Name: Rudy's Survival Tips
Uploaded: 2024-09-27T17:19:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Survival Tips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Survival Tips' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-27. Transcript available.

um this couple night the nicest couple i've met in a very long time he goes yo
man you need a ride
home because the ubers are bad around here and i go yeah man if you can you
know what i'm saying
yeah so i get in his car with his wife and so the hotel i'm staying in um the
finland
has a gigantic finland you know i mean um a fine finish flag or something no no
no no no no not
finland finland you're saying finland like no country no d f-i-n-l-e-n fineland
fineland yeah
that's it and so that so that see that thing and that's a neon sign and it glows
it glows i'm in the
car and we're going opposite of that sign you can see it i can see it it's the
biggest building in
view right so i'm turning around like this and we're on a freeway going the
opposite direction oh
right so you know let me i'm like you know i think of different things i'm a
thinker you
are and i'm a survivor yeah so i'm like what do i do here jump out you know
what i mean bail yeah
no but i did the smart thing i go where are we going well that's a good start
that's a good start
when you're being kidnapped am i right where are we going where are we going
yeah like a little
little stick i always do that too where do we go a little yeah a little accent
comes out you have to
yeah like i'm the asian oliver twiff more potager please right so where are we
going right and the
guy goes oh yeah you're going to our house oh no oh yes no i want to go home
yeah yeah i know me too
me too at this time i want to go home yeah me too me too so also i had an early
call yeah i had to
get home i got to go to work right so oh you go your house right like yeah you're
going to our house i
go why uh you're meeting the family oh no yeah yeah what's so funny it's insane
i walk in these two
gigantic i don't eat mastiff dogs uh bull mastiff yeah they're jumping on top
of me right right these
three kids come out they were sleeping oh you woke them up yeah these white
kids they're coming on just
and one of the kids looks at me go danny gave me us 300 allowance to get school
closing in missoula
very nice and i wanted to go oh yeah i don't give a shit that's me but that's
what i want to say i know
hey kid i'm never gonna see you again but i didn't do that oh i go you know you
know because i'm a good
guy yeah oh yeah really missoula that's beautiful exactly i must have been
there for like an hour now
what would you do uh leave oh my god i would have never gone no you're in the
car in the car would
have made myself throw up in the car i would have stuck my fingers down my
throat so i threw up all
over the car so they got to pull over yeah pull over and i'm out and i'm right
by the way the nicest
people i've ever met i have this number we're just kidding kidding but you were
thrown up i made
myself thrown up okay 100 gag myself and get out how do you get out how would
you what would you do
i just scream and say stop the car i wouldn't you would scream no no no no they're
they're gonna
go what are you screaming and they would take you to a hospital and like
seizure oh do a seizure
i don't know that's different let me see you do a fake yeah yeah yeah so i'm we're
driving
i'm in the car hey hey we're both driving oh we're both driving two wheeler
yeah yeah those new two
wheelers two new wheelers my engine's different no my engine's different than
yours okay yeah so mine
goes what should you go mine goes for sure yeah yeah it's broken the radiator
with the belt belt is
your belt is wrong all right we're going back to our house are you excited come
back to our house you
excited stop the car no we can't stop the car no we can't do that stop the car
what happened
that was insane that was insane you're you're not having fun you're getting
possessed yeah we got to
take it we gotta take it to a mental hospital dude that was stigmata dude oh my
god six six six six
well i would stop the car run out run we'd be running into the desert i guess
she did it right
oh they should wow that worked that was really good dude well i hope i hope
never oh i hope that
never happens oh never encountered the funniest thing i've ever seen so you had
a fun time i should
have done that you had a fun time in butte i should have done that god right
not as good as hers hers
was really good you do a stigmata yeah yeah it's good wow do you see you're
growing up yeah yeah you're
all grown up so yeah but the movie was fun to do the movie's gonna be good i
heard a little maconey
boney says you're very excited about it i'm excited because you know jim belushi
like i never thought
i'd ever meet him he's the man and just one of the nicest guys just what a
great generous guy he
seems like a cool dude yeah how was uh throwing let's go to you chicago this is
the ball yeah i
threw the first pitch if anyone knows he went to the cubs game yeah and i sang
the seventh inning
stretch with and there he is throwing out the first pitch so this is a big deal
as a kid from chicago
throwing out the first pitch is fine they let like local insurance agents do
that but to sing the stretch
that's a big deal so was there a pop when they said your name yeah it was
actually kind of fun
yeah they go andrew santino and you can hear well you can see it they'll play
you can hear well you can hear well you can hear well you can hear well you can
hear well you can hear
bad friends at all he definitely says bad friends okay he 100 says it listen
okay wow yeah it's pretty cool is that your wife screaming no it's a ton of
people around i mean there's
30 of us bam oh wow that was so good dude and i had to give clark a big hug
wrap my legs around the boy
so fun right i'm so proud of you but the coolest thing was this was getting up
in the booth and
singing at singing was the best part by far well let me see you say
how exciting
oh this is my favorite
for the cubbies i love it it's great anyway a dream it was actually what a star
it actually was
one of the coolest moments of my life i even said i was i was off a couple of
drinks
and i turned to my mom and my wife and i said uh i can die now and they got a
little upset but i
really did mean it that was it i did it that's it this is it that's it no man
doing that that's the
death that's it you've done everything i did it all popular podcast bingo uh it's
a very small but
but supple television career very good couple of films very good stand up not
bad pretty good
singing the seventh inning stretch yeah check all the boxes you did it bury me
baby i think you did
it please bring me i need you to be around for i'm going to stick around
another four years four
years yeah that's fine until we do stop and then die yep i will die and then i'll
you know i'll
disappear so it was a big moment in my life this is one of those things for me
that was huge
and uh also we had a family member that passed away oh no who not during this
oh thank you
i mean and some and some of his ashes got spread on the field which is also
boom nice little tip of
the hat because he grew up around the corner from it i thought that was kind of
nice we spread his
ashes well we did i didn't someone did you don't do that have you never spread
ashes somewhere sacred
that just sounds i mean insane how's that crazy i'm watching a game all of a
sudden there's like powder
in my face no one's near you yeah yeah a little powder on my face it gets done
oh andrew's uncle
real sly really real quick real low no is there a smell there's some right
there look who's ashes
luke's mum someone on tour gave us this what oh yeah some our fans right a fan
gave us some of his
mom so weird yeah hanks back here now is that really that weird that some of
his mom he wanted
some of his mom to be with us what do you what called i'll give you a thousand
dollars i'm not
kidding you if you snort that whole thing i'll do it no no no no you will do it
you're sober yeah
you'll do it you can see bone chunks oh wow you can see bone chunks yeah
imagine giving him an
important job yeah you know anything of any importance i mean if you think of
like castaway
right in the movie tom hanks is out there on this island for years right years
you ever see that
movie no she has no idea what do you know what it's about no okay we can tell
you cast away with tom hanks
so it's about so this castaway is this okay he's best friends with a volleyball
well okay but don't laugh that's not funny that's not funny he grew up he has a
little he's a little
slow he remember forrest gump yeah he's playing the same kind of like a sequel
to forrest gump yeah
so what ends up happening is he gets he gets in he gets hiv and they banish him
to this island
they banish him to the island but they go you can bring one person your friend
your friend this is
kind of in the post future yeah right and he goes well i want to bring this
volleyball and they're like
dude you can pick a human and he's like daddy no i want human yeah that is a
human so he gets hiv
they banish him to this island see that blood on the thing is some of his hiv
blood uh-huh on the
thing so that wilson has hiv as well right they want to be the same what's so
funny it's not funny
nothing and then what ends up happening is on the island he makes a wish one
night to grow old grow
and he does it on like you know this is old tar is like a little animal that
lives on the beach and
so then he starts to grow old but then what happens is like in we remember benjamin
button
yeah he goes the other way he goes backwards but since wilson is a volleyball
he doesn't go backwards
he just gets right yeah i know stop stop i i know i know stop stop first first
of all i think i
hitting on her this like all this stuff oh today your thinnest of ice thinnest
of ice right says he
wants to snort the mom's ashes well you were saying you don't say don't tell
tay to me but you don't
tell them you don't tell me to offer my services you know what i'm saying is
when we're doing a bit
you know what i mean and you know what the bid is right and you're cackling
like a hyena
right how's that gonna work you too mccown i was holding it together you know
wait what's the end of
castaway oh the end of the movie is amazing well so that's see though so his
friend andy see don't
see how to rescue him his friend andy yeah andy does comes to rescue him and
there was a rift
between him and his old boss buzz and when andy there was also a rift in the um
um
time continuum space time continue time continuum yeah and uh he goes back home
and his wife has
already fallen in love with someone else helen hunt oh yeah now let me ask you
something great
movie in that scene when he does when they find him and he comes back and helen
hunt is remarried
yeah got a family right right but then doesn't she try to him after that no no
it's over she doesn't
chase after they have a moment they have a moment where they kiss right no they
don't kiss i think
they do well it's her ex-husband no i know they i think they one time no they
don't
no no they don't really no they don't okay