Name: Rudy's Got a Hot Teacher?!
Uploaded: 2024-11-17T17:30:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Got a Hot Teacher?!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Got a Hot Teacher?!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-17. Transcript available.

what's been going on in your little life i want to know you got some news to
tell us um i've just
had my first ever hot sub in a class oh a hot member the hot sub no when a
substitute teacher
oh i thought you meant a sandwich yeah hey like a spicy sandwich i know you
remember those i do
i love hot subs but i've seen every time we pass a jimmy johns this guy yeah so
a hot substitute
teacher yeah but he's he's white and old oh my god he was so hot he was buff
smart he's a chemistry
professor oh wow and then if you you know would you yeah did the other did the
other wait you didn't
even finish i think she got it okay yeah like do the other girls did you talk
to about him no they
don't they don't like older guys right and you like old guys i like well him
because he was so smart and
then he was just wearing like a normal shirt but his arms were like buff buff
how old do you think
is old how old do you think he was 40 plus well yeah yeah that's us i know we're
old chemistry so but
this guy was a hot guy yeah did you would you ever uh flirt with him no but i
never talked to anyone
in school but i made an attempt to like say bye professor thank you uh what's
his last name we'll
blank it out just professor what i forgot i just well he's a substitute i just
remember dr ruiz
dr ru ru dr reese ruiz oh how about this this is a great idea for a movie what
a college co-ed falls
in love with her professor yeah right yeah but it's a sub yeah she realizes
what if she never gets to see
him again yeah so she kills her main teacher so the sub becomes permanent wow
that's a great idea but does
that i didn't know that once the teacher's dead they just the first sub i'm isn't
there like
we're gonna well since the last guy was just here just hire him well i don't
think that
works sounds like a 90s comedy that is what would happen in a 90s comedy they'd
be like
well mr ruiz i mean you are here and we don't know where she's gone missing oh
i see can you keep
teaching for the week right and he becomes permanent right then they fall in
love right one night they get
together they go out to dinner you know you i shouldn't do this because you're
my student yeah
and although you're an adult no i got it i got a better idea hold on okay
although you're an
adult can i get in the writer's room here yes okay i'm too old for you we
shouldn't do this
because you're my student and i'm the teacher yeah and she admits over a glass
of wine yeah
i killed mrs what was the first one miss the original one pickleson what was
her name uh
barbara pickelson i killed arsalan arsalan i don't put barbara pickleson so
much better yeah yeah
stop fucking up the right i'll get it up and so and then he goes so now he's
indicted he knows that
she killed barbara pickelson right and they need to dispose of the body
together that's the adventure
movie is i gotta i'm gonna throw in another layer give it if i may if i may
please he he finds out
about barbara nick pickelson right right right and he's okay with it he loves
it right but then she's still in
school right he no longer works there right which he didn't get the job no no
no you're you're new
the guy right he'd be sick so they have a new sub a new he's hotter oh no yeah
he's even hotter than
who the one right we're talking about like you know um um this is like brad pitt
no the elvis what's
his name uh butler butler austin boston butler dude i like jacob malorty okay
whatever we'll cast
we'll cast it jacob balorty yeah yeah jacob lagoria jacob laguardia and that's
it that's the new
jacob lagoria airport and that's the new substitute yeah laguardia now right
wow she doesn't know what
to do what do you do yeah who do you gotta kill ruiz yeah luke you kill ruiz he's
just gotta go
because you want laguardia but there's the kick at the end oh no yeah here's
the hook at the end i
know what it is what is it barbara pickelson's not dead she's not dead she's
not dead she's not dead
you thought you killed her yeah you left her for dead but she was buried she
was she dug herself
out she does no she does a kill bill thing yes yes right like wait right she
like a zombie yeah
gets out of there right pickleson comes back she's like getting going to a diner
the return of miss
pickles dude that's part two that's so good right we got to make this a two-parter
write this right
write this all right so ruiz right yeah she kills ruiz she hits on the other
side guardia yay he's
gay he's full-blown gay of course he's gay right so now what do you do you try
to flip them don't
you you flip them dude you can be a beard beard but did the beard ever get laid
the beard never gets
laid not even like sucking sucking his dick no you can't suck his dick no
because he doesn't like that
yeah yeah he doesn't like it he might let you watch carlos suck his dick but
because you're the beard
data has no physical attraction you're just for public show maybe he's not gay
what if that's a
harder that's a harder thing to get around i like the gay thing i know la guardia
is gay and get this
what she tries to flip him yeah so then trans all right she becomes a trans man
for la guardia yeah
i'm a guy now flip-flop flip-flop we can name it flip-flop terminal two what
anyway that's a pretty good premise there's something about it there's
something about it
that the sub comes so this sub comes in yeah what if you never but you don't
know if he'll ever be back
you don't know you might never see him can can this next sub be a sandwich and
that's the third
installment yeah yeah that's like godfather 3. you know like a meatball okay
class hey how you
doing you know maybe he's italian how you doing i'm a fucking meatball sandwich
that's your cameo
in the movie i mean that's i actually i have to be in it that's your cameo yeah
yeah okay good
that's great so how did i become a walking meatball sandwich we got to explain
that that's a
question our fans have been asking about you for a long time yeah but in the
movie how do we okay
okay we have to explain it i don't know yeah yeah how does he become how did he
become a walking
meatball sandwich well he can be trans meatball trans meatball oh i would oh i
see i see that's okay
so what you're saying to me is this right i'm a human right you're always a
human i'm always human
right but i identify as meatball sandwich yes my pronouns are meat right and
ball i go to korea
because they have good they're good at surgery right right and i make my my
balls much bigger
yes like meatballs huge meatballs right and they always have marinara on them
all the time right
and i come up with i don't think the skin should be the breading well you
should have a jacket you're
a big i think i have a jacket you're a big that's cheese bread you're a big baguette
like a bag you're
a big piece of cheese no the inner clothing is the cheese oh okay for wardrobe
and stuff i don't
want to get into cgi i get it right right yeah we have to save some money right
so the jacket is
like a baguette oh right and then i have inner clothes that look like cheese
but i pull up your
balls your meatballs right and i and i put fucking like red sauce on it and you
identify right as a
eat yeah yeah i'm your new sub you don't think we can make this movie
he's your brand new sub sandwich that is wow his balls are his his balls are in
his hand he's like
remember test tomorrow well i hope this guy yeah i hope this guy comes back i
hope he comes but um the
main professor he's also really hot he's brown and his name is professor when
you say brown how brown
like brown brown okay like poo yeah close to me okay i didn't say like a long
beard oh you know what
that means what he's a long face i think you're in love with just all your
professors i like older
yeah this is you this is just because you like it doesn't even matter who they
are you just like the
idea that someone who's knowledgeable and is really smart really smart and oh
you like bright guys
bright guys yeah interesting but aren't you still dating that guy yeah and he's
really smart he is
smart he's a sweetheart did you do you tell him about the crush on the
professor and he's like go
talk to them he encourages me so he's cocking would he cock i don't know but he
says like go talk to
them he's a real sweetheart that guy i really like him a lot promotional of her
of getting with a new
guy it sounds like yeah i mean one time he just waited out here for hours to
pick you up yeah
i've seen him wait for six hours for you oh my god yeah what a guy really yeah
one time i was
hanging out with my friends and he picked me up and then dropped me off with my
friends and he just
waited for me to be done how long wow like four hours he just waited in the car
yeah he's a serial
killer no i know dude no and i'm going to defend him i'm teasing i know but
that's what's lost with
us new men is what everyone in this room is that kind of chivalry my father
would have never waited
in the car for four hours for my mom what are you talking about well that's she
he lost it too then
no it didn't exist this is a this is unusual nobody waits in a car for four
hours while they're hanging
in the 1700s no guy wasn't on a horse no he took he took a walk i took a walk
but he still went around
the neighborhood i'll be back to get you later oh i go off to the bar and then
he come back oh i see
that's what you would do yeah he would go to a bar maybe yeah he went to like
eat and i bet you i bet
you know i know where he went i bet he got a boba place no he loves that he
loves that but i bet you
he went and got the food but came back just in case you wanted to leave or he
ate it in his car i think
yeah he doesn't even eat in the restaurant yeah but he loves all this is is he
loves you can i ask
i'm teasing because i'm sure he's sweet but he loves you
you