Name: Bobby Asks About Black Sunburns (for science)
Uploaded: 2024-08-21T18:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Asks About Black Sunburns (for science)' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Asks About Black Sunburns (for science)' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-21. Transcript available.

- Skin cancer.
Oh, he had skin cancer.
- Yeah, well, he has that skin, you know,
he's played out in the sun too much, I think.
- He played in the sun is such a funny way to say that.
- What do you mean?
- He's playing out in the sun too much,
like he's a nine-year-old.
- I mean, doing all that in the sun.
- Dancing in the sun.
- Yeah, yeah, it's not good for the skin.
It can't be.
- Well, it depends on who you are.
- Yeah.
- But he was a little- - If you're white.
- What?
- If you're white.
- Yeah, whites were not-
- All right, you fucking cocked a Filipino bastard, okay?
- No, she's right.
- Well, we're not supposed to be in the sun.
We're supposed to be inside
and you're supposed to be outside in the fields.
- I get it back out there.
- No, but it's awful, it's awful.
Darker skinned people are less,
what did you just bring up?
Are less likely to experience sunburn.
No shit.
- Why can't Google can black people be in the sun longer?
- Yes, can Carlos?
By the way, it is funny.
When EP came over to my house and we were outside
and he was like, "Give me some sunscreen."
And I was like, "Come on, you're black."
I need it.
- Oh, really?
- That's like stealing oxygen from somebody
who has like COVID, you know what I mean?
Like taking their tank at the hospital.
I need it.
- Yeah.
- You don't need any sunscreen.
- Can I ask a-
- I'm on the brink.
I mean, look at this.
- Very sensitive question.
- Yeah.
- And I want to be able to approach it
in a very, you know, non-racist way.
- Hmm.
- Okay, I want to be delicate here.
- Yeah, dance, dance lightly.
- Oh, very lightly.
- No, I've been on a beach.
- Yeah, you've been on beaches.
- I'm a beach guy.
- No, you're not.
- Okay, just for the story.
- Right, she's right.
You've been to a beach.
Hawaii, you go to the beach.
- I've been on a lot of beaches and that's the truth.
I've been on beaches with you.
- Yeah, but you hate being there.
- I know, but I'm still,
I didn't say I love being there.
I said I've been on them.
- That's what we share in common.
I hate them.
- Dude, I love you so much, dude.
I have zero.
- Zero, zero.
- Why am I there?
I'll just go to the pool.
Why am I, why am I there?
- Yeah, I just don't like sand in any of my cracks.
- And it gets in all your cracks.
- Yeah.
- And you have a lot of cracks.
- I have more cracks.
I have triple cracks than most humans that came out weird.
- You're cracked up.
- I'm cracked up.
Anyway, let's go sensitive.
Thanks for the humor there.
I appreciate it.
But I've been on the beach before
and I've seen African-Americans.
- At the beach?
- At the beach, which is great.
No, come on.
- What are you saying?
You've seen them at the beach, yes.
- But I've seen them put the oil, suntan, you know.
- Suntan lotion or oil?
- Suntanning lotion.
- Suntanning lotion.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Right.
- And then they lay out, you know.
And I'm talking about like Del Rolindo Black.
You know, I'm talking about.
- Go ahead and finish it.
- I've got to try.
I'm talking about Samuel L. Jackson Black, right?
- Successful.
- Yeah, successful, great guy, people, spiritual.
No like umbrella.
- No umbrella.
- Just out in the sun, right?
- Yeah.
- I always think to myself, and this is,
and here's where the racism might be construed as.
- Mm-hmm.
- What's the point?
What you doing?
I always want to go, what you doing?
- Well, catching some beautiful vitamin D.
- Oh, is that what it is?
- That's just a little bit of vitamin D.
- Okay, that's all I wanted to hear.
And thank you so much for cleaning that up, thank you.
- Just a little bit of vitamin D.
I'll tell you though.
- What's so funny?
- Nothing.
- Have you ever thought that?
- No, never.
- Oh my God.
- I'm the only one in this room that has thought that.
- Look at me.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- Are you being fucking real right now?
- Why would I?
- I've never thought it though.
I just literally just thought of it now.
- In your mind, you go to the beach.
And you see a black person at the beach and you go,
get out of here.
- No.
- That's what you say.
- No, no, no.
- You go, hey, you get out of here.
- No, I just want to go up to then go and just go, hi.
Right?
And they're like, what's up man?
Yeah, yeah.
What you doing?
That's all.
And then they're going, yo man, I'm tanning.
I'll be like, okay, have a nice day.
I mean, that's all.
- Tanning complete.
- Yeah.
- Full tan.
- Yeah, you're 33, 33 years ago.
- Or whatever, you know what I mean?
But you know.
- First of all, this comes from a place of humor and jealousy.
Okay?
Because I can't be out in the sun
for more than five fucking seconds without it hurting.
It hurts.
I'm in pain right now.
I think I have a mini sunburn on the side of my neck.
- Yeah, you look red, dude.
- I took out the trash.
I take out the trash, I'm fried.
It's disgusting.
I belong in a basement, in a windowless basement,
programming on the dark web.
Can I ask a theoretical question?
- Yeah.
- What if though?
Okay, I'm doing my Bill Nye here, dude.
- I see it.
- You see my Bill Nye right now?
- You are a scientist.
- Yeah, yeah.
What if blackness is infinite?
- Well, black people are infinite.
- No. - Forever.
- The color black.
That it just gets, you can get blacker.
But it gets, at some point, it gets so black, right?
It just looks all black, right?
But it gets blacker, you know what I mean, scientifically.
- And what are you saying?
- I don't know, I'm just-
- But I-
- What?
I'm just, it's a theoretical question.
- Can we ask Neil deGrasse Tyson?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is black, is black-
- Oh yeah, Vantablack absorbs 99.965.
- That's what they're trying to get Vantablack,
is what I'm saying.
Maybe black people are trying to get Vantablack, right?
- In the next Black Panther movie,
if Vantablack isn't a superhero, that's a character.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Vantablack.
- Yeah.
- It's a beautiful, I mean-
- Look at, dude, look at that.
- Gorgeous.
- Yeah.
- Well, it's my favorite color on there.
Black is the best, black is the best color.
- Yeah.
- It looks the best on every-
Look at, that's Vantablack.
- That's so black.
- I've never even heard of that.
- Yeah, yeah.
You've never heard of Vantablack?
- No, zoom in, zoom in on that.
- Dude.
- Zoom in?
- Oh my God.
- Wait, wait, zoom into the original,
doesn't it?
- It looks edited.
- Yeah, it looks fake.
- It looks edited black.
- Wait, zoom in a little bit.
You can hear it, listen.
Hey, motherfucker!
- All right.
- Keep that in.
You gotta keep that in.
That's funny.
- That's funny.
It's fucking teasing.
- Yeah, anyway.
- I went to the San Diego Zoo once.
- Uh-oh.
- And I learned that rhinos also get sunburned.
- Rhino, oh, they do, yes, they do.
- And they get into-
- Mud, mud to protect our skin.
- So I never thought that a rhino would get sunburned.
- How does an animal born in the sun-
- Right.
- Like, how is that not progressed?
They can get sunburned.
They're like one of the only ones that can.
- Whoa.
- What are the animals in the animal kingdom
that can get sunburned?
- I think all of them.
- No.
- Theoretically, all of them.
- Lions can't.
There's so much fur.
- Mm-hmm.
- Just as clothing and shade protect against-
Pigs, pigs get sunburned.
Hippopotamus, warthogs, oh, cute.
A little sunburned.
By the way, a little sunburned pig.
- Oh my God, so cute.
- How cute.
- A little bacon in the air?
A little guanciale, huh?
- Yeah.
- By the way, I had-
- You had guanciale?
- I had guanciale the other night.
- That's great.
- Oh my God, is it good?
It's so hard to eat a pig,
'cause look at them, look at how rad they are.
But boy, oh boy.
- No, yeah.
- Is that a sunburned pig?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh my God.
- It looks like lechon.
I have a question.
- Okay, here we go.
This is the good part of the show.
- Okay.
- I can't wait.
- Since there's like a derogatory name for black people-
- Mm.
- Ooh, easy, easy.
- What about-
- Man, is it Sunday today?
- It's Sunday.
- The Lord's Day.
- Yeah.
- I'm just asking, what about for white people?
That's-
- Oh, there are.
- That's like really, really bad.
- Well, I mean, we haven't come up with the best one,
but I'll give you some of them.
We're still trying.
- Yeah, yeah.
Cracker.
- That's-
- I'm just telling you, right?
- It's tough 'cause I love Ritz crackers.
They're so good.
- White devil.
Is that one?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, white devil.
- Honky.
- Honky is one.
- Colonizer.
- Colonizer, yeah.
- Bitch ass.
- Bitch ass.
We get bitch ass, don't we?
- No, you get bitch ass.
- Well, I'm just telling you, that's what happens.
- But if you're, yeah.
- He says it so-
- It's just, there's no filter.
- I mean, he says it like you would say french fries.
- Yeah.