Name: Doctor Rudy Saves the Dogs!
Uploaded: 2024-11-30T14:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Doctor Rudy Saves the Dogs!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Doctor Rudy Saves the Dogs!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-30. Transcript available.

Well, so nothing you're learning you're going to use in your f***ing life
anyway, so it's okay.
I wouldn't say that, totally.
Are you a biology? You're not going to be a biologist.
Well, I'm taking fish classes, and that's fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marine biologist, perhaps.
Maybe.
Yeah, if you said you wanted to work in the water, you definitely need to know
that stuff.
I thought you should just do animals.
Just be a vet or whatever.
You would probably need to pass biology to be a vet.
Yeah, I'm a vet.
Oh, you do?
Yeah, 100%.
Yeah, that's a big deal.
You need to know about amoebas?
Wow, so I wonder what you would need to know.
I mean, I'm sorry, I'm dumb, but do you spend, like, doctor eight years in
medical school?
To be a vet?
Yeah.
I don't know if it's a full eight.
I think it's six, though.
Yeah.
I think it's six, which is a long time.
Too long.
Four year.
Okay, so it's, oh, it is said eight years in total.
Typically takes about eight.
Wow.
And then do you make a lot of money?
I think vets make good money.
Really?
Well, I can tell you how much my f***ing.
That's true.
The scan cost when I went to the vet for the emergency vet.
Yeah.
Did I tell you this?
When my dog was puking and shitting blood?
No.
The average salary for a vet in California is $171.
Wow, that's a pretty good thing.
Pretty good.
That's very good.
Very good.
Yeah, I took my dog to the vet and we don't have pet insurance and it was an
emergency
because she was throwing up blood and shitting blood.
And I had the worst panic, man.
I was so scared.
So sad.
And then we go there and they take all these x-rays and stuff and they're like,
you know,
this is not covered.
And I said, we don't even have insurance.
She goes, okay, I just want to let you know.
Comes back with the bill and it's $1,500.
Also, on top of that, she goes, some of the staff is a big fan.
Can we take pictures of you?
Yeah.
I was like, my dog just shitting blood.
At least a discount, no discount?
No shit.
No, no discount.
No picture discount.
Nothing.
I was happily taking pictures like, my dog pooping blood and I'm taking photos.
Wow.
I did the right thing.
But I was also like, that's a little weird to ask me to take photos first thing
in the
morning when my dog is shitting blood and I'm a little worried.
And you're like, can we get a picture for the office?
I was like, sure.
Is the blood thing taken care of?
Is she still shitting fucking blood?
Yeah.
It was a little weird.
You know what my thing is?
Is whenever I'm in a fucking pet food store, I hate it when there's always old
white
ladies, they come in and they go, what's the cheapest cat food you got?
Dry.
Right?
And I'm always like, you know what I mean?
I'm always like, that's your fucking family member.
Yeah.
That's the love of your life.
You know what I mean?
Well, here's the deal.
It's an economic thing for some people, right?
So some people can't afford-
Free range.
What?
Some people can't afford to level up.
It's hard.
Yeah.
But it's just like the cheapest.
You don't walk in the cheapest.
Well, think about, oh, let's genuinely, let's do this.
Yeah.
In the scope of America, most people have to buy the cheapest gas.
The cheapest groceries.
Am I being arrogant?
A little bit.
No, not arrogant, but you're being-
Am I being-
I think you're forgetting.
Out of touch with reality here?
A little bit.
Give my dog nice shit, too.
Like, I think it's-
Yeah, but you live foolishly.
You know, they're not-
The gap between cheapest and average isn't that much.
I agree.
You're talking about a dollar or two, right?
I agree with you.
I agree.
But I'm saying most Americans have to buy the cheapest gas, the cheapest food,
the cheapest everything to get through their lives.
Yeah, but it's just like-
We're blessed that you don't have to do it.
I don't know, dude, because even when I-
In my early 20s, I had two cats.
Mm-hmm.
And I went to the pet food store and I got like-
I had no money and I still went like,
I'm not going to get the cheapest one.
I know, you're talking-
Because I want them to, you know what I mean, at least survive.
I agree, but I think most people can't.
I think that's the bummer.
I don't think they care.
I think some people don't care.
I think most people with pets give a fuck about their pets.
They love their pets.
That's why there's like a-
What's that place called that's near my old house?
Just dog-
Just for dogs.
Just food for dogs.
Yeah, yeah.
That shit's so expensive.
I walked in there one time and I was like,
this is fucking rude.
It was like a-
I love it there.
Two pound bag of food for like 80 bucks.
I was like, what the fuck are you-
They're like, we hand cut up filet.
Yeah, they do.
That's crazy.
But, oh, no, it's not crazy.
That's crazy.
That's what Bobby pays for the dogs.
You do that?
Yeah.
That's so much money.
Well, it's my dogs, dude.
I know, dude, but that's like an inflation-
If I go to fucking BLVD, right?
Or, you know what I mean?
Or Maestro's, right?
I'm going to get my dog.
Dude, I got fucking Nobu for my cats.
That's fucking insane.
Right?
And they didn't like it, so I'm like,
oh, I guess this isn't going to be a thing.
You got the fanciest sushi in LA for your cat?
Yeah, I cut up the salmon too and all that stuff
like really thinly.
I go, maybe that'll work.
I put gravy on it.
They don't like it.
Crazy.
No, it's not crazy.
No, no, it's crazy.
It's funny, but it's insane.
Well, I guess it's, you know, here's,
and I'm going to cause a little controversy out here.
I might as well put my foot down, okay?
And maybe some people,
and I was going to say white people,
but I'm not going to say that.
I don't want to generalize, right?
No, go ahead and do it.
Yeah, they view their animals as a lower family member.
Not true.
Yeah.
Don't generalize whites because I don't do that
and he doesn't do that.
You know, but it's like-
Don't do that to whites.
Just people.
How about this then?
You want to take it there?
That's why I brought it up, dude.
Let's take it there.
No, let's take it there.
Let's take it there.
Let's generalize.
Asians.
If you're going to do cat, we eat them?
Time out.
Don't go eat them.
We don't eat them.
Really?
I don't eat them.
Then don't generalize all whites.
Not in this America.
Maybe in some fucking remote village in Taipei.
Well, you're talking about a global population here, buddy.
Do Asians eat animals?
Oh, you're going to do this again with the fucking slave,
the Korean slave thing?
No.
That's what you're trying to do.
Get a moment.
Rudy, do people still eat dogs in the Philippines?
We've talked about this before.
It's like rural.
Rural, thank you.
And yet it happens.
But we're still in that three-year grace period
where it's legal to eat.
In South Korea, they still haven't passed that bill.
But we did pass it.
Congratulations.
2027.
In 2024.
Yeah, yeah.
In three fucking years.
What about, hey, buddy, I'll double down on you then.
Give it to me.
What about squirrels?
Yeah, some whites eat squirrels.
Yeah, and snakes and shit.
How about this?
Yeah, yeah.
Then you get fucking-
Have you even attempted to pass the fucking law
and did not eat squirrels?
Those cute little critters from the tree.
They're delicious.
They're delicious.
You've never had one?
Would you eat a squirrel?
I think I would.
100%.
They're so good.
Look at them right there.
Ooh, is that a filet?
Oh, my God.
Look at them.
It's all dark meat.
Yeah.
It's so good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's so good.
Oh, my God.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Look at that.
What I'm saying is that I don't know why you went from me
spending a little bit more money for my cats
to us eating dogs.
You did it.
I don't know how it went from there to there.
Look, you can't generalize and say all whites exist.
I took it back already.
Thank you.
I'll take mine back, too, then.
Yeah.
But Asians still eat dogs.
Yeah, and you guys eat squirrels.
Yeah, thank you.
Okay.
But I know there's no people that have pets as squirrels.
Oh, there are.
Who has a squirrel?
Go to Dodo.
Go to Dodo?
Yeah.
Where's that?
YouTube.
And he has a squirrel?
Dodo.
There's a lot of squirrel friends that the people have.
In their home?
In their home, dude.
No, they keep them outside and they feed them every day.
In the home, dude.
There we go.
That's a guy chilling on a kitchen table, dude.
Look at that guy.
Look at that, dude.
Look how fat he is, too.
That looks like lunch to me.
I know.
What?
Do they feed them, like, fancy nuts?
They might.
Yeah, but that-
Like, Air One nuts?
Yeah, but there's a difference between, like, you know, airplane nuts, right?
And going to, like, you know, going to Air One or something
and getting, like, organic nuts, unsalted, you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
Right?
I guess.
That's what I would do.
I would assume that golfers come from the same farm
and some of them are just packaged for Air One.
Okay, okay.
I don't know how they're packaged.
I don't know what the farm-
Well, you know what?
That's it.
Then we need to do bad friends visits a farm.
We need to go visit a farm so we can find out-
But my point, though, being is, boom.
There's another one chilling watching fucking, you know, reality TV on a couch.
There's probably, you know, 90-day fiancé.
Look at the fucking-
Look at them chilling.
He's watching Love is Blind.
Yeah, Love is Blind.
Chilling there.
He's so fat.
I know.
They're so cute.
They are so cute.
Yeah.
I know.
No, look.
Okay, let's get back to the original thing.
Let's go back to-
Yeah.
I value my pet.
The first thing-
The first person I kiss in my home when I walk-
I know you do because I know that you spent $1,500.
But there's a lot of people that are, like, at the event, like,
well, how much is it going to cost?
Well, some people can't afford it.
I'm lucky that I could afford it.
Well, you know-
I'm lucky.
I'm lucky.
I'm lucky that I'm able to do that.
Carlos' dog goes to the vet, and it costs him two grand or something like that.
He's in some shit.
He's calling us.
Would you pay it?
Yeah, of course.
He would.
There we go.
But he's scared.
Yeah, that's-
Yeah.
I'm not saying the feeling behind it.
Yeah, it's going to be a hit, and it's going to be a bummer, but I'm just
saying it's like-
But you're right.
Well, it depends on what the-
Like, okay, here's one, all right?
When you guys-
When you guys-
The grapes?
Yeah, the grapes.
I got a call, like, oh, yeah, all the dogs are in the vet, right?
And you got to help with the money, right?
Because they all ate grapes?
Yeah, so I go, they ate fucking grapes?
Like, Roman emperors?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Right?
They're like, yeah, and then nothing happened, but you guys-
We had to spend thousands of dollars-
It was very expensive.
What?
Yeah, exactly.
So what was that all about?
The vet said that they were going to die.
But why are you freaking the fucking dogs to the fucking vet?
It's the first place.
They called first, and they said, yeah, take them-
You did eat one grape!
No, it was three.
Yeah, yeah.
I know.
Amongst four dogs, they ate three grapes, and I get this call, like, it's going
to cost all
this money.
I was like, what the fuck is going on here?
So in that case, yes.
I'd be like, ah, grapes, we'll figure it out.
We'll figure it out.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait a minute.
A bar of chocolate, I would be like, oh, let's just take it hour by hour.
Yeah, can dogs not eat grapes?
I do not know that's-
I don't think it was grapes.
What was it?
The number of grapes can be lethal to a dog depends on the dog's weight, but
the general
rule of thumb is that one grape per 10 pounds of body weight is potentially
dangerous.
Why?
Grapes and raisins cause acute kidney failure in dogs.
What?
I mean, my dog doesn't eat grapes.
Now you know.
That's crazy.
I don't know.
Now you know.
I'm glad I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And also, why do you have fucking just free grapes laying around on the ground?
Because we were taking care of a crow.
So we were feeding him grapes.
Oh, that's right.
The crow.
Of course.
Oh.