Name: My Fiancé is Trying to Kill Me
Uploaded: 2025-02-27T15:45:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Fiancé is Trying to Kill Me' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Fiancé is Trying to Kill Me' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-27. Transcript available.

Carlos, what would you do if your significant other put a hit on on you?
Oh, I'd call the FBI.
Thank you.
Snitch, rat, snitch, brat.
No, f*** her.
Oh, getting divorced is like a cheat code.
It's like, oh, now I get to be single.
I'd slowly poison her.
Yeah.
Oh, I like that.
If I find out she was to put a hit on me, I'd slowly poison her.
So I saw one where a girl gets caught.
Now, she's at the cops and they confront her.
They go, we know we have it all on tape.
It's off.
Right?
And the husband's there.
Oh.
Right?
And then the cop opens the door, the husband's there, and she goes, Tommy, come
here.
Just come here.
Let's talk.
Thank you.
Come here, Tommy.
No.
Seriously, what the f*** is going on, Tommy?
Tommy's like, f*** off, right?
Yeah.
But it's like, what do you think is going to happen, lady?
Yeah, but she probably was trying to manipulate him.
That's, by the way, she's probably, she's probably a master manipulator.
She's probably a sociopath and she probably thinks, I didn't do anything wrong.
She wasn't doing that hot!
You didn't even do that hot!
If you're going to kill me, you better be hot.
You better be hot.
You better be so hot.
Margot Robbie.
Yeah, you better, Margot, fuck, kill me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey.
Oh my God.
Hey, Sidney Sweeney.
Murder me.
Murder me.
Yeah, yeah.
Slit my throat in cold blood.
But it's like, the gall.
To have you, put a hit is crazy.
It's crazy, dude.
If you were going to put a hit on somebody, how would you go find someone to do
that, though?
You can't Google it.
There's no way to do it.
Late at night, I do think about stuff.
Because, you know, late at night, you have revenge fantasies.
You do, for sure.
You don't have revenge fantasies?
Not really.
I don't care.
What am I?
Me either, then.
You love it.
I know you do.
So I lay in my bed.
And that always, putting on a hit in my scenarios in my head, because I go, how
would I do it?
Well, you go get a homeless guy.
Even then, it's like, no, because they're going to catch you on tape.
How?
Even approaching the homeless guy.
What's Bobby Lee giving a homeless guy four grand?
I wasn't giving him that much money.
Okay.
I hid the money.
He had to go get it.
So I'm at Skid Row.
I got it all planned out.
You do?
I'm hanging out at Skid Row.
Yeah.
I go, that guy might go.
Hey, sir, can you come here?
And he's like, ah, shit, I'm a fake.
Cuckoo, cuckoo.
And then you're like, okay, that's not the guy.
The cuckoo could do?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's my guy.
Right.
And then, so where would I go?
And then I would probably go to like Guam.
The guy that works.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He looks like he knows somebody.
Yeah, he does.
I go, God, you know anybody?
I mean, just, you know, hypothetical.
Yeah.
No, dude, get the fuck away from me.
That means he does.
He's like, I'll talk to you tonight.
Right.
So I think I would call the shadiest guy now.
Yeah.
But after that, I'd be like, I don't know what to do.
I'd get a homeless guy, because then it's a phone.
You know what, if you get a crazy homeless guy and you hide the money, you give
him like
two couple of tasks.
One, he's got to go kill someone.
Two, I've hid the money all over the place.
It's a scavenger hunt for him to get the money.
Then it gives him an adventure, you know?
Well, the money part, because these clubs now pay you cash.
Yeah.
Right?
So I would just do a bunch of improv spots.
Right, get the cash.
But that's how I get the cash, right?
Right, there you go.
So then I have cash in my pocket.
Untraceable.
I'll save about 10 grand worth of.
You think someone's going to kill someone for 10 grand?
Down payment.
You always say put a down payment down.
Oh, yeah.
Right, until the task is done.
What does it cost to kill someone?
You go 10 grand at first.
Yeah.
Okay, 20 grand.
20 grand to kill someone?
Yeah.
No chance.
It's got to be way more than that.
Someone's not going to kill someone for 10 grand.
You can hire a hitman on the dark web.
Or you could get a ghost gun.
That's what I was going to tell Bobby to do, is he should kill her himself.
What's a ghost gun?
A 3D printed gun.
Wow.
Oh, and you can destroy it when you're done?
That's what Luigi used.
Did he really?
Wow.
That's why it was so weird looking.
Wow.
So he printed his own gun?
Oh, that's cool.
That's kind of weird.
He printed his own gun, but didn't cover up any other parts of his tracks.
Like, he literally was like, huh?
He didn't have gloves on.
He didn't check to see if he was dead.
Yeah, so it's like he left all the other evidence.
He like went out of his way to get a 3D gun.
But he also got a silencer, and apparently that was the wrong move.
Why?
Oh, you don't know?
Why?
Wait, why?
Oh, you don't know?
No.
You don't know?
No, I don't.
Okay, so what professional would say, right, is you make it loud so that people
can hear
it, and they don't run toward gun violence.
They run away from it, and they duck, and they hide, right?
So if he would...
That's good.
What?
That's good.
Yeah.
So you use a regular, a pop, pop, pop, right?
That way, right, there's no one around.
Interesting.
Right?
But he...
And the cop that I heard on the news...
Yeah, news cop.
They said that he played too many video games.
The kids today, they play so many video games, they think that's how you do it.
They put a silencer and all that stuff.
It's not just subsonic bullets right in the ear.
You're good to go.
See?
The way you said that was creepy.
I know he's planned it.
Yeah, yeah.
You've had revenge fantasy.
He's had revenge fantasy.
Yeah, yeah.
Subsonic what in the ear?
Subsonic bullets.
They don't pass...
They don't go over the speed of sound, so then they don't make that big old pop.
Oh, that's awesome.
That's awesome.
That's a real thing?
That's good to know.
That's good to know.
Yeah.
Subsonic bullets.
So when you bang it, right?
It doesn't have a bang?
Well, it has a bang, but it's a lot more quiet.
Whoa.
How do you know this, George?
How do you know this, dude?
You know, when a raccoon was getting our chickens.
Yeah, a raccoon.
You're using a fucking subsonic bullet for a raccoon.
I used a subsonic bullet to get the raccoon because it was eating our chickens,
and that's
kind of highly illegal in the LA city limits.
To shoot a gun at a raccoon?
Yeah.
It's 100% illegal.
But it was so quiet, nobody saw it, heard.
Wow.
How do you write things on the bullet?
The pen.
Very small pen.
He didn't engrave it?
No, it was sharpie.
Magianu?
It was sharpie.
What did it say on the shell?
Deny, depose, delay.
And people are getting tattoos of it.
It's funny.
Deny, depose, delay.
They're getting the tattoos of that on the back.
Dude, that's so dark.
Who would you run up to and kiss on the face?
What famous, what CEO would you run up to and kiss on the face?
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, that's it.
Governor of Texas.
You go kiss him on the fucking face, huh?
You kiss, yeah.
He's kissable.
He's on the wheelchair.
So kissable.
He's so kissable.
Some of these guys are so kissable, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He'd kiss, wheelchair.
I would kiss him 15 times in the head.
Wouldn't you?
I would kiss him so many times.
Yeah.
Back of the head.
Back of the head 15 times.
Right.
And the one in the dick.
Yeah.
That one's the sweetest one.
Yeah.
Wow.
Deny, depose, delay.
There's a couple of comics I want to kiss.
Who do you want to kiss?
You know what I mean?
There's always a couple of comics.
There's so many comics I want to kiss.
Who do you want to kiss?
Annie.
I don't want to name Annie.
No, I don't want to kiss her.
I do.
You really do?
Yeah, I would kiss her.
Yeah.
In the vagina.
What she did to me the other night was...
What did she do?
She started a war with me.
Of course.
You don't know what she did?
No.
Oh!
Stole your example?
No, you told me.
I told you.
That was pretty flagrant.
It's flagrant, right?
That's a little crazy.
So I'm going to tell you what she did, all right?
So the main room was packed.
I'm bringing Annie up, right?
And I have a good set, so I say goodnight.
I give her a great intro.
Yeah.
And also, I'm on a date.
So you have a female friend there.
So I have a friend in the audience, you know, that's watching the show.
She had never seen me perform before.
And you killed.
I did good, right?
So then I bring Annie, and as I'm walking toward the back of the thing, Annie's
coming
out through those curtains, and she has water.
She does a pratfall and throws it on my body.
Now, I'm drenched wet.
And here's-
On purpose?
On purpose.
She says it wasn't on purpose.
It was on purpose.
I later found out it was on purpose.
And here's the- what's the biggest sin there?
Throwing water on you.
No.
Hockey joke.
No laugh.
Nobody laughed.
So the room was quiet.
The room was quiet, and they're like, oh, shit.
Whoa.
You know what I mean?
Uh-uh.
So now I'm drenched.
It's silence in the room.
What did you say?
My fucking date is blushing.
Right.
Right?
And I go, what the fuck?
She's like, oh, I'm so sorry.
Because you saw how upset it was.
And then as I went backstage, I went, what the fuck?
You know, I went crazy, dude.
While she was on stage.
But what do you think of that?
Is that war?
It seems like a-
That seems like a war to me, dude.
It's an attack.
Yeah.
That's an attack.
But by the way, to be fair, you still got laid.
But it didn't ruin your night.
But it is a little- that's a little war.
That's a little baby- she's throwing up a flare.
She does things like that.
She'll also do stuff like kick you in the stomach.
Like, she does weird shit.
She kicks you in the stomach?
Well, she'll do some karate-
It's always like some karate thing.
Oh, yeah.
She'll go, oh, hi-ya, ka-ka-ka.
And then she'll kick you, you know what I mean?
You're like, what the fuck are you doing, dude?
Annie, what are you doing?
Yeah, what is she trying to start a war for you for?
What is that?
I don't know, dude.
I thought you guys were always all right.
She also told me, she's like, well, that usually works.
With you?
No, my pratfall with the water.
Oh, with the water.
It didn't work that time.
Yeah, because I killed.
Yeah, you did too good.
Well, no one-
Also, nobody wants to be wet.
It was so-
Yeah, you're drenched.
I don't want to be wet for the-
Now I'm wet.
No, what would you have done if she did that?
She would never do that to you.
But if she did-
She maybe would.
But if she did-
What would you do?
I would go grab water or a drink off someone's table
and throw it right on her in front of everybody.
That would get the laugh.
If she threw it at me, then I would be like, what the fuck are you doing?
Laugh it off a little bit.
I don't think- I think it would be uncomfortable in the room.
I'd grab a drink off somebody's thing and throw it at her.
Yeah, and then-
I'd start a food fight.
And I forgot who it was, but after Annie, the comic after was mad.
Why, do you think?
There's water all over the fucking stage?
So they had to pause, and some fucking doorman had to go up there and wash the
fucking, clean the stage.
So bad.
So you have now this lull.
So Jesus Trejo's got to go up and wait for you to-
Yeah, yeah.
It was terrible.
Got to wait for someone to clean up the water in front of him.
Yeah.
So what's your-
Are you going to respond to this war now?
Are you starting a little war back?
Yeah.
Seems like you might.
You know me.
Seems like you might.
Kiss her.
There's a couple of things she's done over the years.
I'm not going to kiss her yet, but I've been thinking about kissing her.
There's a couple of things she's done over the years that I've been like,
Oh man, that's a war, but I'm going to back off.
But the water on you is-
But the water was almost like the last thing, maybe.
Wow.
Yeah.
But I don't know.
What do you think?
What would you have done, Carlos?
Oh, I would have lost my temper.
I've lost my temper at Annie a lot.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, you guys have beef or something?
No, we just always played around like that.
Yeah.
Like I walked off her show once-
Did she apologize for the water?
No, it was an accident.
I slipped.
So that was her way of not apologizing.
But you don't believe it.
But then later she's like, she said, she didn't say, she still maintains it was
a slip, but
then she told me, I've done it before, like throwing water, right?
So in my mind, I'm like-
That's not a slip.
Yeah, that's not a fucking slip, bitch.
You know what I mean?
We'll see how that plays out.
Yeah.
Anyway, what's any New Year's resolution for you?
Yeah, I've got resolutions.
Go ahead.
I'm leaving the state of California as a permanent resident.
I can't do it anymore.
Is that true?
I paid too much in taxes.
I got to get out of here.
I'm done.
I can't support this place.
I got to go.
So we're moving the show.
Where are you going?
We are officially-
Where are we going?
We are moving the show.
Where are we going?
To Nevada.
Pahrump, Nevada.
Oh, I love that place.
We'll go.
We're moving to Pahrump.
We'll go.
We've got to go, dude.
Yeah.
We've got to set up a studio in Pahrump.
So we're going to be setting up a studio in Pahrump, Nevada.
We've got to move there.
State income tax.
We'll save on that.
We'll still pay our Fed, but no more California.
Do you think we would thrive in Nevada?
Yeah.
Like by Vegas?
100%.
You think so?
What the fuck?
We would do great.
We could move to Vegas and have the most fun.
Do shows all the time.
Not Pahrump.
No.
He was kidding.
But we're not kidding.
Pahrump's a no man left.
We'll move to Vegas where we'll open up a club called The Brothership.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Only for black people.
Yeah, the brothership.
Only for black people.
Have to be black to get in.
Welcome to The Brothership, y'all.
Wow.
And we only play George Clinton in the hallway.
I think if we did move to Vegas.
If we did move to Vegas, what?
I would open up like a 150-seat comedy club.
See, I think a 100-seater would be great.
That'd be great.
Just 100 seats.
A little 100-seat, little place.
We should do that.
Should we do a Bad Friends Club in Vegas?
The problem is there's too many clubs in Vegas.
There's Jimmy Kimmel's room.
There's the cellar has a room.
But they're not showcase clubs.
They're headliner clubs.
They're headliner.
No, no.
The cellar is a split showcase.
It's a split headliner room.
But they book it in way in advance.
What I'm saying is that I want to do like-
For locals.
For locals and anyone that's in town that wants to work out.
A showcase place, yeah.
Maybe we should do that.
There's a Laugh Factory, a Comedy Cellar.
It's called L.A. Comedy Club.
There's Las Vegas Live, Brad Garrett's room, Jimmy Kimmel's, Wise Guys.
God, there's so many.
There's so many.
Carrot Top has a club out there.
But you can't just call in-
They just have a club.
No, they're just calling it.
He's got the room with the lockster.
Yeah, they're just calling it.
Yeah, but-
But could you-
I mean, if we-
I've never been to Vegas where I'm like, I'm going to call in this way.
I don't know where to go.
Do you?
See, that'd be fun to make a fucking-
But is there enough local comics in Vegas that-
Oh, yeah.
No, that you know you could create a system.
Yeah, but there's also a lot of-
I know probably 40 comics that just live there.
Oh, okay.
So you can go, hey, guys, there's no showcase club,
so just call in if you're in town and just work out.
All right, well, we'll start the brothership down there-
The brothership, yeah.
In Las Vegas, and we'll have-
Have a happy new year, everybody.
And our premiere show, our premiere show there will-
Be me, me, you, Nate Bargatze, Bert Price.
We'll call in all our favors.
We'll have to have a weekly show there hosted by someone.
It'll be called Murder Anthony.
That's good.
Anyway, very good.
Very good.
Good night.
Thank you for being-
Let's just end on that note.
Let's end on that note.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.

My Fiancé is Trying to Kill Me

Carlos, what would you do if your significant other put a hit on on you?
Oh, I'd call the FBI.
Thank you.
Snitch, rat, snitch, brat.
No, f*** her.
Oh, getting divorced is like a cheat code.
It's like, oh, now I get to be single.
I'd slowly poison her.
Yeah.
Oh, I like that.
If I find out she was to put a hit on me, I'd slowly poison her.
So I saw one where a girl gets caught.
Now, she's at the cops and they confront her.
They go, we know we have it all on tape.
It's off.
Right?
And the husband's there.
Oh.
Right?
And then the cop opens the door, the husband's there, and she goes, Tommy, come
here.
Just come here.
Let's talk.
Thank you.
Come here, Tommy.
No.
Seriously, what the f*** is going on, Tommy?
Tommy's like, f*** off, right?
Yeah.
But it's like, what do you think is going to happen, lady?
Yeah, but she probably was trying to manipulate him.
That's, by the way, she's probably, she's probably a master manipulator.
She's probably a sociopath and she probably thinks, I didn't do anything wrong.
She wasn't doing that hot!
You didn't even do that hot!
If you're going to kill me, you better be hot.
You better be hot.
You better be so hot.
Margot Robbie.
Yeah, you better, Margot, fuck, kill me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey.
Oh my God.
Hey, Sidney Sweeney.
Murder me.
Murder me.
Yeah, yeah.
Slit my throat in cold blood.
But it's like, the gall.
To have you, put a hit is crazy.
It's crazy, dude.
If you were going to put a hit on somebody, how would you go find someone to do
that, though?
You can't Google it.
There's no way to do it.
Late at night, I do think about stuff.
Because, you know, late at night, you have revenge fantasies.
You do, for sure.
You don't have revenge fantasies?
Not really.
I don't care.
What am I?
Me either, then.
You love it.
I know you do.
So I lay in my bed.
And that always, putting on a hit in my scenarios in my head, because I go, how
would I do it?
Well, you go get a homeless guy.
Even then, it's like, no, because they're going to catch you on tape.
How?
Even approaching the homeless guy.
What's Bobby Lee giving a homeless guy four grand?
I wasn't giving him that much money.
Okay.
I hid the money.
He had to go get it.
So I'm at Skid Row.
I got it all planned out.
You do?
I'm hanging out at Skid Row.
Yeah.
I go, that guy might go.
Hey, sir, can you come here?
And he's like, ah, shit, I'm a fake.
Cuckoo, cuckoo.
And then you're like, okay, that's not the guy.
The cuckoo could do?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's my guy.
Right.
And then, so where would I go?
And then I would probably go to like Guam.
The guy that works.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He looks like he knows somebody.
Yeah, he does.
I go, God, you know anybody?
I mean, just, you know, hypothetical.
Yeah.
No, dude, get the fuck away from me.
That means he does.
He's like, I'll talk to you tonight.
Right.
So I think I would call the shadiest guy now.
Yeah.
But after that, I'd be like, I don't know what to do.
I'd get a homeless guy, because then it's a phone.
You know what, if you get a crazy homeless guy and you hide the money, you give
him like
two couple of tasks.
One, he's got to go kill someone.
Two, I've hid the money all over the place.
It's a scavenger hunt for him to get the money.
Then it gives him an adventure, you know?
Well, the money part, because these clubs now pay you cash.
Yeah.
Right?
So I would just do a bunch of improv spots.
Right, get the cash.
But that's how I get the cash, right?
Right, there you go.
So then I have cash in my pocket.
Untraceable.
I'll save about 10 grand worth of.
You think someone's going to kill someone for 10 grand?
Down payment.
You always say put a down payment down.
Oh, yeah.
Right, until the task is done.
What does it cost to kill someone?
You go 10 grand at first.
Yeah.
Okay, 20 grand.
20 grand to kill someone?
Yeah.
No chance.
It's got to be way more than that.
Someone's not going to kill someone for 10 grand.
You can hire a hitman on the dark web.
Or you could get a ghost gun.
That's what I was going to tell Bobby to do, is he should kill her himself.
What's a ghost gun?
A 3D printed gun.
Wow.
Oh, and you can destroy it when you're done?
That's what Luigi used.
Did he really?
Wow.
That's why it was so weird looking.
Wow.
So he printed his own gun?
Oh, that's cool.
That's kind of weird.
He printed his own gun, but didn't cover up any other parts of his tracks.
Like, he literally was like, huh?
He didn't have gloves on.
He didn't check to see if he was dead.
Yeah, so it's like he left all the other evidence.
He like went out of his way to get a 3D gun.
But he also got a silencer, and apparently that was the wrong move.
Why?
Oh, you don't know?
Why?
Wait, why?
Oh, you don't know?
No.
You don't know?
No, I don't.
Okay, so what professional would say, right, is you make it loud so that people
can hear
it, and they don't run toward gun violence.
They run away from it, and they duck, and they hide, right?
So if he would...
That's good.
What?
That's good.
Yeah.
So you use a regular, a pop, pop, pop, right?
That way, right, there's no one around.
Interesting.
Right?
But he...
And the cop that I heard on the news...
Yeah, news cop.
They said that he played too many video games.
The kids today, they play so many video games, they think that's how you do it.
They put a silencer and all that stuff.
It's not just subsonic bullets right in the ear.
You're good to go.
See?
The way you said that was creepy.
I know he's planned it.
Yeah, yeah.
You've had revenge fantasy.
He's had revenge fantasy.
Yeah, yeah.
Subsonic what in the ear?
Subsonic bullets.
They don't pass...
They don't go over the speed of sound, so then they don't make that big old pop.
Oh, that's awesome.
That's awesome.
That's a real thing?
That's good to know.
That's good to know.
Yeah.
Subsonic bullets.
So when you bang it, right?
It doesn't have a bang?
Well, it has a bang, but it's a lot more quiet.
Whoa.
How do you know this, George?
How do you know this, dude?
You know, when a raccoon was getting our chickens.
Yeah, a raccoon.
You're using a fucking subsonic bullet for a raccoon.
I used a subsonic bullet to get the raccoon because it was eating our chickens,
and that's
kind of highly illegal in the LA city limits.
To shoot a gun at a raccoon?
Yeah.
It's 100% illegal.
But it was so quiet, nobody saw it, heard.
Wow.
How do you write things on the bullet?
The pen.
Very small pen.
He didn't engrave it?
No, it was sharpie.
Magianu?
It was sharpie.
What did it say on the shell?
Deny, depose, delay.
And people are getting tattoos of it.
It's funny.
Deny, depose, delay.
They're getting the tattoos of that on the back.
Dude, that's so dark.
Who would you run up to and kiss on the face?
What famous, what CEO would you run up to and kiss on the face?
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, that's it.
Governor of Texas.
You go kiss him on the fucking face, huh?
You kiss, yeah.
He's kissable.
He's on the wheelchair.
So kissable.
He's so kissable.
Some of these guys are so kissable, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He'd kiss, wheelchair.
I would kiss him 15 times in the head.
Wouldn't you?
I would kiss him so many times.
Yeah.
Back of the head.
Back of the head 15 times.
Right.
And the one in the dick.
Yeah.
That one's the sweetest one.
Yeah.
Wow.
Deny, depose, delay.
There's a couple of comics I want to kiss.
Who do you want to kiss?
You know what I mean?
There's always a couple of comics.
There's so many comics I want to kiss.
Who do you want to kiss?
Annie.
I don't want to name Annie.
No, I don't want to kiss her.
I do.
You really do?
Yeah, I would kiss her.
Yeah.
In the vagina.
What she did to me the other night was...
What did she do?
She started a war with me.
Of course.
You don't know what she did?
No.
Oh!
Stole your example?
No, you told me.
I told you.
That was pretty flagrant.
It's flagrant, right?
That's a little crazy.
So I'm going to tell you what she did, all right?
So the main room was packed.
I'm bringing Annie up, right?
And I have a good set, so I say goodnight.
I give her a great intro.
Yeah.
And also, I'm on a date.
So you have a female friend there.
So I have a friend in the audience, you know, that's watching the show.
She had never seen me perform before.
And you killed.
I did good, right?
So then I bring Annie, and as I'm walking toward the back of the thing, Annie's
coming
out through those curtains, and she has water.
She does a pratfall and throws it on my body.
Now, I'm drenched wet.
And here's-
On purpose?
On purpose.
She says it wasn't on purpose.
It was on purpose.
I later found out it was on purpose.
And here's the- what's the biggest sin there?
Throwing water on you.
No.
Hockey joke.
No laugh.
Nobody laughed.
So the room was quiet.
The room was quiet, and they're like, oh, shit.
Whoa.
You know what I mean?
Uh-uh.
So now I'm drenched.
It's silence in the room.
What did you say?
My fucking date is blushing.
Right.
Right?
And I go, what the fuck?
She's like, oh, I'm so sorry.
Because you saw how upset it was.
And then as I went backstage, I went, what the fuck?
You know, I went crazy, dude.
While she was on stage.
But what do you think of that?
Is that war?
It seems like a-
That seems like a war to me, dude.
It's an attack.
Yeah.
That's an attack.
But by the way, to be fair, you still got laid.
But it didn't ruin your night.
But it is a little- that's a little war.
That's a little baby- she's throwing up a flare.
She does things like that.
She'll also do stuff like kick you in the stomach.
Like, she does weird shit.
She kicks you in the stomach?
Well, she'll do some karate-
It's always like some karate thing.
Oh, yeah.
She'll go, oh, hi-ya, ka-ka-ka.
And then she'll kick you, you know what I mean?
You're like, what the fuck are you doing, dude?
Annie, what are you doing?
Yeah, what is she trying to start a war for you for?
What is that?
I don't know, dude.
I thought you guys were always all right.
She also told me, she's like, well, that usually works.
With you?
No, my pratfall with the water.
Oh, with the water.
It didn't work that time.
Yeah, because I killed.
Yeah, you did too good.
Well, no one-
Also, nobody wants to be wet.
It was so-
Yeah, you're drenched.
I don't want to be wet for the-
Now I'm wet.
No, what would you have done if she did that?
She would never do that to you.
But if she did-
She maybe would.
But if she did-
What would you do?
I would go grab water or a drink off someone's table
and throw it right on her in front of everybody.
That would get the laugh.
If she threw it at me, then I would be like, what the fuck are you doing?
Laugh it off a little bit.
I don't think- I think it would be uncomfortable in the room.
I'd grab a drink off somebody's thing and throw it at her.
Yeah, and then-
I'd start a food fight.
And I forgot who it was, but after Annie, the comic after was mad.
Why, do you think?
There's water all over the fucking stage?
So they had to pause, and some fucking doorman had to go up there and wash the
fucking, clean the stage.
So bad.
So you have now this lull.
So Jesus Trejo's got to go up and wait for you to-
Yeah, yeah.
It was terrible.
Got to wait for someone to clean up the water in front of him.
Yeah.
So what's your-
Are you going to respond to this war now?
Are you starting a little war back?
Yeah.
Seems like you might.
You know me.
Seems like you might.
Kiss her.
There's a couple of things she's done over the years.
I'm not going to kiss her yet, but I've been thinking about kissing her.
There's a couple of things she's done over the years that I've been like,
Oh man, that's a war, but I'm going to back off.
But the water on you is-
But the water was almost like the last thing, maybe.
Wow.
Yeah.
But I don't know.
What do you think?
What would you have done, Carlos?
Oh, I would have lost my temper.
I've lost my temper at Annie a lot.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, you guys have beef or something?
No, we just always played around like that.
Yeah.
Like I walked off her show once-
Did she apologize for the water?
No, it was an accident.
I slipped.
So that was her way of not apologizing.
But you d