Name: Bobby Lee Learns Dungeons & Dragons
Uploaded: 2024-07-27T15:55:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Learns Dungeons & Dragons' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Learns Dungeons & Dragons' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-27. Transcript available.

Bobby Lee Learns Dungeons & Dragons

Get your students in here and come say hi.
Go ahead and bring him in here.
He's got his students with us again.
Are these students from Quinnipiac?
Yes.
He's f***ing every year, this guy.
Hello?
Hi.
Sit in that chair if you don't mind.
Oh, I remember you.
I remember you from out there.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
You don't mind?
Put the mic close there to Carlos.
All right.
There you go.
Hi.
Carlos.
That was aggressive.
What are you doing, dude?
Say f***ing sorry.
No, say sorry or something.
Say, I'm sorry for that.
I'm sorry.
No, don't touch people.
Nobody wants to be touched.
Back up, dude.
You're fine.
Anyway, what is your name?
I'm Vic.
Vic.
Wait, how do you spell it?
V-I-C.
Vic.
Yeah.
You say Vec.
Sorry, sometimes I say things wrong.
No, you said it right.
It's how you said it.
It's your name.
Vic.
Yeah.
Vic.
This is Rudy, by the way.
Say hi.
Hi.
Did you change it, Vic?
What did your parents name you?
Victoria.
See, that's what they do.
What, the whites?
The whites do this.
That's our thing.
Yeah.
You're Margaret, right?
And then like 20 years later, I'm Margo-ly.
Well, they would just say Margo.
Margo.
I don't know.
Margo.
Whatever.
I am or whatever.
But Vic is cool.
Yeah, Vic is cool.
Sorry, my bad.
No, it's fine.
My friends start calling me and it's kind of stuck.
Vic, you're a Quinnipiac, you're in film school.
I'm not.
No.
What do you do?
I am a game design and development student.
Hell yeah.
Whoa, I love games.
That's why you're wearing that specific bad friend sweater.
Yes.
Do you like that game?
Actually, I have not played Starter Valley.
Wow.
No.
What do you play?
I'm more of a tabletop gamer.
So I play a lot of D&D.
Dungeon and Dragons.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Video games like on a table.
Yeah, kind of.
With cards and little marbles.
No, that's a card game.
It's not a video game.
It's a card game.
Yeah, I'm trying to get to it.
It's a dice game.
It's a dice game with cards.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's no cards.
There's no cards?
Man, I'm playing it wrong.
You know, I'll tell you about D&D people.
A lot of it's in their imagination, no?
Yes.
So you build it in your mind.
Yeah.
I need to see things.
I'm a visual guy.
We have maps.
Like my friends will actually make like whole on maps.
So that way for us who can't picture things, we have maps.
But wait a minute.
What if somebody makes a map that you don't agree with?
Yeah.
If I'm a player, it doesn't matter.
If I'm the GM, I can tell them they're wrong.
If you're the what?
Game master.
A person who's...
And do you walk into the room, I'm game master today?
Not necessarily.
It's more of a, each of us have different games we'd run on different days.
I run every other Saturday.
So you're the GM every other Saturday?
Yes.
My friend does it every Sunday afternoon.
Do you have a little bit more of an attitude on Saturdays?
Yes.
Yeah.
You're a little bit more pointed.
Don't you think?
Yeah, yeah.
Like you wake up that morning, you go, I'm the fucking GM, dude.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
You got a little bit of fucking oomph in your step, right?
It's a great confidence builder.
It must be to be a GM.
You wake up excited?
I do.
I'm gonna...
I'm GM today.
Yeah.
On Saturday, GM day.
What's breakfast for you, Vic?
Oh, fuck, man.
Oh, that's...
Because that's a big fucking day.
Raw egg.
You eat one raw egg?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
Slurp a yolk.
Like Rocky.
Slurp a yolk.
It's a little weird.
It is a buttered bagel made in the microwave.
Buttered bagel that you put in the microwave?
Yes.
Because it tastes like a soft pretzel.
Oh, this is a great idea, by the way.
I do like this.
What?
It tastes like a soft pretzel.
You just microwave a bagel, it probably tastes like a soft pretzel.
Oh, okay.
You put salt on it?
But if it's wet, right?
Is that why?
You wet it?
Yeah, you dunk it in water.
No, you just microwave it and you put butter on it.
You don't do water bagels?
Not do water bagels.
You should.
I have a question.
Did you like Stranger Things?
I watched the first two seasons.
I did not like how they portrayed the game.
Wait, how does D&D have anything to do with Stranger Things?
Because that's what they like to do.
Oh, in Stranger Things?
Yeah.
Okay, my bad.
The whole plot point of the show.
Did you never see that show?
I refused.
Okay.
It's such a good show.
I told you why, right?
Why?
He was going to be-
No, just stop.
Stop.
Lack of representation?
No, no, no, no.
What happened was-
What did you say?
Is that the fourth slam?
What is it?
Four or five.
Yeah, yeah.
What is it?
Tell me what it is.
I just said lack of representation.
Lack of representation.
I don't want to-
It's a boring story.
It's a boring story.
Just do a quick-
All right.
So, you know, my agents call me, though.
There's a show called Oneonta, right?
Or something, right?
Oh, no, Montauk.
It was called Montauk.
Right?
And I go-
Are you talking about Squid Game?
No, stop.
Stop.
All right.
So, I go, okay.
And they go, there's a role.
And I go, I have to go in.
I went in.
I got the part.
Nice.
On Montauk, right?
Then they called me and they said,
there are no-
It's a period piece from the 80s.
There were no Asians in Indiana or whatever.
Well, I don't know where it was, right?
And I go, okay.
But then Andrew Daly got it, right?
That part.
And then he couldn't do it.
So, they called me back.
And they go, do you want it?
I go, yeah, I want to do this pilot.
And then, like, two days before I'm able to fly out,
they go, we're going to give it to a local,
I don't know, something like that.
They changed the name to Stranger Things.
Wow.
And then I had to drive around.
I had nothing then.
Right.
So, anyway, are you happy?
I said that story I didn't want to fucking say.
Anyway, Vicks.
Hi.
Hi.
So, let me ask you something.
Vicks.
Vic.
It's not Vapor Rub.
Jesus Christ.
That's what I heard.
I know.
I've never played D&D, okay?
So, him and I are come over, right?
Yep.
You know what I mean?
You know, hey, I'm Eugene.
That's, we changed our names.
Why?
I don't know why.
Okay, Eugene.
Yeah, what's your name?
Tell me my name.
Robert.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm Robert.
That's Eugene.
Hi, Eugene.
We're here to play D&D.
We've never played D&D, so how do we start?
All right, start by making a character.
All right.
So, you'll be given a piece of paper.
Yeah.
It has some lines and boxes, some bubbles.
Well, I already know it.
Leonard Mung Pie.
All right, start by.
And I'm Chooch.
Start by rolling.
Yeah, he's Chooch.
I'm Leonard Mung Pie.
All right, you start by rolling your stats.
You get.
Okay, I rolled.
It's a zero.
What does that happen?
Okay.
Pick it up between three and 18.
That's the more accurate.
Oh, three?
Okay.
I got a three.
All right, you got three.
So, the best way I can do this.
Do you have any snacks?
Yeah.
I'm starving.
Yeah.
We came all the way here.
We biked all the way from our house.
Yeah.
Do you have snacks?
I didn't bring anything, sorry.
You're the GM and you didn't bring snacks?
So, my group.
What the fuck are we doing here, man?
My group plays online.
Yeah, but we're here at your house.
We heard you had the best wet bagels in town.
Yeah, yeah.
Make us a water bagel, please.
Yeah, we want a wet water with the butter.
The fuck you think we came over here today?
Yeah, god damn.
They're like a pretzel, right?
Yeah, pretzel.
Yeah.
They're water bagels.
So, you already ate them?
Yeah, I did.
Okay, anyway, so what's up?
You ate an entire sleeve of bagel without us?
Yeah.
There's six in there.
Hey, hey, calm down, Chooch.
I got hungry.
Eugene, fuck off.
Oh, Robert, I'm in.
Yeah.
Oh, no, your character, anyway.
It doesn't matter.
So, three is for the lowest you can roll.
So, I guess you start by what stat you don't want to be good at.
Oh, can we figure out what the stats are?
All right.
Let me guess.
Physical?
Strength?
Strength?
Mental?
Yeah.
Nexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom, charisma.
Constitution?
What are you?
A historian?
You have to rewrite the whole thing.
Constitution is...
They better not touch my fucking constitution.
I'll tell you that.
I don't care if the dragons or the dungeons are involved.
Another thing is physical forms.
Look at those.
There they are.
Right.
Strength.
Oh, strength.
Dexterity.
No magic?
That's what charisma is.
Intelligence, wisdom, or charisma.
Yeah.
Determine magic based on your class.
Okay.
Okay, good.
Oh, class.
I'm Korean.
Leonard, monk, high, is Korean.
Can I not pick that?
Profession, more or less.
Okay, well, give me the professions.
Fighter, rogue, monk, barbarian, artificer, wizard, sorcerer, druid.
You're a druid for sure.
I'm a druid for sure.
Very druidic.
You want a high wisdom stat.
Okay, so I'm rolling with my wisdom first.
All right.
I got a three.
All right.
Keep rolling threes.
I have no idea.
I don't know.
It's weighted or something, these things.
All right.
So, druid's low wisdom means you're not going to be able to cast a lot of
spells.
Okay.
But you...
But I'll think about them.
Just think about them.
I'll think about the spells.
Yeah, yeah.
Probably work on having a high constitution because high constitution makes
high hit points.
Okay, what is constitution?
You have to go to the gym.
It is your physical...
It's physical and mental fortitude.
It's how well you can resist poison, how much HP you have.
Oh, health points.
Yeah.
How good you are at concentrating on your spells.
Okay.
Wow.
Wow, wow.
All right.
So, I got...
I'm going to throw that for that constitution.
I want to go home.
I know, dude.
I know a great...
I want to leave.
I know a great...
She doesn't have any fucking bagels.
I want to go home.
I know a great...
On the way home when we're riding our bikes.
All right.
I know it's 45 miles.
All right.
Yeah.
So, okay.
So, my constitution's at a 60.
Our constitution's 16.
60.
Not acceptable.
Why can't I get a 60?
Seems like...
So...
Your attitude as game master, I swear to God did.
So...
It does feel like a 60.
I am not explaining this in the proper order.
Oh, okay.
When you're rolling for stats, you roll four six-sided dice, and you keep the
highest three.
So, your numbers will always be between three and 18.
So, you want to develop games?
Is that what you're going to school for?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah?
Do you have a game you've developed?
I've made a couple of video games.
That's what the program's usually focused on.
And then I have another game.
I'm a tabletop game.
I'm working on with a couple friends of mine that I can't really talk about
because we don't want to...
You don't want to leak it.
Yeah.
That's smart.
I can't talk about the games we talk about.
Do you like...
Andres?
Do you like him?
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Cool is not the word.
That's pretty cool.
Shut up.
Look at your fucking face right now.
He's okay to you.
He's nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's never said anything inappropriate.
Is he one of your favorite teachers?
Oh...
I've never had him as a professor, actually.
Yeah, well, that's...
How are you here, then?
Because I filled out an application and they said yes.
They ship these kids out here.
Okay.
Their parents get rid of them.
For the summer.
This is camp.
Okay.
They get to come out here and have a good time.
Okay.
Which one are you?
How old are you?
21.
21.
How old are you?
22.
Wow, look at this.
Look at that.
You guys...
I'm done.
You want to go surfing or...
Yeah, do you want to surf?
We're paying for surfing lessons.
I'm not much of a surfer.
Okay.
Says whom?
Says my...
I'm a figure skater, actually.
Oh!
I've won, like, silver in states.
You won silver in state competition?
In what state?
Connecticut.
No shit?
That's huge.
You are a famous state champion figure skater.
Yeah.
That's incredible.
You do that with twirls?
The Vicks Vapor Rub Twirl.
Yeah.
Wow.
I like that.
Do you have a triple axel?
Can you do that?
No.
I ended up having to leave figure skating because of the pandemic, and I haven't
been able to
go back.
What do you mean?
China took over skating, too?
Those fuckers?
I love those fuckers, dude.
Wait, what do you mean you had to quit because of the pandemic?
They shut down the rinks?
They shut 