Name: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino Talk 'Longlegs' and Nic Cage Movies
Uploaded: 2024-08-16T16:09:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino Talk 'Longlegs' and Nic Cage Movies' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino Talk 'Longlegs' and Nic Cage Movies' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-16. Transcript available.

so what time are you going to watch long legs tonight i'm going to go see long
legs tonight
yeah you're going to like it it's pretty cool but i'm going to go alone oh that's
good because i
want to be he's scared yeah yeah and you can't you can't do that when you're
with somebody yeah
he's probably i mean what a career nick cage the best yeah because there was a
while where he
wasn't he did all those small movies because hollywood probably pushed him out
why did that
why he didn't get in trouble or something no he did that one room the christian
movie was one of
the worst movies ever what was it called left left left behind one of the worst
movies ever made i
don't remember this yeah he phoned every scene in it was one of the worst
movies you got to watch this
well there he is so bad right there yeah he's phoning it yeah yeah i mean there's
really one scene where
he has his like captain's head over his face you can't even see his face he's
just saying his lines
you know what i mean he hated it and he but they probably paid him a lot think
about how hard that
is what go back to the poster and you see all those people in it like this
could be the break of their
lifetime and he's and he's just like it yeah chad michael murray cassie thompson
nikki whelan
jordan sparks yeah i gotta be love jordan sparks i don't know who those people
are am i stupid
chad michael murray is famous what i'm stupid i don't years ago jordan sparks
was a pop singer
right oh wow oh i know him yeah yeah i know him personally you do yeah
no seriously we have lunch on wednesdays i know we have lunch every wednesday
that's no way yes jimmy
and cmm that's what i call him i didn't know that was his real name wow he's a
good guy no i never
met him but i bet he's rad i mean think about that maybe maybe chad was like
this film is going to be
awesome and then the guy that stars in your movie is like this and bails when
that would bump you break
your soul yeah i mean um i think they were also going oh they didn't like it i
don't think so
terrible it's you have to watch it's one of the worst movies ever made well it's
about what he's a
pilot and a plane disappears and it's no no this is what it is it's a christian
so a christian
production company made it you got me so basically the rapture all right right
so like one day just
people just kind of disappear and then the clothes just fall to the ground whoa
and it's like six
dudes left going oh where oh no we didn't believe in god what do we do right uh
and they start rarity
i know dude number one i would go to the pharmacist yeah right unless the
pharmacist is still alive
no they're gone oh good he's in heaven right he's in heaven so i would go you
know like drugstore cowboy
i avoid that's my one of fantasies dilaudid you know i mean i would just go try
to find all the
shit right get all the dough and then you know what i would do do i fantasize
about this i fantasize
about this all the time dude i can't wait right then i'm gonna go to san marcos
why san marcos california
do you know why why that's where the real doll factory is right so i go to the
pharmacist right
probably nine pharmacists get all the i'll relapse i don't give a fuck okay i'm
so excited so i'll
relapse right so then i'm gonna get cars probably still work yeah cars work
everything works until
it stops working yeah yeah but you can't get them fixed that's right but that i
i you assume that for
the next 20 years you'll be able to find cars you'll be fine you just keep
getting into cars cars yeah
go to san marcos right and i would go to but i don't know how but they have my
pre-built you know
mean sex i get 20 of them don't you think i think you would just go in and use
it when you're done
you'd leave no because i don't want i don't want to live in san marco i think
where do you want to
live everyone's gone i would i would go to back to malibu or something like a
nice beach property okay
then get yourself an 18-wheeler truck and load that up with sex doll toys and
bring it up to a
house in malibu yeah yeah bring it to spielberg's house and pack that thing
with real dolls yeah i would
love to have sex with a real doll on dilaudid right with a fucking amistad
poster
that's like fantasy i'm messing down right so um and you're talking to her you're
like you know
i directed that movie yeah jizz all over her face yeah i i so i i have all
these fantasies what i would
do the real doll factory is where you'd go i'm trying to genuinely think if
that happened and a
bookstore probably a bookstore yeah because i because i i need to be doing
something and so i'll
be like i'm gonna read you're not yes i am no yes i am you don't read now what's
the difference i would
learn to read i'll be so bored you can't just fuck a real doll all day long on
dilaudid try me yeah yeah
yeah eventually you're like oh hemingway yeah sun also rises i don't even know
what i would do i can't
even imagine what i would do if like so how many people are gone of the
population it's like almost
everybody only a few people no half the population is probably oh well that's a
lot of people still
left okay but i have scenarios in my brain when i go to bed i think of these
things what imagine if
there's only 50 people whoa on planet earth you're never gonna run into anybody
so what would you do
you're never gonna so you're alone basically this is the scenario yeah what
would you do the first
thing i would do yeah you can't kill yourself boring boring yeah don't kill
yourself no you want
well you stay i'd stay alive but you're never going to see anybody again so you're
the last person on earth
basically yeah you don't know that they're there the 50 so you're never going
to see them
but what if what if you run into one of them yeah yeah it's the most annoying
guy like who would be
the annoying you think to have on earth yeah it's not going to also be because
it's like if there's
50 people like a teacher from high school that's still around right and there's
probably half of
them are women right probably and then probably seven of them that'd be great
if it was 49 dudes
and one chick and you got to go find her oh wow the hunt no no no no so what
would you do 50 people
all right the first thing you do first thing i do yeah boom everyone's gone
clothes drop boom what do
i do well at first you would go like what what's going all that what's going on
panic panic sheer
panic so after a week you find out you know i mean that you're there's no one
around then what do you
do i go to go to downtown la go go to skid row because the bodies are gone but
the drugs are still
there right right you know they leave all the belongings we're all i mean there
are other drugs other
places where are they cbs no no i'm talking about h i'm riding the horse i want
heroin whoa so i'm going
downtown kiddo yeah i'm going to a safe needle drop spot yeah yeah and i'm
grabbing those needs jamming
in my arm and also downtown there's a lamborghini dealership and i'm grabbing
one of those things
and i'm on the horse as i'm flying through la on that stuff dude wow driving
right to the sunset on
the 10. yeah dude just horsed out of my mind yeah yeah whoa dude yeah right
dude going i'm as fast as
i can just slamming into it and then as soon as i get to the beach where washington
meets the water
yeah right off of the pier into the ocean no oh yeah dude yeah and then i'm jerking
off
wow 100 but what here's the horror what if you can't die oh like groundhog yeah
like grown up you
can't die well then you find a new fun thing to do every single day right i
would jump well a couple
of times you want to jump off of something you want to know what that feels
like yeah also fashion you
can just wear wherever you want well i'd be naked i'm not gonna well i'm not
gonna bother with socks
and underwear i'd have like those gigantic green rave pants right with the
loops with the i've always
wanted to wear one of those little hats with the little propeller right and you
know what i would
wear one of those like you know the eric griffin masks oh the big nose the big
nose eric griffin masks
right and i would probably take a tattoo gun and just be tattooing yourself i
always will post malone
it yeah on the face yeah what would i put just like a bunch of fours four four
just all over my face
what some arbitrary number right yeah it'd be and then all of a sudden they
come back
then i'm gonna be like what i got needles in my arm
where have you guys been insane my teeth are all gone yeah wow it'd be fun to
pull out a tooth that
would be fun oh that's yeah the things that could go wrong i'll tell you what
would go wrong what if
you get sick oh yeah let's say this like i don't know how chemo works or how to
get it i don't even
know if i have how do you know even know you have cancer i'll go to the scripts
there's no one there
i don't even i press a button i don't know what to do you just sit in the
machines by yourself
yeah yeah you print it out i can't read this yeah and you leave wow wow that'd
be a nightmare it would
be that's the you know and you know what the lesson in life is guys we need
people so be nice to each
that's exactly what we need each other we don't we don't want a society uh
without whether we agree
or disagree we need each other i've always you know i mean that yeah here's
another fantasy i have at
night yeah because you know i need fantasies before i go to bed and over the
years i just
put scenarios in my head and i go what if this happens so i'm a big fan of the
movie highlander
love right so what if you couldn't die but you were born from the beginning of
time
right and you had to just live through time so you so you're immortal yeah but
then in my head it's like
if i looked five foot two in asian i could only hang out in korea until like
1960.
in my mind i think that right because there's no way there's no part of history
yeah right where i'd be completely accepted you know what i mean well yeah what
do you mean
what do you mean what do i mean what place what place would you be accepted
forever korea china
i'll probably learn all the languages asian languages for mexican abril see all
right maybe
he sold me on it i would probably wouldn't even know how to get there until
1960. if i was you
yeah and i wanted to last from the beginning it'd be islands oh yeah anywhere
on any island any island
they're never gonna with you because you look so native yeah to a place
surrounded by water
you look like thank you so much for saying that i've always thought that but
thank you for
am i wrong thank you so much you look like a water boy yeah yeah but then who
would i have sex with
what do you mean no nick you're not around who would you have sex with on the
island yeah
well people would inhabit it natives would inhabit it right right just brown
people like simones and
stuff it's a dark yeah darker use a darker use darker use yeah yeah but in my
mind yeah i wouldn't
even see it know what a white person is maybe that would have but a blessing
but but here's the thing
to never see a white yeah but in the but in my mind i would love to have been
at historical places
oh okay like like like like me like like go to the like jesus's shop did he
have a little store a
little yeah yeah like yeah like oh this nice ottoman not like really get
involved he would probably
know who i was like oh you're the guy that you know me that we with god made
from a long time
you're more or whatever but what if jesus was you go in a store he's real chatty
yeah like i walk in
ding ding ding is there like a hey welcome how are you brother hey i'm just new
in town you know i'm
from where are you from palestine welcome thank you yeah whoa there's something
different about you
because at all the other stores they won't even let me in well let me tell you
some of those other
people they don't have a heart like me oh my arm fell off oh hold on whoa you're
welcome thank you
what's your name jesus hello jesus last name god oh oh hi hi jesus god hi hi
what can i help you
with today what are you looking for oh i'm looking for um actually a um a guillotine
do you make those
we make guillotines yeah is that what oh they're called from where i'm from oh
they call them gilla
a guillotine yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh guillotine yeah i've been
saying it wrong for a
long time yeah yeah because we get a brochure a guillotine brochure and you
know yeah it just
spelled guillotine i gotta tell you i i got they're gonna kill me soon i gotta
go they're gonna be
killing me soon when today oh yeah people i trust a lot oh really yeah some of
my best friends actually
oh because i was running into a guy named paul you know him
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah good dude yeah yeah yeah good dude you taught me how
to surf
oh last week yeah yeah yeah at the dead sea oh cool no waves
no waves and we still surfed it's an unbelievable bodyboarding bodyboarding
yeah cool all right i have
a real genuine concern i need your help hold on oh because i want i want to
help you please
oh he's got to pray i love you so much and i'm going to be here as a friend
this is friend talk
with bobby lee and i'm going to be an open vessel you know i am going to now i'm
not going to go for
comedy i'm going to go for real okay so what is your problem my friend are you
being serious
mom when i go mama g mama mama right and i do friend talk i'm 100 serious i'm
not going to go for
comedy i need your help go ahead i forgot my icloud password and i don't know
how to reset that
fucking thing and it's really been driving me nuts
you

Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino Talk 'Longlegs' and Nic Cage Movies

so what time are you going to watch long legs tonight i'm going to go see long
legs tonight
yeah you're going to like it it's pretty cool but i'm going to go alone oh that's
good because i
want to be he's scared yeah yeah and you can't you can't do that when you're
with somebody yeah
he's probably i mean what a career nick cage the best yeah because there was a
while where he
wasn't he did all those small movies because hollywood probably pushed him out
why did that
why he didn't get in trouble or something no he did that one room the christian
movie was one of
the worst movies ever what was it called left left left behind one of the worst
movies ever made i
don't remember this yeah he phoned every scene in it was one of the worst
movies you got to watch this
well there he is so bad right there yeah he's phoning it yeah yeah i mean there's
really one scene where
he has his like captain's head over his face you can't even see his face he's
just saying his lines
you know what i mean he hated it and he but they probably paid him a lot think
about how hard that
is what go back to the poster and you see all those people in it like this
could be the break of their
lifetime and he's and he's just like it yeah chad michael murray cassie thompson
nikki whelan
jordan sparks yeah i gotta be love jordan sparks i don't know who those people
are am i stupid
chad michael murray is famous what i'm stupid i don't years ago jordan sparks
was a pop singer
right oh wow oh i know him yeah yeah i know him personally you do yeah
no seriously we have lunch on wednesdays i know we have lunch every wednesday
that's no way yes jimmy
and cmm that's what i call him i didn't know that was his real name wow he's a
good guy no i never
met him but i bet he's rad i mean think about that maybe maybe chad was like
this film is going to be
awesome and then the guy that stars in your movie is like this and bails when
that would bump you break
your soul yeah i mean um i think they were also going oh they didn't like it i
don't think so
terrible it's you have to watch it's one of the worst movies ever made well it's
about what he's a
pilot and a plane disappears and it's no no this is what it is it's a christian
so a christian
production company made it you got me so basically the rapture all right right
so like one day just
people just kind of disappear and then the clothes just fall to the ground whoa
and it's like six
dudes left going oh where oh no we didn't believe in god what do we do right uh
and they start rarity
i know dude number one i would go to the pharmacist yeah right unless the
pharmacist is still alive
no they're gone oh good he's in heaven right he's in heaven so i would go you
know like drugstore cowboy
i avoid that's my one of fantasies dilaudid you know i mean i would just go try
to find all the
shit right get all the dough and then you know what i would do do i fantasize
about this i fantasize
about this all the time dude i can't wait right then i'm gonna go to san marcos
why san marcos california
do you know why why that's where the real doll factory is right so i go to the
pharmacist right
probably nine pharmacists get all the i'll relapse i don't give a fuck okay i'm
so excited so i'll
relapse right so then i'm gonna get cars probably still work yeah cars work
everything works until
it stops working yeah yeah but you can't get them fixed that's right but that i
i you assume that for
the next 20 years you'll be able to find cars you'll be fine you just keep
getting into cars cars yeah
go to san marcos right and i would go to but i don't know how but they have my
pre-built you know
mean sex i get 20 of them don't you think i think you would just go in and use
it when you're done
you'd leave no because i don't want i don't want to live in san marco i think
where do you want to
live everyone's gone i would i would go to back to malibu or something like a
nice beach property okay
then get yourself an 18-wheeler truck and load that up with sex doll toys and
bring it up to a
house in malibu yeah yeah bring it to spielberg's house and pack that thing
with real dolls yeah i would
love to have sex with a real doll on dilaudid right with a fucking amistad
poster
that's like fantasy i'm messing down right so um and you're talking to her you're
like you know
i directed that movie yeah jizz all over her face yeah i i so i i have all
these fantasies what i would
do the real doll factory is where you'd go i'm trying to genuinely think if
that happened and a
bookstore probably a bookstore yeah because i because i i need to be doing
something and so i'll
be like i'm gonna read you're not yes i am no yes i am you don't read now what's
the difference i would
learn to read i'll be so bored you can't just fuck a real doll all day long on
dilaudid try me yeah yeah
yeah eventually you're like oh hemingway yeah sun also rises i don't even know
what i would do i can't
even imagine what i would do if like so how many people are gone of the
population it's like almost
everybody only a few people no half the population is probably oh well that's a
lot of people still
left okay but i have scenarios in my brain when i go to bed i think of these
things what imagine if
there's only 50 people whoa on planet earth you're never gonna run into anybody
so what would you do
you're never gonna so you're alone basically this is the scenario yeah what
would you do the first
thing i would do yeah you can't kill yourself boring boring yeah don't kill
yourself no you want
well you stay i'd stay alive but you're never going to see anybody again so you're
the last person on earth
basically yeah you don't know that they're there the 50 so you're never going
to see them
but what if what if you run into one of them yeah yeah it's the most annoying
guy like who would be
the annoying you think to have on earth yeah it's not going to also be because
it's like if there's
50 people like a teacher from high school that's still around right and there's
probably half of
them are women right probably and then probably seven of them that'd be great
if it was 49 dudes
and one chick and you got to go find her oh wow the hunt no no no no so what
would you do 50 people
all right the first thing you do first thing i do yeah boom everyone's gone
clothes drop boom what do
i do well at first you would go like what what's going all that what's going on
panic panic sheer
panic so after a week you find out you know i mean that you're there's no one
around then what do you
do i go to go to downtown la go go to skid row because the bodies are gone but
the drugs are still
there right right you know they leave all the belongings we're all i mean there
are other drugs other
places where are they cbs no no i'm talking about h i'm riding the horse i want
heroin whoa so i'm going
downtown kiddo yeah i'm going to a safe needle drop spot yeah yeah and i'm
grabbing those needs jamming
in my arm and also downtown there's a lamborghini dealership and i'm grabbing
one of those things
and i'm on the horse as i'm flying through la on that stuff dude wow driving
right to the sunset on
the 10. yeah dude just horsed out of my mind yeah yeah whoa dude yeah right
dude going i'm as fast as
i can just slamming into it and then as soon as i get to the beach where washington
meets the water
yeah right off of the pier into the ocean no oh yeah dude yeah and then i'm jerking
off
wow 100 but what here's the horror what if you can't die oh like groundhog yeah
like grown up you
can't die well then you find a new fun thing to do every single day right i
would jump well a couple
of times you want to jump off of something you want to know what that feels
like yeah also fashion you
can just wear wherever you want well i'd be naked i'm not gonna well i'm not
gonna bother with socks
and underwear i'd have like those gigantic green rave pants right with the
loops with the i've always
wanted to wear one of those little hats with the little propeller right and you
know what i would
wear one of those like you know the eric griffin masks oh the big nose the big
nose eric griffin masks
right and i would probably take a tattoo gun and just be tattooing yourself i
always will post malone
it yeah on the face yeah what would i put just like a bunch of fours four four
just all over my face
what some arbitrary number right yeah it'd be and then all of a sudden they
come back
then i'm gonna be like what i got needles in my arm
where have you guys been insane my teeth are all gone yeah wow it'd be fun to
pull out a tooth that
would be fun oh that's yeah the things that could go wrong i'll tell you what
would go wrong what if
you get sick oh yeah let's say this like i don't know how chemo works or how to
get it i don't even
know if i have how do you know even know you have cancer i'll go to the scripts
there's no one there
i don't even i press a button i don't know what to do you just sit in the
machines by yourself
yeah yeah you print it out i can't read this yeah and you leave wow wow that'd
be a nightmare it would
be that's the you know and you know what the lesson in life is guys we need
people so be nice to each
that's exactly what we need each other we don't we don't want a society uh
without whether we agree
or disagree we need each other i've always you know i mean that yeah here's
another fantasy i have at
night yeah because you know i need fantasies before i go to bed and over the
years i just
put scenarios in my head and i go what if this happens so i'm a big fan of the
movie highlander
love right so what if you couldn't die but you were born from the beginning of
time
right and you had to just live through time so you so you're immortal yeah but
then in my head it's like
if i looked five foot two in asian i could only hang out in korea until like
1960.
in my mind i think that right because there's no way there's no part of history
yeah right where i'd be completely accepted you know what i mean well yeah what
do you mean
what do you mean what do i mean what place what place would you be accepted
forever korea china
i'll probably learn all the languages asian languages for mexican abril see all
right maybe
he sold me on it i would probably wouldn't even know how to get there until
1960. if i was you
yeah and i wanted to last from the beginning it'd be islands oh yeah anywhere
on any island any island
they're never gonna with you because you look so native yeah to a place
surrounded by water
you look like thank you so much for saying that i've always thought that but
thank you for
am i wrong thank you so much you look like a water boy yeah yeah but then who
would i have sex with
what do you mean no nick you're not around who would you have sex with on the
island yeah
well people would inhabit it natives would inhabit it right right just brown
people like simones and
stuff it's a dark yeah darker use a darker use darker use yeah yeah but in my
mind yeah i wouldn't
even see it know what a white person is maybe that would have but a blessing
but but here's the thing
to never see a white yeah but in the but in my mind i would love to have been
at historical places
oh okay like like like like me like like go to the like jesus's shop did he
have a little store a
little yeah yeah like yeah like oh this nice ottoman not like really get
involved he would probably
know who i was like oh you're the guy that you know me that we with god made
from a long time
you're more or whatever but what if jesus was you go in a store he's real chatty
yeah like i walk in
ding ding ding is there like a hey welcome how are you brother hey i'm just new
in town you know i'm
from where are you from palestine welcome thank you yeah whoa there's something
different about you
because at all the other stores they won't even let me in well let me tell you
some of those other
people they don't have a heart like me oh my arm fell off oh hold on whoa you're
welcome thank you
what's your name jesus hello jesus last name god oh oh hi 