Name: "Stop Mocking Me!" Andrew Santino Roasts Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2024-08-03T17:14:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Stop Mocking Me!" Andrew Santino Roasts Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Stop Mocking Me!" Andrew Santino Roasts Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-03. Transcript available.

do you have any mortal enemies mortal enemies like bobby has mortal enemies and
and we've
talked about it on the show we don't need to mention the names but bobby has no
mortal enemy
what the fuck you're talking about dude really love i love everybody really
yeah they're just
fun little wars i like to start with people they're not enemies i love them if
they died
i would weep like a little baby not all of them i'll tell you why though i
could i okay here's
the thing you do have mortal enemies i'll tell you why though machine gun can i
call you machine
gun absolutely i like i like machine machine machine check it out so um if
somebody physically
touches me you know in a very violent way that's when i go okay that's the
boundary that sure right
so like if anyone assaulted you would you have you'd be like unless you were my
friend yeah but somebody
that like was like hey you and pushed you onto the ground yeah no it depends if
we were close and then
we made up somehow yeah yeah but otherwise no i've never i've never physically
assaulted you right
i don't think it's assault if you're less than
do you know what i mean there's a better way to say it i don't think you could
hurt me
dum dum dum no dum dum dum to you machine okay i'll tell you this i'll tell you
this machine
dum dum dum to you is is that i could physically hurt both of you right now and
i choose not to do it
no i don't want to get up and do it no because i'll get up and do it right now
i'm not a violent
man i'm not if i'm namaste for life and don't talk violent but what i'm saying
is is that in a
situation dude in the right moment i will go monkey style on you what when i'm
asleep yeah if i'm
passed out you got spider monkey onto your head and i'll do damage to your head
top top tippy top
dum dum dum you guys are mocking me dude but it's like no you don't want to
race me out you're the
one that started it why because you're talking like you could physically
assault us it's crazy
it's an insane thing to think no i'm just saying that i just don't don't don't
don't don't
all right comedy isn't you do really it was perfect you do that well but what i'm
saying is you know you
would never put a hand on me that would be crazy i'm i know but you put our
hands on me yeah yeah
and i don't think that's right and i'm gonna draw the line now don't do it
again i'll do it whenever
i want i know you will and i'm fine with it i'm fine with it because it's out
of love do you have
any mortal enemies uh i'd say i had an ego death and so that kind of dissipated
with that oh beautiful
when did the ego death come 2022 why uh realizing
public perception will always
change if you just continue running the marathon and i think um also realizing
i have no control of
outward opinions and that what is important is how i feel about myself and that's
what radiates so
it's also not my job to be
liked by everybody because art is what i do and art is always supposed to be
conversational and if the
conversation is just one way then it's boring so as long as i do my job and
create conversation
bad or good i am an artist and by the way bad and good is an interesting
because you're i agree with
everything you're saying there's no such thing as like a bad version of the
conversation about you
because it's all it's all surrounding what you're making so whether people like
it or not is doesn't
yeah it doesn't really matter people that like you and the people that hate you
it's all the same thing
sometimes people that hate you like you more than yeah it's it's all money in
your pocket well
i'll tell you why well it's not just the money you know just let me i don't
know why you laughed at
that you meet my spanish friend okay i'm going to say this okay let me get my
points out if i may
please i'm 50 of the show 40. yeah 40.
i'm 70. you're 75. yeah yeah yeah yeah so what am i what what i meant but say
not money in your pocket
but what i meant to say is is that you're a correct it's the conversation you're
right yeah it's just
like if i wasn't causing conversations out there that i wouldn't be successful
true as you especially
as a comic right i think the reason why we do well maybe you know me is because
we do cause you know
i mean there are people that don't like us sure of course in our style of
comedy or whatever and i
just think that um and you're right machine right there's nothing we can do no
the one thing you can
do is finish the book and they're gonna read the beginning oh god i gotta
finish the book they're
gonna read the beginning and they'll make their assumptions and as long as you
finish the as long
as you get them through the entire book they might find out that the you know
perceived antagonist was
really the protagonist and there's a nice spin at the end god so this guy's
fucking great yeah but
it's also so true it's the amount of people that even like as a kid someone
that was famous or a
celebrity of some kind that i had a perception about and then i got older and
then you saw their life
change or saw their saw them develop and i changed my opinion of them it's
there's tons of them
there's so many people like that yeah give me one example well i would say not
my first thought
thought was the way people always perceived rodman when i was a kid because
dennis rodman was such a
polarizing figure and then the more people that learned about him about who he
was or who he you know
versus who they perceived him to be it was kind of a beautiful flip or a change
tyson had the same thing
people didn't understand mike tyson i feel like now they're getting to see who
mike tyson really is
but as a kid it was always like celebrities and certain athletes or certain
famous people that i
was like i don't even know if i like that guy or they bothered me then you see
them grow in their
whole you're reading more of their book and you're like oh i now i do i guess i
didn't know that person
yeah i was was scared of mike tyson for some reason and then one day i was he's
pretty
fucking scary yeah but i was at the comedy store he goes hey man i'm mike tyson
yeah i'm big fan your work
right and i go oh we took a photo i remember showing my dad the photo my dad
cried
he called him michael tyson
he literally weep because my dad's a big boxing fan yeah right and then um i
did a movie with mike
tyson you know what i mean and he's just a nice guy anyway what movie did you
do with mike it was
called oh my god i hated this movie i even forgot what it was called i hated it
i can't wait to see
this i have a funny rodman story i think that's what that give me the rodman
story
so i was uh directing and writing a comedy with my friend mod son and we were
looking for a uh
oh my god dude that was me in the movie i i look oh my god dude dude why didn't
you tell me dude
well i mean i just why do you tell that look like a fat lesbian you
i look like shit there dude that is wild look at that dude it's a bad fit when
you put that on you
were like give me something else that's a tough thing to wear does my body look
like that now
no be real it doesn't okay good thank god the boys will tell you yeah from now
on if i ever look
like that just say ozempic i'll get on it all right because that's fucking i
look like anyway give me
your dennis rodman rodman can i have your lighter one more time no bum bum bum
no
all right the teasing of it is great yeah um okay can you throw it back can you
do it as hard
because you did hard last time do it hard no don't do it as hard okay i got you
that's what she said
all right give me dennis so do you know who this is yeah the red-headed guy
correct yeah uh me and
my son were doing a a comedy and we wrote this part for um you know an athlete
to come and punch
me in the face and we were like man what athlete could we do and mod has dennis
rodman's face
tattooed on his arm and so we were looking and i was like you know we were like
oh my god dennis
robin for sure we should hit him up and so we hit dennis robin up he agreed to
do it as long as we
booked him a rolls-royce to uh bring him from orange county up and fair for
sure and i was like great no
problem and so he's on the way up and the rolls-royce driver is like he's
smoking a cigar in my rolls-royce
like i'm turning the car around i was like this is dennis robin you let him do
whatever the
fuck he wants just please get him to this we rented van nuys airport out for
like an hour and and up
until this point the producers were basically like why did we do this like we
don't have a confirmed
athlete this was all like we were doing the dennis robin things behind the
scenes just kind of just
please do this right and so he finally gets there
and you know mod is the one that has his face tattooed on him and so he walked
up and he was like dude
dennis what up and he goes straight past him out and he sees me he's like what
up superstar
and me and mod laugh about that to this day it was so funny and then he did the
scene and he killed
it and uh he i don't know wrinkled t-shirt that we were like do you want to
change he was like i'm
already in my outfit and we were like yeah for sure of course yeah yeah he was
good and it was
great yeah he was awesome he was so so cool and i really appreciate him for
doing smoking in the in the
smoking a cigar on the rolls is so machines yeah mr machine so awesome machines
i'm going to manifest
something right now and i hope it happens i want to play an aardvark or
something in one of your music
videos cool no honestly i want to be a creature of some sort yeah now being
real yeah i'm not
fucking around here dog well you can't go from that voice to that and be like i'm
not
fucking around you can't go mr machines i want to play an aardvark and i'm
serious or let's be real
for a second then we'll go ahead yo machines what's up bro that doesn't need to
be that way yeah it's
going to be that way right now dude i'll tell you that right now playa all
right i'm done
fucking around in this dude when he does this yeah yeah give it to him dude all
right brah urban bobby
look up aardvark what does that look like yeah okay let's see if this is proper
caster yeah it's
proper it's pretty close you're more of a roly-poly how about that how about no
not don't say roly-poly
let me be a furry animal how about a red panda red panda's great red panda you
could be yeah yo yo
brah is that how they sound no i'm not i'm not doing the red i'll tell you you
want to do a red
panda it well i'm doing a red panda now though it's something like that it's
pretty good that's pretty
good yeah that's actually really good i don't know i think you got it can i
play um some sort of fury
furry animal in one of your music videos dude yeah yeah how do i incorporate
that
it'd be funny dude watch you're you're at lax i don't know where you do your
videos right
at some airport always at airports
however you do it you can't have exotic animals at airport but anyway fine okay
then we're at
griffith park cool cool right cool all right it's cool right you're wearing a ranger's
outfit
what's a ranger like an like a park ranger okay right and you're like you know
rapping about like
you know i mean etymology of things you know i mean like of the fungi this song
etymology of fungi this song has
already flopped yeah yeah yeah whatever it might be right okay and then it's
like you're like yeah
man the fungi or whatever you know i mean communicate each other underneath the
trees you know because
you know they have a network yeah it's good so far yeah yeah they have a
network a thing right and in
the background i'm in the back in a tree with a leaf like that right as a caveo
yeah yeah yeah you
want to do it i i'm out i'm out i'm out i'm out you don't want to do it no i'm
out can i be in it
what's the disposition of a red panda like what is their what's their thing i
can't manifest nothing
well give me their wikipedia what is it about them they're they're uh small
mammal they're the lesser
panda the lesser panda there we go number one that's true that's true of me i'm
lesser yeah yeah
all right number two what's another thing their population is decreasing
exactly so are you a few
there's a few of us left all right i'll have a pitch yeah what yeah what's
yours let's switch it from
i think the pitch would be and i'm going to run on the theme of the ego death
that you spoke about okay oh my
god there is a sea of red pandas all over the place okay bobby is one of them
yeah you are a
red panda but you don't look like the other red pandas you stand out me yeah
very dramatically okay
a lot of the other red pandas including bobby kind of don't like you they make
fun of you they
isolate you and so what you do is then you try to become a red panda you try to
do what they do
try to look like them and you realize in doing so it's less and less of who you
really are
then they see you stripping off all of this makeup and nonsense to become them
and you shine as bright as you've ever shown and you rap to these other red
pandas about who you really
are can you pass me that water for a second oh yeah yeah um can i i'm just
gonna this will be can this
be the so the end scene will kind of be a little bit like
yep
is this kind of like yeah that's exactly what it is dude did you go to rip
panda school that was insane
yeah very good well what about this then maybe because you realize you realize
that you've hurt you
realize that you've hurt my feelings i'm sorry good good good really good keep
going go go go go
do you want to leave take it back take it back i take back what you're i will
say what was i saying
i'm sorry i'm so sorry thank you thank you thank you thank you good good i
forgive you okay see dude
can i propose one little thing instead of like there'll be a thousand
repentance can you just multiply my
body sure yeah we'll do the we'll do oompa loompa johnny depp wonka yeah we'll
do that with you with
the red panda it'll be all all the red panels will be you okay yeah that's what
that's all i want yeah
and you can do that with technology do we have a deal we have a deal yeah do we
have a deal right
that was really that was that was good but machines if we don't do it dude bro
we're gonna have a
problemo in the next two years this has got to happen so you're threatening him
yeah maybe a little
bit always a good move yeah yeah i'm sorry good move you hear me but it's like
i would love to work
with you that's all is the rest of the show just going to look like i'm crying
no no no no no you're
good yeah and actually your face looks a lot better his you're you're still a
little red in the eyes
let me see go like this be you on curb from the fifth season
pretty good yeah it looks really can you cry on command we've done this oh we
already i did that
on schultz's show oh yeah yeah you already did i've done it on schultz's show
yeah yeah all right um
i found my lighter it's right here i know you oh bob another one one one more
you want to thank our guests for coming dude um um be real i'm being real
you dude i'm really real i feel like i'll probably never get your number but um
yeah don't do that
yeah yeah which is fine um but i feel like um and this is the true honest truth
i didn't know much i know who you were you know i mean but i i didn't know you
i feel like i know
you a lot more i respect you thanks man um i like you a lot thank you and i
think you're a good dude i
think you're also intuitive i think that you're mindful and i think that you're
going the right places
thank you and um i appreciate you for doing our program and um hopefully in the
red pants you know
you can just we don't have to do it i'm being really i mean if that doesn't
happen it doesn't
happen and i won't take offense you know i get it i'm not you know i've done
other people i've done
eminem's video careful i have i've been in other videos that's that's yeah
anyway that's not the move
i'm just it's a threat wow yeah it's a threat but anyway my point oh you're
saying if he doesn't
do that yeah yeah i'm just saying i've been there done that yeah wow that's all
you know what i mean
but my point is no dude honestly dude i love you dude and thank you so much for
doing it man oh thank
you i really appreciate it thank you guys we appreciate you very much thank you
for saving my life
um i hope we see you again um and uh i want to thank you for being a bad friend
thank you so much guys
you

"Stop Mocking Me!" Andrew Santino Roasts Bobby Lee

do you have any mortal enemies mortal enemies like bobby has mortal enemies and
and we've
talked about it on the show we don't need to mention the names but bobby has no
mortal enemy
what the fuck you're talking about dude really love i love everybody really
yeah they're just
fun little wars i like to start with people they're not enemies i love them if
they died
i would weep like a little baby not all of them i'll tell you why though i
could i okay here's
the thing you do have mortal enemies i'll tell you why though machine gun can i
call you machine
gun absolutely i like i like machine machine machine check it out so um if
somebody physically
touches me you know in a very violent way that's when i go okay that's the
boundary that sure right
so like if anyone assaulted you would you have you'd be like unless you were my
friend yeah but somebody
that like was like hey you and pushed you onto the ground yeah no it depends if
we were close and then
we made up somehow yeah yeah but otherwise no i've never i've never physically
assaulted you right
i don't think it's assault if you're less than
do you know what i mean there's a better way to say it i don't think you could
hurt me
dum dum dum no dum dum dum to you machine okay i'll tell you this i'll tell you
this machine
dum dum dum to you is is that i could physically hurt both of you right now and
i choose not to do it
no i don't want to get up and do it no because i'll get up and do it right now
i'm not a violent
man i'm not if i'm namaste for life and don't talk violent but what i'm saying
is is that in a
situation dude in the right moment i will go monkey style on you what when i'm
asleep yeah if i'm
passed out you got spider monkey onto your head and i'll do damage to your head
top top tippy top
dum dum dum you guys are mocking me dude but it's like no you don't want to
race me out you're the
one that started it why because you're talking like you could physically
assault us it's crazy
it's an insane thing to think no i'm just saying that i just don't don't don't
don't don't
all right comedy isn't you do really it was perfect you do that well but what i'm
saying is you know you
would never put a hand on me that would be crazy i'm i know but you put our
hands on me yeah yeah
and i don't think that's right and i'm gonna draw the line now don't do it
again i'll do it whenever
i want i know you will and i'm fine with it i'm fine with it because it's out
of love do you have
any mortal enemies uh i'd say i had an ego death and so that kind of dissipated
with that oh beautiful
when did the ego death come 2022 why uh realizing
public perception will always
change if you just continue running the marathon and i think um also realizing
i have no control of
outward opinions and that what is important is how i feel about myself and that's
what radiates so
it's also not my job to be
liked by everybody because art is what i do and art is always supposed to be
conversational and if the
conversation is just one way then it's boring so as long as i do my job and
create conversation
bad or good i am an artist and by the way bad and good is an interesting
because you're i agree with
everything you're saying there's no such thing as like a bad version of the
conversation about you
because it's all it's all surrounding what you're making so whether people like
it or not is doesn't
yeah it doesn't really matter people that like you and the people that hate you
it's all the same thing
sometimes people that hate you like you more than yeah it's it's all money in
your pocket well
i'll tell you why well it's not just the money you know just let me i don't
know why you laughed at
that you meet my spanish friend okay i'm going to say this okay let me get my
points out if i may
please i'm 50 of the show 40. yeah 40.
i'm 70. you're 75. yeah yeah yeah yeah so what am i what what i meant but say
not money in your pocket
but what i meant to say is is that you're a correct it's the conversation you're
right yeah it's just
like if i wasn't causing conversations out there that i wouldn't be successful
true as you especially
as a comic right i think the reason why we do well maybe you know me is because
we do cause you know
i mean there are people that don't like us sure of course in our style of
comedy or whatever and i
just think that um and you're right machine right there's nothing we can do no
the one thing you can
do is finish the book and they're gonna read the beginning oh god i gotta
finish the book they're
gonna read the beginning and they'll make their assumptions and as long as you
finish the as long
as you get them through the entire book they might find out that the you know
perceived antagonist was
really the protagonist and there's a nice spin at the end god so this guy's
fucking great yeah but
it's also so true it's the amount of people that even like as a kid someone
that was famous or a
celebrity of some kind that i had a perception about and then i got older and
then you saw their life
change or saw their saw them develop and i changed my opinion of them it's
there's tons of them
there's so many people like that yeah give me one example well i would say not
my first thought
thought was the way people always perceived rodman when i was a kid because
dennis rodman was such a
polarizing figure and then the more people that learned about him about who he
was or who he you know
versus who they perceived him to be it was kind of a beautiful flip or a change
tyson had the same thing
people didn't understand mike tyson i feel like now they're getting to see who
mike tyson really is
but as a kid it was always like celebrities and certain athletes or certain
famous people that i
was like i don't even know if i like that guy or they bothered me then you see
them grow in their
whole you're reading more of their book and you're like oh i now i do i guess i
didn't know that person
yeah i was was scared of mike tyson for some reason and then one day i was he's
pretty
fucking scary yeah but i was at the comedy store he goes hey man i'm mike tyson
yeah i'm big fan your work
right and i go oh we took a photo i remember showing my dad the photo my dad
cried
he called him michael tyson
he literally weep because my dad's a big boxing fan yeah right and then um i
did a movie with mike
tyson you know what i mean and he's just a nice guy anyway what movie did you
do with mike it was
called oh my god i hated this movie i even forgot what it was called i hated it
i can't wait to see
this i have a funny rodman story i think that's what that give me the rodman
story
so i was uh directing and writing a comedy with my friend mod son and we were
looking for a uh
oh my god dude that was me in the movie i i look oh my god dude dude why didn't
you tell me dude
well i mean i just why do you tell that look like a fat lesbian you
i look like shit there dude that is wild look at that dude it's a bad fit when
you put that on you
were like give me something else that's a tough thing to wear does my body look
like that now
no be real it doesn't okay good thank god the boys will tell you yeah from now
on if i ever look
like that just say ozempic i'll get on it all right because that's fucking i
look like anyway give me
your dennis rodman rodman can i have your lighter one more time no bum bum bum
no
all right the teasing of it is great yeah um okay can you throw it back can you
do it as hard
because you did hard last time do it hard no don't do it as hard okay i got you
that's what she said
all right give me dennis so do you know who this is yeah the red-headed guy
correct yeah uh me and
my son were doing a a comedy and we wrote this part for um you know an athlete
to come and punch
me in the face and we were like man what athlete could we do and mod has dennis
rodman's face
tattooed on his arm and so we were looking and i was like you know we were like
oh my god dennis
robin for sure we should hit him up and so we hit dennis robin up he agreed to
do it as long as we
booked him a rolls-royce to uh bring him from orange county up and fair for
sure and i was like great no
problem and so he's on the way up and the rolls-royce driver is like he's
smoking a cigar in my rolls-royce
like i'm turning the car around i was like this is dennis robin you let him do
whatever the
fuck he wants just please get him to this we rented van nuys airport out for
like an hour and and up
until this point the producers were basically like why did we do this like we
don't have a confirmed
athlete this was all like we were doing the dennis robin things behind the
scenes just kind of just
please do this right and so he finally gets there
and you know mod is the one that has his face tattooed on him and so he walked
up and he was like dude
dennis what up and he goes straight past him out and he sees me he's like what
up superstar
and me and mod laugh about that to this day it was so funny and then he did the
scene and he killed
it and uh he i don't know wrinkled t-shirt that we were like do you want to
change he was like i'm
already in my outfit and we were like yeah for sure of course yeah yeah he was
good and it was
great yeah he was awesome he was so so cool and i really appreciate him for
doing smoking in the in the
smoking a cigar on the rolls is so machines yeah mr machine so awesome machines
i'm going to manifest
something right now and i hope it happens i want to play an aardvark or
something in one of your music
videos cool no honestly i want to be a creature of some sort yeah now being
real yeah i'm not
fucking around here dog well you can't go from that voice to that and be like i'm
not
fucking around you can't go mr machines i want to play an aardvark and i'm
serious or let's be real
for a second then we'll go ahead yo machines what's up bro that doesn't need to
be that way yeah it's
going to be that way right now dude i'll tell you that right now playa all
right i'm done
fucking around in this dude when he does this yeah yeah give it to him dude all
right brah urban bobby
look up aardvark what does that look like yeah okay let's see if this is proper
caster yeah it's
proper it's pretty close you're more of a roly-poly how about that how about no
not don't say roly-poly
let me be a furry animal how about a red panda red panda's great red panda you
could be yeah yo yo
brah is that how they sound no i'm not i'm not doing the red i'll tell you you
want to do a red
panda it well i'm doing a red panda now though it's something like that it's
pretty good that's pretty
good yeah that's actually really good i don't know i think you got it can i
play um some sort of fury
furry animal in one of your music videos dude yeah yeah how do i incorporate
that
it'd be funny dude watch you're you're at lax i don't know where you do your
videos right
at some airport always at airports
however you do it you can't have exotic animals at airport but anyway fine okay
then we're at
griffith park cool cool right cool all right it's cool right you're wearing a ranger's
outfit
what's a ranger like an like a park ranger okay right and you're like you know
rapping about like
you know i mean etymology of things you know i mean like of the fungi this song
etymology of fungi this song has
already flopped yeah yeah yeah whatever it might be right okay and then it's
like you're like yeah
man the fungi or whatever you know i mean communicate each other underneath the
trees you know because
you know they have a network yeah it's good so far yeah yeah they have a
network a thing right and in
the background i'm in the back in a tree with a leaf like that right as a caveo
yeah yeah yeah you
want to do it i i'm out i'm out i'm out i'm out you don't want to do it no i'm
out can i be in it
what's the disposition of a red panda like what is their what's their thing i
can't manifest nothing
well give me their wikipedia what is it about them they're they're uh small
mammal they're the lesser
panda the lesser panda there we go number one 