Name: "Boyfriend Sized" Dong
Uploaded: 2024-11-08T18:08:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Boyfriend Sized" Dong' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Boyfriend Sized" Dong' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-08. Transcript available.

well here's what i my goal if you want to hear my goal you want your to look
bigger no
what the dude you ask that has nothing to do with it ask carlos yeah he he
wants to say skinny
because it makes it look bigger i i know i know but you know i have it does huh
somebody said i
had boyfriend size i thought you said boysen i was like boysen not boysenberry
for flavor you're
the boysenberry yeah your boyfriend yeah it's small no that's what it means
reliable no it's reliable
it's like perfect it's a honda civic yeah but also like you know lowered it's
it's very it's a rice
racket it's very yeah yeah yeah but um but i can here's the thing i think that
once i
find somebody that i i'm in love with like we saw nikki there today he's you
know he got he's got a
girl that he likes you know yeah i just want to meet somebody that i like that
you know i hang out
with all the time and then maybe i'll you know okay yeah that's all now what
about this what if a girl
falls in love with you when you get skinny and then you get fat again i mean
you get regular again
because what you do is then you put in the hooks
yeah you need you know then they you know you financial that's right oh are you
looking for a
sugar mom no no no what i'm saying is is that which carlos is what i'm saying
right just little
subtle things like yeah you don't need a job really yeah you don't need a job
okay right they become
dependent right right but then that's where
two years later hey baby you can't leave how are you gonna eat and survive
smart yeah so that's my
that's my goal now if you can if you can do it with or without it the the guy
from uh the big ed
guy he got engaged after i think 24 hours big ed they canceled it after 72
after that yeah that's so
he's alone now i love that guy he's the best didn't we have him on the hill for
a second tiger
belly we were trying to get him on here and he was six so like not engaged yeah
like he's not
he's not engaged anymore yeah but he's also together a little full of it right
in my mind i'm like
full of what full of what just a little bit like i'm a star did you make any
neck jokes
no you didn't do like i've had it up to here with you no look at him head and
shoulders yeah
knees and also sand shoulders knees and toes
if he was just a head here and then a set of knees with feet and that face but
he's probably super
famous in san diego too that's where he lives i guess yeah i mean what do we
get you guys well
i mean i don't know what they throw at him but i'm sure yeah they say hi when
they see him
now he's funny man i like him a lot actually i we wanted him on when he dies
god's gonna go we
forgot to give you this my neck we're sorry sorry we didn't put this in um hey
man we were just
having a rush day yeah i can't believe we put that order out hey it's on the
ticket what the
fuck you forgot we'll give it to him later yeah he's nice guy nice guy that
clip of him and that
filipino chicken is the funniest clip on it he's like you're you're my best
view she's like you see
that that's fucking that is rudy jules and that i seriously every time i watch
that show i was always
like that's rudy he's dating this guy that's rudy yeah yeah that's a hundred
percent your face yeah
and she's very pretty i like the view you do yes you're my best view
that's you dude me that's a hundred percent something she would say if a guy
said something
corny to her yeah yeah you would say you'd go no knee me that's my new thing me
yeah yeah did you
like my set me there's a cat there was a thing i wanted you to try i was going
to text you this
morning i was on the couch it's like this universal thing on tick tock where
people call their cats
and apparently they're like you know like if you've never instructed you need
to instruct your dog
to sit stay whatever lay down but like you know cats are pretty indignant they
don't want to
fucking hear it from you but there was people on the internet have found out
that if you make this
sound cats will come to you if you go like meow it's like a it's like a weird
little i'm not kidding
it's like a noise i want to memorize it go ahead playing the sound yeah that's
the one playing the sound
that makes your cat come to you or something that's it look at this
oh dude you gotta play that sound let's see if i can do it
you dude i want you will you test this out at home let me say something okay
yeah this is
bullshit what do you mean the internet never lies no you because i i went and
downloaded the cat sounds
app and there's millions of them right sure there's even like cougars you know
what i mean and they come
okay cougars what's going on right it's not just that sound all right i
guarantee you you know what
it's so funny i don't have cats i don't know i'm going to download the app
again and do it and i'm
going to tape it i'm going to tape it because i want to see it yeah because
that's bullshit okay i want
to see you know that yeah yeah yeah yeah by the way did you feed my dog
sausages last night yeah you did
yeah you yeah the amount of it was so much it he loves me that guy it's a it's
a girl whatever
no it was it was it was runny but also it was runny and solid i mean it was
everything
people have must have been feeding because so much your dog right is a little
user
every every animal every pet is this dog he came up to me it's a girl whatever
she came up to me went
all right and i went and she just ran away and she went to the next guy you're
right well you had
nothing for her except what i'm saying is that he's fickle she's not fickle
what's the word
trans transaction or transactionary transactional yeah she came up to you and
she was like you're not
gonna fucking you're not gonna eat me all right no that's not what it was yeah
he did pick up my dog
and get it near the oven and goes can we talk about your party yeah happy
birthday by the way thanks
man what a great party and you know i'm sitting outside if i may express myself
whatever you want
okay yeah uh first of all i have to say and i don't want to start a fight with
you about it sounds
like it yeah you're an ocd freakazoid right it's just like any crumb yeah like
i was sitting in his
right swipe you know come on dude use the plate right put a diet coke on the
table what about a
coaster man right and you're just all around your place doing that right and
then like can i smoke in
your backyard no you smoke out front you know that's when i went nah i'm
smoking your backyard it's a
fucking party and i had everyone smoke back there do you see that it was just
you and one other guy no no
it wasn't it was four five people smoking back well the other people
respectfully smoked away from
that's not true the reason i said don't smoke i have a validation for all this
the reason i said
don't smoke back there there were a few people had their babies our kids were
there oh yeah it's
respectful also this and then also and also okay yeah put it on a coaster that's
what the coasters
are there for what happens if three years old what happens just because it's a
party doesn't it's not
at my house what happens if i don't put it on the coaster what happens what are
the consequences
rings oh you get a ring yeah i don't want rings on the table get a new table
rich guy rich spoiled
what's your house pretty rich guy pretty rich guy dude and the only reason that's
i don't have you
over i'll tell you another thing pal and here and by the way crumbs have you
ever seen an adult who
kills the fuck have you ever seen an adult eat a plate of food and spill half
of it on the table me
you're 53 you think i do it by accident i have to i purposely put it out there
yeah i know i can tell
i'm doing that all over the party he was just doing that around you you're just
around me thank you so
much you saw he's another thing it didn't spill once any of these guys by the
way yeah not once
also these guys are the worst at parties okay well i'm not gonna fight you on
that we're gonna huddle
together in the corner of the house and not talk to anybody no no no they weren't
they were like so
nervous and then when a celebrity would walk in and i see these guys hey man
how's it going and
they're like oh i'm fine and just dead stopped wow right and then they would
just move on oh my god
it was sad to watch celebrity there and you mentioned his famous dad to me and
he heard us from across
the party and was exactly that's the way to do it he heard the movie yeah that's
the way that's the
way to do it that's the way to do it
yeah