Name: Bobby Lee Destroys Carlos
Uploaded: 2025-01-14T17:00:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Destroys Carlos' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Destroys Carlos' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-14. Transcript available.

Carlos went to a bar, which I'm sure is...
Can you talk about it?
Yeah, of course.
We already talked about it.
Yeah, it was more independent.
Oh, less corporate.
Mom and pop.
Less corporate, yeah.
It was just in a hotel room, and there was like a closed barrier,
like when you walked into the left.
So there was someone else hooking up in there as well?
So she was like, go shower.
And so I went and showered, like I faked it a little bit.
What do you mean you faked it?
I had already showered.
I didn't do something.
Like you just went in there and pretended to smoke?
Why wouldn't you just shower again?
Just shower.
Yeah.
I didn't want to double soap it.
Just too much.
Sorry?
I didn't want to do soap.
Double soap it is too much?
Like you get extra clean?
Yeah, what does that even f***ing mean?
I didn't want to do two soaps.
But it's not your body.
It's your breath.
That's what they meant.
You can't wash that in the shower.
You can't wash...
Can we discuss that for a second?
There was no discussion.
There's not anything that smells particularly like that.
That's why f***s don't hit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's why prostitutes don't kiss, yeah.
Do you kiss them?
No.
It's a level of...
You know what it is?
Okay.
When you're in a port-a-potty, you know what it is.
Right.
You go, that's a mixture of poo, pee, generations of it, right?
Whatever, right?
When you're in Skid Row, right?
You kind of know what those smells are, you know what I mean?
People that are B.O., dirty, you know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Et cetera, et cetera.
I get that.
Yeah, I agree.
With his is a particular kind of skank.
Pretty interesting.
Yeah, stench.
That you don't know quite what it is.
Right.
What is it?
It's like there's salami, right?
But then there's also dirt.
But then there's also like, you know what I mean?
Like, you know, vomit.
Vomit.
Yeah, yeah.
But it's like-
It's from vaping and a bunch of-
But it's a lot.
But it's like, also, here's another thing that you can do,
which is, I think, an X-Men power.
You can project it from across the room.
Whoa, that is like a power if you-
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can literally walk in a room and go,
oh, Carlos is here before even I see you.
Whoa.
I'm being real.
I'll go, oh, Carlos.
I don't even have to look.
You're just there.
Does it leave a trail or something?
It's a projection.
I don't know.
It's weird.
It's like a funk.
What is it?
What is it?
What is it?
I think it's because I don't eat enough.
Because you don't eat enough food?
Yeah.
So your stomach is eating itself?
Yeah.
That's bile.
Weird shit's happening.
Yeah, that's bile.
Well, every morning I throw up blood and stuff.
Oh, my God.
What are we going-
Years.
No.
No, don't do it.
Don't do that.
Yeah, yeah.
Why?
I'm still alive, though.
Okay.
When's the last time you saw a doctor?
I'll see my dad in a couple days and I'll see what's up.
Oh, so your dad is your doctor?
Oh, yeah.
I just text him.
And then-
Do you call him Dr. Dad?
Dr. Dad on NBC.
Wait a minute.
Does he ever run blood work on you?
No, he just like-
You need blood work.
Do you ever run blood work on yourself?
No.
Have you ever-
I don't know how to do that.
You've never done that?
No.
You honestly do that.
Your age, you have to run blood work.
I mean, I've gotten STD tests.
That's not the same thing.
I'm talking about holistic.
Your whole body needs to know, like, maybe you have allergies to something.
You can have some stuff going on that you don't know.
That's like what hot girl-
And I'm not even talking about your breath.
He's- I'm talking about separately.
You should run blood work, dude, to know what-
I'm talking about your breath.
That's right.
That part-
Yeah, I'm talking about it.
What if he does blood work?
What if he does blood work and the results come back-
Bad breath?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Even the blood is like, mm-mm.
Even like when, um, like sometimes I'll say, get me mints.
But you're just trying to like make it easy.
But you- so when we're doing shows, do we ever say that?
When he says, get me mints, he means-
I go get-
The royal, royal me.
I'm trying not to be rude.
Oh.
Right?
It's a message.
He doesn't get it.
Yeah, get me gum, mints, right?
And get me, you know what I mean?
Toothpaste.
Mouthwash.
Mouthwash.
Right, yeah.
Everything, right?
It's not for me.
I don't use it.
It's for you.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that's the hint.
I had a lot of mints in Australia.
I always had some on me.
Okay.
I just have to-
You won't believe this.
I saw him put a mint in his mouth and it jumped back.
Kill me!
Yeah.
Play this video of him coming on stage in Sydney.
This is Bobby coming on stage in Sydney.
Jesus Christ.
So crazy.
Oh my God.
Crazy.
8,500 people at this show?
Yeah.
Wow, man.
There was more people at that show than in the state of Nevada when it was
admitted into the
union in 1860.
It was almost a great moment.
Do I get the Mr. Know-It-All thing now or is it good pass to this fucking guy?
That's a great thing.
I think you've influenced them.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's basically baby Know-It-All.
Yeah.
That's baby Know-It-All.
Baby Know-It-All.
I don't even come up with shit like that.
That's insane.
Because you know it all, but you also know timing.
Ah, that's what it is.
But he knows a lot.
Let me ask you, McCone, do you know about Keiko?
No.
Okay.
Do you know about Keiko?
What's the Nevada thing?
What is this saying?
I saw this in a video the other day.
When Nevada became a state in 1860, they had just over 6,000 people.
And I thought, that's crazy.
There was more people in the audience.
I'm not going to lie.
That is fucking amazing.
Yeah.
That's insane.
A state when it was formed had less-
Influence.
Influence.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See how Know-It-All's influence each other?
Yeah.
Hey.
Yeah.
Hey.
Yeah.
Good boy.
He's learning.
Yeah.
Good boy.
You're actually coming.
But my kind of Know-It-All, Carlos, is you, right?
What up, man?
Yeah, what's up, bro?
What's up?
What's up?
Those are a few things he doesn't know.
We know nothing.
Yeah.
All right, so let me ask you, though, not to stick on this joke.
Do you go to see a dental hygienist, though?
Oh, my God.
No.
You can't just have-
You don't.
No.
Will you?
I think it's will they.
Choose.
That's very funny.
Yeah, they will not.
I will do.
Huh?
I haven't been in, you know.
Will they?
He has his picture up at the dentist's office.
He's banned.
Wanted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dead.
Wow.
Wait a minute.
So you won't go?
I'll just do other things.
Yeah.
But wait, why won't you go see somebody?
Because I'm healthy.
I'm alive.
Are you afraid of a dentist?
Is that what that is?
No, I'm really not.
I'm just lazy.
Like how my car is keyed.
Andrew.
Andrew.
But this is tripping me out.
When's the last time you went to a dentist?
For real?
Andrew.
Maybe when I was a teenager.
Andrew, check this out.
In fucking 30 years?
Yeah.
Andrew, check it out.
What?
What am I doing?
Who was that?
You were a dentist?
No, no.
It's worse.
What?
Every woman that makes me laugh.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
I mean, just imagine.
That wasn't Kalilah.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
Shots fucking fired, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Very good.
The frequency of dental visits depends on your individual circumstances.
However, the ADA recommends, the American Dental Association recommends adults
and children
see the dentist every six months.
That's so dorky.
No one does that.
I think that almost everyone I know does.
Really?
Yeah, I go to the dentist.
Everyone in this room goes to the dentist.
Yeah.
You don't, you don't ever, I mean, at the very least, once a year is definitely
what you
should do.
I did tell Jesse this, but I did brush my teeth with Sprite and Adelaide.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
I said, why Sprite?
And he goes, I don't know what fizz is.
Bro.
He's just rubbing sugar on his teeth.
Bro.
Bro, dude.
That's the problem.
That is.
Yeah, yeah.
I think we found it.
Yeah, we found the problem.
You're brushing your teeth with Sprite?
Yeah, yeah.
I was too lazy to go to the bathroom.
Just do it with Pop Rocks.
Those fizz do, dog.
Do you smell?
I mean, are there other smells in your body that you're not aware of or privy
to?
I don't know.
I can't smell them.
I can't smell.
You can smell.
But I can't smell like marijuana or anything like that.
Yeah, you dip and smell.
You dip and smell?
Yeah, yeah.
Like dip your finger in your butt and smell it?
No, not the pot.
No, no.
Don't start there.
Yeah, don't start there.
No, but I'll go like this and do that.
Yeah.
Have you done that?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to see if I'm on track.
I think we need to get this solved, and I mean this, because now I feel like it's
dangerous.
Are you really throwing up in the mornings?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, buddy, come on.
Blood?
That's not good.
Oh, that's not good.
Well, then stuff's going on.
It's like indigestion.
It's a whole thing.
And Makone knows my pillows have blood on them when I wake up.
Yeah.
Makone, you're not voicing this to us ever?
You're not going, hey, guys, I think you should know this, both for the sake of
health and comedy?
I mean, I feel like everybody who's like 10 years older than me, I'm like, oh,
they got it somewhat figured out.
No, they don't.
They don't, no.
No, they don't.
They got it.
No, there is no such thing.
I did love all the music we made together, though, with the piano and your
singing and the trumpet.
It was so fun.
I'm going to say it right now, dude.
Say it.
I told you backstage.
Say it.
And I don't know if you really took this to heart, but I mean this.
I said, man, it's incredible when you are freestyling on the piano and she's
backing you up and just flowing with it.
It's extremely impressive.
Maybe I'm a fucking underexposed person to that kind of style of music, but it
fucking blew my mind.
Every night I would sit down when you would freestyle on the piano and you
would just smooth come in.
I'm being so genuine to you guys.
It's so impressive to me.
And maybe I don't know shit about music composition and theory, but it fucking
was incredible.
I'm not kidding.
Basic chords, really.
Sure.
Yeah.
Maybe, but it was fucking gorgeous.
I do also have to say that the shows versus the shows we did in America a
couple of years ago were way tighter.
Over there, we were much tighter.
Well, we had 60 cities of practice.
I mean, we found a groove.
We found a definitely groove with all of it.
It just seems faster, tighter, smoother.
And we had some incredible people, fans to help out in the show.
Woo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo.