Name: Filipino Soap?
Uploaded: 2024-08-22T17:35:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Filipino Soap?' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Filipino Soap?' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-22. Transcript available.

Just as a scientist, and this has nothing to do with race.
What does soap do?
Yeah, that doesn't have anything to do with race.
You set it up like it was going to.
Wait, what does soap do?
Kills the bacteria on your skin.
I was in the shower last night using soap, lathering it.
But in my mind, I'm like, what is it doing?
Well, look, dude, there's parts of the world
that don't have access to soap,
and they get just as clean by water on their skin.
You're just washing off dead skin bacteria
that can just build up.
But you don't need it.
Not really.
I mean, dude, we use it for germs.
You need it if you're touching something that's bacteria-ly.
You're touching raw chicken, you need to wash your hands.
Right.
Because you don't spread disease.
But in the Philippines, you guys use soap?
I mean, for the most...
Is that terrible?
That's a legitimate question.
We have soap in the Philippines.
No, that's not...
Hold on, stop, stop.
Of course, what are you talking about?
No, of course they do.
What are you...
I've been there!
I use soap there!
What do you do?
Is it an Irish spring?
No, it's called mud.
But anyway...
No.
Here, look this up.
Is that a bad question?
No, it's legitimate.
I think it's a legitimate question.
Well, this is a forever, never-ending race.
This is a race thing
that I've talked to about many black friends.
White people don't use washcloths.
Do you use washcloths?
What's a washcloth?
Wow, you don't use washcloth either.
What do you use?
I might be one of the only whites I know
that uses a washcloth.
What is a washcloth, though?
A little tiny towel in the shower
that you use soap to get the reaches of your body,
not just soap in your hand.
You use for your back and...
Well, I use...
This is another joke.
White people don't wash their legs.
Have you ever washed your legs?
No, see?
White people don't wash their legs.
Wow.
Yeah.
So I use one of those loofs,
but the long ones, what do you call them?
A loofah.
But not the spongy kind.
Yeah, but there's a loofah on the end.
But the long sheet kind.
Mm-hmm.
And I put the soap on it.
That's a washcloth.
And I do the...
That's not a washcloth.
What?
Is it cloth?
No.
Are you washing with it?
It's not cloth at all.
What is it?
It's...
What do you call that?
Loofah.
Sponge.
It's not even a sponge.
It's the blue...
It's like plastic.
It's like a...
Plastic?
No, look it up.
No.
What are you fucking...
I'm trying...
I don't know what you call it.
Hold on.
Washcloth blue thing?
No, it's not that.
It's...
Bob, where...
It's the fourth one.
The fourth one.
That one.
The color ones.
The rainbow color ones.
Like a microfiber towel?
Those.
Yeah, I have that.
I have that.
What?
It says washcloth right on it,
you fuckhead.
Nylon washcloth.
Loofah towel.
It's all the same thing.
The fuck...
Come on.
That's a washcloth.
It's a cloth that...
There's no cloth in it.
What are you saying?
It's a cloth.
It's just a term
for a fucking woven material.
Yeah.
That shirt is cloth.
It's like...
This is a metallic chicken.
If it's a regular chicken,
it's not a fucking...
Yeah, I mean,
what are you talking about?
Is it a metal chicken?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No.
That's a washcloth.
It's not a future metal chicken, dude.
It's like a fucking chicken, dude.
You can't just use a fucking word
and then have it not be
that fucking element.
It's a washcloth.
There's no cloth in it, dude.
It is a broad term
for something in the shower
you use to wash
other parts of your body.
Oh, so it's not made out of cloth.
Fuck!
It doesn't have to be.
Okay.
It's a washcloth.
Nylon.
It's a nylon washcloth.
That's what I use.
That's what I use.
That's like two minutes
of the same thing.
But you know what I do, though?
What?
I just, if people want to know my ritual,
okay, I take two soaps.
Hmm.
So I lay it down on the,
you know, I have a nice little shower.
I know you do.
You know what I mean?
And I do two,
so I get like a body wash,
you know, like an ax.
Really?
You're an ax guy?
No, a ghetto ax.
Then I put a high end in it.
Oh.
And I mix the moistures,
the smells.
Little science experiment.
Little science experiment.
You are Bill Nye.
I am.
Dude, I'm so Bill Nye right now.
Bill Nye.
And I really get in there.
So do you do that?
And I,
but the first thing I do
is my legs.
Yeah.
I do.
I always do legs and feet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that's also because
I, when I sweat and work out,
my legs get sweaty.
I get sweaty legs.
Do you immediately shower
when you work,
after you work out?
Yeah, man.
I cannot stand not,
I don't like sweat on my skin.
Okay.
I notice in SoulCycle
and I notice.
You go to SoulCycle?
Without the Calai.
Oh, wow.
I didn't know you do that.
And I notice mostly white girls
after,
after the workout,
they dry their underwear
in the.
That's disgusting.
The what?
What's it called?
The air.
Yeah, the air dryer thing.
What?
They dry out their panties
in a fucking.
What do you mean?
What's it called?
A hair,
hand dryer.
The hand dryer thing.
Yeah, I mean,
you know what it's called?
Well, they might not have them.
I forgot the word.
Oh, sorry, my bad.
In the Philippines,
you wash your hands
and you just go like.
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
So they wash their,
they dry their panties in there?
That's so fucking gross.
Go home and shower.
That's what I notice.
These white girls, man.
These white girls are gross.
You know what's hot?
What?
The other day,
I was in my.
He's inside the hair dryer.
Yeah.
Right.
What?
The other day,
I found some female underwear
in my bedroom.
I don't know who it's from,
but it was kind of cool.
Were you sniffing it?
You did, you little pig.
You sniffed it, didn't you?
Is that wrong?
I mean, it's in your house.
It's somebody that you had over.
So obviously, no,
it's not wrong.
I mean, it's not wrong.
Then I did.
Yeah.
If it's not wrong, I did.
I mean,
if it's someone that you know,
I don't remember.
You can't do it to someone.
You never walk into somebody else's house
and do it.
Would that be weird?
If I went to your house.
Oh my God.
And sniffed my wife's underwear?
Oh my God.
Stop, stop, stop for a second.
Everyone,
you're getting angry
and I just stop, stop.
What I'm saying
is what's the problem?
It's so gross.
I know,
but what's the problem?
And you explained to me
what the problem is
and I won't do it.
Because it's your little greasy face
in her underwear.
I know,
but what harm is it doing?
I just said it.
Your greasy little face
in her underwear.
I'll wash her.
What if I grabbed
your wife's underwear?
Sniffed it,
then washed it?
No,
and I said,
dude,
I will wash it
after I sniff it.
No problem.
Get to wash it.
Okay, good.
Hand wash though.
And I went,
and what if I went
to the bathroom with it?
Would that be weird?
Yeah.
Okay.
Would that cause a rift
on our friendship?
Yeah,
it'd probably be a little bump.
Okay,
my bad, dude.
Why are you sniffing?
Holy shit, dude.
It's so insane.
Now,
if you sniffed mine,
fine.
Yeah.
That doesn't bother me.
Doesn't bother me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Don't sniff.
I won't sniff.
Don't sniff.
What are you confused about?
I don't know.
It's just crazy.
It's crazy town.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
I will say,
I noticed that
when you go to
certain people's houses,
some people give you
a towel,
a hand towel,
and a washcloth on top.
We always do that.
I provide,
when people come,
three towels.
A body towel,
a hand towel,
and a little washcloth.
What do you want
when people come?
When people come
and stay at the house.
Family,
friends,
visitors.
This is a very,
Bill Nye again.
I don't think,
no,
take Bill Nye out.
It's not a science thing,
okay?
But can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
And what,
I don't know how to,
okay.
Over the years,
I think I've lost
friendships over this.
I've had friends
from San Diego.
I just had Shayma Tosh,
a comic from Las Vegas.
And they say,
dude,
I'm going to be in LA
for a couple of days.
Can I stay at your house?
And I always go,
nah,
never.
Right.
Unless you-
They should know better.
You would never-
I know,
but what I'm saying is,
you know,
if it's a woman
that I'm seeing,
you know what I mean,
dating,
yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm totally fine with that,
right?
But for some reason,
like my friend from San Diego,
a guy,
you know what I mean,
like I want to be there
for four days.
I always go,
no.
I'm like,
I'd rather get you a hotel.
Yeah,
but is the-
I'll pay for your hotel.
Are they hanging out with you?
That's the problem.
I don't know what they're up to.
But if they're coming to see you,
clearly they can stay at your house.
No.
So they're coming to hang out with you,
but they can't stay at your house.
I don't want them to come up
to hang out with me then.
What do you mean,
what do you mean come up
to hang out with you?
Hey, Bob,
I want to come up
from San Diego.
Yeah, I don't do that.
And I want to spend a couple days-
And that's the difference
between you and I.
That I have real friends.
No,
that's not what I'm saying.
That's literally what this is.
You don't have towels.
Is it a towel problem?
Is it a towel problem?
No.
Do you not have towels?
No, I'm just-
How do you dry off?
Dude, you standing out of the shower
just like shaking your body dry?
Like, what do you mean
when I dry off?
Do you have extra towels for guests?
Yes.
Yeah, he has a lot.
Thank you so much for-
So what are you going to do with them
if no one can use them?
I use them.
Okay, so they're your towels.
Yeah.
I mean, I use them like
if I have 12 towels,
there's 12 days of towels.
You use a towel every day?
Oh, yeah.
You change towels every day?
Do I not?
That's insane.
That's how I do it.
Every day?
It's America.
Wow.
Exactly.
Yeah, it's a great country.
Okay.