Name: Bobby Lee Meets 'The Karate Kid' Star Ralph Macchio
Uploaded: 2024-06-13T17:02:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Meets 'The Karate Kid' Star Ralph Macchio' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Meets 'The Karate Kid' Star Ralph Macchio' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-13. Transcript available.

Third date, you got to get a kiss.
I think if you don't,
then you kind of know it's amigo time.
You're amigo.
But can I say this?
And by the way, we're not advocating,
you don't have to kiss anybody,
but if by the third date,
you're not romantically interested in someone,
ladies, tell him.
But with Kalilah back in the day,
it took me eight dates.
Really? Yeah.
To open up those floodgates?
Yeah. I'm shocked.
It took me like eight, I hung in there.
She didn't like the restaurants.
Yeah.
Oh, you son of a .
Yeah. Larchmont wine and cheese didn't cut it.
Yeah.
So that's interesting.
That changes things.
Yeah. Eight days?
Yeah, 'cause sometimes when-
Maybe she was fighting off an infection.
It could have been a couple of days-
Like mad cow or something?
No, like a UTI.
Maybe she had something she didn't want to let you in.
Eight, you mean eight?
Maybe at the beginning she was fighting off something.
She was on their period or you never know.
What's the possibility?
It seems like a likely-
Well, no, I was in competition, so yeah.
You were competing against other guys with her.
She was single, there was other options.
So she wanted to see if you were worthwhile.
I think more time plays well for you, though, Bobby.
Why?
Why, why, why?
Interesting argument, Kalilah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, people get to know you,
you can't help but fall in love with Bobby.
I guess that's true.
Yeah.
But not love at first sight.
You are definitely not love at first sight.
Unless it's-
I think he can be-
Second sight?
Yeah.
Am I love at second sight?
I mean, your love is blind.
Love is blind, right?
For sure.
Yeah, so, yeah, sometimes I do, my personality,
I can get in there, but it's like,
it just takes so much effort.
The reason this is bothering you, he doesn't know,
is last week we talked about,
he went in for a smooch and he got cheeked.
That's the same girl.
I know.
So I gotta tell you.
Well, you didn't tell me that.
Yeah.
I told you last night about the cheek.
Yeah, you talked, he got cheeked.
She got out of the car real quick.
This is why I think this is not,
this girl doesn't wanna be,
she wants to be a homie, she likes you as a human.
Kinda makes me so sad, I'm like-
Just text her, kiss or not.
No, no, no.
Just send a poll.
Yeah, do an Instagram poll.
Will this chick kiss me tonight?
She'll see you.
This is what I'm gonna do.
You wanna hear my fucking thing?
Yeah.
Are you being real?
Yeah.
Totally.
So if it doesn't happen,
I kinda don't want it to happen, okay?
You pull a gun out and kill yourself right in front of her.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is your fault.
Yeah.
And I wanna, and then I like moving on.
You never talk to her again.
Because I'll tell you something that happened.
I wanna tell you something that happened to me.
Okay.
I wasn't ever gonna talk about this.
But right when Kalilah and I broke up back in the day,
right, I went on a date with the girl, same thing.
Two or three dates, nothing, right?
And then she was at the Comedy Store.
Recently?
Yeah, I hadn't seen her since then.
And we hooked up that night.
At the Comedy Store?
I hadn't seen her in like over like a year and a half.
Ooh, that's hot.
My point is that sometimes we plant the seed,
we plant the seed, and it will grow.
Those bonsai trees grow real slow,
but they do grow at some point.
It's a long game.
It's a 100-year game.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're playing the 100-year game.
When Mr. Miyagi was cutting the Beyoncé tree
in the original Karate Kid.
Yeah, best movie?
Yeah, it's a great movie.
So good.
Well, what's the point, guy?
Oh, see, you don't know, you missed-
When I was watching it in the theater,
I'm like, "That's what you do?"
No, you missed it completely, man.
Like the Bene Gesserit.
It's patience, it's meditation.
But he doesn't even sell it on eBay,
he just kinda has them?
Well, he had a Pinterest for a while,
I think Mr. Miyagi-
He did?
Yeah.
Yeah, look at him.
No pussy.
That was his OnlyFans back then.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what OnlyFans was,
trimming bonsai trees.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at Ralph Macchio.
He's like, "You fucking loser."
Dude, by the way, Ralph Macchio,
same age today that he was then.
Yeah, dude.
You see a photo of this guy?
I've met him.
What baby blood is he drinking
that he looks accurate?
He is also-
Look at how handsome that guy is.
The nicest guy you will ever fucking meet.
Not surprised.
Great actor, seems like a good dude.
Great guy.
Give me the age of this gentleman now.
He's 62?
Shut the fuck up.
That guy's 62 years old?
Mm-hmm.
That guy's 62.
How did I fucking know that, dude?
That was good.
That was good, right?
Wow.
One of the nicest guys in the world, dude.
I love that guy.
So fucking handsome.
How did you know that?
What?
How did you know he was 62?
He ain't doing some late-night Googling.
No, that's not what it is.
I think because the night I met him, all right?
So I was hosting this thing called
the Asian Excellence Awards.
Pfft.
Sorry.
Welcome back to the Asian Excellence Awards.
Why would they use a word like excellence with Asians?
Excellence.
The Excellence Awards.
Of all words to use.
So, yeah.
Then.
The Asian Excellence Awards.
Hosted by JCPenney.
Oh, shit, dude.
The ferns of me.
Yeah.
I like it.
All right, times have changed.
Times have changed.
All right, so you're hosting-
This is back in the day.
Yeah.
So you're hosting the Asian-
Believe it or not.
I believe it.
Trust me, I see it.
The Asian excellence.
Tarantino did it?
Is he Asian?
No, but he likes Asian shit.
Because I think he killed Bill and stuff.
Oh.
So he was on the show.
That's where I have a photo on Instagram where I met and we have a photo
together.
That's when I met him.
Danny DeVito.
And then Ralph Macchio was there too.
None of these guys are fucking Asian.
Ralph Macchio did it Asian.
Trying to find a through line.
He did Karate Kid.
Yeah.
Danny DeVito.
Why the fuck was he there?
Because he's short like you guys?
Short like an Asian.
If you don't look his eyes, he could be Asian.
Yeah.
I mean, think about that.
From the back.
I'm like, look at that little Korean guy running away.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, and Ralph Macchio was there.
And I remember, I mean, not that the other people there were rude.
It's just, he was more available.
He was just nice.
He's a moment guy like you.
He's a moment guy.
Yeah.
He was just like, and I talking to me and I was just like, and my fucking, my
brother,
when he was drinking, was there.
That's when he was still using.
What?
That's when he was using.
So Danny DeVito, Tarantino, and Ralph Macchio, they were sitting backstage on
these couches.
And my brother was on the outskirts drinking.
No, no.
Completely drunk.
And he kept walking up to Ralph Macchio.
I swear to God, I'm going, karate kid, dude.
And then backing up.
He's not wrong though.
Yeah.
And I would go, I remember going, Steve!
Stop!
Right?
He's like, dude, karate kid, dude.
You know what I mean?
Like fucking, like a stony, drunk.
I love your brother.
Yeah.
He didn't know any better.
By the way, those three guys, fuck, marry, kill.
Yeah.
Danny DeVito, Ralph Macchio, and-
Fuck, marry, kill, Asian.
And Tarantino.
Yeah.
Fuck, marry, kill.
All right.
So who would I?
Tarantino, Danny DeVito, and Ralph Macchio.
Fuck, marry, Ralph Macchio.
Sure.
Yeah.
I mean, probably kill Danny DeVito.
You'd have to kill Tarantino because the name of the sake of his films.
Kill Bill, kill, kill Quentin.
That's true.
But then you'd have to fuck Danny DeVito though.
How fun to toss that guy around.
Yeah.
That's easy.
That's the easy part.
He's a spinner.
Yeah.
Right.
It's beautiful.
We could 69, it would be like-
Just like two blueberries rolling around in the-
Like a yin and yang.
Because usually when I 69, I have to-
Yeah.
I mean, I have to reach.
A jumping 69.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course.
But you know, you guys, because you're both like little rotund bellies, it's
like two
magnets to the same side.
You just can't fucking, they just can't connect.
They just can't touch.
I had a girl once say that like, dude, I like that you have a belly because it
rubs against
my clit and I can come quicker.
Really?
Yeah, I was like, what?
It does that?
Your belly goes down that far?
Yeah, I guess it does that.
My God.
Yeah, anyway.
That's a tip for guys out there.
Yeah, it's a tip for guys.
Anyway, so Ralph Macchio, great guy.
Ralph Macchio is the guy that we would marry.
Yeah.
Can I ask you another question?
Yeah.
Is this something I came in with?
Floor's yours.
Okay.
Oh, sorry.
My bad.
You better believe it.
Toot toot.
I'm Spock though.
Ahoy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're Kirk.
I'm Spock.
By the way, put me on a boat and I get so gay.
Put me on a fucking boat and I get gay.
Chekhov.
You're a Chekhov.
Okay.
That's fine.
Anyway.
Yeah.
I'm good with that.
Yeah.
So let me ask you something.
So what I want to say is, I was thinking about last night, you know, I lay in
bed.
And can I show you what my room looks like now?
This is your new interior designed room.
Yeah.
I mean, this is just one part of it.
Wow.
That looks beautiful.
It's beautiful.
I hope so.
For the money.
Yeah.
I love being in there.
Anyway, I was laying in bed in my beautiful new room, listening to some tunes.
What do you listen to?
Yeah.
I was listening to Sarah McLachlan's Ice Cream.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
That's cool.
I like that.
Your love is better than ice cream.
Is that her song?
I don't know.
I think that's a Sarah McLachlan.
It is.
Fucking is better than ice cream.
Ice cream is better than fucking.
Fucking ice cream.
Salt and straw, you're right.
Yeah, dude.
Salt and straw, you're right.
McConnell's?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
McConnell's, you're right.
Go give me some of that Santa Barbara jam.
I take head over that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.