Name: Do NOT Take Gas Station D Pills!!
Uploaded: 2024-06-27T16:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Do NOT Take Gas Station D Pills!!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Do NOT Take Gas Station D Pills!!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-27. Transcript available.

anything else let's just get out of the way today guys let's get everything put
it all everything on
the table and go this is what we did and this and that anything else go ahead
um i took these pills
and it lasted too long like four days and i didn't think they would be that
potent four full days yeah
four days and so i thought i had a stroke by the way no i didn't know no one
told me i'm telling
you now don't ever do that again thank you yeah yeah you got to read it well
you don't need a
prescription for these you buy them at a gas station on vermont oh you did like
the little
extends or whatever no the mexican ones the it's called like uh yeah rhino rhino
but oh the rhino
there's a new one that says no headache so i got that one did you get a
headache no okay well it's
on the package okay i know yeah but the hot rod 5000s give you headaches so the
rhino didn't so i
was really happy what's what's in there is it the same ingredients as uh i don't
know yeah i i don't
know what's in it i just take it and i know i get an erection i learned this
early on do you not
can you not get an erection without it no i can but i use it as insurance so i
can have like an
extra fun time what but if you're attracted to the person do you then you have
trouble sometimes
sometimes i will so i'll get in my head and i'll start thinking oh like i want
to watch something
later i'll like think about a million things watch what later like a film or
something pornographic
no like youtube or something like i'll think about later in my night and like
it'll affect me
so you're sitting with the with the person that you're interested in you're
thinking about youtube
i'll think about y'all what why don't don't don't i i don't think about you
when i'm trying to get
please don't i love y'all i know i love you too but that's nonetheless i don't
think about you at all
but when i get in bed i think about everything in my life and y'all are such a
big part of it
and when i think of y'all my boner goes down okay when do you think about what
who have you
who's the last person you hooked up with that you had no thoughts like that
that it was just free and
high school i it was that long ago no i probably like years you haven't hooked
up with someone in
years that you felt comfortable just getting a heart on and not thinking about
life yeah it's been
years i have like i take medicine for it it's in a couple movies that's
incredible it's been what do
you mean it's in a couple movies i saw i related to a one of these characters i
saw a movie called red
rocket with simon rex and he had to take dick pills all the time oh yeah yeah i
love him yeah i know i was
like oh that's me i went to the premiere of that movie oh i'm jealous so yeah
what does it have to do yeah what happened oh just i was hooking up with this
girl and like the
insurance stopped working and i got really upset in the middle of it yes it has
nothing to do with me
and the deception i was i was saying what like i don't care about your personal
life i could have done
that too dude oh yeah yeah no no no what i'm saying is is there anything that
you want to put on the
table where you lied to me or deceived me in any kind of way i thought we were
not your fault i can do
that same thing yeah yeah yeah no but i do like life stories that is really
yeah but in that's they're
not in this segment there's segments dude in the show yeah i just i was getting
honest with my buddies here
yeah thank you thank you for that yeah i mean it's just like i can't yeah i i
don't know about
these people i i think we should start anew i'm so down yeah yeah you clip fire
everybody trouble
maybe the little kid from connecticut can stay who ryan yeah i don't know
though he said some things
that were like suspect well he walked in and he said he called everyone the n-word
which i thought
was it was weird yeah i don't know why he's being approached up you know i mean
yeah ryan slow down
you're an intern yeah but anyway um well look let me think about it if you want
to clear house
we'll get these guys out of here i really do i mean bobby no stop for a second
what i want to say to you
excuse me oh is i laughing too much yeah you like a hyena okay i'm sorry i don't
like hyena laughs
you know excuse me i'm sorry i'm sorry i mean i don't excuse me this guy this
guy please this is
not a comedy show yeah i'm just trying to be hello hello hello are you here i'm
here are you listening
yes so what i wanted to say is is that and i'm i'm i'm going to be truthful and
really dig into my
feelings here okay it's just been an adventure doing this podcast with you guys
it really has
i mean the kind of experiences we've had i will never forget them i don't know
why you're laughing
yeah what are you smiling about yeah you piece of shit why are you laughing i'm
being
fucking no either one of you you fuck me oh yeah yeah yes both of you stop like
would you get genuine
like you know i get genuine i get out and am i no it's not am i reading this
wrong no they're doing
it they're doing it they're egging you on yeah they're egging me out right now
and i don't like
you know what dude i don't even have to say it to them because this is how i
feel so i could just say
it to say it i don't want to say it to you either for some reason we'll say it
to camera then i'll just
say it to the wall to the audience well no to the audience oh yeah camera that's
a wall
okay please dude well i don't want to coach okay go ahead yeah i'm sorry please
you do as you may
all right so what i want to say is the last you know since the beginning of bad
friends it's just
been an adventure i've you know when i was a young guy i was like it was never
part of my
dream to do this but it was like was i mistaken because wow this has been a
wild ride and it's
been one of the greatest things i've ever experienced and the people were it's
almost as if
like they were all meant to be there like we all fit like a puzzle dude right
and when you put the
puzzles together it's a beautiful painting and sometimes yeah a rogue piece
gets in there exactly
what puzzle is this what puzzle piece is this who yeah what does this go to
yeah and then that road
rogue piece mccone right right but andrew hammered in yeah yeah as hard as i
could i said this has got
to fit so it's basically you know i mean of gigantic um puzzle of a gigantic
butterfly
but the rogue piece you can tell is the edge of a swastika that's right all
right so i'm like
trying to jam in this little tiny swastika piece inside this butterfly yeah and
then the whole things
becomes very nazi not right yeah it's nazi propaganda right so what i have to
do is i have to
fucking un puzzle it right to its pieces throw it in the garbage right and go
buy a new puzzle and buy
a mein kampf book yeah you have to start all over whatever it might be sure
yeah i mean i don't know
my comp oh my god great book oh yeah yeah i can't put it down but i'll tell you
what you're right i
think you need to throw away this old puzzle it's not yeah yeah the puzzle's
not working so thank you
for being my old puzzle pieces but it's not fitting the other anymore for me
the way that oh yeah what
you doing dude i'm just bummed well lies and deceit are going to get you there
but yeah that's
you too dude yeah thank you are you throwing me off the show no i said you too
i love you oh i love
you too that's what i was saying i love you like you too dude you too yeah yeah
yeah not with them but
you too in terms of love i love you i love you too hey who's the highest who do
you think is the highest
grossing touring musical artist of last year taylor swift correct who's number
two whoa that's a good
one i know you got it i know you i know you got it yeah i know really yeah i
know you think i got it
i know you do yeah yeah these guys don't have it did harry styles go last year
he's in there
not two though but he's number five number five wow okay did beyonce do
anything number two did i get
it you got it it was number three i don't know if i know you're this good you've
gotten three of
the five you think you can't knock out two more so who else went out there um
last year um i'm gonna
tell you this yeah it's a group this number three room five is a group no but
that's a very good guess
this is a group and it's a group where you go i mean yeah they were very very
popular
10 years ago but i cannot believe they're still making that much money
lincoln park bigger much bigger much bigger than lincoln much bigger yeah chain
smokers
no no okay now you're going we're you're going to the opposite you're so cold
you're freezing cold
yeah yeah i don't know
in the sunlight
i guess yeah no you guys you guys heard the song i don't keep doing it they all
heard it
oh i know what it is i know what it is cold play yeah cold play yeah yeah all
right
and then that doesn't surprise me and okay but no no no i like it what do you
mean cold play
clockwork is that what the song years ago yeah yeah yeah and then the next one
is uh i got this one right we're doing i know one what is it imagine dragons no
it's a solo art
well it's a man's name that is the band it's a man's name that it's the it's
his name but it's
a band but it's him do you know what i mean like he's not a solo artist because
that's not a real
wait wait is the is his name in the band's name yeah it's his name okay well
okay they go by him
they go by him john mayer no but he's with because he's with uh yeah i have no
idea do you guys know
give it a guess and i got this i was shocked because i thought what's an old-timer
guy that's
touring by the way springsteen wow very good fans b bruce bruce springsteen
really yeah i mean
you could look it up the number it was like 300 something million kills it
awesome you know how
much taylor swift uh made over a billion dollars i know a billion fucking
dollars in one year
yeah it's crazy it was a top uh touring touring what would i do with that money
a billion dollars
oh i i'd never see you guys again yeah honestly i would hope not no if you got
a billion dollars
would you call me and go do i think i'm done no no you know what i would do
what give me a half a
i would have a billion half a billion yeah yeah no would you give me any of
that money no
a billion dollars you give me some i don't think so i think i would give you
well i would say outrageous
outrageous outrageous i would say what do you need 10 million dollars for what
just to give it to me so
i don't feel jealous okay but i wanted but i okay but how about this then you
have to turn in receipts
of what you buy with it i want to know every dime you spend i want to find i
will do that really every
dime i want to see every dime yeah cash classic clans 40 000 that kind of thing
yeah yeah yeah yeah
you will you spend that much on a on a video game no do remember when clinton
called me goes no more
classical delete it right now because i spent ten thousand dollars in one month
or whatever
on classical anyway um jesus christ no i would give you i would give you as
much as you wanted no no
no just 10 million i don't think you would yes i would because when people get
money they hoard
it what do you mean i'm generous i would absolutely give you money i wouldn't
even think twice about
it i give fucking i i would give i would give in this room yeah tell what what
everyone would get
if i won a billion dollars yeah yeah and if i if i won the lottery i would give
well first of all i do
my family first that's what would i be and some no i mean my mother and my
father oh yeah take care
of course of course my little sister of course your little sister and then when
i got to the bad
friend's family i would give mccone 10k pretty generous that's really nice
pretty generous yeah
i break fancy off with a mill i give him a milli nice well he's a dad yeah nice
and i'd give carlos
probably one of those did they sell gift cards for rehab do they have gift
cards they don't have that
they don't they should no maybe get him insurance i'd give him and i give him
health insurance i'd pay for
his health insurance yeah yeah i would give him health insurance yeah yeah and
then ryan the new
guy i'd give him i don't know a couple hundred grand just tossed it to him just
to see what you
know fuck up his life you know what it's so fun just to see what would happen
you

Do NOT Take Gas Station D Pills!!

anything else let's just get out of the way today guys let's get everything put
it all everything on
the table and go this is what we did and this and that anything else go ahead
um i took these pills
and it lasted too long like four days and i didn't think they would be that
potent four full days yeah
four days and so i thought i had a stroke by the way no i didn't know no one
told me i'm telling
you now don't ever do that again thank you yeah yeah you got to read it well
you don't need a
prescription for these you buy them at a gas station on vermont oh you did like
the little
extends or whatever no the mexican ones the it's called like uh yeah rhino rhino
but oh the rhino
there's a new one that says no headache so i got that one did you get a
headache no okay well it's
on the package okay i know yeah but the hot rod 5000s give you headaches so the
rhino didn't so i
was really happy what's what's in there is it the same ingredients as uh i don't
know yeah i i don't
know what's in it i just take it and i know i get an erection i learned this
early on do you not
can you not get an erection without it no i can but i use it as insurance so i
can have like an
extra fun time what but if you're attracted to the person do you then you have
trouble sometimes
sometimes i will so i'll get in my head and i'll start thinking oh like i want
to watch something
later i'll like think about a million things watch what later like a film or
something pornographic
no like youtube or something like i'll think about later in my night and like
it'll affect me
so you're sitting with the with the person that you're interested in you're
thinking about youtube
i'll think about y'all what why don't don't don't i i don't think about you
when i'm trying to get
please don't i love y'all i know i love you too but that's nonetheless i don't
think about you at all
but when i get in bed i think about everything in my life and y'all are such a
big part of it
and when i think of y'all my boner goes down okay when do you think about what
who have you
who's the last person you hooked up with that you had no thoughts like that
that it was just free and
high school i it was that long ago no i probably like years you haven't hooked
up with someone in
years that you felt comfortable just getting a heart on and not thinking about
life yeah it's been
years i have like i take medicine for it it's in a couple movies that's
incredible it's been what do
you mean it's in a couple movies i saw i related to a one of these characters i
saw a movie called red
rocket with simon rex and he had to take dick pills all the time oh yeah yeah i
love him yeah i know i was
like oh that's me i went to the premiere of that movie oh i'm jealous so yeah
what does it have to do yeah what happened oh just i was hooking up with this
girl and like the
insurance stopped working and i got really upset in the middle of it yes it has
nothing to do with me
and the deception i was i was saying what like i don't care about your personal
life i could have done
that too dude oh yeah yeah no no no what i'm saying is is there anything that
you want to put on the
table where you lied to me or deceived me in any kind of way i thought we were
not your fault i can do
that same thing yeah yeah yeah no but i do like life stories that is really
yeah but in that's they're
not in this segment there's segments dude in the show yeah i just i was getting
honest with my buddies here
yeah thank you thank you for that yeah i mean it's just like i can't yeah i i
don't know about
these people i i think we should start anew i'm so down yeah yeah you clip fire
everybody trouble
maybe the little kid from connecticut can stay who ryan yeah i don't know
though he said some things
that were like suspect well he walked in and he said he called everyone the n-word
which i thought
was it was weird yeah i don't know why he's being approached up you know i mean
yeah ryan slow down
you're an intern yeah but anyway um well look let me think about it if you want
to clear house
we'll get these guys out of here i really do i mean bobby no stop for a second
what i want to say to you
excuse me oh is i laughing too much yeah you like a hyena okay i'm sorry i don't
like hyena laughs
you know excuse me i'm sorry i'm sorry i mean i don't excuse me this guy this
guy please this is
not a comedy show yeah i'm just trying to be hello hello hello are you here i'm
here are you listening
yes so what i wanted to say is is that and i'm i'm i'm going to be truthful and
really dig into my
feelings here okay it's just been an adventure doing this podcast with you guys
it really has
i mean the kind of experiences we've had i will never forget them i don't know
why you're laughing
yeah what are you smiling about yeah you piece of shit why are you laughing i'm
being
fucking no either one of you you fuck me oh yeah yeah yes both of you stop like
would you get genuine
like you know i get genuine i get out and am i no it's not am i reading this
wrong no they're doing
it they're doing it they're egging you on yeah they're egging me out right now
and i don't like
you know what dude i don't even have to say it to them because this is how i
feel so i could just say
it to say it i don't want to say it to you either for some reason we'll say it
to camera then i'll just
say it to the wall to the audience well no to the audience oh yeah camera that's
a wall
okay please dude well i don't want to coach okay go ahead yeah i'm sorry please
you do as you may
all right so what i want to say is the last you know since the beginning of bad
friends it's just
been an adventure i've you know when i was a young guy i was like it was never
part of my
dream to do this but it was like was i mistaken because wow this has been a
wild ride and it's
been one of the greatest things i've ever experienced and the people were it's
almost as if
like they were all meant to be there like we all fit like a puzzle dude right
and when you put the
puzzles together it's a beautiful painting and sometimes yeah a rogue piece
gets in there exactly
what puzzle is this what puzzle piece is this who yeah what does this go to
yeah and then that road
rogue piece mccone right right but andrew hammered in yeah yeah as hard as i
could i said this has got
to fit so it's basically you know i mean of gigantic um puzzle of a gigantic
butterfly
but the rogue piece you can tell is the edge of a swastika that's right all
right so i'm like
trying to jam in this little tiny swastika piece inside this butterfly yeah and
then the whole things
becomes very nazi not right yeah it's nazi propaganda right so what i have to
do is i have to
fucking un puzzle it right to its pieces throw it in the garbage right and go
buy a new puzzle and buy
a mein kampf book yeah you have to start all over whatever it might be sure
yeah i mean i don't know
my comp oh my god great book oh yeah yeah i can't put it down but i'll tell you
what you're right i
think you need to throw away this old puzzle it's not yeah yeah the puzzle's
not working so thank you
for being my old puzzle pieces but it's not fitting the other anymore for me
the way that oh yeah what
you doing dude i'm just bummed well lies and deceit are going to get you there
but yeah that's
you too dude yeah thank you are you throwing me off the show no i said you too
i love you oh i love
you too that's what i was saying i love you like you too dude you too yeah yeah
yeah not with them but
you too in terms of love i love you i love you too hey who's the highest who do
you think is the highest
grossing touring musical artist of last year taylor swift correct who's number
two whoa that's a good
one i know you got it i know you i know you got it yeah i know really yeah i
know you think i got it
i know you do yeah yeah these guys don't have it did harry styles go last year
he's in there
not two though but he's number five number five wow okay did beyonce do
anything number two did i get
it you got it it was number three i don't know if i know you're this good you've
gotten three of
the five you think you can't knock out two more so who else went out there um
last year um i'm gonna
tell you this yeah it's a group this number three room five is a group no but
that's a very good guess
this is a group and it's a group where you go i mean yeah they were very very
popular
10 years ago but i cannot believe they're still making that much money
lincoln park bigger much bigger much bigger than lincoln much bigger yeah chain
smokers
no no okay now you're going we're you're going to the opposite you're so cold
you're freezing cold
yeah yeah i don't know
in the sunlight
i guess yeah no you guys you guys heard the song i don't keep doing it they all
heard it
oh i know what it is i know what it is cold play yeah cold play yeah yeah all
right
and then that doesn't surprise me and okay but no no no i like it what do you
mean cold play
clockwork is that what the song years ago yeah yeah yeah and then the next one
is uh i got this one right we're doing i know one what is it imagine dragons no
it's a solo art
well it's a man's name that is the band it's a man's name that it's the it's
his name but it's
a band but it's him do you know what i mean like he's not a solo artist because
that's not a real
wait wait is the is his name in the band's name yeah it's his name okay well
okay they go by him
they go by him john mayer no but he's with because he's with uh yeah i have no
idea do you guys know
give it a guess and i got this i was shocked because i thought what's an old-timer
guy that's
touring by the way springsteen wow very good fans b bruce bruce springsteen
really yeah i mean
you could look it up the number it was like 300 something million kills it
awesome you know how
much taylor swift uh made over a billion dollars i know a billion fucking
dollars in one year
yeah it's crazy it was a top uh touring touring what would i do with that money
a billion dollars
oh i i'd never see you guys again yeah honestly i would hope not no if you got
a billion dollars
would you call me and go do i think i'm done no no you know what i would do
what give me a half a
i would have a billion half a billion yeah yeah no would you give me any of
that money no
a billion dollars you give me some i don't think so i think i would give you
well i would say outrageous
outrageous outrageous i would say what do you need 10 million dollars for what
just to give it to me so
i don't feel jealous okay but i wanted but i okay but how about this then you
have to turn in receipts
of what you buy with it i want to know every dime you spend i want to find i
will do that really every
dime i want to see every dime yeah cash classic clans 40 000 that kind of thing
yeah yeah yeah yeah
you will you spend that much on a on a video game no do remember when clinton
called me goes no more
classical delete it right now because i spent ten thousand dollars in one month
or whatever
on classical anyway um jesus christ no i would give you i would give you as
much as you wanted no no
no just 10 million i don't think you would yes i would because when people get
money they hoard
it what do you mean i'm generous i would absolutely give you money i wouldn't
even think twice about
it i give fucking i i would give i would give in this room yeah tell what what
everyone would get
if i won a billion dollars yeah yeah and if i if i won the lottery i would give
well first of all i do
my family first that's what would i be and some no i mean my mother and my
father oh yeah take care
of course of course my little sister of course your little sister and then when
i got to the bad
friend's family i would give mccone 10k pretty generous that's really nice
pretty generous yeah
i break fancy off with a mill i give him a milli nice well he's a dad yeah nice
and i'd give carlos
probably one of those did they sell gift cards for rehab do they have gift
cards they don't have that
they don't they should no maybe get him insu