Name: Bobby Lee CALLS OUT Sketch for Squinting Eyes
Uploaded: 2024-09-24T18:20:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee CALLS OUT Sketch for Squinting Eyes' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee CALLS OUT Sketch for Squinting Eyes' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-24. Transcript available.

- Why are you squinting like that?
- Oh, I just get, I get fog in my eyes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you okay?
- I'm good.
- Lean back.
- Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
- I'm sorry.
- Am I being too aggressive?
- Yeah, what are you doing?
- I'm sorry, dude.
Welcome, welcome.
Thanks for coming.
- Hey, this is Asian on Asian crime here.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- We're bad friends.
- So we got a guest in today.
Ladies and gentlemen, Sketch.
- Sketch, Kyle, right?
- Kyle?
- Sketch is here, baby.
- Uh, Kylie, yes, sir.
- Kylie.
- Thanks for having me.
- Thank you.
- Dude, he just learned about, there it is.
- Hey, it's the worst, turn into a meme.
Unintentional meme.
- It's incredible.
What do you mean you had pro athletes doing it?
- What's up, brother?
- Yeah, desk pop there.
- Yeah, dude, dude, you do it, you do it.
- What's up, brother?
- What's up, brother?
- I love it.
- I love it so much.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Give me a little exit there.
- And I mean, how did that become a viral thing?
- I was just playing with my buddy
and we were having like gommies.
- I just don't know, I've tried to thought,
I've been trying to think of catchphrases,
and what's up, brother just kind of flew by my mind,
you know?
- It wasn't even like funny or anything too.
It's more of like, I just threw up a finger
and then it turned into like an inside joke.
- No, it's incredible.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Well, he's trying to get a catchphrase.
Can you make up one for him?
'Cause you were good enough to make up that for you.
- How about this?
How about, keep it loose, lady?
- No.
- Why?
- No.
Keep it loose, lady.
- Keep it loose, lady, and you do a little hole like this?
- I liked it.
- Yeah.
- Keep it loose, lady.
- Yeah, keep it loose, lady.
- Like a city chicken or something?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Ooh, city chicken.
- What?
- City chicken.
- City chicken what?
- Your catchphrase could be city chicken.
- City, what's the hand gesture?
- Double C.
- Double C, just like the Crips.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You already got a logo.
- I think it needs a third thing.
- No, I'm throwing an accent on that.
- Oh, so what, was it city chicken?
- City chicken.
- No, no, don't, no.
- How about city's chicken .
- No.
- No, no, no.
- Jesus Christ, Tom.
- Are they never too thick there or something?
What is it?
- Orange chicken.
- Unbelievable.
- Friendly fire.
- What?
- Friendly fire.
- Friendly fire.
- Orange chicken, that's mine.
- Orange chicken, all right, yeah.
- You're city chicken, I'm orange chicken.
- Are there other catchphrases that you're known for?
Or is that it?
- There's other things I'm known for,
but not catchphrases.
- All right.
- What, no, you're video gaming.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that.
- Well, this is what's interesting.
Bobby is old.
- Okay.
- And loves video games.
- I love video games.
- And you're young and you love video games.
This is the meeting of the world,
except he's more into sports gaming
and you're more into-
- Cozy.
- Cozy gaming.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You know about cozy gaming?
- What's cozy gaming?
- Well, you've never heard of cozy gaming, bro?
- Oh, you play like half naked or something?
- Yeah.
- No, cozy games are like Stardew Valley,
Farming Simulation, like just cozy.
- Oh, like Farming Simulator.
- Yeah, relaxing games.
- He likes low-
- Why are you squinting like that?
- Oh, I just get, like I get fog in my eyes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but that's the look that you do
when you take a .
- Yeah, it is.
- Yeah, so what do you look like
when you take a that or even worse?
- Well, I usually kind of put
both my feet up on a seat.
- Yeah, let me see your face.
- Oh, nice.
- That's very nice.
- You have both the same eyes.
You do know that, right?
- Yeah.
- You mocking his squintings.
- I don't know if it's Asian or Down syndrome.
- No.
- Yours?
- Yeah, what are we both doing?
- I don't know.
- Is it Asian or Down syndrome?
- It's a little bit of both.
It's a little bit of both for you.
- Yeah, yeah.
- But no, he's into cozy gaming.
He likes, Bob likes low stakes, long-term, like long play games.
He likes marathon games or it takes you months and months.
- Well, you grind.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
- No, I like that.
- You like grinding?
- Grinding?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, sometimes.
- Sometimes.
- You talk about like getting on someone or something?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What did you say?
- Getting on somebody.
- No, that's not what I mean.
- He means putting in the work.
- Putting in the work.
- Like, you know, like collecting mushrooms
or whatever it might be.
- You collect mushrooms?
- Stop, stop.
Not in my real life.
You think like I go out and get portobello mushrooms
in the forest?
- That does sound good.
- Yeah, no.
- It does sound really good.
- No, no, like in some games, like in Skyrim,
like there's a, are you okay?
- I'm good.
- Lean back.
- Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
- I'm sorry.
- Am I being too aggressive?
- Yeah, what are you doing?
- I'm sorry, dude.
Welcome, welcome.
- Hey, this is- - Thanks for coming.
- Asian on Asian crime here.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- So you're a quarter, what are you,
is there a percentage of you that's Asian?
- No, people think I'm Asian.
- Yeah, they do.
- I'm more like a Hispanic.
- Oh, you're more like Hispanic.
- Yeah.
- You say you're more like Hispanic or you more,
you are more Hispanic?
- I more emulate Hispanics.
- Ah. - Oh.
- Are you a full white though?
- Pretty much.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Do you have you done your 23andMe or whatever?
- No, I haven't.
I need to.
- Wait, wait.
- I'm a little, I mean like I'm a little darker.
- I don't think so.
- Yeah. - You don't think so?
- I think you look, you're just white
with a little bit of tan.
- That's true.
- Yeah, white with tan.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I've been outside a lot.
- No, you're white.
I don't see the tan.
- You don't see his tan at all?
- No.
- Yeah, he's a little tan.
- Well, I have to know what he looks like in the winter.
- Oh, right.
- I don't know winter, Kylie.
- Right, what are your colors?
What are your colors in the winter?
- My colors in the winter?
- Yeah. - I can get pretty white.
- Okay, good.
- Yeah, okay good.
- It's pretty good.
- Yeah, do you ever tan your nuts?
- Tan my nuts.
- Yeah, yeah.
- No?
- Okay.
- Do other things with them.
- Should try.
Whoa, wait, wait, wait, stop.
This is the shit I want to get into.
- He loves this, yeah.
- Tippy tap.
- That's it.
- You tippy tap your nuts.
- A little nut play.
- Throw them to each side of the leg?
- Yeah, is it your own nuts or somebody else's?
- That's what happens when, if you cozy game,
like if you're playing with your pants off or something.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Your nuts start to get stuck to the side of your thigh?
- Yep.
- Throw them to each side?
- Yep.
- We used to call that the bat wing.
- Mm-hmm.
- The bat wing.
- Yeah, if your nut gets stuck to your thigh
and you spread it, it looks like a bat wing.
- Okay.
- You never done that?
- You never done that?
- No, the flying squirrel?
- Okay.
- It's called a bat cave when you get it stuck to your gooch.
- That's true.
That's a little bat cave.
- Write that down.
That's something I'm learning now.
Thank you so much.
- I like that.
- Bat cave, thank you so much.
- And when it gets stuck under there,
you can yell, "Alfred," and it'll unhang.
- Oh, the butler or whatever his name is.
- Yes, well, the wienerler.
- Yeah, did he get pussy, butler?
I don't, did Alfred ever get pussy in the game,
in the movies?
- You know what the problem is?
- What?
- Bruce Wayne kept him so away from everything.
You know Alfred didn't have time to get ass.
- But one time he did.
- When?
- In what movie?
I'll tell you what movie.
- When did he get ass?
- I'll tell you what he got ass.
He got ass in "The Dark Knight."
- When?
- I'll tell you when, dude.
Would you just let me fucking talk, dude?
I don't like being rushed by you.
Why are you rushing me today, dude?
All right, sorry, my bad.
That was my fault.
- Thank you.
- That was my aggression.
- So go ahead. - I apologize.
- When does it happen?
- Well, remember that Russian ballerina thing?
They closed that down, right?
And then, you know what I mean?
Then they got a yacht.
- Right.
- And then remember Christian Bale jumped off the yacht
because he was gonna get on a plane.
- I remember.
- They captured the Ching Chong guy.
- Yes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know his name.
Chin Han. - Chin Han.
- That's my friend, the actor, Chin Han.
And Alfred was on the boat with these ballerinas.
So we don't know what happened there.
- Oh. - You know what I mean?
- The assumption is he got to pick whoever he wanted.
- Well, I mean, what?
- Probably the Deshaun Watson treatment.
- Oh. - Ooh.
- Bobby doesn't know who that is.
- No, but I like it.
- But I do get the reference and he doesn't.
- Yeah, yeah, well tell me the reference.
- It's like a pretty much a happy ending massage.
- Mm-hmm.
- Except with a little bit more stretching.
- Whoa.
- So you're getting massage, getting happy ending
while you're doing yoga?
- Yes.
- Or Pilates.
- It's a surprise to the other person.
- It's a surprise to the other person.
- Not good.
- So if you and I were sketch stretching,
let's say you and I did hot yoga.
- Okay.
- Can you see that happening in a...
- Yeah.
- You're doing hot yoga together.
- I can.
- All right.
I envision we're in Hawaii.
Could I know a couple of...
- Or Thailand or something like that.
- Oh, you want to go to Thailand, right?
- The motherland.
- Well, you think I'm Thai?
You think I'm Thai?
- I'm guessing.
- No, you're not.
- No, you're right.
- Well, guess what I am.
- Where's Bangkok?
- Thailand.
- Thailand.
- Okay, Bangkok.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I'm not.
Is that your last guess or you want to...
- Let me think about all of them.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll just look.
- Korea.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Hey, let's go.
- Wow, it's so good.
- Right on the money.
- Right, so we're doing hot yoga in Thailand, right?
And we're stretching and then I walk up to you
and I just start like putting my hands on your genitals.
Is that what you mean by the Deshaun Lewis?
- Yeah, the Deshaun Lewis.
That's what he's talking about.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
- That's what he's talking about.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is it Deshaun Lewis?
What's his name?
- Exactly.
- Have you ever had a happy ending?
- I've done it to myself many times.
It's very happy.
- Have you ever had a happy ending?
- I've been to Vegas.
- Yeah.
- Okay, good.
- That sounds good.
- I mean, have you gotten a hand job?
How old are you, by the way?
- 25.
- You're 25? - 25.
- So I assume you've had a hand job before?
- Yes, sir.
- They're the worst.
- Yeah.
Do you like them or no?
- Oh, they're pretty, I don't prefer them.
- Yeah.
- Let's get to the other parts.
- Yeah.
I don't know, from your part of this country.
I don't know, it could be different.
Oh, this.
- Yeah.
- Head and shoulders.
- Oh, I don't know, but yes.
- Second base.
- Oh, second base.
- Head and shoulders.
- Do you like sucking on a titty or what?
- I do.
- You're a butt guy or you're a titty guy?
- Hey, I love fucking titties.
- Knew it.
I knew you were one of us.
- The American way.
- Look at that.
- I knew it. God is good.
God bless America.
It's the greatest country in the world.
- It's the best country in the world.
- You know you can't do that in any other country.
You can't titty fuck overseas.
- I know.
- They shun it.
- Well, in Asia, their titties are so small.
It's very difficult.
- Yeah, two small things don't do, you know.
- You're just doing chest bone fucking.
- You know what I mean?
They have these hard chest bone Korean legs.
- Oh!
- You just got to rub it against the chest bone.
- Oh!
But that is, you know, that is how they make-
- Fire.
- Wasabi.
- And wasabi.
- Fucking a pigeon chest.
- What?
- Like fucking a pigeon chest.
- Thank you for being a bad friend.
- Love that.
- Love it.