Name: Bobby Lee Becomes a Samurai
Uploaded: 2024-12-10T17:00:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Becomes a Samurai' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Becomes a Samurai' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-10. Transcript available.

i have swords a katana i have like a bunch of swords at home could you would
you ever be able
to stab somebody oh yeah sword yeah yeah dude i practice what do you practice
on i go no i go on
my balcony and practice you swing it around i do scenarios like this come
around here i mean i do
i do the whole thing dude yeah he'd be dead really yeah i have like katanas and
stuff wow yeah how
many do you have three are they are they special were they like branded for you
well they're not
like made by a sensei but i've got them in chinatown so they're made probably
made they're
pretty sharp probably made in china yeah they're sharp i mean they're not the
ones that they used to
like ronin or samurai used to use back in the day those are like real you know
how much is a samurai
expensive yeah i want to know i want to buy one is this like a real one a real
samurai like what's
the most expensive samurai sword you can get oh my god well it's probably it's
got to be priceless i
mean uh what is that it's 79.99 no the most expensive dude that's the kind of
should i have
average first yeah the average one is a couple hundred dollars most expensive
samurai sword in
the world oh the most expensive japanese sword in the world is fukushima mensori
uh samurai tachi
priced at a hundred million can we go in me in the middle there i mean what the
fuck from five dollars to a hundred million you want itachi or not i know i
want itachi but there's
no way i can get one 100 million look at how beautiful that is yeah how about
like this uh
a ten thousand dollar samurai sword do that that's a lot of money i know but
that seems like a right
the right price for a a high-end one oh let me look at that one and that sounds
like a good price
twelve hundred dollars yeah that sounds i mean you're never going to use it but
this sounds like
you're going to the swords of northshire yeah i'll get one of those i guess we
got to buy a shin gunto
sado uh a rakai or any bad friends fans that are into metal work if you can
make one you can make a
really good samurai sword we'll promote it of course i will we'll put yeah we'll
hang it no i want no i'm
gonna hang it in my house well we want it for the show we'll get two then we'll
dupe it any no anyone
that's because we know you there's got to be a a guy out there that knows how
to do guarantee
guarantee 100 i guarantee it like a real authentic japanese samurai sword and i
want you also i like
the engraving into the steel yeah they like stamp like a symbol yes you know
what i mean oh yeah what
is that it's a samurai sword that's back here how much is it i don't know where
the did that come
where did that come in the back i saw it let me see it let me see it come here
bring it over here
wait seriously yeah this is like a real sword how long have we had this wow
dude three years
rude someone gave it to rudy for sure yeah it's not sharp at all you're not
even flicking your
finger it's nothing oh there it is yeah i can hear it yeah it's not sharp at
all wow it makes it even
more dangerous why because dull blades are more dangerous than sharp ones why
is that because
you're more likely to cut someone let me see really that sounds so stupid then
why wouldn't every
samurai sword be dull yeah yeah why do people samurais in movies are constantly
sharpening their swords
why would i sharpen any of my knives then yes dull knives are more dangerous
than sharp knives
dull knives require more force to cut increases the chance of nice slipping and
causing injury
a dull knife you have less control over the blades direction for example when
cutting a cantaloupe this
is talking about kitchen knives yeah dude that's swords generally more likely
to bounce this is like
nerd stat this is this is a real sharp samurai sword they don't make a dull
sword no sam imagine imagine
the samurais go out and they come back and the masters like how did you perform
yeah yeah who did
you kill let me let me i'll be the samurai you'll be the samurai how did you
perform how many you kill
i injured four people but you killed them man chop i injured four people what
do you mean one man i gave a
light beard trim too okay okay but what about touchy hona the one though i told
you to go yes i tried
what happened i tried to kill him but yeah yeah what ended up happening yeah
tell me i ended up giving
him a massage with a sword what do you mean i was stabbing him in the back he
died he said to the left
to the right to the left like a spa massage kind of oh my god i then yeah he
made me wash his feet after
yeah it was now when i told you to get the sword you got the sharp sword right
um did you go to the
about that blacksmith i told you to go to the blacksmith about that yeah yeah
tell me i read
somewhere on the internet that the dull sword is more dangerous oh did sansai mccone
tell you that
sansai mccone i told you he's the dumb dumb wow wow dude unbelievable wow wow
yeah this is not sharp
at all this is actually oddly dull getting stabbed or cut worst literal way to
die i'm pretty sure yeah
i'm not really stabbed to death no stabbed burning is probably you probably
lose sensation after a little
bit i'd rather get stabbed to death than die buried alive in a coffin i'm
talking about um someone doing
harm setting you on fire drowning you stabbing you shooting stabbing drowning
setting you i can't be
buried alive be a part of the equation that's a long play what do you mean it's
a long play
and also buried alive wouldn't hurt that much you'd die of carbon dioxide
poisoning you would die but
the you would just fall 24 hours of panic though i think you'd only panic for
like 10 and then
you'd be done 10 minutes 10 hours yeah that's insane i know but the sweating
you're scratching at the
there's no way but then think about all the relief of the you don't have to do
anymore
or you know what at the 10th hour you're like i guess i don't want to do the
podcast today umu
thurman and punch through yeah oh wow but you'd rather be so i feel like we've
talked about this
before like how would we want to have we i don't know that's like basic 101
podcast you know what
i mean scenario really how would you want to die like this all right let's
inter i want to interview
one of these kids from the colleges you want to put one of these kids on the
air why not i'll go pick
one let bobby pick i'll go pick one hundred percent i could tell this one was
the one that definitely
wanted to be on yeah i know she was a little chatty and when she was chatting
yeah real chatty she
she uh what's your name chatty and confident my name is alex nice to meet you alex
great to meet
you as well you're confident huh i'm comfortable this is a fun chair squeaky alex
are you a savage
um i'd like to think i am what does savage mean it's an old slang term i don't
use it anymore
yeah it's also it's very un pc to have that on your shirt considering the fact
that you're sitting
on stolen land uh-oh yeah that's very dangerous to do you're perpetuating
something that's very
very dangerous and i gotta tell you alex this is very scary it's not a good way
to start i'm just
kidding with alex clearly it's spooky season it's okay thank you alex where are
you from i'm from
connecticut they're all from connecticut right doesn't everybody live out there
oh i can tell
hartford no west haven oh west have girl yeah right next to new haven so i hate
hartford connecticut
no you don't don't say that the club there we don't hate it i don't like the
club though you don't
hate anything about it funny bone i know you hate it yeah yeah alex what year
are you um i'm a grad
student yeah i was gonna say you don't look you don't look like you're a first
year like some of the
people he brings in they look like fresh off of the right like fresh off the
boat what's right-eyed
bushy tail what's your degree i'm in the cinematic production management uh
graduate program what do you
want to do um being an assistant director or producer ad is a good job yeah i'm
very kind of
looks like one an ad no like a like an assistant director or producer that's
what an ad is that's
what i just said yeah yeah you have some people on set yeah you do look like an
ad you have the energy
of an ad for people at home that don't know what that means you look like you
are organized oh thanks
you have to be really organized you have to and you look um you have to handle
so much information at
one time and you should be good at talking about people right after they leave
but they don't hear
you exactly that's what you do i can feel that so hard okay so let's do a scene
andrew and i
are in a movie you're producing right we do a scene well she's not going to be
a director so she's not
going to do but i know but she's going to talk about me because i'm a bad actor
right no she's not
yeah so let's let's so i went we're gonna do a scene yeah and then i'm gonna
walk away like all
right i'm wrapped right and then she's going to talk about me to me yeah okay
because you're the other
all right yeah francisco where is my medallion i don't have it francisco you
have it i don't
fucking have your medallion adios my friend cut all right i'm gonna go get some
coffee please all
right all right see you later good scene though good scene you man a different
coverage or yeah
i think we we're good we're just going to use my side really audio i want that
to be in there adios
okay all that okay all right see you later okay wow that was rough bad huh yeah
i think uh we may
need to find someone new you do is there any other actors that you have in mind
that hey guys i'm back
oh god good coffee would you get me a coffee oh sure you want one yeah yeah
what do you want in it
just cream and sugar okay i'll be right back thanks all right is there any
other actors that
you replace him with literally anyone else but off the top of your head who
would come to mind a big
actor john cena john cena hey dude the coffee's okay dude it's weird oh no i
wanted it black oh i just
saw john cena oh he's here why is he doing here nothing as far as i know maybe
he's swinging by to say
it's weird anyway he's wearing the same exact thing i'm wearing he is yeah it's
weird i think that's
that's how he shows love wait he's will you can you go grab him for us oh hold
on but we're in toronto
how and he's wearing what i'm wearing and it's weird i texted him and told him
what you were
wearing okay anyway you want to call just black coffee black coffee and you
thank you thanks okay
go thank god i was worried that he wasn't gonna make it i was so nervous about
that yeah because
we got to get this guy the out of here yeah i think it's time it is very much
anyway dude it's so
weird i'd like you to i just ran into john um alex yeah and i just told john i
go get the out of
here no yeah and he left wow okay yeah because he was you know what he was like
i'm here to replace
i go that's not even real is that right yeah and i go get the out of you piece
of
and he just got in the car and he left so let's you want to you got the camera
although before we
roll alex i think had to say something to you yeah you're doing thank you
action where's the medallion
i don't have you yeah adios my friend cut
alex good job thank you and you danced around the license awesome dude this
grad that was very
good that grad school's paying off yeah yeah it's very good hopefully do you
like fancy
i do i love him every single time that i see him pop up on my little instagram
when um you guys post
about him i take a screenshot and i send it to our group chat and i'm like oh
my god look who it is
and i get i get make him get so embarrassed especially when he gets recognized
in public
i um the way he gets he gets recognized and no be real no he does we were at
the grand central market
and no knows empanadas and uh the guy working behind the counter recognized him
and he got so
embarrassed it was so adorable you take all these kids to grand central market
huh that's your move
that's like your date he knows he goes to the same spot he knows he's gonna get
recognized
that's why he takes him there yeah hey fancy can i say something so shy no he fakes
it he fakes
the shy and like oh no you know this and that but he loves it yeah it's so
gross it's gross because
he in in his heart he's like i'm the man but he wants to act like oh i'm gonna
oh you recognize
you recognize me how could you recognize me all right people should start
coming up with him more
than yeah no people need to come up you're a piece of garbage dude that's so
gross fuck you fancy yeah
fuck off dude so he gets recognized that's insane he does he deserves it why
does he's the best he is
great we love him so he's okay yeah he's literally papa to us he's a papa to
you yeah like literally
when i first heard about the q in la program i asked my friend grace who came
up here and she was
like oh my god andres is papa he is your father wow like as soon as you come up
zaddy if you will
indeed yeah you're a very wait wait you do you fly there to teach or is it zoom
they come to they
come to you to me yeah he won't he won't go all the way to us we have to go all
the way to him but
do you understand everything that he says all the time or no do you guys
occasionally catch yourself
going what the we smile and wave you do yes that's good we nod yes goodbye
thank you you do that to him
smart good like what kind of movie would you produce if you wanted to produce
one let's say if i let's
say we him and i were like you mean the new weinstein but but not like yeah
yeah cinemax we're the cohen
brothers you could have picked anybody else all right so what don't forget it
we're just we're just you
you know i mean we're just jews i'm we're the feinstein we're the fine the
movie's called just
jews yeah yeah yeah yeah you know i'm i'm lads feinstein this is frank feinstein
we're the feinstein
brothers feinstein brothers pitch us a movie pitch you a movie yeah yeah yeah
how you doing
my back i'm sorry what frank okay yeah go ahead all right like any movie i'm
his brother frank
oh you're doing regular voice this is how i talk exactly that's how you've
always talked
that's how i know that's how i always thought it's a choice go ahead well i
think you guys would be
really good in an overly dramatic soap opera given your personalities oh that's
interesting but i thought you
were pitching us a movie not analyzing our you know i mean our well i mean a
great movie already takes
into account their actor's potential behavior so that's what i think that
sounds like school yeah
that sounds like school did that to you yeah yeah yeah she's right she's gonna
be good yeah you really
are gonna be good huh oh thank you and then you'll be able to say you knew me
when whoa that is a tough
business it's a really tough business it is isn't it and him and i you know
have gone through
the ringer ringer for many many years we're still being rung oh yeah yeah but
we're i think we're
seeing the the bright side of the sunny side of our hard work yeah but you know
what it feels like
to me the business still a grind the business feels like you know a drive-through
car wash
you ever been in a drive-through car wash you know you put you the gas station
it's magical
right it is isn't it but you know what happens when you're in the dead middle
of it you're like
whoa look at all that soap and all of the arms want to be all over your car
yeah yeah yeah yeah
but you know what starts happening you start to see that the end is coming you
see it and you see
it and you get closer and it inches you closer and you're like wait what about
i want to do the soap
again right and you see matt rife back there he is getting robbed right right
and you're like oh
and ahead of you is like tom papa an old guy he's a great guy but no what steve
kravitz or something
or whatever right yeah yeah and you're like oh i see the end of this and then a
big guy comes over to you and
just blows on you yeah to get you dried off and you're all dry and you're crackling
and your hands
look old and your face is all weird now yeah and then nobody wants you to go
through the car wash
anymore you know that's so sad yeah but that's life welcome to the biz kid that's
you teach that
shit at your dumb little school i forgot that part yeah well read the book read
the book on the
biz that me and the kids but then inspired but then sometimes you see a car go
back around and go to
the car wash again yeah so i've seen that i've seen a couple of cars go back
and go back in yeah and
then they get again right in their 60s and you're like oh we can go back maybe
yeah do you believe
you're that car i think i'm already back in though you're back in for your
second time i would argue
someone argues maybe your third time it could be my third time back in the car
wash right i cut in line
i'm almost out of my first one no you're in the second one i'm in the first one
no you're in the
second one i never went through i have my ticket still i'll show you i never
went through the first
time i think workaholics not workaholic mixology on that mixology failed sitcom
i know i think
mixology that whole time period with with uh punked and that whole little it
was your first time
in the car wash let me tell you something what that was pre-wash that was all
pre-wash
that was the vacuum in the carpet and stuff that's all that was well then if
that's the case i'm in
my first wash then you're in your second watch no i'm in my first wash guys he's
in this mad tv
that was that was just like mixology you it's so stupid that's a bad joke it
was a cultural
iconic show shut up you were that was your first anyway do we know this to be
true we do how old
are you i'm 21. okay so you don't know any of this you don't know what we're
talking about no no
you don't even know you don't know what mad tv is no oh wow oh my god do you
know what 9 11 was
absolutely how my parents talked about it a couple old whites they would yeah
they would talk right
when she's born yeah you know 9 11 happened close to here what oh that she's a
baby alex
let's do it you know how why it was so hard to get you into this country
because of the flight restrictions how old were you when you came to the united
states alex
i was actually one years old oh my god that's the one-year-old alex yeah yeah
and sweetheart it took up so long no karate we said no karate sweetheart
we told you it took you so long to get here because of planes that hit
buildings
okay okay so that's pretty cool that's pretty yeah yeah good for you alex
you

Bobby Lee Becomes a Samurai

i have swords a katana i have like a bunch of swords at home could you would
you ever be able
to stab somebody oh yeah sword yeah yeah dude i practice what do you practice
on i go no i go on
my balcony and practice you swing it around i do scenarios like this come
around here i mean i do
i do the whole thing dude yeah he'd be dead really yeah i have like katanas and
stuff wow yeah how
many do you have three are they are they special were they like branded for you
well they're not
like made by a sensei but i've got them in chinatown so they're made probably
made they're
pretty sharp probably made in china yeah they're sharp i mean they're not the
ones that they used to
like ronin or samurai used to use back in the day those are like real you know
how much is a samurai
expensive yeah i want to know i want to buy one is this like a real one a real
samurai like what's
the most expensive samurai sword you can get oh my god well it's probably it's
got to be priceless i
mean uh what is that it's 79.99 no the most expensive dude that's the kind of
should i have
average first yeah the average one is a couple hundred dollars most expensive
samurai sword in
the world oh the most expensive japanese sword in the world is fukushima mensori
uh samurai tachi
priced at a hundred million can we go in me in the middle there i mean what the
fuck from five dollars to a hundred million you want itachi or not i know i
want itachi but there's
no way i can get one 100 million look at how beautiful that is yeah how about
like this uh
a ten thousand dollar samurai sword do that that's a lot of money i know but
that seems like a right
the right price for a a high-end one oh let me look at that one and that sounds
like a good price
twelve hundred dollars yeah that sounds i mean you're never going to use it but
this sounds like
you're going to the swords of northshire yeah i'll get one of those i guess we
got to buy a shin gunto
sado uh a rakai or any bad friends fans that are into metal work if you can
make one you can make a
really good samurai sword we'll promote it of course i will we'll put yeah we'll
hang it no i want no i'm
gonna hang it in my house well we want it for the show we'll get two then we'll
dupe it any no anyone
that's because we know you there's got to be a a guy out there that knows how
to do guarantee
guarantee 100 i guarantee it like a real authentic japanese samurai sword and i
want you also i like
the engraving into the steel yeah they like stamp like a symbol yes you know
what i mean oh yeah what
is that it's a samurai sword that's back here how much is it i don't know where
the did that come
where did that come in the back i saw it let me see it let me see it come here
bring it over here
wait seriously yeah this is like a real sword how long have we had this wow
dude three years
rude someone gave it to rudy for sure yeah it's not sharp at all you're not
even flicking your
finger it's nothing oh there it is yeah i can hear it yeah it's not sharp at
all wow it makes it even
more dangerous why because dull blades are more dangerous than sharp ones why
is that because
you're more likely to cut someone let me see really that sounds so stupid then
why wouldn't every
samurai sword be dull yeah yeah why do people samurais in movies are constantly
sharpening their swords
why would i sharpen any of my knives then yes dull knives are more dangerous
than sharp knives
dull knives require more force to cut increases the chance of nice slipping and
causing injury
a dull knife you have less control over the blades direction for example when
cutting a cantaloupe this
is talking about kitchen knives yeah dude that's swords generally more likely
to bounce this is like
nerd stat this is this is a real sharp samurai sword they don't make a dull
sword no sam imagine imagine
the samurais go out and they come back and the masters like how did you perform
yeah yeah who did
you kill let me let me i'll be the samurai you'll be the samurai how did you
perform how many you kill
i injured four people but you killed them man chop i injured four people what
do you mean one man i gave a
light beard trim too okay okay but what about touchy hona the one though i told
you to go yes i tried
what happened i tried to kill him but yeah yeah what ended up happening yeah
tell me i ended up giving
him a massage with a sword what do you mean i was stabbing him in the back he
died he said to the left
to the right to the left like a spa massage kind of oh my god i then yeah he
made me wash his feet after
yeah it was now when i told you to get the sword you got the sharp sword right
um did you go to the
about that blacksmith i told you to go to the blacksmith about that yeah yeah
tell me i read
somewhere on the internet that the dull sword is more dangerous oh did sansai mccone
tell you that
sansai mccone i told you he's the dumb dumb wow wow dude unbelievable wow wow
yeah this is not sharp
at all this is actually oddly dull getting stabbed or cut worst literal way to
die i'm pretty sure yeah
i'm not really stabbed to death no stabbed burning is probably you probably
lose sensation after a little
bit i'd rather get stabbed to death than die buried alive in a coffin i'm
talking about um someone doing
harm setting you on fire drowning you stabbing you shooting stabbing drowning
setting you i can't be
buried alive be a part of the equation that's a long play what do you mean it's
a long play
and also buried alive wouldn't hurt that much you'd die of carbon dioxide
poisoning you would die but
the you would just fall 24 hours of panic though i think you'd only panic for
like 10 and then
you'd be done 10 minutes 10 hours yeah that's insane i know but the sweating
you're scratching at the
there's no way but then think about all the relief of the you don't have to do
anymore
or you know what at the 10th hour you're like i guess i don't want to do the
podcast today umu
thurman and punch through yeah oh wow but you'd rather be so i feel like we've
talked about this
before like how would we want to have we i don't know that's like basic 101
podcast you know what
i mean scenario really how would you want to die like this all right let's
inter i want to interview
one of these kids from the colleges you want to put one of these kids on the
air why not i'll go pick
one let bobby pick i'll go pick one hundred percent i could tell this one was
the one that definitely
wanted to be on yeah i know she was a little chatty and when she was chatting
yeah real chatty she
she uh what's your name chatty and confident my name is alex nice to meet you alex
great to meet
you as well you're confident huh i'm comfortable this is a fun chair squeaky alex
are you a savage
um i'd like to think i am what does savage mean it's an old slang term i don't
use it anymore
yeah it's also it's very un pc to have that on your shirt considering the fact
that you're sitting
on stolen land uh-oh yeah that's very dangerous to do you're perpetuating
something that's very
very dangerous and i gotta tell you alex this is very scary it's not a good way
to start i'm just
kidding with alex clearly it's spooky season it's okay thank you alex where are
you from i'm from
connecticut they're all from connecticut right doesn't everybody live out there
oh i can tell
hartford no west haven oh west have girl yeah right next to new haven so i hate
hartford connecticut
no you don't don't say that the club there we don't hate it i don't like the
club though you don't
hate anything about it funny bone i know you hate it yeah yeah alex what year
are you um i'm a grad
student yeah i was gonna say you don't look you don't look like you're a first
year like some of the
people he brings in they look like fresh off of the right like fresh off the
boat what's right-eyed
bushy tail what's your degree i'm in the cinematic production management uh
graduate program what do you
want to do um being an assistant director or producer ad is a good job yeah i'm
very kind of
looks like one an ad no like a like an assistant director or producer that's
what an ad is that's
what i just said yeah yeah you have some people on set yeah you do look like an
ad you have the energy
of an ad for people at home that don't know what that means you look like you
are organized oh thanks
you have to be really organized you have to and you look um you have to handle
so much information at
one time and you should be good at talking about people right after they leave
but they don't hear
you exactly that's what you do i can feel that so hard okay so let's do a scene
andrew and i
are in a movie you're producing right we do a scene well she's not going to be
a director so she's not
going to do but i know but she's going to talk about me because i'm a bad actor
right no she's not
yeah so let's let's so i went we're gonna do a scene yeah and then i'm gonna
walk away like all
right i'm wrapped right and then she's going to talk about me to me yeah okay
because you're the other
all right yeah francisco where is my medallion i don't have it francisco you
have it i don't
fucking have your medallion adios my friend cut all right i'm gonna go get some
coffee please all
right all right see you later good scene though good scene you man a different
coverage or yeah
i think we we're good we're just going to use my side really audio i want that
to be in there adios
okay all that okay all right see you later okay wow that was rough bad huh yeah
i think uh we may
need to find someone new you do is there any other actors that you have in mind
that hey guys i'm back
oh god good coffee would you get me a coffee oh sure you want one yeah yeah
what do you want in it
just cream and sugar okay i'll be right back thanks all right is there any
other actors that
you replace him with literally anyone else but off the top of your head who
would come to mind a big
actor john cena john cena hey dude the coffee's okay dude it's weird oh no i
wanted it black oh i just
saw john cena oh he's here why is he doing here nothing as far as i know maybe
he's swinging by to say
it's weird anyway he's wearing the same exact thing i'm wearing he is yeah it's
weird i think that's
that's how he shows love wait he's will you can you go grab him for us oh hold
on but we're in toronto
how and he's wearing what i'm wearing and it's weird i texted him and told him
what you were
wearing okay anyway you want to call just black coffee black coffee and you
thank you thanks okay
go thank god i was worried that he wasn't gonna make it i was so nervous about
that yeah because
we got to get this guy the out of here yeah i think it's time it is very much
anyway dude it's so
weird i'd like you to i just ran into john um alex yeah and i just told john i
go get the out of
here no yeah and he left wow okay yeah because he was you know what he was like
i'm here to replace
i go that's not even real is that right yeah and i go get the out of you piece
of
and he just got in the car and he left so let's you want to you got the camera
although before we
roll alex i think had to say something to you yeah you're doing thank you
action where's the medallion
i don't have you yeah adios my friend cut
alex good job thank you and you danced around the license awesome dude this
grad that was very
good that grad school's paying off yeah yeah it's very good hopefully do you
like fancy
i do i love him every single time that i see him pop up on my little instagram
when um you guys post
about him i take a screenshot and i send it to our group chat and i'm like oh
my god look who it is
and i get i get make him get so embarrassed especially when he gets recognized
in public
i um the way he gets he gets recognized and no be real no he does we were at
the grand central market
and no knows empanadas and uh the guy working behind the counter recognized him
and he got so
embarrassed it was so adorable you take all these kids to grand central market
huh that's your move
that's like your date he knows he goes