Name: Andrew Santino's Airplane Nightmare
Uploaded: 2025-02-06T17:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino's Airplane Nightmare' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino's Airplane Nightmare' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-06. Transcript available.

- If you were an aisle or a window.
- Sure.
- And you had to be a window, a middle to do it.
- It's six, how long is the flight?
- Six hours long.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Six hours, that's correct, come on.
- So you, so I'm the guy.
- This is, this is time dependent.
- Excuse me, sir.
- Yeah, how are you, man?
- Yeah, you know, we got our tickets late
and so me and my wife, we don't have seats next to each other,
but if you switch to my wife, you know,
she could sit next to me.
So can you switch, please?
She's got the middle.
- I don't.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I don't how.
- Yeah, yeah, oh, you're not from this country.
- Excuse me.
Yeah, I don't speak English right away, right away.
See, how would you handle it, ready?
- Yeah.
- Excuse me, sir, sir, excuse me, sir.
Hi, hey, my wife and I booked tickets late
and we're actually going to my mom's funeral
and do you think we could switch seats
so I could sit next to my wife, sir?
- Ding, ding, ding, ding.
- Oh, oh my God.
You know what I do in that situation?
- What?
- I go right to the flight attendant and I go,
can you just move this guy?
'Cause he won't know the difference.
- Yeah, no, no.
But I did deaf and blind.
- Right, right, right.
You weren't looking at me.
- I wasn't looking at you, right?
So you gotta go deaf and blind.
- Deaf and blind.
- Right, and then if that doesn't work,
you go a little bit of like twisty in the brain.
- You pull the Helen Keller.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You pull the Keller.
- Yeah, yeah, so that's good.
- Pull a Keller.
- Would you pull a Keller?
- On a flight?
- Yeah, yeah.
- No, but my favorite thing to do
when someone's talking to you on a flight,
sitting next to you, I like to make up a life.
If they don't know,
if they've never seen me,
like if they don't know,
they're like, what are you going to Charleston for?
- Yeah.
- It's a fun opportunity to be like,
I'm an engineer, I'm an aerospace engineer,
and I'm going to a conference right now.
We're actually developing a way
to shoot down Chinese spaceships.
- Oh, wow.
- I'll just make shit up.
- Oh, that's good.
- It's fun, who fucking cares?
And that guy's like, whoa.
- Yeah, I pretend.
- And then he goes and tells someone
and they start a Reddit thread and then the-
- They do.
- When they ask me,
I've had like older white dudes will ask me like,
"Hey, where's your family from?"
Right?
And then you already know what he wants to know.
- Oh yeah, which kind of-
- Because if you tell him you're Korean,
then he has a story.
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear the story.
- I went to Seoul one time.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or like his grandfather was in the war or something.
- I used to exclusively date Asian women.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I knew who that is.
- So I go-
- Fucking George.
- So I just make up a place.
- Oh, where are you from?
- Bongbong.
- You're from Bongbong?
- Yeah, yeah.
- How far is that from?
- Bongbongese.
- Oh, Bongbongese.
- Yeah, yeah, from Bongbong Island.
- Oh, it's an island.
- Yeah, yeah.
And we're known for, if you want to know.
- I would love to.
- Yeah, yeah.
We have a special kind of corn that we crop.
- Ooh, what color?
- Purple.
- Wow.
- Yeah, and then we're also the best at making whistles.
- That's you guys?
- Yeah, we make whistles.
Yeah, we invented that.
- You did?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they're different than regular whistles.
- I imagine.
- What's the sound that they make?
- Whip.
- So people have a laugh?
- Yeah.
- No one's going to come save the day.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Whip, whip, whip.
- That's it.
But, so I make it up.
Because I don't want to get into their fucking,
they want to connect with you.
- Yeah.
- So they try to find that thing.
- I think it's cute sometimes.
- It's not cute.
- But sometimes I also just want to have fun.
Because by the way, when you tell them I'm a comedian
or we do a podcast, they don't give a fuck.
They're like, oh, really?
How come I've never seen your stuff?
And you're like, well, this, I don't want to.
- Oh, I hate it.
- I don't want to, you know what I mean?
- I hate it.
- Well, they'll go, oh, you're a comedian?
- Yeah.
- You're friends with Nate Bargatti?
Like, you know, he's the most famous comedian in the world.
It's like, if they don't know you,
show the video, by the way, Carlos, real fast.
This is my agent's fucking house.
Who you know, you know my agent.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
- They sent that to you.
He sent a nice place.
Carlos, you're a fucking asshole.
- You're a piece of shit.
- It's just nice that I have a nicer place
than your agent now.
- Oh, my God, dude.
- Dude, dude.
- By the way, back it up just a little bit.
- Yeah.
- Just there, right there?
- Yeah.
- That's your place, that fireplace.
That's the size of your place, right?
Right around the fireplace?
- Yeah.
- Wow, I texted Rainn Wilson today,
because his was just devastating.
- Well, thank God my agent and his family
and his wife got out.
'Cause I mean, dude, how terrible.
This is awful, bro.
- Yeah.
- It's awful.
- I texted Sebastian.
His is fine.
- Oh, he is?
- Yeah.
- Whitney, I talked to her.
She lives way out there.
- Yeah, she's fine though, right?
- She's fine.
Yeah, she said she was also.
- But you know, Kalilah's sister's house.
- She said we have no home to go to.
- Yeah, but her house is the only one
that didn't burn down.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
They cried today, 'cause they bought their first house.
- They're in the desert, right?
- No, they're in Altadena.
- No, now they're in the desert.
- In the desert, yeah, yeah.
And they cried because they were the only house standing.
What they don't know is that for the morning last night,
I took Fiji water and I was, you know what I mean?
- You did that?
- I did that, dude.
- Why Fiji?
- And because it's my favorite kind of water
and also they're Filipino, so I thought it was close.
- Right, it is near it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My point is that I saved their house last night.
- Let's give it up for Bob saving the house.
- Anyway, it was-
- You're a hero.
- It was scary a lot.
Honestly, though, I don't know if you-
'Cause I would text your wife.
- Yeah.
- I go, "What are you doing?"
And she's like, "I'm doing the-"
And we were like, "We were communicating."
- She was packing bags.
She actually went to our friend's house,
'cause there was a fire right near our house.
- Hmm.
- I got so scared 'cause I thought,
"Oh, dude, I'm on a plane.
Like, I can't do shit."
So I just had a million texts coming in.
My favorite text that I got was from Stanhope.
Stanhope gave me like, I think the funniest text.
Like a lot of these, like Rachel Feinstein and stuff,
like Sam Morrell, like a lot of New York people,
a lot of great-
- They texted you?
- Adrienne Ippellucci, yeah.
- They didn't text me.
And I'm gonna have a problem right now.
- They don't know where you live.
- Yeah, they do.
- Stanhope wrote, "Hey, just making sure Sam Morrell
has checked in to make sure you're okay."
I wrote, "You're the man."
I go, "He has, but we all think it's disingenuous."
Yeah, Matteo, a bunch of, you know what's so funny?
- Okay.
- So many, the New York comedy scene, man,
these people are so, like, they all checked in.
Rachel Feinstein just hit me just now.
- Never got one from her.
I got one from Verzi.
- Adrienne Ippellucci.
- Paul Verzi.
- That's nice.
- I got one from-
- Matteo.
- Oh my God.
- Howie Mandel.
- Oh, that's nice.
- I got one from, um...
- Yeah, a lot of my New York comic friends.
Dylan and I were talking, too,
'cause I wanted what Tim was up to.
Dan Soder, the dog.
- Did you get one from Rosebud?
- Yeah, of course, Rosie and I were talking.
- Oh, I got one, yeah.
- And Andy.
- Segura.
- Yeah, talk to Tom.
- Ronnie Chang.
- Huh?
- Ronnie Chang.
- No, thank you.
- No thank you.
Yeah, that was a no thank you.
- Thank God.
- I actually blocked him, I think.
- Thank God, Ronnie Chang.
Yeah, I didn't get a lot.
- No, I didn't get...
It's not that I got...
- Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna have to...
It's just nice that...
- Who else, Sam Morrell?
I'm gonna text him right now.
- No, no, no, don't do that.
- Why?
- 'Cause he's not allowed to have his phone at this hour.
- I'm gonna go, Sam Morrell.
- Can you imagine?
- Yeah.
- Dude, my favorite text, though, I got
was from a Chicago friend,
'cause you know I'm going to Chicago in the morning.
My buddy in Chicago.
Hey, man, are you okay?
Yeah, we're okay, man, thank you.
Cool, can I get a ticket for tomorrow's show?
- No.
- Yeah, you got it.
- Where are you going tomorrow?
- I'm going to Chicago.
- Wow.
- Playing the Chicago theater.
- Oh, this weekend.
- Saturday, yeah.
- Wow.
- Big, big, big moment.
- Big moment, dude, sold out, I heard.
- It's sold out. - Yeah, yeah.
- It's a big thing for me, man.
It's like going home, it does something to me.
I can't explain how much I appreciate it.
- It's incredible, what are you talking about?
- No, it just shocks my soul
that people will come out like that.
It's just nuts, it's awesome.
I'm genuinely so like, Jesus Christ, crazy.
- Well, you deserve it.
- When I was a kid, no, I'm saying when I was a kid, dude,
we went to go see, like my mother took,
my grandmother wanted to go see Phantom of the Opera.
And she was like, we're going to go,
we're going to Chicago theater.
Like it was a big deal, like I had to fucking dress up.
- Oh, wow.
- But now we go there, we tell.
- What is that about?
- Penis jokes.
- What is the Phantom of the Opera about?
- Dun.
- I know, I've seen the posters.
- Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
- That's what it's about, that.
- Christine.
- Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, na, na, na, na.
What is Phantom of the Opera?
It's a dark, twisted tale of a, you would love it, dude.
It's right up your alley.
- Oh yeah, I love dark and twisted.
Tell me what it's about, general, give me a general premise.
A physical reject who falls in love with this woman and he tries to look, then
he's got to cover
up his face because his face is all fucked up and he's in love with this woman,
but she's
with another man and he's trying to get her back into his good graces, but-
- What happened to his face?
- Acid.
- No.
- Acid.
He went over to Saudi Arabia, made a couple of, he was pro-gay rights.
- That's what it's about?
- Yeah.
- No, that's right, they threw acid because he had a black girlfriend, they did
not like
that in Saudi.
- Is there's really a black woman in it or they just cast?
- What do you mean they cast?
What?
Do you mean was there originally black cast members?
- Well, I just see that photo right now and there's a black woman, I don't care
if there
is.
- Sounds like you do.
- No, I'm just, it's curious, is it set in the south?
- Yeah.
- Is that racist?
- It's set in Alabama.
- Okay, so it's a-
- Christine, you better come back to my cave.
- No.
- I think it, look, look this up.
I think it's the longest running musical in, I think it's the longest running
musical in
American history.
Maybe it's not.
What's number one?
Phantom.
It is.
- Whoa.
- 13,000 performances.
It beat Chicago after it got revived.
- I saw Lion King.
That was fun.
- What about Wicked?
Do you see Wicked in theaters?
- Never saw.
- Do you see it?
- Cold Space.
- Do you see the movie?
- Come on, bro.
I have zero interest in that.
I'm not going to watch.