Name: Andrew Santino FURIOUS after Bobby Lee said this...
Uploaded: 2024-12-07T17:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino FURIOUS after Bobby Lee said this...' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino FURIOUS after Bobby Lee said this...' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-07. Transcript available.

To the guy in my neighborhood that lets his dog piss on my fence,
I'm going to f***ing kill you.
I'm going to find you and I'm going to kill you.
Let's get it out, dude.
I see him on the cam.
We have a camera.
Hey, hey, guy.
We see you on the cam, dude.
I'm going to beat the living s*** out of this guy.
The dog pisses on my f***ing door, on my f***ing gate.
And I see it.
No, but can I just...
When I was in Wisconsin, I saw it and I was like,
I'm going to break a neck.
Can I make an argument against that, though, a little bit?
Pissing on my door?
Yeah, I want to be side with the guy.
Side with the guy?
Why are you siding with the guy whose dog pisses on my house?
Because I know your behavior!
What did I do to this guy?
I know you!
What did I do to him?
That's why I'm siding with the guy, guy.
Okay.
What did...
What?
Go side...
The coast...
It's the same thing as the coaster thing.
The coaster of not having a drink on my table?
Yeah.
Don't have a drink on my table.
I know, but you're eyeing...
Oh, hey, you got to put the coaster on, right?
Like that, right?
What does that have to do with the dog pissing on my door?
No, just watch.
Hey, don't walk on that carpet.
You know what I mean?
Oh, you can't smoke me in the back.
I saw...
I was there.
Don't smoke in the...
Don't smoke in the back.
Don't smoke near the kids.
It goes down to...
Don't piss on the fence.
It's all a part of the same...
I've never said that to him because that's just a thing we know.
You don't let your dog piss on someone's door.
But it's a part of the same thing that you have.
Anxiety?
Yes.
Get rid of that.
Can't.
Yeah.
Deal with that because you have issues.
Almost threw up this morning thinking about having to fly back here to do this
show with
you.
I do have issues.
So do you.
Yeah.
Hey, guy, don't worry about it.
Keep pissing on the fence.
Yeah.
Dude, it's your own issue, dude.
You got to grow, dude.
Like I'm growing.
I'm going to piss right on you right now.
Piss in my mouth.
I don't give a fuck.
Oh, you'd like that.
All right.
So, dude, guy, whatever the neighborhood, shit on his lawn.
I don't care if he shits on my lawn.
Piss on whatever.
Do it.
Piss on my lawn.
Yeah.
Diarrhea on the fence.
No, you can't poop on the fence.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Please don't piss on the fence.
Sir, please don't do that.
Sir, keep doing it.
Please, sir.
It's about growth.
Yeah, and you should grow up, sir, and stop having.
If you can get Andrew to grow.
Well, you're going to have to bail me out of jail when I fucking murder this
guy.
See, that's the kind of talk I don't like.
And I'm saying it right now.
Yeah.
I'll testify for myself.
Yeah, I did it.
Yes, I did.
Kill that motherfucker.
That'll be me getting hard for jail.
What's up, bitch?
I'm going away for a little bit.
Motherfuckers dog piss on my motherfucking dog.
No.
Bitch.
California is a stand your ground state, which means that you can defend
yourself without
retreating if you're threatened.
Right.
Imminent danger.
I don't even know what that means.
What does that mean?
If someone's threatening to kill you, if someone's literally threatening your
life, you can defend
your life.
Okay, let me give you an example.
I walk into my house, right?
And there's a man there.
It doesn't matter what he looks like, does it?
In this scenario.
I could tell you what I think he looked like.
Go ahead.
Tall, skinny, white guy from Northern California.
Mm, 6'9"?
Fresno.
Yeah, Fresno guy.
6'9".
6'9".
Yeah.
Big head.
Huge.
Long though.
Very long.
I can see it balding like Carlos.
Patchy.
Patchy on the side.
Yeah, patchy.
Right.
Bags under the eyes.
Huge.
No Adam's apple.
No, it's an Eve apple more than anything.
What does that mean?
It's chunked away because he's been stabbed, cut.
Oh my God.
Yeah, it's an Eve apple.
He's wearing no shirt.
It's a wife beater, but yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I could envision a medical tag.
He's fresh out.
Dude, that's true.
I see it.
Do you see it now?
Yes.
A medical tag.
Yep.
Right?
And then, you know what I mean?
Mommy tattoo?
Mom.
Mom, but with a cross.
Crossed through it.
Right?
She's dead to me.
Yeah, yeah.
Daddy cross.
And then, right?
Daddy crossed out.
Yeah.
But that one's a tramp stamp.
It's daddy right above his butt.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Right?
And then there's a God bless JD.
God bless JD.
Not JD Vance.
Who is it?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
J period D.
Yeah, J period D period.
Who is it?
That's John DeLorean.
Jeffrey Dahmer.
Yes.
Jeffrey Dahmer.
God bless Jeffrey Dahmer.
Jeffrey Dahmer.
God bless Jeffrey Dahmer.
Right.
He has a speech impediment.
Yeah, yeah, yes.
That's exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But except when he says Asian slurs, Asian slurs.
Comes out perfectly.
Comes out perfectly.
Yeah.
Like, you chink.
Right?
It just comes out, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gook.
There's no stutter with that, right?
All right, and then, right, what does he have in his hands?
What does he have in his hands, guys?
Oh, in each of his hands?
Yeah, one's hand is what?
One hand is one of those stress balls, just an old school stress ball.
The rubbery kind?
Yeah, the one that's got sand.
Or the Benoit ball feet?
No, sand, sand.
It's got sand.
Oh, the sand one, right?
Sand one, yeah.
Right.
Sand one.
- So I don't own one of those, that's his.
- He brings it with him everywhere he goes.
- Wow.
- It c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-crs me
down.
- Right, right, right.
Right hand, right hand.
- Right, what is it? You tell me.
- Yeah, what, what, oh, I know what it is.
- I can see it. - Yeah, yeah.
- Can you see it? - Yeah.
- Look at that.
- Okay, what do I see, dude?
I see scales.
I know what it is. - Whoa.
- I know what it is.
- What?
- It's a crocodile hand.
- A croc hand.
- Dude, he took, he killed a crocodile.
- And stole a hand?
- In Mississippi in 1987 with his uncle Joey, right?
- Oh, wow.
- A baby crocodile.
- Oh, a baby.
- Yeah, and he just like tore it apart, right?
And then he took the skin and he made this glove.
He's had it at the club for years.
- Whoa.
- It's like, there's got like a little jacket,
like a Freddy Cougar, like stice.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yes, yes, yeah.
And he's just kind of doing this
with the Benoit balls like this, right?
And he growls like a croc.
Right?
Now, if I'm not walking out of the house by now,
what am I doing?
- You're interested in what he's up to.
- Oh, you know what?
- Because it's not imminent danger,
'cause he's just hanging out.
- Right, it's now at this point, can I kill him?
- No, he hasn't threatened your life.
- Dude, it's fucking scary though.
- He hasn't threatened your life.
- Right.
- He's gotta threaten your life.
We saw it right here.
Look, is it imminent danger?
- And he goes, no. - No.
- Then he goes, could I give you a hug?
- Could I give you a hug?
- That's not violent, right?
- No.
- Right, and I go, no.
Would you say that yes or no?
Can I give you a hug?
- I'll shake your hand.
you a pound i'll give you a pound that's better do you want to you know what i
mean are you a bad
friends fan i would say that oh yeah you want to take a picture okay so you ask
me and he'd be like
goodnight goodnight you gentlemen i think i would you would yeah yeah you know
what you know what
he'd really do where's bobby i can get him that's what i'd say i can get him
for oh you're there now
too i'm in my house oh he's in your house now he came to my house first how do
you think he got to
your house oh that's right i sent him to your oh you sent her to my house don't
do that what the
fuck dude yeah he wanted to see you all right he really i mean does that sound
more like your fans
than mine why do you do that i'm just kidding why do you do that just kidding i
love when you do that
okay let's move on but i love when you do that why do you do that it's just
silly you know what
i mean anyway all right dude but if you sent him to my house you wouldn't have
called me and go dude
there's i sent a guy to your house i would send mccone to film it i'd have him
outside you're there
well he's got something for the internet yeah you know what dude i think what i
would do in that
scenario is i'll just shoot him shoot him and just let the law take care of it
you don't have a gun
oh that's right you