Name: 8 Minutes of Bobby Lee & Bert Kreischer Struggling with Common Knowledge
Uploaded: 2024-09-18T16:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '8 Minutes of Bobby Lee & Bert Kreischer Struggling with Common Knowledge' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '8 Minutes of Bobby Lee & Bert Kreischer Struggling with Common Knowledge' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-18. Transcript available.

Rogan's smart like that like he could. He's smart. Rogan and Burr are the two
guys that could
eviscerate somebody in like a conversation. Who are the dumbest? Me and you.
But by far. By far. By far. Okay let's talk about Gaza. I don't know. Well I
don't know
where it is but my point is it's gotta be near Israel. It's gotta be. Can I
tell you I really
believe that Gaza is like yeah yeah is like is like Sunset Boulevard. Yeah.
Like it's a road.
Yeah. Is Gaza a road? Yeah. It is right? What do you guys don't know either do
you?
It's a strip. It doesn't have roads anymore. Wait is it a strip? Yeah. Like is
it like the
Vegas Strip? Yeah. Do people like for the bachelorette party they go to the
Gaza Strip?
I don't follow any of it. Yeah yeah. I remember the first time Andrew brought
up Gaza. I didn't
know where it was. So he goes what do you think of Gaza? You know what I said
to him? I go
Azad. And he goes what do you mean? He goes I go that's backwards. Is that Gaza
backwards?
Right? And that's all I can. That's all I know. Wait. No let's talk. Don't
bring this.
I don't want to talk about this. So no. No but here's...
Wait I'm just proof. I'm gonna say we are the two dumbest comedians.
No, no, no. There are other people. I can I can throw...
Theo all of a sudden got smart. I don't know when the fuck that happened.
But he doesn't. If you watch his interviews he doesn't. He pretends to be.
I mean yeah man. You know what I mean? You can't say yeah man after someone
says something smart.
How would you have interviewed Donald Trump?
That's a weird approach. I don't know.
I wouldn't have done it.
I wouldn't have done it.
What? I wouldn't have done it.
I don't think I would have done it.
I got invited to the National Republican Convention.
And I wanted to go just to get fucking wasted and just have fun.
And my wife wouldn't let me go. She's like you will get caught in to some
conversation
like Billy Bush and be like yeah grabbing the pussy.
Yeah, I just... I hate that we're like that in this country.
I thought you were talking about... We're still talking about me and you.
Me and you are like that.
If you go to the fucking National Republican Confidentization.
Confidentizations?
Conversations.
But here's the thing is... Right? I... No, no. I can shut my mouth.
Bull?
Yeah, I can shut my mouth. I can shut my mouth. I know how to shut my mouth.
Oh, you think that I'm... When I go on the set of Sex and the City
and I'm with Sarah Jessica Parker that I start mouthing out about pussy?
You know what I mean? Like what kind of ads do you have?
I would never do that.
No, I... I... I say to myself, "Shut the fuck up."
Okay. "Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up."
Do you know that smart people don't have that inner dialogue
where they go, "Shut the fuck up. Don't speak. Don't speak. Don't speak."
It's not that we're dumb. It's not that we're dumb.
We just don't have that little thing in our brain.
Oh, yeah. I don't.
But that's not being dumb.
Do you know every...
We would be in the Paralympics, not the Special Olympics.
I'd take that.
Yeah. And the Paralympics is just people that are like physically
there's something, you know, going on.
Yeah. Right?
But our minds are normal.
Can I tell you the only thing I drew from the Paralympics?
Do you know the reporters are para-reporters?
Oh, they're going too far.
No, it's para-reporters.
All the reporters don't have arms either.
Yeah.
Did you know that?
No.
I've been watching the Paralympics.
Really? That's insane.
No, no. It's... it's... it's appropriation
if they have like Bryant Gumball doing...
All you have to do is this.
Um, are you paraplegic too?
As a reporter, I'd be like, "Yeah, man. What's up?"
You can't ask someone what their illness is.
Oh, really?
Oh, then you can go, "Yeah, my toes are missing."
Yeah. If you go like, "So wait, what's your thing?"
You can't... you gotta go, "I choose not to tell you."
Really?
"You're invading my body."
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
Anyone can be a reporter at the Paralympics.
Technically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just lie.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's interesting.
Or just bump into a wall.
Well, is it the same with Special Olympics?
And they're like, "Oh, that's what it is."
Same thing with Special Olympics?
No, I don't think so.
See, this is... this is where my brain's going,
"Shut the fuck up, Bert! Shut the fuck up!"
It did me, it did me, it did me, it did me.
That's so interesting. I didn't know that, huh?
Yeah.
But it's like, um, don't you think that's gone too far or no?
But no, 'cause that's... that's the whole thing, is that the...
Listen, let's be honest.
Let's talk real.
If you're watching the fucking 100 sprints and Noah Wiley's there,
and they got a guy with no legs doing the interview,
you're gonna be like, "This is awkward. This is really..."
Couldn't you guys have thought about...
If a guy's like, "Hey, you ran really fast,"
and Noah Wiley's like, "Yeah, to you."
Like, "I run really fast to you."
But, like, to everyone else, I'm just really fast.
But to you, I'm, like, mind-blowing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are there reporters that have limbs missing
in the regular Olympics interviewing?
No.
Why would they?
Well, that's a... that's not fair.
No, no, it's not... okay, it's not fair.
That's why they give him the jobs for the Paralympics.
Because here's the deal, you are gonna...
If they show a guy with no arm interviewing an ice skater,
you are not gonna listen to the interview.
They're gonna... you're gonna go, "What happened to his arm?"
Especially when his little shirt flap moves.
All right.
And it's gonna distract you.
And I'm just telling you, I'm being real.
That's why they don't...
You know, it's... losing an arm,
it depends on where you lose it.
Dude, they just let women on the sidelines
to interview football players.
Like, when do you think they're gonna...
Like, it's a fucking...
But would you rather have your arm missed here?
Oh, fuck yeah.
Or right here?
Dude, it's a game changer.
I've known a lot of guys without arms.
I don't want it here.
I know so many people without...
Because you have that little piece sticking out like that.
I don't like that.
No, no. Well, you know, that's not why you don't want it.
Why?
I just don't want a little...
You know, the little thing sticking out like this, right?
I would do it here.
That's not why.
Why?
That's not why you don't want it.
Why? Why? Why?
Because this is a lot more usable, this thing.
Oh, this part?
You want the more of the limb you can salvage, the better.
So what's the worst? Here?
This is the easiest.
That's the best.
If you just lose your hand, that's the best.
Okay.
Or...
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Don't, don't, don't, don't.
I don't want to see photos.
I don't want to see severed limbs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We can imagine it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here, Bobby, it's this.
Right, it's this, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, you say this is the best situation.
Yes.
This right here is second best.
Second best.
And then here.
If you lose it here, you're, it's tough.
It's really tough.
But a lot of dudes, so I know, I know probably four guys and a girl that have
lost,
they lost their, uh, their use of their arm.
So it just hangs there like a dead arm.
Yeah.
And they get it cut off because it causes so many, and they like burn it on
stuff
and they bump it in and slam it into doors and so they got to get them taken
off.
Wow.
I know a girl that did that.
God, I wish I remembered her name.
She was really cool.
Young lady.
She got into a moped accident in college and broke her arm and then got in
another moped
accident and broke it again and never got use of her arm back.
That's what you don't want.
Um, what do you think about getting attacked by animals like a shark at all?
Wait, wait, stop.
You're going coming at me so quickly.
What?
Because we went from amputees to sharks.
I think about...
I know, I know.
Oh, so you know the connection is losing the...
It's just like, it's just like a fun day on the beach.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A fun day on the beach.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All of a sudden you don't have a fucking pack.
But just don't go that quick to the, to the sharks.
Okay.
Let's segue better.
I'll do it better.
Right, right.
So...
Hey, do you like the beach?
But how, you got to bring this into it.
Do you like the beach?
Oh, I love the beach.
I was just recently at a beach.
Dude, I saw one guy, armed guy swimming in circles.
Hey, are you afraid of sharks?
That's it.
There we go.
Good, thank you so much.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And my answer...
Did you see the guy with no arms swimming in the Olympics?
No.
Can you pull that up?
He's Asian.
You're gonna love this, Bobby.
Oh, whoa.
He's Asian.
Yeah.
He's winning the whole time.
Yeah.
The only reason he loses is he doesn't have fucking arms.
That's the only reason why he loses?
That's the only reason he loses, because the other guy goes like this.
Yeah.
It's Asian Paralympics.
And I want to throw another thing about this guy.
Here, that's it.
That's it.
Oh, maybe he's Ukrainian.
Before you play it, I want to just say one last thing.
Look at this.
Look at this, Bobby.
I know.
Let me just give you one last thing, Bert.
Okay.
All right.
Is what also sucks about his situation, he can't even use his dick to help him.
To swim?
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's so...
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Cut that joke out.
That didn't work.
I paused the whole flow of it.
Just to do a small dick joke, right?
And it came out weird.
So, go ahead.
So, watch this.
Watch him.
Watch him.
He's just...
Look at this.
Oh, my God.
Look at him.
He's looking too.
That's him breathing.
But the only reason the other guy wins is because he's got fucking arms.
He's got to hit the wall with his head.
But with the arms, what does he have?
He has...
What's missing?
It's...
You can't ask.
Oh!
So, you could be...
You could be...
Okay.
Watch.
The only reason that...
But Gao's second.
That Ukrainian guy won is because the Chinese...
That's Chinese, right?
Yeah.
Look at this blind guy still...
But Gao's second.
Yeah.
The Chinese took second.
That's good.
If he had one arm.
Just one arm.
He would've won.
That's life.
If I was six foot three, I'd be Yao Ming.
Come on.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Woo-hoo! Yeah! Woo-hoo! Yeah! Woo-hoo! Yeah!