Name: The Most Racist Commercial in Television History
Uploaded: 2024-10-03T18:50:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Most Racist Commercial in Television History' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Most Racist Commercial in Television History' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-03. Transcript available.

What's that there? What is this? Some really cool new commercial that just came
out. Oh,
is a brand new commercial out? Yeah. Let's see it. Wait, I feel it.
Oh my.
Wow. Finally.
Wow. Nine shades lighter. That's what it means. That's awesome.
We should get you some of that, Rude. Yeah.
I tried whitening skin. You need 12X, I think.
It doesn't work.
Kid's on fire today.
You tried what? I tried it and it doesn't work.
Wait, you tried this? 9X? No, not that. Another product.
A whitening cream? Yeah. I bought a whole set of scrubbing
and the whitening soap and then the liquid thing.
This is terrible. It's so terrible, dude.
You have to be proud of who you are. You got to be proud of who you are.
I know. I used to do it in the Philippines because everyone was using it.
Yeah. Well, look at that guy. Look at that guy.
White fade. Yeah. Get yourself a white fade.
We have a white lady here. She doesn't even know how good she has it.
Yeah. Tell me about it. Yeah.
She just walks in and gets shit.
These white broads. Yeah. Yeah.
They get whatever they want. They get whatever they want.
Wow. So what? 9X.
What do you think of that, though, of people that are brown,
wanting to be white?
Oh.
I get it. In certain, like in India, it's a huge thing, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a sign of class.
Right.
And prestige or whatever.
But why is that in the mentality of human beings?
Well, this is a...
Are we having a real conversation about that?
Colonizers.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's colonization.
Colonizers.
Yeah.
Wow.
Whites.
Whites.
Whites.
Not me.
Not you.
No, you're not a clan.
I'm one of the good ones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got through.
I was at the cookout.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't...
Like, I think it's mind-boggling that this is a...
This is like a promoted...
This product probably...
I bet you they make a ton of money.
Yeah.
People use the shit out of it.
What did you use when you were in the Philippines then?
Gluta...
I forgot.
Gluten-free? What?
Yeah.
Something gluta.
Gluta.
That is how you turn into a white person.
You want to be gluten-free?
It's like an orange, like, soap.
Was it expensive?
Yeah.
Gluta, orange soap.
Put that in.
Gluta, orange soap.
And then you would rub it on your skin every day.
Yeah, every day.
It worked for other people.
You saw it like, oh, Sabrina.
Like, my friends.
They were so...
There it is.
That one.
The brightening...
Lemon.
Brightening lemon.
That one.
Kojic.
Yeah.
That one?
Soap.
Yeah.
Both.
Yeah.
How much is it?
50 bucks.
Wow.
Sugarbaby.co.
Yeah.
You think that would make me disappear?
Suicide.
Can we order a song?
Yeah, let's order that.
We're going to order a song.
What are we going to do with that?
I'm going to use it on one hand.
You're pretty light, dude.
Yeah.
Oh, you think so?
You're very light.
I'm very light.
Okay.
For an ethnic, I'm pretty light.
You're very light.
I was thinking about that the other day.
Well, I'm very light, kind of uppity in that way.
You don't even look yellow.
You just look white.
Thank you.
And that's the most...
That's a compliment you're wearing.
Well, maybe this will help.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Brightening lemon, turmeric, and kojic acid soap.
But let's say you...
Let's suppose...
Let's see there was a time machine.
Yeah.
And you went to 16th century China.
No, thanks.
I know, but this is a scenario.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
I know when I...
Okay, so you're in 16th century China.
You're confused, right?
And there's peasants and that.
But if you ran into me, be real.
Would you think I was a part of like the, you know what I mean?
The empire, like, you know what I mean?
Royal?
Or would you think I was an immigrant?
Well, based on...
Or like a peasant, I mean.
Based on your weight, I would think you're a superior...
Well, because they do say if you were a little chunky, that means you ate well
and you had money.
That's not a comp...
That's not an insult.
I'm not, no, I like it.
Right.
Like I would be seen as a poor peasant because I'm thin and in shape.
They'd go, this is a poor peasant worker boy.
Oh, I see.
But you're rotund and they'd go, this guy eats well.
He is royalty.
He is clearly of some sort of hierarchy class.
Carlos, peasant boy.
Yeah.
Peasant boy.
I might, I'd probably sound, I'd probably go, had all...
Oh my God, sexy.
I'm eating like bread.
No, a plum.
A plum.
You always have a plum.
Hello.
Little plum boy.
That's what they call your town.
Would you like to see my concubines?
Yeah.
My collection of concubines.
Yes, I would love to see them.
My little plum boy.
What about her if we ran into her?
Yes, royal.
Witch.
I like that.
Clear witch.
Yeah, clear witch.
What are those photos?
Oh, just looking up.
Okay, look at that one.
Yeah, put, yeah, put, zoom it up.
This is a rich guy in ancient China.
Dude, that's me.
There you are.
Had all, zoom.
Just a little bit more beard hair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that's genuinely you.
That's genuinely me.
I'd wear that hat and everything.
Oh my God, look right there, the writing.
It says Bobby Lee in the writing.
Yeah, yeah.
That's beautiful.
Wow, that's beautiful.
If you could take a time machine,
when would you go back to?
Oh, that's interesting.
And I look like me?
You're Bobby Lee right now.
Oh, so Bobby Lee time machine.
And no one would know you in the, in this past.
I mean, this is, you, you're not, you.
You're, I, I, my own, I would not get in that time machine.
There isn't an era that I want to go to until, you know,
this is the best my people have ever had it.
But I think you specifically would thrive.
In what?
In like the late sixties, early seventies.
In America.
The cultural revolution.
I'd be in San Francisco.
That's what I mean.
Yeah, yeah.
I think you'd be like.
I would just stand up.
Well, you'd be a music.
No, I see.
I think you'd be a musician.
You'd be a super popular musician.
All right.
Making like funk and fucking like intergalactic.
You wanna have a good time, baby, every day.
Yes.
Right?
See?
Everybody peace.
Yes.
Whoa, dude.
I think you would be an intergalactic electronica.
Intergalactic love going down every day.
Here's kind of a view.
That's me, dude.
This is it.
That's me, dude.
Every day, intergalactic love.
Right?
That's me, dude.
Johnny Pandora.
That's me, dude.
That guy gets no pussy, dude.
What do you mean?
After that show, he goes home alone at the hotel.
He does.
What?
He does.
You don't think he gets pussy?
A hundred percent.
I think he gets pussy.
A hundred percent.
Okay, okay.
Look at the hair.
That's now, though.
But in the sixties, I don't know how that would play.
You would have crushed.
Okay, good.
Late sixties, early seventies.
I'm telling you.
Really?
The cultural revolution, the hippie revolution in Northern California.
You would have been it, man.
Yeah, but why can't I just do shows with like Lenny Bruce and do stand-up?
It wouldn't have worked.
What?
Why?
I just don't know if...
I just don't think referentially it would work.
My style.
Yeah.
Your style's too...
Too wild.
Too wild.
Okay.
Like Lenny was like a beat poet.
Yeah.
You have to be a musician to let your freak flag fly.
Oh, here.
Let's go.
You're in a jazz club.
Let's hear some comedic poetry.
Mind.
I don't know.
I've never...
Desert.
I don't know what's that.
Hey, baby.
Come down to the street.
Meet my parents.
My cat, dog.
Liverpool.
Sensual.
Signs.
See?
It wouldn't work.
Just doesn't work.
I literally...
I literally didn't know.
I don't even know what they sound like.
That was it.
I was like trying to commit, but I didn't know what the fuck...
I said Liverpool.
What else did I say?
Come down to the street.
Meet my parents.
Meet my parents.
How about you?
You do it.
No.
Corporate white man.
Killing us.
With their rules.
That's what...
That's good.
That's good.
And their shoes.
Cut your hair.
I don't care.
Where do I need to be?
Where I am.
I got very good.
See, I would have been in.
That just sounds like the worst.
You and I.
We'd get eaten alive.
We wouldn't even go to that show.
It would have killed us.
We would have been like boring.
Yeah, it would have been bad.
Show us your dick.
You think you'd show your butthole in the set?
Oh, imagine what would happen.
You'd get arrested.
Like with Lenny.
Yeah, you and Lenny.
He's like, what are you in for, man?
Saying your truth?
No, I show my butthole to the audience.
What, do you think you would like it or no?
Nah.
You wouldn't like it?
Nah.
Wow.
He'd be like, hey man, I'm at this hack in prison.
I know, I'd be a hack.
Showing your butthole back then?
When he's doing his thing?
But no Asian's ever done that before.
Well, I guess that's breaking the mold.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, maybe you would be king shit back then.
Yeah.
Because they were like, you can't believe this kid's wild, man.
He's just his butthole.
Inside of his butthole.
The insane.
And he's Asian.
Whoa, is it sideways?
Yeah, wow.
Everybody turns their head when they see your butthole?
Yeah.