese for years.
For 15 years.
And you've never corrected me.
No, no, no.
I hate when that happens.
That's your fault.
You've definitely been corrected.
You just don't-
Hey, Billy, it's Biley.
I've been calling you Billy for 15-
You know what I mean?
I don't like that.
You call Biley Smiley?
Billy?
Yeah.
That's insane.
All right, so Nick and I were talking last night.
And can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
When I talked to you on the phone,
you seem like you want to get off real quick.
No, I'm worried about the same thing with you.
Yeah, you do want to get off the phone.
Dude, I'm a moment guy.
Everyone knows that.
Yeah, you're on the phone for a moment,
and then you want to hang up.
No, I live in the moment.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm present.
I live in the moment,
and I listen to everything you're saying.
But you're like,
all right, come on, hurry up.
And I don't like that.
That's projection.
It is projection.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Dude, you're so smart.
I'm just-
Why we got him?
Christ, huh?
Yeah.
I love it.
So there he is.
Oh, that's when I did the-
Oh.
At Midnight, the original At Midnight.
I did it too.
You did?
Yeah.
How many times did you do it?
Three or four times.
Yeah.
Did you win ever?
Never.
Yeah, never won.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't think I won once.
Like Family Feud on?
Oh, with Tim Simons.
Yeah, yeah.
And Arden.
He's tall, huh?
Look how cool I am.
Anyway, um-
Look at how short you are.
You're shorter than Arden fucking Niren.
Shut the fuck up, dude.
She's like 4'2".
I know.
She's so tiny.
That's insane to be tiny.
All right, guys.
Look, Tim Simons is 6'6".
Yeah, he's tall.
But still, you're smaller than Arden,
who is a tiny, tiny person.
Move on.
Let's move on from that.
No problem.
Your problem.
No, this is-
You know what your problem is?
What's my problem?
I'll tell you what my problem is.
When the movers unscrewed the TV stand-
Oh, here we go.
They lost the screws.
So now, I have a TV on the floor,
and I sit on the floor-
That's when you call Geek Squad, dude.
Oh, you mean the-
Best Buy?
Best Buy guys?
No, not calling Geek Squad.
Oh.
No, I just can't get screws right that fit-
That's me.
With a case of Natty Light.
Yeah.
No furniture.
Imagine you living in that apartment.
Oh, my God.
That was what used to be my life.
But I got a word to the wise.
Wise to the word.
If you got extra trash,
don't call Got Junk.
Call Los Angeles Sanitation Department.
All you have to do is put in a request,
and they'll pick it up.
Yep.
I just paid Got Trash.
You don't even have to pay for that.
They'll just pick it up.
You just have to let them know you have more shit.
And I was like,
that's all I had to do all these years?
You know who I called?
Huh?
Pre-cor.
He eats it.
Pre-cor.
He eats it.
I'm hungry.
Oh, I got a question.
I posted on Instagram this morning.
This is a real poll.
I haven't thought about this in a long time,
but I had a cup of coffee,
and I know mid-cup I'm going to poop.
It's about half a cup,
and I have to poop.
What's your number?
How much a cup of coffee do you have to poop?
If I have Buffalo Mozzarella.
Buffalo.
Right?
With a cup of coffee?
With a cup of coffee, dude.
Oh, that's standard.
Bro, bro, bro.
It's what you went through last week.
It's instantaneous.
Because the poll is in right now.
So far, we've got 41% of people say that
before they finish a cup of coffee,
they have to shit.
36% say within an hour.
Yeah.
Do you go?
Right away.
Well, that's IBS stuff.
IBS.
I don't mean to brag.
I have IBS.
Do you have Crohn's disease?
No, I wish.
What's IBS?
IBS, Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
He's Jewish.
You know when you guys are born?
Easy.
You know how we all get vaccinations
and all that stuff for tetanus?
Do they give Jewish kids IBS?
IBS.
They give it to them in the hospital.
It's a requirement.
You can't leave without it.
Can't leave without it.
I did my 23 to me,
and I'm 100% IBS.
I'm serious about the coffee thing.
What is it?
I can't finish a cup.
I got to go.
Sometimes I bring the cup in the bathroom,
which is through Red Bull.
That's what I do.
What is Red Bull, bud?
Do you even know what it is?
Battery acid.
It's bullshit.
It's fucking trash.
It's not good.
It's so bad for your body.
Oh, fuck, man.
Oh, no.
Water, sugar, glucose,
citric acid,
taurine.
What is taurine?
Taurine's the best.
Yeah, what is it?
From the plant Taurinas.
Taurinas a la baganda.
It's an essential amino acid for babies.
Adults can make their own taurine,
but there are high amounts of it in fish.
Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?
Mmm.
I got goo goo.
You are a big baby.
I got goo goo.
Can I ask?
Taurine makes me do that.
Can I ask my question now,
or could you go on a shit rant?
Go ahead.
I'll get off of it.
All right, so I called you last night.
So how many, right, dates do go on, right,
before the kiss happens?
If you're good,
you probably get it on the first date.
All right, so I've been dating this girl.
There's two dates already.
Hey, girl.
Go ahead.
Bathhouse, bathhouse, bathhouse, bathhouse.
You want to get out of here?
All right.
All right.
So you went on a date,
a couple of dates with this girl.
Why do you do that?
It gets the whole room in a vibe.
I get into it,
and then I lose my train of thought.
Bathhouse.
Bathhouse.
Bathhouse, bathhouse, bathhouse, bathhouse.
All right, two dates or three dates?
So tonight I'm going on the third date.
Where to?
This is important
because if you're not getting the kiss,
it's because where you take her.
I've taken her to nice restaurants.
What are you talking about?
Like?
Thank you.
Oh, fuck.
The first time we went out was,
I think,
I don't want to say it.
You can because it's over.
I know, but,
but,
you don't want to seem rich.
What is it?
Arby's.
We got the meats.
That's my go-to spot with every date,
so I don't want,
all the girls that I've done did.
That's fine.
And go,
and they go,
well,
that's why he took me.
You,
there's no way you think,
there's no way we think girls don't know
that you're taking them out to the same places.
Of course you are.
We're creatures of habit.
You go to six places.
All of us go to six places.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Pache.
For me,
it's Chipotle,
California Pizza Kitchen.
No,
be real,
be real.
The Vons and the Valley.
I'm dead serious.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
It's the same six places.
All right,
but,
I don't stray.
But,
okay,
if you,
okay,
the six places,
right,
that if you were going on a date with,
what are they?
I have mine.
You got your six.
Yeah,
I think so.
I'm fucking married.
We don't go on dates.
I know,
but just hypothetically,
if you were single,
where would you go?
Where would I take them?
Yeah.
Probably to Eastside shit.
Eastside shit's hip shit.
That's where he lives.
Pache.
No,
Pache's not.
No,
Pache's over by us.
Little Doms.
Little Doms is great.
That's good,
yeah,
Little Doms is great.
People like Bestia.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
I went to Mother Wolf.
I like Mother Wolf.
Mother Wolf's fun.
And Funk,
that's him,
same guy.
Fun,
fun,
fun,
that's good,
yeah.
I go to Damien.
Yeah,
Bar Flores.
Yeah.
Damien's great.
Damien's,
we talk about Damien all the time.
Damien's great.
And then,
you know,
Bastia across the street from there.
Yeah.
Hippo.
That's right.
Hippo's good.
What'd you call me?
That's his nickname.
No,
I was talking about his mom.
What's that about?
I'm sorry,
I thought we'd move past that.
What is that?
You're right,
you're right,
you're right.
What were you doing right there?
I'm being aggressive.
What is that right there
that you think you were doing?
What do you think you were doing?
I'm so sorry.
Do you think that was a good idea?
That wasn't a good idea.
I don't think it was a good idea.
Can you let that one go?
I think that one's gonna sit with me
for a minute.
Will you please let that one go?
I don't know.
Yeah,
yeah,
ask the question.
I already did.
So how many do you think?
So tonight's the third date.
She better kiss you on the third date.
That's crazy.
Third date,
you don't even get like a peck?
Friend zone after that.
Yeah,
that's friend.
Oh,
wow.
The Spanish has spoken.
The way you said it with this accent?
Amigo zone.
Yeah,
amigo zone.
That fucking burned me,
dude.
That hurt.
Yeah.
Have you been friend zoned?
Oh my,
everybody in their fuck,
everyone in this room.
Everyone's been.
Thank God.
No one is immune to the friend zone.
You've been friend zoned?
Of course.
Oh,
thank the Lord.
Of course.
Dude,
I got friend zoned one time
so hard in college.
I went over to this fucking girl's dorm
who I like crushed,
crushed,
crushed on.
Yeah.
Was putting in all the work,
trying to do the right thing.
She's like,
come on over and hang out.
And I was like,
fuck yeah,
maybe this is it.
Tonight's the night.
Tonight's the night.
I go to her fucking dorm.
Yeah,
yeah.
I'm kicking it,
taking it easy,
not trying to be aggressive,
no moves.
Great song.
We're hanging out.
About the eagles.
Take it easy.
Take it easy.
Bath house.
Easy.
Bath house.
Bath house.
Bath house.
Bath house.
Bath house.
Bath house.
Bath house.
I'm sitting on the,
like one of those,
what are those,
what were they called?
The big bean bags.
Love sack.
Yeah.
Remember those?
You know what I call them?
What?
Your mom.
You motherfucker.
I'm sitting on a love sack
on her dorm room floor
and in walks
the guy that she's fucking.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she's like,
pain, pain.
This is my friend Andrew.
This is so and so.
Pain, pain, pain, pain.
Hey, buddy.
And she literally goes,
do you want to hang out
and finish?
We were watching.
Do you want to finish this?
We're going to go grab something to eat.
I was like,
yeah.
I'll just hang out.
I just hung out in the dorm by myself.
And that guy now,
this is what he does for a living.
Yeah, that guy.
Oh, wait, hold on.
Let me guess.
Keep going.
It's not a bad.
Wait, wait, wait.
That's not a bad line.
No, my minute.
I want to see what I maybe
I can guess.
Oh, you can guess it.
All right.
Let's see.
Do it again.
Digging graves.
No, digging graves.
Is that what you guessed?
Keep doing it.
Let me see if I can.
Oh.
Keep doing it.
I'm playing high lie.
Keep doing it.
Keep doing it.
Yeah.
You're never going to guess.
I was just trying to get you
some exercise.
Woo-hoo! Yeah-ee! Woo-hoo! Yeah-ee!