Name: Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino Rizz Up Matt Rife
Uploaded: 2024-09-06T15:45:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino Rizz Up Matt Rife' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino Rizz Up Matt Rife' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-06. Transcript available.

well my mom's single are you single right now i am oh you are good for you well
my mom's single
how old's your mom 80. ageless yeah yeah yeah ageless but her 23. really yeah
reconstructive
or just oils and stuff it's essentials you know she just burns pearl pearl
juice she lives in a
genie lamp you gotta rub the lamp to get her out of there do you think your mom
would ever date
again no it's dead the shop's closed we'll see yeah there's no more rickety
gate down there
yeah it's rickety yeah but so you were the last time i talked to you you you
were in a relationship
yeah and then who broke up with who we broke up together mutual yeah that's the
best answer i've
ever heard we broke up yeah um it's not the right time can i can i ask you what
because you know i
have a checklist of what i like in a woman okay so can i ask you some checklists
by all means okay
so um from scale to one to ten um what's the number the lowest number you'll go
like
in terms of look just physically aesthetically aesthetically we're talking like
la numbers or
like genuinely real real world numbers real world numbers in ohio eight i think
oh that's great yeah
yeah yeah that's my standard ohio eight oh oh oh oh oh that's great does she um
need a college
education no okay do you have a college education i didn't even graduate high
school yeah he didn't
finish you have a ged uh i have what's equivalent to a ged can we order him a
ged please get him on
amazon prime yeah you can yeah yeah we can get it same day if we order it
before yeah okay she says to
you matt i hate all animals oh tough that's really tough that's hate them i
mean she's just like i just
like if i'm around touch him and stuff but it's like i'll never own a dog let's
be two candidates for
him and you be that girl i'll be this girl and we'll see who okay we'll see
well let's start from the
beginning because i want to introduce myself yeah go ahead okay okay okay hello
pass
hey man no i'm sorry go ahead yeah just disregard this i'm a ohio eight okay
okay okay just visualize
it ohio eight right okay yeah my name is shuki shuki yeah and and my last name
shaka so i go by
shuki shuki shaka okay junior anyway um so i i never went to college i don't
have an accent i don't
want to have an accent you do shut up shuki shuki you do i don't want one okay
i don't think you like
it all right i might like it no no i just want to do this i just i'm shuki shuki
shama okay all right
okay shuki yeah all right anyway um yeah so i never went to college but it's
like um um i really don't
have any dreams or aspirations and i hate animals like if i see a llama or if i
see like a mongoose
or something i'll go oh look there it is and i might like touch it but it's
like i have no connection
i've never connected with an animal and i just think the animals are out there
for eating
you won me at the end yeah big fan of eating animals but also i feel like
animals kind of connect
with your soul a little bit so to have never connected with an animal is a bit
of a bit of a red flag
a little bit but i i have a talent and what's that and i make um sculptures out
of pine cones
what's the scale of these pine cones gigantic i use maple syrup because i'm canadian
as well
shuki shuki the canadian stock of the canadian and i do this art with pine
cones and needles
pine needles all right yeah i like a girl who sells on it yeah and the last one
i did was of one i did a
big sculpture of brian fairy from of what brian fairy the lead singer of roxy
music
so you described it and somehow i knew less so and also toto
the band toto no toto the dog from from the wizard of oz yeah it's like a brian
fairy and
tellto is on his shoulder and the other other other one right is jaime jaime
from harry potter what's
her name hermione hermione
yeah and it made hermione out of all pine needles all right i'm back in yeah it
doesn't look spiky
what's your harry potter house my harry potter hearts yeah well you know it's
like um i don't
do dumbledore you think the house is dumbledore well i them when i was there i
thought doubled up which
is he's old but no um hufflepuff okay i'm hufflepuff okay ravenclaw i worked i
kicked out of ravenclaw
you know what i mean but hufflepuff for sure well who's this yeah who's this
who's this fine piece
of meat whoa well first of all hey yeah yeah yeah we've met we've met suki suki
shaka remember
so go ahead i'm martha i'm six eight i like sushi i don't i have never wiped
once poop or pee
i don't believe in matching shoes i drive a geo metro i live in acton acton acton
acton ohio yes
and i'll suck your bone dry sold wow that's all it's literally all dude wow it's
pretty easy all it
took the sucky sucking bone dry is good yeah man nope no pine cones just get i
mean she has a dream
fuck face ew i'm trying to support my own no i know but you don't want somebody
that has a dream
no no all right no preferably they have a dream here's what i don't like when i'm
going on a date
and i go what do you want to do there no i don't nothing oh yeah that's like
that's so it's such a
turnoff what do people like that you know what's interesting you get yeah i'm
sure you're you're a
very eligible bachelor right uh what are you now doing because you're not on
the apps what are you
doing to meet people now i don't i don't meet anybody so you just i don't date
if it's organic
and you meet through a friend or a through the grapevine i suppose but dude i'm
but you're out for
now you're not really yeah i'm not interested in anybody no good for you i don't
i just i can't stay
stay working actually but be careful on the work part do you remember what i
told you at burt's
premiere do you remember when i pulled you aside what i told you uh yeah don't
don't go to bobby's
house don't go to bobby verbatim what'd you say at first premiere i said to you
i'm i'm proud of
you i'm happy for you um and i said just don't let them work you to death and
they sure did and then
and then within like a month we were in i saw that yeah riverside or some and
this
motherfucker announced like a three-year tour i'm like they got his ass yeah i'm
good dude yeah
how are you feeling being touring as much as you are uh well i had to take two
weeks off because i
almost i thought i was gonna die so i went seven straight days without a single
minute of sleep
whatsoever wow and i was doing this casino in um was it sun valley in norcal i
don't know i don't
maybe i have no idea yeah sure and i was on like i was on like four days of no
sleep and i'm i'm sitting
down i got this fucking wireless hands-free mic now yeah i'm one of those yeah
little hands-free
and i'm like holding i'm sitting down the whole time holding on holding on to
the stool like trying
to keep myself from like falling over i can't look out into the crowd i get my
vision just going so in
and out i'm like if i just go through this i have three days off before my next
show i'll just rest
i didn't sleep for those entire three days why so then when i i just i couldn't
sleep but what did
i said that just i'm glad you didn't remember it because it was a good piece of
advice but i didn't
mean it when i said it to you because i'm being genuine i've known you for so
long i've seen your
career it's been wonderful you've been humble the whole time you've been a
gracious dude um you've worked
through all sorts of a lot of up and downs from a perspective that america may
not know
you know i've seen you do the gambit i've seen you run the gambit from a from
from a from a very
low low level that i saw you at when you first started and you were young and i
think what's wild
is people think well this is what you asked for but what i meant when i said
that to you was because
we're a little older i've seen it before and i was like just don't let them run
you into the ground
and of course they ran you into the ground and i we had heard because we know
your old team or and
all that stuff and when you announced all that i thought you got to be careful
dude because
they'll they'll work you till you break you're also allowed to say no you're
allowed to say no
i didn't know that at the time when you're used to having nothing hearing no no
no no no and then
you're getting all yeses of course you don't know how to when they're offering
you you're not a
paycheck for one show that's more than you've ever made in your entire life
yeah yeah who in their
right mind knows how i get i dude trust me i told you i get it and i said go
get your thing but
also you gotta be you have to watch out for you because you will have an
emotional breakdown of course
theo's talked about it we've talked to theo about it he called me just the
other day he's had big
heavy hits where he it's tough sometimes if you're just go go go go go go go go
you're this is not
this is this goes away oh bro you lose your shit the last year and a half i've
been doing 40 to 50
shows a month oh my god dude yeah it's been oh my do you owe the mafia a bunch
of money yeah what
what is going on what are you doing
you