Name: Bigfoot the Vampire: The Movie
Uploaded: 2025-01-23T18:10:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bigfoot the Vampire: The Movie' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bigfoot the Vampire: The Movie' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-23. Transcript available.

do you have to have you you look so concerned no i just want i'm just wondering
i've taken it for
a spin a couple times where are you not you're not a fan of the party you don't
want to show up
you know because of jim because of jim norton yeah yeah i um to his wife oh no
no no no i went
camping with him right right so you know when you're in a tent with jim norton
things are
gonna be said all right about you know a variety of topics got it a tent with jim
norton yeah and he
told me who you know who's you know the ones to watch out there oh yeah so then
i you know i went
did some things and i watched and i took it okay yeah and i felt bad about it
you can tell bobby's
uncomfortable because he's just doing that voice for no reason yeah it's the
thing himself from the
the fact that he off the trans he's doing it in a goofy voice yeah yeah yeah so
you you have then
yeah me too sure yeah good how about you i've been free i've been what does
that mean i've seen it all
yeah there's nothing i haven't seen on the internet i feel like i've literally
seen everything i've seen
it all too but have you played with your penis by watching it no dude i'm
usually on there for
research just to really take information i'm really looking at from a cinematic
point of view right by the
way i will i will say there is some new age that's out there the cinematography
is incredible not bad
some of these are so high-end they're doing such a good job now it's like full
production
storylines are great and they're twisty there's there's like lens flares it's
really
like j.j abrams is directing it yeah yeah he loves those lens flares
you know what i re-watched on the plane i re-watched uh um x maxine the first
you know the
x one i haven't seen it dude it's fantastic it's so fun it's fun it's fun
because it's there's
nothing else like that out there you don't see anything like that anymore yeah
maybe okay it's
like a sexy horror like a really bad one of the of the three but it's campy
first one yeah x yeah but
it's super campy which is like it tips it dude it's telling you it knows it's
corny yeah yeah so it's
funny i would love to do and she's a horror movie fucking beautiful with you
guys i would love to do
a comedy a comedy camping horror movie no can't be can't be i mean can't get
camping he wants to get
back in that tent talking about transportation no shit i'd love that it was
whatever gets us in the
tent with jim yeah yeah we'll do a comedy camp but why can't we make one we can
yeah yeah right now dude
yeah we can make one let me tell you something yeah we have to write it and
when i say we have to
write it means we can't watch all three indiana jones yeah we have to write the
movie i can write it
right now okay do it go what do you think what do you think it is we're
brothers we're all service
or adopted adopted brothers yeah we're all adopted brothers clearly and the
other we had to lead that
horse to water you see he wasn't gonna go there what are you talking about i'm
the one that said the
brothers thing but you stopped the brothers i know yeah and so then you know
back in the 70s right
well how about this same mom different dads i'm into that that's fine our mom
was just a party
animal that was like sleeping with all sorts of guys yeah yeah that's fine well
maybe like i was
told i wasn't adopted but you guys know that i was so that's a theme we couldn't
be brothers
either him and i look literally fucking nothing alike exactly different dads we
could no i don't
think so my dog we definitely could not not stop stop we definitely did we have
literally zero gene
crossover i don't know look i think if you start at a base white woman so your
dad was like yeah and she
fucks the most ginger ginger of all time we could get you like and then just
fuck she fucks john john
goodman in the 80s yeah to get him right and then pat marita pat marita pat marita
yeah yeah okay here
we go the camp we go back to the camp where she conceived us oh slam piece
everybody fucked our
mom and we go looking for our dad yeah yeah there's a tree too with all the
names that your our mom
fuck right that's it that's engraved into the tree we have to hunt them it's a
lot of names yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah it's like 38 guys for one summer think about yeah think about
this for for a movie
for movie wise dude we could get like nine nine films out of it yeah yeah we
just kept like it we
can continue to make this movie so what were we hunting that what do you mean
we're avenging our
mother's uh uh death we're trying to find who killed our mom maybe she's that's
it it was one of the
guys that she slept with that killed her oh right right and we're avenging her
death maybe
you know what i mean it's a party at the beginning but then it's like we got to
get down to business
yeah yeah like we have to get real we hunt down our mother's killer but then
there's one name
on the tree that's written like there's blood in it you know i mean it just
says frank
right it was a demon that killed her what we bite off more than we can chew
that's right now we're
fighting off we kill off all we kill our biological bodies right we kill
everyone on the tree that's
easy and then last name is how about that big frank blood one right but maybe
this is you know yeah
like this yeah you like it so now we're fighting the underworld right exactly
we're badass the first
like half hour of the movie and then we find the last how about this it goes
back to we just kill
everyone our mom we don't like we don't like living in a world where a guy a
guy our mom right but
there's got to be a big because we couldn't stop hearing about it the beginning
of the movie is just us
as kids hearing about it the whole time everyone coming up to us be like big
big big big big foot
has to be in it okay what has to be in our mom could fuck bigfoot she could be
one of the things
yeah yeah maybe that's frank i don't know frank bigfoot frank yeah yeah yeah
bigfoot or a vampire
or he could be a vampire but how about you know what you've never seen what's
that a combo
in fact dude let me just throw this out there bigfoot the vampire
i like big dude he's hairy but he wears a fucking black cloak right okay you're
like you know one of those
black cave but he's super hairy well how about this the idea is still the same
though yeah because
vampires don't aren't really seen that often yeah big bigfoot's never seen that
often so he moves as
seamlessly as bigfoot does okay well go ahead bobby yeah you don't have an idea
you know i got to toss
it up right right yeah so later in the movie reveal we meet the guy right frank
the the vampire
right the big foot yeah frank or is that just working name for him no we can
figure it out yeah yeah yeah
i mean that could be open to lucandrio lucandrio that's good yeah no no the manhattan
the manhattan
killer oh luigi what's his mangione mangione yeah yeah we'll just call him mangione
mangione right
right and we later reveals we see his penis and it's been stitched on there so
he's got a franken dick too
oh wow yeah man okay it's what do you think he's got like stitches yeah we're
gaining from that it's
like shaquille o'neal's dick like it's a black dick okay yeah yeah yeah we can
incorporate back
back to the big foot back to the big foot no you took us to the tent with the
black cock let's get
back to the movie dude i can incorporate another movie into it guy all right shazam
another black
guy i get it dick i get it yeah yeah yeah we're back so it wasn't you killing a
new o'neal in a
movie called shazam that character i know there's no bad ideas in brainstorming
i know that i'm just
saying maybe let's reel us back in i think we were all right we'll take out the
franken dick it's
getting a little too mystical we need to pick one magical thing all right with
it well we combined
the that's fine that's enough you can't take it out art already built the dick
we already have
them building it right now oh we do yeah they're working on it all right we'll
keep it in there all
right it's in and you know for the airplanes we'll just cut that scene out or
blur it expensive too
expensive okay okay anyway yeah yeah yeah yeah i got it and he goes oh you want
to do the voice of
bigfoot yeah maybe i thought we'd hire somebody but i didn't wait what if it's
what if you play the
bigfoot 2 in the in the makeup and shit what if we find out okay here's how we
get three different
mystical things and we find out who our dads were our three monsters that
fucked up oh we kill all these
regular guys and that doesn't solve anything okay and then we find out your dad
was a bigfoot and
it's you and like a bunch of makeup and like where the is my dad book bigfoot
bro you know who you are
why am i bigfoot bro no no no it should be a dwarf bobby yeah i know i thought
that's good your little
foot oh little foot i think mine's better for you i don't know why i thought
you're not at me
oh yeah you're making you a fucking strong oh you're right you're right you're
right you're right
you're like you're a little foot dude if your father's bigfoot you're little
foot oh yeah you'd
be um the dickless elf yeah you're right you're right bigfoot thank you that's
my dad well who is
your dad um i know go ahead your dad was an oompa loompa okay what is this
about bobby you've
turned on me yeah you were on his team i know what oh i remember this movie
little bigfoot it's a great
movie oh dude that's our movie let's just remake that movie let's just grab the
whole thing yeah
i got it my dad will be uh loch ness the loch ness monster oh wow that's i see
yeah that's very a
redhead that's pretty cool dude yeah but i i i apologize about the oompa loompa
dude that was my
bad we'll come up with something better then okay i will um who's his dad what
who's his dad what is
this guys oh the stay puff marshmallow all right very good dude dude dude dude
dude dude dude dude
that dude that's fucking marshmallow man from ghostbusters i think it would be
okay and it's a good
suggestion that's so fucked up he's a guest dude time out yeah so now we're the
ghostbusters universe
greek mythical greek mythic there we go let's go mythic oh you know what it is
mythical creatures danny
devito from hercules a pan oh half goats half that's a hundred percent yeah
yeah look up uh phil
from hercules he just said look up phil from hercules he typed out danny that
is that's so you
what is that a tasmanian devil what is it it's a pig it's called a pan a pan
okay yeah and they were
horny too they were half goat half man horn it's actually so right it's fucked
up let's end the movie
let's let's let's finish the movie okay so like all right so maybe we'll figure
out who our dads are
yeah we run into the fucking the vlog that's sasquatch with the franken dick
okay what you're back
there it is i thought we i thought we were gone with the black franken oh no no
no listen manjiani
listen listen yeah if you're quiet you can hear the the zippers opening up the
tent i can hear
so i also just love that jim is doing like grassroots like oh yeah pro trends
or jack off
organizing yeah just trying to get one friend at a time he's like giving he's
walking you through who
no i asked i asked oh yeah yeah yeah yeah he didn't you know i go who's out
there don't
don't take it so seriously man he's just setting it up yeah you don't have to
get so defensive no
because i don't want jim here yeah yeah you know whoa dude first of all jim
knows we love and respect
him yeah and yeah and that no i apologize staros and jim's not listening yeah
yeah okay yeah you're
right we're being very clear yeah no chance yeah that's my bad so okay how does
the movie end bob
so we have we killed our mythical dads can't be that easy or do we become them
we become them is
more how about we kill them and we think we've done it and then we become them
oh we got it and
then we we start the prophecy and then we go some and then it starts all over
together
there's gotta be like a multiverse thing because all of them have it we gotta
put it in there okay
so how do we get diverse is hack now dude it's over it's out it's done really
because if we go to
another thing and then sasquatch like it could be like emmanuel lewis's you
know my penis
you're right i'm zipping yeah yeah you're in the tent i gotta get out of the
tent you're right
you're right okay all right you know we'll we'll figure that out later okay did
you find him
attractive you were a boy you know what i mean we'll figure it out we'll figure
it out when you
watch that show did you find him hot who emmanuel lewis no but he used to i
remember i told you he
used to call me randomly at like two three in the morning hey bob i'm in town
from atlanta and you
never would hang out and i never would hang out with him so sad yeah i don't
know i want to borrow
some clothes i forgot my sweaters do you have something i could wear bob maybe
maybe that was
it let me borrow a jacket yeah it's cold in l.a you never i never hung out with
him because i don't um
i don't know it's just you don't hang out yeah i don't hang out don't hang out
yeah i don't hang
out if you're going to hang out it'll be with me at most otherwise you don't
hang out

Bigfoot the Vampire: The Movie

do you have to have you you look so concerned no i just want i'm just wondering
i've taken it for
a spin a couple times where are you not you're not a fan of the party you don't
want to show up
you know because of jim because of jim norton yeah yeah i um to his wife oh no
no no no i went
camping with him right right so you know when you're in a tent with jim norton
things are
gonna be said all right about you know a variety of topics got it a tent with jim
norton yeah and he
told me who you know who's you know the ones to watch out there oh yeah so then
i you know i went
did some things and i watched and i took it okay yeah and i felt bad about it
you can tell bobby's
uncomfortable because he's just doing that voice for no reason yeah it's the
thing himself from the
the fact that he off the trans he's doing it in a goofy voice yeah yeah yeah so
you you have then
yeah me too sure yeah good how about you i've been free i've been what does
that mean i've seen it all
yeah there's nothing i haven't seen on the internet i feel like i've literally
seen everything i've seen
it all too but have you played with your penis by watching it no dude i'm
usually on there for
research just to really take information i'm really looking at from a cinematic
point of view right by the
way i will i will say there is some new age that's out there the cinematography
is incredible not bad
some of these are so high-end they're doing such a good job now it's like full
production
storylines are great and they're twisty there's there's like lens flares it's
really
like j.j abrams is directing it yeah yeah he loves those lens flares
you know what i re-watched on the plane i re-watched uh um x maxine the first
you know the
x one i haven't seen it dude it's fantastic it's so fun it's fun it's fun
because it's there's
nothing else like that out there you don't see anything like that anymore yeah
maybe okay it's
like a sexy horror like a really bad one of the of the three but it's campy
first one yeah x yeah but
it's super campy which is like it tips it dude it's telling you it knows it's
corny yeah yeah so it's
funny i would love to do and she's a horror movie fucking beautiful with you
guys i would love to do
a comedy a comedy camping horror movie no can't be can't be i mean can't get
camping he wants to get
back in that tent talking about transportation no shit i'd love that it was
whatever gets us in the
tent with jim yeah yeah we'll do a comedy camp but why can't we make one we can
yeah yeah right now dude
yeah we can make one let me tell you something yeah we have to write it and
when i say we have to
write it means we can't watch all three indiana jones yeah we have to write the
movie i can write it
right now okay do it go what do you think what do you think it is we're
brothers we're all service
or adopted adopted brothers yeah we're all adopted brothers clearly and the
other we had to lead that
horse to water you see he wasn't gonna go there what are you talking about i'm
the one that said the
brothers thing but you stopped the brothers i know yeah and so then you know
back in the 70s right
well how about this same mom different dads i'm into that that's fine our mom
was just a party
animal that was like sleeping with all sorts of guys yeah yeah that's fine well
maybe like i was
told i wasn't adopted but you guys know that i was so that's a theme we couldn't
be brothers
either him and i look literally fucking nothing alike exactly different dads we
could no i don't
think so my dog we definitely could not not stop stop we definitely did we have
literally zero gene
crossover i don't know look i think if you start at a base white woman so your
dad was like yeah and she
fucks the most ginger ginger of all time we could get you like and then just
fuck she fucks john john
goodman in the 80s yeah to get him right and then pat marita pat marita pat marita
yeah yeah okay here
we go the camp we go back to the camp where she conceived us oh slam piece
everybody fucked our
mom and we go looking for our dad yeah yeah there's a tree too with all the
names that your our mom
fuck right that's it that's engraved into the tree we have to hunt them it's a
lot of names yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah it's like 38 guys for one summer think about yeah think about
this for for a movie
for movie wise dude we could get like nine nine films out of it yeah yeah we
just kept like it we
can continue to make this movie so what were we hunting that what do you mean
we're avenging our
mother's uh uh death we're trying to find who killed our mom maybe she's that's
it it was one of the
guys that she slept with that killed her oh right right and we're avenging her
death maybe
you know what i mean it's a party at the beginning but then it's like we got to
get down to business
yeah yeah like we have to get real we hunt down our mother's killer but then
there's one name
on the tree that's written like there's blood in it you know i mean it just
says frank
right it was a demon that killed her what we bite off more than we can chew
that's right now we're
fighting off we kill off all we kill our biological bodies right we kill
everyone on the tree that's
easy and then last name is how about that big frank blood one right but maybe
this is you know yeah
like this yeah you like it so now we're fighting the underworld right exactly
we're badass the first
like half hour of the movie and then we find the last how about this it goes
back to we just kill
everyone our mom we don't like we don't like living in a world where a guy a
guy our mom right but
there's got to be a big because we couldn't stop hearing about it the beginning
of the movie is just us
as kids hearing about it the whole time everyone coming up to us be like big
big big big big foot
has to be in it okay what has to be in our mom could fuck bigfoot she could be
one of the things
yeah yeah maybe that's frank i don't know frank bigfoot frank yeah yeah yeah
bigfoot or a vampire
or he could be a vampire but how about you know what you've never seen what's
that a combo
in fact dude let me just throw this out there bigfoot the vampire
i like big dude he's hairy but he wears a fucking black cloak right okay you're
like you know one of those
black cave but he's super hairy well how about this the idea is still the same
though yeah because
vampires don't aren't really seen that often yeah big bigfoot's never seen that
often so he moves as
seamlessly as bigfoot does okay well go ahead bobby yeah you don't have an idea
you know i got to toss
it up right right yeah so later in the movie reveal we meet the guy right frank
the the vampire
right the big foot yeah frank or is that just working name for him no we can
figure it out yeah yeah yeah
i mean that could be open to lucandrio lucandrio that's good yeah no no the manhattan
the manhattan
killer oh luigi what's his mangione mangione yeah yeah we'll just call him mangione
mangione right
right and we later reveals we see his penis and it's been stitched on there so
he's got a franken dick too
oh wow yeah man okay it's what do you think he's got like stitches yeah we're
gaining from that it's
like shaquille o'neal's dick like it's a black dick okay yeah yeah yeah we can
incorporate back
back to the big foot back to the big foot no you took us to the tent with the
black cock let's get
back to the movie dude i can incorporate another movie into it guy all right shazam
another black
guy i get it dick i get it yeah yeah yeah we're back so it wasn't you killing a
new o'neal in a
movie called shazam that character i know there's no bad ideas in brainstorming
i know that i'm just
saying maybe let's reel us back in i think we were all right we'll take out the
franken dick it's
getting a little too mystical we need to pick one magical thing all right with
it well we combined
the that's fine that's enough you can't take it out art already built the dick
we already have
them building it right now oh we do yeah they're working on it all right we'll
keep it in there all
right it's in and you know for the airplanes we'll just cut that scene out or
blur it expensive too
expensive okay okay anyway yeah yeah yeah yeah i got it and he goes oh you want
to do the voice of
bigfoot yeah maybe i thought we'd hire somebody but i didn't wait what if it's
what if you play the
bigfoot 2 in the in the makeup and shit what if we find out okay here's how we
get three different
mystical things and we find out who our dads were our three monsters that
fucked up oh we kill all these
regular guys and that doesn't solve anything okay and then we find out your dad
was a bigfoot and
it's you and like a bunch of makeup and like where the is my dad book bigfoot
bro you know who you are
why am i bigfoot bro no no no it should be a dwarf bobby yeah i know i thought
that's good your little
foot oh little foot i think mine's better for you i don't know why i thought
you're not at me
oh yeah you're making you a fucking strong oh you're right you're right you're
right you're right
you're like you're a little foot dude if your father's bigfoot you're little
foot oh yeah you'd
be um the dickless elf yeah you're right you're right bigfoot thank you that's
my dad well who is
your dad um i know go ahead your dad was an oompa loompa okay what is this
about bobby you've
turned on me yeah you were on his team i know what oh i remember this movie
little bigfoot it's a great
movie oh dude that's our movie let's just remake that movie let's just grab the
whole thing yeah
i got it my dad will be uh loch ness the loch ness monster oh wow that's i see
yeah that's very a
redhead that's pretty cool dude yeah but i i i apologize about the oompa loompa
dude that was my
bad we'll come up with something better then okay i will um who's his dad what
who's his dad what is
this guys oh the stay puff marshmallow all right very good dude dude dude dude
dude dude dude dude
that dude that's fucking marshmallow man from ghostbusters i think it would be
okay and it's a good
suggestion that's so fucked up he's a guest dude time out yeah so now we're the
ghostbusters universe
greek mythical greek mythic there we go let's go mythic oh you know what it is
mythical creatures danny
devito from hercules a pan oh half goats half that's a hundred percent yeah
yeah look up uh phil
from hercules he just said look up phil from hercules he typed out danny that
is that's so you
what is that a tasmanian devil what is it it's a pig it's called a pan a pan
okay yeah and they were
horny too they were half goat half man horn it's actually so right it's fucked
up let's end the movie
let's let's let's finish the movie okay so like all right so maybe we'll figure
out who our dads are
yeah we run into the fucking the vlog that's sasquatch with the franken dick
okay what you're back
there it is i thought we i thought we were gone with the black franken oh no no
no listen manjiani
listen listen yeah if you're quiet you can hear the the zippers opening up the
tent i can hear
so i also just love that jim is doing like grassroots like oh yeah pro trends
or jack off
organizing yeah just trying to get one friend at a time he's like giving he's
walking you through who
no i asked i asked oh yeah yeah yeah yeah he didn't you know i go who's out
there don't
don't take it so seriously man he's just setting it up yeah you don't have to
get so defensive no
because i don't want jim here yeah yeah you know whoa dude first of all jim
knows we love and respect
him yeah and yeah and that no i apologize staros and jim's not listening yeah
yeah okay yeah you're
right we're being very clear yeah no chance yeah that's my bad so okay how does
the movie end bob
so we have we killed our mythical dads can't be that easy or do we become them
we become them is
more how about we kill them and we think we've done it and then we become them
oh we got it and
then we we start the prophecy and then we go some and then it starts all over
together
there's gotta be like a multive