Name: Rudy Lost Her Passport...
Uploaded: 2024-07-23T13:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Lost Her Passport...' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Lost Her Passport...' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-23. Transcript available.

Here's the thing. You don't want to wear your own merch because...
Right now, I don't. Because it's his tone.
If he said, hey, as an option, I would have done it.
Who said that?
This guy. But if he was... He forced it.
Like, yo, sew those Nikes back in the sweatshop days.
That's what he said.
You know what I mean? Like, Kathie Lee Gifford attitude.
She made those kids sew those Nikes?
Yeah, yeah. Sew those Nikes. I'm not sewing Nikes for you, white man.
Bobby, would you wear your own T-shirt?
No, not anymore. It's over now. That's over.
You're going to make money off by selling this shirt.
We're going to sell it out.
We're going to sell it out.
You're doing white eyes on me?
Yeah, I'll do white eyes all day to you, dude.
We're going to sell them out.
All right, buddy. All right, Paco.
Because you love the whites, huh?
Okie dokie, Paco.
Your attitude, too. I come in here, dude.
Frown face. Negative.
You know what I mean? Aggressive. Not nice.
Projecting. Projecting.
Exactly. You're projecting it onto me.
No, he's saying you're projecting it.
You're projecting onto me your bad energy, dude.
What did I do?
What did I say?
Earlier, I was sitting there going, what's your vibe about?
Or some aggressive thing.
What did I say?
I forgot.
But I didn't like it.
Welcome back, Rudy Jules!
Rudy Jules!
Oh, we love you.
My God!
It's like family coming home.
It's been so long.
It's been so long.
Hello.
What have you been up to?
Where have you been?
I lost my passport and visa.
So you came crawling back to bad friends.
Can someone please get me passport and visa?
When does it run out?
I don't know, because it got stolen.
So I'm basically illegal.
Oh, so we can call somebody right now and get you in trouble.
Yeah, call.
I'm calling INS.
Call Damien.
You know Damien from INS.
INS.
Can you phone them?
No, it's got to be email.
That's not efficient.
No wonder we got so many illegals in this country.
Hey, forget about it.
Forget about it.
All right, so who stole your passport?
Who do you think stole your passport?
Where did you get it?
What?
Nothing.
Go for it.
Did you blame me?
Why would I blame you?
Who stole it?
Who stole it?
No, I was just going to say something like random.
Say something random.
Yeah, how did you lose it?
What day did you know it was gone?
It was on June 3rd.
It says it got delivered by the front door.
And then when I arrived at 5 p.m., it arrived at 2 p.m.
And so when I arrived at the house, I just saw the envelope already open.
Whose house?
At his house?
No.
Your house.
Your house.
Someone stole it.
No, that's not a Filipino passport.
He's sacrificing his own.
Yeah.
Wow, that's good immigrant, dude.
Good immigrant stuff, dude.
Yeah.
So we're going to-
Are you showing-
Throw it to me.
Are you showing off?
You know how funny that is that you're-
It's close.
Wow, dude.
Does this mean-
Wait.
Oh, this is McCones.
Damn, dude.
Damn, dude.
That's such a bad photo.
That is such a stupid photo of you.
You know what?
I'm going to be positive.
I haven't seen it yet, but I love you, dude.
I'm going to be positive.
I'm going to be real with you, dude.
All right, check it out.
So good.
Dude, honestly, how many tries?
No tries?
No tries.
You said the first take was good.
They only give you one try.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, let me just say something.
What?
Do you know how to smile on command?
No, this was-
No, he was like one half.
Yeah.
I'm a girl.
I'm from Minnesota.
I'm an American.
How do we get back your passport?
I have to apply all over again.
I have to apply for my tourist visa,
my student visa, and my passport.
We're going to try to help you here.
Sounds like you need us more than you ever thought.
Yeah.
But can I just say something?
Yeah, go on.
Why is it so unfair that for a Filipino passport,
you can only go to like certain countries,
and for a USA passport,
you can literally go anywhere.
USA!
USA!
USA!
That's why, bud.
That's why, bud.
We have a good chance.
We have a good chance.
You can't chant,
Filipino!
Filipino!
It doesn't work.
But I want to go-
Where do you want to go?
Like to Europe.
No, they don't want you, though.
That's the problem.
They don't want you.
They don't want you, baby.
We have enough.
What?
We have enough.
We have enough.
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow, that seems a little too real.
Well, do they have hospitals in Europe?
No.
They don't?
No.
Well, then they don't want you.
Yep.
Hotels and hospitals.
Even to go to Japan.
I need a visa for Japan.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
The Japanese are weary.
Yeah, they're weary of you.
And why wouldn't they?
When you're weary,
feeling down,
when tears are in.
That's the Japanese.
Oh, that's not even Japanese.
No, it's not.
When you're weary,
There it is.
When you're weary,
feeling the sad,
when a tear in your eye.
All right, I don't know the rest.
Very good.
Thank you so much.
What have you been up to,
you nerd?
Are you still dating that guy?
Yeah, he is.
Yeah.
Jesus, I mean.
And we fucked already.
Jesus.
Whoa, dude.
That's an easy way to say it.
But why did you buy another?
Oh, God.
What are you talking about, lady?
Well, I was cleaning.
You bought three more.
Jerk machines?
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Why?
Like, I'll tell you why.
And, you know,
I've been at.
Okay, so check this out, okay?
Western bagel.
Just listen to what I'm saying.
Listen to my logic here.
They sell sex toys?
No, no, they don't.
Just listen to my logic, okay?
Western bagel.
Noah's bagels, right?
There's a bunch of bagels places
I go every day.
Different varieties.
Every day different, right?
Right.
Because I like a change
and I like different,
you know, companies
that make certain things.
So my point is that
you don't watch just one movie,
right?
Like, if I watched
A Quiet Place
day one
a thousand times,
I'd be bored,
you know what I mean?
That's a day a thousand for me.
Right?
This makes sense.
It makes complete sense, right?
So I,
okay, what I'm saying is
that I like a variety of things
and I'm going to tell you this too.
I found the brand
that I'm going to stick with.
I found my Diet Coke.
I found my Diet Coke.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
So clap for that.
And that was the reason
why I know the brand
and I found the thing
is because I tried
all the other ones.
Right.
And I compared.
Correct?
Kind of like you.
Kind of like you.
Yeah, yeah.
You tried girls and guys
and you found what you liked.
Now his is machines.
He likes X machines.
I love machines.
He's a big machinist.
Lola.
That's what her name is?
I named her, yeah.
Lola.
And I kiss,
I wash it first
and I kiss it.
I go,
good night, Lola.
Good night.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Does it respond?
But I.
So, Lola.
But anyway.
You're, you're,
you're, what are you now?
What are you done with school?
No, I'm already
a senior in college.
Oh, that's correct.
Oh, my God.
And I graduate next year.
Amazing.
Oh, my God, dude.
That's so weird.
On this show,
the course of the show,
you went through college.
I was in high school
when I started here.
You were a senior
in high school here
when you started.
Isn't that incredible?
Yeah.
And now look at you.
Now you're old and haggard.
You do look older.
You do look older.
What do you mean?
Yeah, you do.
You look haggard.
Yeah.
How?
When I first saw you,
I thought it was Kalilah.
Kalilah, what are you?
And I go, oh, oh, Rudy.
I mean, I'm not kidding you.
That's a compliment.
Well, okay.
Depends on who you asked.
Anyway, you do look older.
And your face,
I can tell.
Stop.
You're going to say,
I got fat.
No.
You're never going to get fat.
No, yes, you will.
I know.
Yeah.
I know.
Yeah.
But I can tell now
the evolution of your face
and it's going to get scrunchier
and scrunchier
and it's going to be
like a fucking box.
Like yours.
Yes.
I have a scrunchy face.
Yeah.
Okay.
And I'm,
that hurt so bad.
But I want to be so nice to her
because I want her to come back.
So you're right.
I have a scrunchy face.
Okay.