Name: Bobby Lee vs World War III
Uploaded: 2025-02-15T15:30:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee vs World War III' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee vs World War III' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-15. Transcript available.

i do some strange things that um this is not funny it's just real now real is
good so there's this
netflix you know how sometimes you go to netflix and there's mobile games you
can download oh yeah
okay i'm the you're thinking who's this for me you know i mean i download all
of them
right but there's this one game that i play and um there's like 10 000 levels
but i only play
one level a thousand times eight hours at a time just sitting there on my
kitchen counter
and the level is like two minutes and it's the same basic level it's like it it
feels like a
cranny candy crusher game it's one of those like puzzly games where you know i
mean you line things
up wait i saw you play this yeah it's i only play one level and i was telling
my therapist the other
day and she goes stop why because it's um i'm running away i'm not you know i
mean i'm being
obsessive about something and i do it because i don't want to feel you know i
mean it's like there's
i do a lot of things where it's like i don't want to feel so i just i'll watch
the same youtube video
over and over again and it becomes um it's not it's not healthy i'll tell you i
had to i got a good feel
i got a good cry this morning big time whenever i want a real good cry what do
you see i watched that
ian wright video with with uh with the teacher with mr pigden yeah i thought
you said yeah yeah what a great
video i'm very much alive ian yeah and he goes someone told me you we stay yeah
that's a great
i cry every time yeah i watch if i need a good cry watch ian wright reunited
with uh his his primary
school teacher mr pigden and why do you why do i love that you not love that
well he's the he's the
most uh prolific golf goal scorer in arsenals history thank you and he said in
the you know what he said in it
that was so powerful that really moved me in a way two things he goes he was
crying and ian said
mr pigden said it meant more to him that ian wright played for the country of
england
than when he flew over buckingham palace that was more important to him that
someone he coached
wow played for england wow and then he said he turned to hug him
and uh he was like two steps down they're in the stadium they're up on the
stairs and when he hugged
him he was below mr pigden you know like he was he was hugging his waist almost
i saw that's all
yeah and he goes and i felt like i was seven years old again i was a young
child being embraced by
someone a father figure dude i was i it gets me wow every time every time but
when whites oh what about
the white what about the whites what about the whites there's so many good
things to say about
the whites not lately dude i know lately as of as of not no you know what i
mean but you know what
i'm saying is over the history yeah you guys get a bad rap we do get a bad yeah
yeah and what i'm
going to say is you know i mean they have you guys done extraordinary
humanitarian you know i mean
deeds some of us some of you schindler we've talked about that before what a
list that's it schindler
and ian wright's coach mr pigman yeah yeah mr pigment that's it yeah yeah no
but what i'm saying
is is what when uh it's it's human all humans have someone i'm sure there's a korean
out there like that
you gotta be somewhere what do you think i don't know where they are like a one
good korean that
like helped uh that's a great movie one good korean yeah yeah that's it yeah
yeah did you see the guy
that snuck into north korea took video of the traffic cop with his phone no
they're gonna get
this guy yeah yeah this is what i think about these guys you're off your head
they're gonna get you dude
they're gonna come find you and kill you did he go back to south korea then
they can't find him
no no he left north korea and went somewhere else look at i don't know where it
is it was on tiktok
this how do we take him out how do we take him out kim jong-il do you want to
take him out i do see
here's my thing because that that there's millions of people that live there
and they're in poverty and
it's like they still believe that we're getting ready for the war with the us
we don't think about
you ever you say that until they start some what if they start some they can't
make how says who but
with like russia they could in china but them alone they're like what did you
just say with russia
and china they could oh yeah but so what are you talking about of course they
can just them it'd be
like no one yeah but russia and china no one acts alone other than germany and
look how that turned
out so now the axis of evil could reunite and start another war and why wouldn't
they honestly why
wouldn't they the time is now be awesome we're they're ready i'm ready to go
dude let's go blow this
whole thing up let me ask you something i want post-apocalyptic if there's if
there's a world war
three yeah and you and i were called in there's a draft and we go we need
everybody everybody yeah
even carlos even carlos and mccone yeah yeah but he is at hold duty those guys
are inside yeah no i
mean no he's glory hold glory hold it yeah yeah just sucking off the soldiers
before no no no i'm just
saying that he you find like if we're in like you know oh i see yeah yeah yeah
you know how we're
fighting in hong kong right yeah and then the sergeant goes find the glory
holes yeah he knows where
they are yeah that's like but we don't put dicks and we put bombs in there oh
they look explosive
i was gonna say like notre dame football they slap a sign that says play like a
champion as they go out
onto the field they all smack it yeah it's funny if every soldier before they
go to war they just get to
stick their cock in carlos's mouth he's just standing next to he's like go
ahead anyway if you
would you would you be in the same platoon as me i don't think they would put
us in the same platoon
well you think there's an asian no what are you talking about oh just no no no
strength and skill
strength and skill strength and skill no dude are you pissed me off today dude
am i i'm just no i i
really call my agents no dude you'd never get in this we never get in the same
category that's crazy
no platoons are they're like this is the no they have a mix have you seen no
shut the
up have you ever seen saving private ryan there's a mixture of different people
you know what i mean
of it there's the one guy that's scared like you know you're like the um in
saving private ryan
the guy that plays the uh interpreter even though i don't know chinese yeah you'd
be the internet yeah
but i'm just saying i there's got to be something that i can do i'm denis hopper
character like the
eccentric you know what i mean yeah hey man you know what i mean war is
globalization whatever i don't know
i say things you know i mean i don't know what do you think i know you'd be you'd
be one of the lun
one of the crazy boys in the bunch yeah but what would you not push for that i
wouldn't
want there's no way that i could i wouldn't want you in my platoon but then the
whole time
i'm at war i'm like you know what's andrew doing i have to write you letters i'd
be missing you
that'd be so much fun we'd i'd see you from afar also if we're in the same platoon
think about
that then i'm gonna see we're gonna see each other die i'd rather sit in a tent
at night
hoping that you're well writing you letters like a long lost love affair on the
other side of the
battle and i want to find out that you die from someone that goes soldier no no
no the dumpling
was killed at 4 35. they wouldn't call me the dumpling yes they would they
wouldn't come in no
they all get nicknames in the army that's what you get everybody that's a
nickname if somebody called
me dumpling i would pull them to say can you change that and they'd be like you
got it you got
a chopstick i want to be chopstick yeah okay so um so you're funny dude the
chinese chow died at 4 44
a.m sir let me say something he was korean right what does it when when a
soldier's at war and they
get shot they know that they know they're gonna die yeah what is the one person
they call out for
god no no their mom mom mommy remember giovanna ribisi oh my god heartbreaking
can you imagine you
call your mom she's on an ipad she's like leave me alone yeah yeah but what i'm
saying is i would
call out for you andrew you go mom andrew andrew and i'd come running you're
right morphine morphine
bob bob that's what i want you there all right i'll be there with you i you
know what you know what
fuck you i don't want to be in a platoon with you yes i just carlos you want to
be the same platoon
hell yeah no way is he gonna get in there dude he's never gonna pass any of the
tests oh yeah no
we're in a situation they're never easy dude they're gonna take his blood and
be like this
kid it's a long war it's where they went 18 to 35 right now they're you know
okay i'm gonna give you
a lord of the rings a lord of the rings reference right yeah in the two towers
right they gave old
men and kids swords to fight right we're in dire straits so we're in a position
where we're all being
called in okay if they ran out of 18 to 35s are done now they need 40 and ups
yes that's what i'm
saying 40 and up yeah so at that point right i would call write a letter to
congress and go can i be in
the same platoon as carl george you're out you want to be in it nah i'm i'm
fine fighting for you
you know he's he's fleeing the country oh he's a candidate oh well not we're
one of those no he's one
of those canadian yeah yeah or mexico you know you could see him in me and he's
like you know wearing
tie-dye right you know what i mean just with a bandana you know i mean like
this and it's like
shut the up you coward coward dude you you coward yeah yeah so you call
crystals and oh my god you
imagine this guy dude in the 60s dude you're one of those guys patchouli boy
yeah patchouli boys
no my dad pulled the adventist card uh for uh to get out of vietnam your dad
did yeah he said uh
said religious reasons can't fight so then he was uh he went and just got
medical tested on
for the war what was the white coats what was the religion seventh day adventist
adventist adventist adventist and adventist do you know these no let me ask you
something that thing
that trump like is there flat foot oh protestant christian domination flat feet
yeah that's it well for
that but that's that's back in the day that was like back so you know what i
would to get out
just give you dr shoal i wouldn't get flat feet huh i would claim flat face
dude i would claim flat face could i get out you think your honor dude i got
flat face guys my friend
has flat face all right he's just not aerodynamic yeah i'm not aerodynamic yeah
the wind is just
gonna bounce right off of this guy although i could like camouflage myself on a
wall
like rambo yeah dude imagine me you just blend it bricks on me right and i
could just stay there i
would stay there for two weeks like this right i wouldn't even you know with a
knife i wouldn't
even do that i would just stay there just stay steady yeah yeah how would you
camouflage impossible in
fire and pop yeah yeah i'd have to be a fireball yeah that is amazing yeah rambo
in all mud yeah
dude remember that yeah that's what i would do but i would do it with actual
brick wall smart and
they would not see me how could they