Name: Too Fat for Heaven??
Uploaded: 2024-12-28T17:17:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Too Fat for Heaven??' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Too Fat for Heaven??' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-28. Transcript available.

when you see you see average zombies you mean looks wise they're essentially
average people
who turn it into average zombies right yeah so they're all wearing like you
know a workman's
jacket right just regular regular people la5 right la5 but you never see dwarf
zombie
oh yeah you mean the you never see that no brad no brad you never see spinal bifida
zombie
you know what i mean right right you never see 600 pounds on just in a bed why
not and he's
eating deep fried brains or whatever you know what i mean what right why is i
don't know why you you
gotta mix it up right it's always like well have you seen the last of us there's
different kinds of
zombies but those are mushroom zombies what no what i'm talking is that what
you're saying yeah no what
i'm saying is yeah i mean people turning into a mushroom zombie i'm not talking
but what happened
to their you know i mean if they're if they're ocd or whatever you gotta put
that into it like why
isn't there okay zombie like walking over a crack 15 times you know what i mean
like he loses the ocd
when he becomes a zombie why you you know what i mean or the racism right you
know what i mean right
racist zombies yeah just the zombies are just going for the black guy right
right like they were like
fucking kkk they turned zombie you never they what who they were the essence of
who they were are gone
you don't you don't there's no autistic zombies yeah that's what i'm saying
yeah a bunch of zombies by a
train track just eating people by train tracks all day immobile zombies right
it's like it's always
the same there are fat zombies in touch of the dead oh fat zombie that's the
first time the walking
dead no man's land fat walkers are particularly dangerous and can they can tank
more right tank more
dead normal walkers so yeah i guess there is yeah there's a few but not we don't
see it's not what
you're saying is there needs to be more dei in the zombie world yeah like mma
zombie right putting
in an arm lock but by you know i mean just like their old self more more of
that but i want to see
dwarves lp zombies yeah lpz's yeah and just you just kick them and they land on
their back
they have little legs they can't get back up
you know i always do you ever think about stuff like that oh every day of my
life like vampire
like vampires where are they where's the 600 pound vampire that drinks too much
blood
yeah yeah he drinks way too much and his buddies are going dude it's too much
yeah your blood sugar you just killed a giraffe your blood sugar sugar levels
right through the roof that's what i'm saying like a like a vampire with
diabetes
yeah they never have that no they should yeah i don't know why well one would
assume it's because
they're they're dead they don't have to adhere to any rules so they're going to
stay the same
shape and size like do you imagine when you die will this be the body that you
embody in the
afterlife or do you think you get a new body that's okay so this is what i was
thinking my friend that's
a very good question yeah do you get a new body so i was watching 600 pound
life the other day
love it was one of my favorite shows right good and a lot of them they just die
fat which is
bad right i feel so i feel bad awful awful but when they get to heaven right
are they 600 pounds up
there right do they get a new shell dude or do they just fall immediately
through the sky
they die and they're like yeah and they fall right because you're up there too
heavy for
the too heavy for the clouds yeah or like he's trying to get through the pearly
gates
and he can't get in dude so funny what too fat for the fat for the pearly gates
imagine you never
think that and what's his name saint peter who's at the gate imagine saint peter's
like buddy buddy yeah
go back down walk a couple laps around the clouds come on back you're never
gonna make it you never
yeah that's like never gonna make it my buddy zach's got a great joke i'm gonna
tell his joke about
hell have i told you this i told you in the car in australia yeah tell me that
a guy says uh
this guy goes to this guy goes to hell right and he gets down there and it's
okay it's not that bad
and then hit hit hitler the devil comes up to him and goes uh hey how you
liking it he's like it's
honestly that's i mean it's okay he goes all right right on he's like you uh
you like pizza he's like
yeah i love pizza he's like oh dude you are gonna love mondays mondays we have
a brick oven pizza
right back there we use the flames and we all get pizza we eat all night and
drink drink beer it's
awesome yeah he's like you like tacos yeah he says yeah i love talking dude you're
gonna love tuesday
on tuesday we all have tacos we gather around together we drink beer and eat
tacos
it's incredible yeah all right and he says um you like wednesday
not how he goes he says please i like it better though he says do you like anal
sex with men yeah
and he goes no he goes you're gonna hate wednesday
did you guys put up christmas lights when you were a kid bro bro what are you
talking about
i just asked you a legitimate question one morning my dad goes wakes me up
merry christmas i go okay and he goes he gave me 200 bucks
right that was christmas it gets worse it was july
is that korean christmas yeah yeah i mean they don't know anything about so you
never did any
decoration my parents knew nothing about any holiday you didn't get a tree ever
you yeah no i mean we
had a tree right when i was eight and i kid you not i'm not this is not even a
joke that tree stayed
in my house for seven years no yeah the pines had fallen off and my mom would
put squid on it the
branches to dry the squid well it is a nice way to dry out the squid and it
gets i swear to god that's
not even a joke what is it what is christmas christmas in korea what is it like
let's see what
it's like down there for christmas koreans yeah tell me they do it's considered
a national holiday
in korea most employees have a day off from work but where can you look this up
later i mean whatever
when that was a thing i don't think it was like that when my parents grew up
well right i think my my parents because when they came to america in their in
their six in this
1960s they knew nothing about it so there you go when did it concept of christmas
was introduced oh
right it was before it was uh yeah really it was the late 1700s in 1800s when
my parents didn't care
uh dongi uh introduced as christmas as important holiday described by christian
events in detail so in
the late 1700s well your parents were way before that your mom was born in like
1502 no no for what
that boggles my mind because my parents pretended like they didn't know like we
don't know yeah but
check this out this has got to be socioeconomic too right like i'm sure your
parents didn't grow up
with anything they couldn't afford christmas they were struggling to survive
yeah i don't this has
got to be privileged people in korea that had money could celebrate christmas
maybe not your you're not
your parents they think maybe yeah their families didn't come from a lot of
money well why don't say
that like that that's a good thing no my parents look at my mom my mom says we
were royal no they
weren't yeah the royal bloodline no no chance my dad's side were ghetto my mom
parents side my mom's
side was royal my my grandfather and my you remember i told you about the hill
that my mom used to walk
down yeah that was like one house on a mountain how did you guys fall so far
what do you mean well you were royals and now you're nobody she married my
ghetto dad trash yeah
yeah so she married down sounds like a hallmark movie yeah titanic yeah she
married down yeah she
married down dude that sucks she married down for love yeah turns out wasn't
worth it
got two shitty kids and yeah i think it wasn't worth it no yeah but once it
happens what are you
gonna do stay in love yeah you just gotta stay in love until one of them dies
that's really you just
gotta slug it out until somebody dies yeah that's what love really is but at
least they didn't get
like i saw tick tock and you know that kid well we talked about it already but
like a kid that has
like autism like severe autism violent yeah like fights his parents yeah yeah
yeah and it's like
at least they didn't have that no they had drug addict children that's true
yeah yeah that's much
easier to handle but you think so well i think because it's compassion through
compassion that
they understand that you're probably using drugs because you have an addictive
bloodline he didn't
know about it they don't know about no but they you can you can empathize there's
something in your
you can you know your mom has a very she does empathetic way yeah do you know
what i mean
you