Name: Dax Flame Pulls Baddies
Uploaded: 2024-12-20T18:30:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dax Flame Pulls Baddies' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dax Flame Pulls Baddies' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-20. Transcript available.

i go up to a girl go oh my god my baby just got attacked by a mountain lion
carlos right smart and they're like well yeah yeah the mountain lion is gone
but
can you help where's the baby come over here they follow me right and then you're
on the ground
right like like if i'm your son yeah you are my son you're my baby okay when
your arms hurt okay
so do it like yeah i go are you okay baby i need help yeah but then once you
say that
i'm gone now just you and the now it's you and me what happened to you baby boy
uh just fell while
hiking oh god does it hurt yeah do you want me to kiss it oh there was a
mountain lion that knocked
me over there was a mountain lion that did this to you yep yep are you okay uh
i think i need help
well do you want to come back to my house and i have i have an ice pack at my
house yeah for sure
you would like to do that you would now that we're at the house hey lay down
later lay down you look
hurt this is my roommate hi i'm sabrina she sings everything i sing everything
she has to she has a
mental anyway i gotta go to work work stay with here with this baby that i
found on the trail oh i want
to give him a blow job do you want a blow job uh uh i i'm interested in you uh
or yeah yeah
uh make signals wait a minute do you want a blow job from me or my roommate or
both of us
i don't know well think about it think about it i gotta go to work uh who wants
two more
oh my god oh my god me
let's flip a coin okay okay heads you won give him head here we go
can i watch um she loves to jerk off while i get blood jobs okay can i watch
sure okay cool
sorry she has to eat a meal first before she gives you a blow job i'm eating a
breakfast burrito
let me let me can i just finish my back she always eats breakfast burritos
before she gives head
that's like her thing sausage and the sriracha will burn on your penis it's on
her lips
okay all right she's ready now give me the orange juice
here it is pull out your penis dax
vitamin c you need it before you get some vitamin d all right here i go i do
little kisses on the thighs
first ooh i like to announce everything i'm doing oh man
what do you think bud i'm coming up i'm coming up i'm coming up oh here she
comes i do a train
choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo what i'm
i'm by the little
the twin mountains oh there they are there they are the rocky the rocky hairy
mountain choo choo choo
oh and i'm going up the the the mountain the main mountain oh that was steep
where there's a white
snow tip oh look it's yeah snow cap snow cap snow cap
does it feel good yes thanks yeah yeah
if he said that i would stop yeah you'd have to watch yeah yeah i think i would
be watching so
pretty good right but i guess we're gonna do that we'll take you on a hike and
we'll try to get
girls that way okay does that sound good yeah any girl that's out there our
very funny and attractive
cool friend dex is open and available so send him a dm then we'll see what you
can get and would i
in that scenario you don't have to do any of that you just kind of talk to them
like people
yeah maybe like um maybe not talk so much okay yeah yeah like i always say yes
so you any any
anytime a girl goes can i give you fellatio don't hesitate and they'll never
say that word
they'll never use the word fellatio you'll never hear that don't be listening
yeah yeah yeah
they'll say anything like what if i'm english can i give you fellatio yeah yeah
could i give you fellatio right what would they say then can i suck your cock
oh yeah yeah yeah
can i give you a head yeah but just don't deny it just go yes immediately you
know what i mean
yeah and then also um anybody really if anybody asks if fancy asks mccone yeah
and if somebody
asks you does it feel good what'd you say yes no maybe not just thumbs up maybe
how about this say oh
yeah oh yeah oh yeah i see that ready does that feel good oh yeah honestly dude
that's that's
you gotta try it again yeah do it again be real dude hey does that feel good oh
yeah no no you can't
laugh at her like oh yeah that's how you would say it yeah oh yeah like the kool-aid
man oh yeah yeah
that's right kool-aid okay here we go ready oh yeah does that feel good dax oh
yeah the better
do you like how that feels you're shy huh yeah yeah and you know what they love
you know what
they love when they're they pat them on the head so say oh yeah and then pat
them pat her on the
head does that feel good pat the head oh yeah yeah i'm interested to see i mean
i love you dad
yeah yeah is that's best does dax make a noise you think what noises no like a
calm noise no ask him
do you make cum noises i don't know yeah yeah you don't know yeah yeah okay
good bob does tell
him we're telling what your noise oh what do you mean do your noise for him all
right make him feel
comfortable oh
is that really is that really it not really no you want me to be real yeah
don't laugh dude i sort of hey dude hey dude stop around right now dude okay
yeah
it's really he's a serious i'm being intimate right now and i'm being real he
is you're laughing at my
soul yeah you're cackling at him you're cackling at me okay okay so just look
at me yeah
so you're doing it again dude you're just dax actually gotta watch him you
gotta look at me
dax it's dax you're on a date you do it you do it no i think i think you should
you're great
you gotta finish with his his acting is much better so go ahead go ahead yeah
look at him
don't look away don't look yeah don't look away dude oh
dax yeah you're ruining the moment yeah anyway we love you so much bud you're
the great we just
when we do dates on the in in the states we're gonna bring you on 100 some of
these shows and we
should do a dax dating show i think we should yeah yeah would you like that or
no uh i could
step out of my comfort zone and try it i would love that yeah i'd love to
because i want to find
you here of all the jokes we make on this show yeah i do would love to find you
love because
you're a rad dude i think you deserve somebody cool you're so sweet and cool
you're a sweet guy
can we i would love to find someone for you if you'll let us help if you don't
want our help
fine say you guys say that right now say you guys uh i would accept your help
okay great
i think we should do it i think we should do it we'll do a dax dating show and
by the way if
there's girls uh out there right now that are like i would love to be at least
on a zoom
to you know to hit up carlos in the booth at gmail.com that's going to get you
uh submittals
i think we should take submittals right now carlos in the booth at gmail.com
girls that want to be
on the dax dating show we'll have them back with their zoom you in uh we'll
zoom me in we'll zoom
me in or if you live in southern california maybe we'll link you guys up
somehow and then the winner
we're going to send to a very nice dinner date that we'll pay for we'll pay for
a dinner we'll pay for
a night in a hotel whether you use it or not okay we'll pay for a car service
we you know what we'll
do we'll even get you a tux okay we'll get you all dressed up for the date does
that sound good oh
yeah i think it's a good idea seems like a weird first date thing no that's
what all the cool guys
do all the cool guys do it that's what every cool guy does yeah yeah you think
we're cool we do it we
tux we tux it up we got a tux yeah yeah what would be more impressive rudy when
a guy shows up on a
first date than a tux i mean just normal clothes for you well for you but you're
not right for yeah
you're not right that's the point yeah you're basic every good way every good
way every first date
i've ever been on i tuxed up when you say car service do you mean limo yeah
what do we think we
mean now when you say limo what do you mean yeah what do you mean limo do you
mean like a stretch
limousine yeah yeah when we see when we say in limo we mean white van yeah yeah
yeah yeah that's
what we mean okay yeah it's a windowless van a windowless van now when you say
limo do you think
people still get stretch limousines around town uh i guess not really but they
don't okay yeah no one
does yeah i they haven't made them in 36 years but i do think we'll get you a
town car okay how about
that is that one of the like black SUVs a town car is just a black sedan okay
but how about this
do you want us to get you a limo service for the night a stretch i'll get you a
stretch limousine
a prom prom yeah prom one i don't specifically no it sounds like you want one
he was a little
demanding he did say do i get a limo so that's what you want the white long one
yeah oh the black one
what do you like long black limo or long white we can do like a penguin thing
where it's like purple
are you back you know what it would be great if we dressed you like the penguin
like the the cartoon
version with the with the top hat black tuxedo you mean cobble pot the cobble
pot purple right
we could be minions or you know love to we'd love to do a minion thing can we
be involved yeah
will we open the door for you and your date you know i mean we have you know i
could be harley
coin i don't know so yeah who do you think poison ivy poison ivy yeah more you
i think cat woman
sandman sandman yeah sandman that's not even the thing no yeah doesn't matter
you know i know i need
to know i'll be the riddler yeah okay i'll really know you know what i'll be mr
freeze yeah be mr
freeze too perfect perfect yeah well this sounds good does this sound good to
you jules you can be bane
yeah perfect perfect well let's wrap up the show the right way uh dax um if you
have one and i think
you do can you end the show with a joke uh on camera a new joke that you've got
a new one yeah
you can do an old one can i pull out my phone a hundred percent yeah i'd rather
you do that i mean
i don't expect you to memorize all that stuff but i'd love you to end the show
with a new joke i've been
getting fast food too much lately you know what i could stop for a second i'm
so sorry i love your jokes
right but i think a better exercise is to just come up with something improvised
okay but can we give
you a topic can i hear the premise though at least i was actually interested
okay go ahead go ahead oh
okay so whenever i go through fast food places they're always like uh thanks so
much you know enjoy
your meal and then i say you too but i'm the one eating the meal not them it's
that it's a brian
reagan joke uh-huh oh yeah it was existed i didn't mean it does yeah let's twerk
it let's twerk it
how about this how about this yeah whenever i go to fast food restaurants
a lot of times on the drive-through they'll say enjoy your meal you know how
hard it is for me to
tell them it's you know how hard it is for me to not tell them to go themselves
i think it's something
let's hear that let's hear you okay i have one let's see let's hear you say
that ready uh i've been
getting fast food a lot lately and every time i go through they say enjoy your
meal you know how hard
it is for me to not tell them to themselves perfect or something arbitrary yeah
i think something
arbitrary and weird because he's a weird guy right yeah so it's like um enjoy
your meal he's
they say and you go alley-oop go pro alley-oop go pro all the way try all the
way alley-oop go pro
all the way so try that and the joke is that it's like just a funny random
thing no it'll make
sense when it'll make sense when you say it yeah yeah i've been getting fast
food way too much lately
yeah every time i go they're like enjoy your meal and i say ellie go pro all
the way
beep beep beep beep beep beep yeah do it again with the bb again thank you and
do it it try to do the
best english accent you can alley-oop go pro all the way beep beep it's got to
be british it's got to
be british yeah yeah yeah i've been getting fast food way too much lately every
time i go through the
drive-through though they're like enjoy your meal and i say alley-oop go pro
all the way beep beep
and we wrote a joke we just wrote a joke and that's very good that's very good
all right let's hear the
other one that's not a premise oh that was the one that was not a premise oh uh
no yeah that was my
fault premise would be like uh like i think my phone is listening to me and
then something funny or like
something about red flags or or something something so i think my phone is
listening to me yeah and from
what i know they're made in china yeah so i know they can't see me and what
does that mean if these
phones are really made in china yeah they can't how come the front-facing
camera lens is very round
yeah that's very good now i see where you're going right correct yeah yeah and
uh we're riffing here by
the way yeah we're just riffing right right i think my phone is listening to me
boy i hope it doesn't
i hope it doesn't hear me when i'm when i'm what fucking myself fucking myself
let's hear you say that
yeah i i think my phone is listening to me i hope it doesn't hear me when i'm
fucking myself
yeah it doesn't sound right it doesn't sound right because i think you're
rushing the punch
you're rushing the okay okay yeah and um how about this you know i think my
phone is listening to me
thank god it's not watching me because when i'm looking at it i'm usually jerking
on my ding dong
can you say that beep beep beep beep the beep has to be there yeah it's gotta
be it's gotta be
there i think my phone is listening to me thank god it's not watching me
because when i'm looking
at it i'm usually jerking on my ding dong beep beep every time i'm looking at
my phone i think my
phone's listening to me okay i i think my phone's listening to me wait i think
my phone's listening
to me thanks thank god it's not watching me i think my phone's listening to me
thank god it's not
watching me because every time i'm looking at it i'm usually just like jacking
off jerking on my ding
dong beep beep exactly that was perfect perfect dude it's perfect i think we
got a new joke yeah so
write that down every time i'm looking at it i'm jerking off my ding dong beep
beep yeah by the way
go all the way if you do a series if you do a series of jokes that end with
beep beep it will
fucking yeah beep beep is your is your that's your calling like a catchphrase
yeah yeah yeah yeah
well uh dax will you look in that camera and say thanks for being a bad friend
thanks for being a bad
friend right love you dude you

Dax Flame Pulls Baddies

i go up to a girl go oh my god my baby just got attacked by a mountain lion
carlos right smart and they're like well yeah yeah the mountain lion is gone
but
can you help where's the baby come over here they follow me right and then you're
on the ground
right like like if i'm your son yeah you are my son you're my baby okay when
your arms hurt okay
so do it like yeah i go are you okay baby i need help yeah but then once you
say that
i'm gone now just you and the now it's you and me what happened to you baby boy
uh just fell while
hiking oh god does it hurt yeah do you want me to kiss it oh there was a
mountain lion that knocked
me over there was a mountain lion that did this to you yep yep are you okay uh
i think i need help
well do you want to come back to my house and i have i have an ice pack at my
house yeah for sure
you would like to do that you would now that we're at the house hey lay down
later lay down you look
hurt this is my roommate hi i'm sabrina she sings everything i sing everything
she has to she has a
mental anyway i gotta go to work work stay with here with this baby that i
found on the trail oh i want
to give him a blow job do you want a blow job uh uh i i'm interested in you uh
or yeah yeah
uh make signals wait a minute do you want a blow job from me or my roommate or
both of us
i don't know well think about it think about it i gotta go to work uh who wants
two more
oh my god oh my god me
let's flip a coin okay okay heads you won give him head here we go
can i watch um she loves to jerk off while i get blood jobs okay can i watch
sure okay cool
sorry she has to eat a meal first before she gives you a blow job i'm eating a
breakfast burrito
let me let me can i just finish my back she always eats breakfast burritos
before she gives head
that's like her thing sausage and the sriracha will burn on your penis it's on
her lips
okay all right she's ready now give me the orange juice
here it is pull out your penis dax
vitamin c you need it before you get some vitamin d all right here i go i do
little kisses on the thighs
first ooh i like to announce everything i'm doing oh man
what do you think bud i'm coming up i'm coming up i'm coming up oh here she
comes i do a train
choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo what i'm
i'm by the little
the twin mountains oh there they are there they are the rocky the rocky hairy
mountain choo choo choo
oh and i'm going up the the the mountain the main mountain oh that was steep
where there's a white
snow tip oh look it's yeah snow cap snow cap snow cap
does it feel good yes thanks yeah yeah
if he said that i would stop yeah you'd have to watch yeah yeah i think i would
be watching so
pretty good right but i guess we're gonna do that we'll take you on a hike and
we'll try to get
girls that way okay does that sound good yeah any girl that's out there our
very funny and attractive
cool friend dex is open and available so send him a dm then we'll see what you
can get and would i
in that scenario you don't have to do any of that you just kind of talk to them
like people
yeah maybe like um maybe not talk so much okay yeah yeah like i always say yes
so you any any
anytime a girl goes can i give you fellatio don't hesitate and they'll never
say that word
they'll never use the word fellatio you'll never hear that don't be listening
yeah yeah yeah
they'll say anything like what if i'm english can i give you fellatio yeah yeah
could i give you fellatio right what would they say then can i suck your cock
oh yeah yeah yeah
can i give you a head yeah but just don't deny it just go yes immediately you
know what i mean
yeah and then also um anybody really if anybody asks if fancy asks mccone yeah
and if somebody
asks you does it feel good what'd you say yes no maybe not just thumbs up maybe
how about this say oh
yeah oh yeah oh yeah i see that ready does that feel good oh yeah honestly dude
that's that's
you gotta try it again yeah do it again be real dude hey does that feel good oh
yeah no no you can't
laugh at her like oh yeah that's how you would say it yeah oh yeah like the kool-aid
man oh yeah yeah
that's right kool-aid okay here we go ready oh yeah does that feel good dax oh
yeah the better
do you like how that feels you're shy huh yeah yeah and you know what they love
you know what
they love when they're they pat them on the head so say oh yeah and then pat
them pat her on the
head does that feel good pat the head oh yeah yeah i'm interested to see i mean
i love you dad
yeah yeah is that's best does dax make a noise you think what noises no like a
calm noise no ask him
do you make cum noises i don't know yeah yeah you don't know yeah yeah okay
good bob does tell
him we're telling what your noise oh what do you mean do your noise for him all
right make him feel
comfortable oh
is that really is that really it not really no you want me to be real yeah
don't laugh dude i sort of hey dude hey dude stop around right now dude okay
yeah
it's really he's a serious i'm being intimate right now and i'm being real he
is you're laughing at my
soul yeah you're cackling at him you're cackling at me okay okay so just look
at me yeah
so you're doing it again dude you're just dax actually gotta watch him you
gotta look at me
dax it's dax you're on a date you do it you do it no i think i think you should
you're great
you gotta finish with his his acting is much better so go ahead go ahead yeah
look at him
don't look away don't look yeah don't look away dude oh
dax yeah you're ruining the moment yeah anyway we love you so much bud you're
the great we just
when we do dates on the in in the states we're gonna bring you on 100 some of
these shows and we
should do a dax dating show i think we should yeah yeah would you like that or
no uh i could
step out of my comfort zone and try it i would love that yeah i'd love to
because i want to find
you here of all the jokes we make on this show yeah i do would love to find you
love because
you're a rad dude i think you deserve somebody cool you're so sweet and cool
you're a sweet guy
can we i would love to find someone for you if you'll let us help if you don't
want our help
fine say you guys say that right now say you guys uh i would accept your help
okay great
i think we should do it i think we should do it we'll do a dax dating show and
by the way if
there's girls uh out there right now that are like i would love to be at least
on a zoom
to you know to hit up carlos in the booth at gmail.com that's going to get you
uh submittals
i think we should take submittals right now carlos in the booth at gmail.com
girls that want to be
on the dax dating show we'll have them back with their zoom you in uh we'll
zoom me in we'll zoom
me in or if you live in southern california maybe we'll link you guys up
somehow and then the winner
we're going to send to a very nice dinner date that we'll pay for we'll pay for
a dinner we'll pay for
a night in a hotel whether you use it or not okay we'll pay for a car service
we you know what we'll
do we'll even get you a tux okay we'll get you all dressed up for the date does
that sound good oh
yeah i think it's a good idea seems like a weird first date thing no that's
what all the cool guys
do all the cool guys do it that's what every cool guy does yeah yeah you think
we're cool we do it we
tux we tux it up we got a tux yeah yeah what would be more impressive rudy when
a guy shows up on a
first date than a tux i mean just normal clothes for you well for you but you're
not right for yeah
you're not right that's the point yeah you're basic every good way every good
way every first date
i've ever been on i tuxed up when you say car service do you mean limo yeah
what do we think we
mean now when you say limo what do you mean yeah what do you mean limo do you
mean like a stretch
limousine yeah yeah when we see when we say in limo we mean white van yeah yeah
yeah yeah that's
what we mean okay yeah it's a windowless van a windowless van now when you say
limo do you think
people still get stretch limousines around town uh i guess not really but they
don't okay yeah no one
does yeah i they haven't made them in 36 years but i do think we'll get you a
town car okay how about
that is that one of the like black SUVs a town car is just a black sedan okay
but how about this
do you want us to get you a limo service for the night a stretch i'll get you a
stretch limousine
a prom prom yeah prom one i don't specifically no it sounds like you want one
he was a little
demanding he did say do i get a limo so that's what you want the white long one
yeah oh the black one
what do you like long black limo or long white we can do like a penguin thing
where it's like purple
are you back you know what it would be great if we dressed you like the penguin
like the the cartoon
version with the with the top hat black tuxedo you mean cobble pot the cobble
pot purple right
we could be minions or you know love to we'd love to do a minion thing can we
be involved yeah
will we open the door for you and your date you know i mean we have you know i
could be harley
coin i don't know so yeah who do you think poison ivy poison ivy yeah more you
i think cat woman
sandman sandman yeah sandman that's not even the thing no yeah doesn't matter
you know i know i need
to know i'll be the riddler yeah okay i'll really know you know what i'll be mr
freeze yeah be mr
freeze too perfect perfect yeah well this sounds good does this sound good to
you jules you can be bane
yeah perfect perfect well let's wrap up the show the right way uh dax um if you
have one and i think
you do can you end the show with a joke uh on camera a new joke that you've got
a new one yeah
you can do an old one can i pull out my phone a hundred percent yeah i'd rather
you do that i mean
i don't expect you to memorize all that stuff but i'd love you to end the show
with a new joke i've been
getting fast food too much lately you know what i could stop for a second i'm
so sorry i love your jokes
right but i think a better exercise is to just come up with something improvised
okay but can we give
you a topic can i hear the premise though at least i was actually interested
okay go ahead go ahead oh
okay so whenever i go through fast food places they're always like uh thanks so
much you know enjoy
your meal and then i say you too but i'm the one eating the meal not them it's
that it's a brian
reagan joke uh-huh oh yeah it was existed i didn't mean it does yeah let's twerk
it let's twerk it
how about this how about this yeah whenever i go to fast food restaurants
a lot of times on the drive-through they'll say enjoy your meal you know how
hard it is for me to
tell them it's you know how hard it is for me to not tell them to go themselves
i think it's something
let's hear that let's hear you okay i have one let's see let's hear you say
that ready uh i've been
getting fast food a lot lately and every time i go through they say enjoy your
meal you know how hard
it is for me to not tell them to themselves perfect or something arbitrary yeah
i think something
arbitrary and weird because he's a weird guy right yeah so it's like um enjoy
your meal he's
they say and you go alley-oop go pro alley-oop go pro all the way try all the
way alley-oop go pro
all the way so try that and the joke is that it's like just a funny random
thing no it'll make
sense when it'll make sense when you say it yeah yeah i've been getting fast
food way too much lately
yeah every time i go they're like enjoy your meal and i say ellie go pro all
the way
beep beep beep beep beep beep yeah do it again with the bb again thank you and
do it it try to do the
best english accent you can alley-oop go pro all the way beep beep it's got to
be british it's got to
be british yeah yeah yeah i've been getting fast food way too much lately every
time i go through the
drive-through though they're like enjoy your meal and i say alley-oop go pro
all the way beep beep
and we wrote a joke we just wr