Name: Bobby Lee Hits On Matt Rife's Mom
Uploaded: 2024-09-05T15:45:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Hits On Matt Rife's Mom' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Hits On Matt Rife's Mom' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-05. Transcript available.

so one of my favorite shows i've talked about i know you guys are bored that i
talk about all
the time but long lost family i know yeah because there's an episode of you
ever seen it i've never
even heard of it it's on tlc it's one of the greatest shows ever made it's
pretty incredible
to watch incredible what's it about it's about either someone that was adopted
or somebody that
um gave up a kid you know for adoption they try to find them and they reunite
and it's super sweet yeah okay so there was this one girl on it and i think it
was the first season
she she's from california am i boring you no dude i'm listening i just don't
like the way you do
that okay well you go like that i was burping okay i'm not gonna start over so
anyway so this is girl
right and when she was like 19 years old some guy said what you're italian she
said i'm not italian
you look at your face you're italian so she went to home she got this guy said
that i'm italian i'm
not italian and then her mom goes well your dad's really not your real dad and
told her that oh that
would kill you man it would kill you would just keep lying yeah yeah at some
point you would say
no you're not italian i think she would the mom was holding in for so long and
it was like she was
waiting for a window and that was the window it was killing her it was killing
her so and the girl
freaks out like what the fuck and she's like yeah i mean she you that's your
dad she he loves you
like you know yeah she's like yeah but i want to so then 20 years later this
show comes about and
she's like i'm going to try to find this guy and he knew so she um had an
animal sanctuary in
california she raised llamas and you love santuaries any story with a santuary
a sanctuary yeah we're working on it we're working on it we're working on it
right and so
so they find the guy right and he's like a park ranger in um oregon and he has
an animal sanctuary
no way yeah yeah it's in her blood yeah so what i'm saying is is that you know
they and then
when they met they look exactly alike and they just you can see in the show
they're just bonded
like it was an instant so beautiful you're right and so it's like she's not
gonna go he's not
gonna go hey can i have some of your llamas like that's your paranoia right no
they just want to
meet yeah but yeah i mean so what i'm saying is is that because he has a bigger
sanctuary than he does
right you know he's not gonna go give me some of your fucking you know marsupials
he might yeah
yeah i don't got a lot of got a lot of platypus right so what i'm saying if you
find your biological
dad you just want to meet him and you who knows there might be a connection he
might he's not gonna
ask for anything how do you know you're like you you you're assuming that that's
like you don't know
because if he does you know let me put my fucking smart hat on okay okay so
it didn't work you yeah with your hair out front you look like that kid from up
what with your hair coming to the front you look like a little fat kid from up
oh really yeah that kid that's exactly what you look like right now so fucking
cute yeah i'm so
cute you are so cute that's you oh yeah that's 100% you when your hair goes up
let me see if i can do
that kid that's you that's you that's you dude adorable dude so adorable dude
but i fuck like a
machine okay and i have to throw that out there so so no i just know everyone i'm
cute but ladies i
fuck like a machine anyway okay did you ever did you ever get a did you ever
get a backup dad
a backup dad yeah i had a stepdad stepdad yeah of course is he still around uh
no he and my mom
got divorced like probably six seven years ago something now is she gonna swing
again your mom
or do you think this is it oh she's dating a new guy yeah okay would she get
married for the third
time you think oh she was never married the first time okay right second time
what we're basically
trying to ask you is if she was single and i'm single would i can i go out with
her because your mom
and him might be the same age your mom oh no my mom's 48
dude you're fucking 52 you're older than his mom your mom's 48 yeah i'm 52 i
know god dude i could
i'm the same age as your mom first of all you could never yeah you could stop
she's an angel
no stop stop no she wouldn't no just stop stop stop stop everyone stop okay
because what he just did
maybe you stop honestly
i i'm sorry i know he's a big star he said you can't my show my show dude okay
dude your show
all right you're the captain all right so it's so can we let's admit i am a the
captain now
you are the captain all right so what i'm asking you mr rife this is that i ain't
good enough for
your mom dog what is that i don't know i just why did you change the south korea
what yeah yeah hey man
i ain't good enough for your mom dog no he's from he's from ohio american
spirits okay she smokes
marble marble light but if i can america but if i called you and i said yo dude
matt's your stepdad bob
that would feel weird yeah yeah but why i'm a good dude no you're not
no you're not yes i am okay what do you think you could offer me as a father
figure this is good
this is like shark tank okay what i can offer you is um spiritual guidance
spiritual guard guidance yes spiritual guidance did i stutter dog i did uh yeah
so you couldn't be my
dad possibly what could you teach me about spiritual guidance like are you
teaching me i don't know
what the problem is right now dude maybe i'm lost maybe i'm maybe what are you
lost about maybe i'm
trying to navigate uh who i'm gonna be for the rest of my life okay what i
would you offer i would
sit well what i would sit down with you is right now is my seriously exercise
and i'd say just put
your hands on wherever you're the surface of that of this pool floating yeah
yeah and just really feel
the texture the temperature of it right feels plasticky feel your feet you're
grounded right yeah one of
them the smells right now right whatever you're smelling even the office smell
right
edamame exactly a little edamame right the air condition you can hear that
little little pearl
right yeah it's a window right and all those senses right now really just kind
of fucking
cling on to those fucking senses right now that's the only thing that exists
now the present the present
moment
is it working is it working it's actually pretty good is it working it's pretty
what i'm saying is is that
matt you you see one side of me but there's many sides to namaste bobby lee namaste
bobby lee and i have
other knowledge and wisdom that i could give you but you're not just open you're
not open to it
right so for you to say that i'm not good enough for your mother is quite
frankly rude by the way a
spiritual an aggressive passive aggressive spiritual coach is so funny yeah man
so funny
they did basal aggressive what kind of toxic mr miyagi yeah yeah yeah you feel
that for you to even
think all right all right all right i won't i won't i won't i won't his mom gas
lit me in my own
therapy yeah i know his mom is an angel i know she is but you know you're just
rude for him to say
it's not it's his mom it's not it's not that i think she could do better i do
how about this okay here's what i'm afraid of as a third party viewer of all
this uh-huh
you're gonna come in there try to get into this family because you want some of
his llamas
i got llamas too though you don't have as many llamas as he does but i got llamas
old llamas
buddy your farm from different countries your farm needs a new fence okay this
motherfucker has
acreage you okay can i just say you understand yeah when it comes to llamas
though right all you
need is a certain amount of llamas to survive yeah you were worried about
selling out stand-up live
okay so you're you know what i'm saying that's a comedy club yeah guys doing
fucking arenas i think
he's got a couple of more a couple more llamas so we did so now but it's just
different we
yeah together together yeah together oh really oh really all right all right
you're a solo artist
fine let's move on was bobby on dave i can't wait till the e street band leaves
you matt yeah yeah
um can we go can we go back to um so matt what i'm saying is is that yes um the
guy that your mom's
dating now not that i want to destroy the relationship but what i'm just hypothetically
saying is is that you've met him before yeah you like him so let me i can
already bet this
no i might have more llamas than him you probably do yes okay way more credits
and look at my md has
you been on tv or film he was in jail so probably cops hey yeah yeah that's a
good show that's a good
show highly rated show bad boys yeah yeah i love that show um also i i've never
cheated on anybody
good that's a true thing that's good that's a good thing i always pay for meals
good that's a good
thing okay two for two ballet and whatnot and guess what pal for your birthday
you get not something
that has a price tag to it but something ingenious and something that you're
gonna go you know what i'm
gonna put this on my mantle it's an origami towel no
no you should see this guy make a swan on a bed yeah it's unbelievable no i i
would be very mindful
about making you something that you're gonna go oh that was you know really
thoughtful so that's it
wow i threw my pitch okay what do you think yeah all right all right i'm out
you know why you're
saying that and let's move on it's because i'm korean yeah no yeah you're being
raised that's not true
that's not that's not i'm kidding i'm kidding that's not true