Name: Merry Christmas, Bad Friends!
Uploaded: 2024-12-25T17:16:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Merry Christmas, Bad Friends!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Merry Christmas, Bad Friends!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-25. Transcript available.

I want to say this. For Christmas this year, I want one thing from you.
Okay.
Happiness next year.
No, no, no.
I want you to be happy next year. And I'm going to work tirelessly on making
you happy.
I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to do it. I'm going to find
a way.
I'm going to find a way. I promise. I will find a way. Where there's a will,
there is a way.
No, no.
Yes, yes. Look at me.
I'm going to find a way. I promise.
Thank you.
What do you want for Christmas, Jules?
You're in luck. We got a gift for you.
What?
Bring out the gifts.
Yeah, I want the gifts.
Yeah, we definitely want the gifts.
Oh, wow. Look at this.
Wow.
Don't open them all at once.
F*** you. Tell me what to do.
Okay, he says this is not worth a lot, but I'm going to love it.
No, he said it was priceless.
Priceless.
Whoa.
I'll give you my genuine response.
All right, hold on one second.
Whose one starts?
Well, let Fancy start. Get his out of the way.
No, no, no. Fancy's his last.
Okay. All right, Bob, you go first.
I go first? Okay.
No, stop. Jules, go first.
Yeah, I should go this way.
Yeah.
Okay.
Ski?
One ski.
Jules is kind of a throwback.
What is it?
Oh, a katana.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
It's plastic?
No, it's real.
It's the $500 million one.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Whoa.
That is so dope.
That's so cool.
Thank you, Mako.
This is so cool.
So dope, dude.
Wow.
Wow.
I'm actually impressed.
That's a pretty cool one.
That's cool.
Thank you.
Whoa, dude.
Whoa, dude.
Be careful with this.
That's not a real...
Yeah, it's a knife.
It's not steel, though.
Put your hand out and feel it.
Let me see this.
Your hand right there.
No, no, no.
I don't want to do that.
Just once.
No, dude.
Okay.
No, it's not.
It's wood.
It's wood.
All right.
Let me do mine.
Oh, I got some stuff for Cubby.
Oh, wow.
Salmon skins.
Oh, for the dog.
Wow, for the dog.
Oh, for the dog.
And it's a little Christmas sweater.
Yay.
Thank you, dude.
Honestly, thank you.
And by the way,
you know who else likes salmon skins?
Rudy.
My little salmon skin girl.
Can you really eat this?
You can.
Go ahead.
No, it's worth the dogs.
What do you mean?
It's just salmon skin.
I don't want her to eat it, dude.
I want her to eat it.
All right.
Mine, mine, mine, mine.
Mine, mine, mine, mine.
Yours, yours, yours.
Let's see it.
Oh, I know what this is.
You're so crazy.
You have a best of Bobby Lee.
I made that.
You made this?
Yeah.
No.
No way.
That's cool.
How did you find these on YouTube?
Yeah, I scrubbed through
a bunch of YouTube,
a bunch of Reddit,
and I downloaded it
as much as I could,
and I cut together
like a 73-minute compilation.
Wow.
Wow, dude.
And I burned it onto a Blu-ray.
So you could play that
on any of your gaming devices
that has a disc reader.
I do, yeah.
I can read.
I see, yeah.
Do you know what's incredible about this?
What?
The effort he put into your gift
versus literally
express, express.
Anybody else.
Yeah.
He went to Petco
for you.
Petco?
Yeah, yeah.
Target, my guy.
Target, yeah, my guy.
Give me that.
Let me see it.
That is incredible.
This is incredible.
Wow.
Kraft and Anne Hart.
I will say-
It's based on the first season
DVD release of MADtv.
American comedy icon Bobby Lee
finally gets the home media release
he deserves.
See all his greatest sketches,
at least all the ones
I could find on the internet.
For some reason,
this fucking show
isn't streaming anywhere.
A collection so funny,
it will have your whole family
shouting,
uh-oh, hot dog.
Merry Christmas 2024
from McCone.
It's a real Blu-ray.
It's incredible.
Should work on any gaming device
with a disc slot
or a Blu-ray player.
Runtime is 73 minutes.
Wow.
It's 73 minutes?
Uh-huh.
That's how much footage
is out there?
I mean,
there's even more
that I cut out.
Wow.
If you weren't the lead
of a sketch,
I cut it.
Wow, dude.
That's incredible, dude.
That's an extremely
thoughtful gift.
It really is.
I got nothing.
You got nothing.
And I pay you.
I pay you.
Yeah.
I give you so much.
You're hard to-
You're so hard.
It's so-
I'm insulted for you, dude.
You built this.
Yeah.
You could have built
me something.
That is a beautiful gift.
It's incredible.
All right, Fancy,
open up your fucking gift.
And so I want Fancy
to be able to appreciate
some real cinema.
So I also got Fancy
a Best of Bobby.
That is nice.
which is what I've always wanted.
That is what you-
If I don't have enough of Bobby-
So you burned it twice?
No, I actually just made
the cover twice.
There's not a real one in there.
Couldn't afford a second disc?
No, that's actually
an SNL,
the Best of Chris Farley disc,
which is way better.
Thank you.
Okay.
You're a piece of shit.
That's mean.
No, that's-
Take it back right now.
No, no, no, no.
No, I think in my body.
It's true.
It's true.
It's true.
Is it?
Is it though?
Real good.
Thank you.
Is it true?
It's true.
How?
Anyway, thank you, McCone.
Thank you, McCone.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, McCone.
Thank you so much.
That was nice.
My dog will love this.
We gave you a career,
so Merry Christmas.
Before we go,
I want to recommend something
to our listeners.
Please.
So I've been,
you know,
you've ever heard of
Sirius, the podcast?
No.
Anyway.
Yeah, you have.
Sirius?
I don't know it.
No.
Is it called Sirius or?
Serial.
Serial.
Oh, yeah.
I'm not serious.
Are you serious?
No, no.
Serial, the podcast.
Yeah, Serial.
There's a new one called
The Good Whale.
The Good Whale.
Yeah, and it's,
I tried to bring up
the last podcast.
I said,
I brought up Keiko.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
But then we didn't riff on it.
But it really is
an enlightening little podcast.
What is it about?
So have you ever seen
Free Willy?
The movie?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You did?
Yeah, of course.
So when they found a whale
to play Willy.
Yeah.
It was this whale in Mexico.
Hard to cast.
Yeah.
It was a Mexican whale.
Yeah, I want to be Free Willy.
You would think if they got
a whale to jump
it would have been a black whale.
Right.
But so then when the movie comes out
it becomes a hit
and all the kids are like
where is this whale?
And they're like
it's in this tiny little pool.
It's malnutrition.
Malnourished, yeah.
I mean, you know,
I don't know what the conditions were
if they weren't.
Gross.
I mean, they weren't the best.
It's awful.
Right.
So they
pretty much
everyone on the planet
that had something to do
with whales
they go
we want to try to free him
but he's been in captivity
since he was a baby.
This is real Free Willy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they ship
they build a completely big facility
in Oregon
this high-tech facility.
Yeah.
So they build his muscles
and they try to train him
in terms of how to catch fish
how to dive
you know what I mean
all that stuff.
And then after a couple of years
they bring him to Iceland
where they found the baby
to release him
but they put him in a little bay first
and it's this voyage
out into the real sea.
Wow.
Well, you don't see it
you hear it's a pod.
It's five episodes
I listen to all of it
and it's really just
you know
it melts your heart.
Beautiful.
Yeah.
Did it live?
Because a lot of times
Oh, yeah.
I mean
I don't know
if we should give that away.
Well, we did.
It's great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, fuck it.
Well, my insight.
That's what makes me so mad
about this documentary
that's why I want people
to listen to it
so when people go
what the fuck
and I go
fuck you too
I thought to
you know what I mean
that's on you
you know what I mean
My instinct was that
it didn't live
because when they reacclimate
He came close though.
No, really.
No, what can I just tell
we just gave it away?
Was he killed
by another killer whale?
No, what happened was
it's so sad
because it's like
all these
you know
all his trainers
and all the people
that work for this organization
they got to a point
where they
because he was so reliant
on humans
that even if he saw a boat
he would just come up
to the boat
and say hi
so that what all these
people would do
they would have to hide
so all of a sudden now
Keiko's alone
and he doesn't know
what to do
so they open up the bay
and then they see
you know sometimes
these killer whales
have these parties
I've been to one
I know in the white
Yeah
Yeah, yeah
but they're half black too
We're okay with that
All right
So they have these parties
and like Keiko would watch
from a distance
but he's in the ocean
and they're all communicating
having fun
and Keiko's just like
I don't know what to do
Right
So when did Keiko just
because all the
his trainers are hiding
he just starts
going into the ocean
by himself
traveling thousands of miles
Oh, Keiko
by himself
you know what I mean
and then
one day in Norway
this little kid
and his Norwegian family
were on their boat
and Keiko pops his head up
he traveled thousands of miles
Wow
and they're like
whoa, this killer whale
is so nice
and he would just
follow them around
because he's just
you know what I mean
so lonely
and then
and at night
the family could hear Keiko
outside
Yeah, yeah
like where are you
you know what I mean
I know it's so sad
Right
and then
he dies
he dies
he dies
it's so sad
it's so sad
but that's the circle of life
it's not
that's not the circle of life
you don't take
here's what it is
they shouldn't have done
in the first time
killer whales
right
they're so attached
to their mothers
in fact
right
killer whale mothers
right
even when the
when their son
is fully grown
they'll rip up
a piece of fish
and then leave some
for the kid
that's how
attached they are
right
and it's like
and they're called pods
that's your family
and they know each other
for all their lives
right
and they have their own language
they know how to communicate
Keiko doesn't know
any of that shit
so of course
Keiko wasn't going to survive
based on all that
I mean this is like
ripping away their core
instincts
and
yeah it's like
you should not
I mean
SeaWorld should not exist
any of these things
should not exist
I agree
yeah
do you do
what about zoos
I think zoos are bullshit
bullshit
bullshit
it's Auschwitz for animals
100%
you know what I mean
100%
what are you laughing at
you know
you know what you seem like
a guy that captures them
I like the alliteration
of Auschwitz for animals
okay
okay
anyway
whenever you see these animals
it's just like
they don't know what's going on
well it's also
I don't care how like
kept the zoo is
it's always
it's always awful
it always looks like shit
they look like they're bummed
that's why there's all
there's always sorts of like
wild shit that happens
at a zoo
because they just don't want to be there
they don't want to fucking live like
they know in their gut
they're not supposed to be there
and they look sad
every fucking time you go
it's the worst
but also when they
so when they brought Keiko
to the new tank
that they built in Oregon
they built half of the tank
where it's see-through
and reporters
and people from the town
would visit
and Keiko would always come by
and just sit there
and just say hi
to these humans
like you know what I mean
and play with them
he was raised by humans
yeah
she just loved humans
and all of a sudden
they were like
nah
you know what I mean
it's insane
he doesn't
is a guy or a girl Keiko?
it's a boy
really?
maybe man up his name
wait what?
make the change his name
Keiko
yeah
that was probably why he
didn't make it
anyway I mean
Merry Christmas to everybody
Merry Christmas to almost everybody
yeah thank you for being a bad
almost everybody
thank you for being a bad friend
don't go Keiko on us
honestly can I tell you something
if you're gonna land a joke
to close the show
yeah yeah
it's gotta be seamless
I mean she said don't four times
have you gotten worse
at speaking English?
yeah yeah yeah
don't don't don't don't
don't be Keiko
it's almost like since you became a citizen
you're shittier at getting it out
yeah
Jules wish everyone a happy Christmas
go ahead
Merry Christmas
and thank you for being a bad friend
God bless
we end with that Christmas song
yeah yeah yeah
so this is our bad friends Christmas song
that we wrote uh together
we did?
yeah you remember this?
oh yeah
Christmas here
you are here
come on
you know it
be with your family
don't have tears
Christmas
Christmas
Christmas
Christmas
Black friends
Mexican friends
all around
the fireplace
Christmas
Christmas
and the little ones
we called
children
and the dwarves
Christmas
Christmas
Jolly candy
candy corns
Jules your verse
eggnogs
and cinnamon
crunch
together
Christmas
Christmas
Christmas
oh what a wonderful
Christmas
yeah
Christmas
Christmas
Christmas
a couple more lines
I love
everyone
Christmas
Christmas
Christmas
Christmas
go
yeah
um
jingle bells
Christmas
Christmas
Christmas
dude imagine if you walked into a lounge
you heard this
this was a lounge act
Christmas
you would just leave
you would just leave
imagine being depressed on Christmas
and walking into here
Christmas
Christmas
thank you for being a bad friend
that's so funny
Christmas
Christmas
you're welcome to be a bad friend of mine