Name: Los Angeles Goes to WAR!!!!
Uploaded: 2025-02-28T18:21:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Los Angeles Goes to WAR!!!!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Los Angeles Goes to WAR!!!!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-28. Transcript available.

I saw some of the something was showing out all like the tricks of the tunnels
in Vietnam that the Vietnamese would dig and they were super intricate, dude,
and how they would try to trick them to get them in or out.
But what they would do is they try to, like, flood them out a choo choo choo
channel tunnel.
Yeah. But look at the tunnel system that they had and they would flood them out
with water and bombs and all sorts of.
But then the Vietnamese had counter active for the weapons that the Americans
use.
So the thing that they would have, they would like, if it was a rope or a pole,
they would pull on the pole and it would get caught in a machine.
So then it would pull the soldier in while they were down there.
Yeah.
And they would have rotating spikes and or they would could they'd have they'd
have to crawl in backwards or like upside down because it was head first and
they would drown them upside down and backwards.
Imagine.
I'd be so close to claustrophobic.
Oh, dude.
Forget it.
I had an MRI yesterday.
I was claustrophobic.
I was freaking out.
I hate the machine.
And all you hear is like, one, one, one, one, one, one.
And Ho Chi Minh is the best trail maker.
Top trail.
Don't you think?
Look at that girl.
I'm on vacation.
She's in vacation.
Oh, my.
You know what?
It's actually looks pretty solid, though.
I mean, yeah, structurally, it is.
Structurally, yeah, yeah.
Then I would just be worried about fire or you know what I mean?
Something trapping you down there.
Look at that thing.
That's insane.
That's so crazy.
They created an entire network.
They could like hang out.
Yeah.
They could sleep for days and days in those things and just hide out.
We've never had like a like aside from like the British back in the day, you
know what
I mean?
Yeah.
We've never had like a country attack us.
You know what I mean?
I wonder what like a 9-11.
What do you mean?
We had the fucking 9-11.
Yeah, but not even in a traditional like war where there's like troops and you
know what
I mean?
Yeah, on our soil.
On our soil.
Yeah, we haven't had war on our soil.
I think we would destroy people, no?
They wouldn't even get to our soil.
I mean, even in LA, they're like, we've got MS-13, you know, we've got people.
Oh, you're saying use what we have.
Don't you think we would?
Yeah, go get the Crips and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
Blood.
Hey, bro, what the fuck, dude?
You Palestinian, whatever the, you know.
Fuck a Palestinian, bro.
Hey, Palestinian, bro.
Yeah, yeah, bro.
Or whoever am I.
What kind of Chinese are you, bro?
You know what I mean?
Dude, I'm me.
I'm from Ralph.
I'm from here.
Okay, good.
Move over, man.
Yeah, but who would they fight for?
That's what's interesting.
Who?
Who would these gangs fight for?
Well, if you're fighting, if we were in a war with Mexico, but we don't get the
MS-13,
I don't think.
We're never going to be in a war with Mexico.
Yeah, yeah, we'll destroy.
No, I mean, I think we would never be in a war with them.
Yeah, exactly.
Those are our dogs.
But if you were in a war with Russia, I think that most of the gangs in America
would be on
our side, no?
You say that.
But like, think about it.
Some of those gangs have drug ties, and those drug ties, they don't want the
fucking federal
government telling them what to do.
Mm, you're right.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They'd get in bed with like the cartel and whatever government agencies they
have power
over.
What a weird, in LA, imagine if we were like Red Dawn and we were attacked by,
oh my God,
it'd be insane.
Where would they hit up first?
I would be so scared.
Would you be scared?
Can you imagine if they're like, we're going to bomb LA, and they bomb downtown,
and you're
like, nobody's down there.
They hit the wrong part of the city first.
They're like, and then, and then we're going to bomb North Hollywood.
Yeah, no one's up there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, bomb skid row.
You won't kill them.
They're like zombies.
No, those are, they're undefeated.
Yeah, they're undefeated.
What does that say?
Is that what Newsweek thinks they're going to, that's where the centrifuge of
war would
be?
Oh, and a nuclear, you're talking, this is a nuclear bomb?
Nuclear bomb.
Oh my, forget it.
This is what happened, but it wouldn't even hit Santa Monica.
Oh, Westside safe.
Westside best side.
Yeah, but we're fucked.
Where we live?
No, dude, we're just, yeah, no.
Yeah, we're fucked.
We're in the fucking center of it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What are you going to do?
No, no, don't you think that, because we're on the other side of the hill, you
don't think
the hill would protect us a little bit?
Some of it.
I think the hill would get some of the radiation fog and smoke, but I think we'd
still, we'd
get a bad leg.
I'm in the yellow.
Yeah, you're in the-
Oh, you're done, you're done.
Yeah, yeah.
You're in Los Feliz or Silver Lake?
Los Feliz.
I think I'd become a shadow.
Yes.
Which is awesome.
You'd be, yeah, shadow.
Yeah, you'd do it.
Carlos shadow.
Yeah, Carlos shadow.
It's just interesting.
And his mouth is like this.
Yeah.
Wow, that would be, I mean, that would be the way to, you know what I mean,
destroy a bomb.
But that's what it says, nuclear bomb shows the impact of new gravity weapon of
the biggest
U.S. cities.
Wow.
Wow, that's scary.
Let's hope that doesn't happen.
Let's hope it doesn't happen.
Or I'm on the road.
Yeah, I want to be gone.
Yeah, I've always imagined that, like if I was on the road and I was in LA's
taken out.
Like, oh, well.
No.
I got two more sets tonight, so I gotta.
It would be terrible.
I mean, imagine, dude.
They wouldn't hit LA first, though.
Who would you worry about?
You're on the road.
Yeah, well, my wife and my dog.
That's number one.
This studio, you guys, actually.
Yeah, you first.
Okay.
Well, you'd be on the road, too.
Yeah, I'd be on the road.
And then what would you do?
Like, if I was, you were in Cleveland and I was like in Denver or whatever,
vice versa,
whatever you want to say.
And then, and we would be mourning, because, you know, I would lose so many
people.
You would lose.
So many people.
Right.
And then our cell phones still worked.
Mm-hmm.
And then, well, you think in a day we would call each other or a couple of days?
It depends.
I don't know.
See, you know, and who knows if we could get a hold of anybody?
You know how, like, they have, like, cell phones crash when all that stuff goes
down?
You know, like, 9-11, no one could, like, call anybody and the phones are down
and all
that?
I'm just thinking hypothetically, if, like, the satellites aren't down and we
could call,
would you, I think in the, within the first 12 hours, we would text each other.
100%, yeah.
Right away.
Where are you?
Are you okay?
You good?
No, I would text you.
Are you going to sell your house?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're going to keep your house?
And then what would we, what would you, I mean, honestly, what would you do?
Like, like, would the banks be working?
Like, could we get money out?
No.
No.
We're done.
Once it starts, it's over.
Oh, fuck.
That's what I'm saying, dude.
Load up.
That's crazy.
Get golden guns at your house.
I would relapse immediately.
I'd be there with you.
We would meet, I would, like, try to get to wherever, Denver.
Yeah.
Let's meet somewhere in the middle.
Yeah.
Let's do heroin in Missouri.
Yeah.
And then we'd just be heroin guys.
Fine.
Whatever.
Who cares?
I know.
You know what I mean?
If that's the end, that's the end.
Yeah.
I want to go out like a, dude, I had to do my will today, this morning.
I had to do, like, my living will.
I've done that.
Oh, my God.
And you have to decide, like, he literally was, like, step by step.
He's, like, if you are in a tragic accident and your brain is incapacitated,
right?
Like, you're brain dead, essentially.
How long do you want to be alive?
Ooh, how long did you say?
I had to do it today.
How long do you think?
I said.
Your brain.
I'm brain dead.
But there, but I'm, you know, I'm in a vegetative state.
But there's hope that I might come back or you never, you know what I mean?
But they ask you how long.
A month.
Interesting.
What do you guys think?
Zero minutes.
Jeremy, what about you?
One week.
One week.
George is actually right.
Wow.
You know, I did a week so family could come say goodbye to you.
But you said that there could be a possibility that you can be alive.
There is a possibility.
Why wouldn't you give more than a week, then?
Just one week.
I said one week they can come say goodbye.
Because I don't want to put the burden of me being in a vegetative state on
other people.
I want to put the burden.
I know you do.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm a burden guy.
You're 10 years.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm a 10-year guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're 10 years.
Yeah, I want everyone to come.
I know.
I said one week for the family to come say goodbye.
And then after that, it says drug, drug-induced disability.
That's a lot of money, though.
That's wasted.
That's what I mean.
Yeah.
But I don't want my family to have my money.
So just put the money.
Well, that was the next question.
After all that stuff was like, who gets your funds and all this bullshit?
So what'd you do?
Well, do I get any?
In the event.
In the event that.
I don't like that smile.
Do I get any?
Well, first of all, my wife gets all of it.
And then in the.
All?
Yeah.
In the event that she's not around.
She won't be.
Trust me.
Okay.
Okay.
In the event.
She's out.
Let's say both of us died tragically together.
Yeah.
It gets, it goes to my parents.
And let's say if my parents aren't alive, then it goes to my sister.
And if my sister's not alive, it goes to my dog.
And if my dog, no, my dog's not.
Okay, if.
And if you haven't eaten my dog by this point.
No.
It's, no, no, no.
It goes to then my sister.
And then after that, it goes to three or four different charities.
One of which being children's hospital.
They don't need the money.
Yes, they do.
Okay.
My bad.
Kids having cancer is the worst thing in the fucking.
There is literally no greater crime the universe commits than giving children
cancer.
Interesting.
You wouldn't need my money.
Interesting.
Interesting.
You would never give me any of your money when you're dead.
That wouldn't you.
You're in my fucking will.
You don't get a lot, but you're in it.
Well, then I'll change it.
Am I really?
Yeah.
How much do I get?
Everyone's in it.
Well, tell me how much I get.
Like 20 grand.
Fuck you.
20 fucking grand for all I've done for you?
You know which money?
I have 100 grand in the bank.
Well, then give me the 100.
No.
My mom, my brother.
We have the same thing, but I give everyone something.
I think your mom gets all of it, and if she's not around, Steve gets all of it.
No, that's all.
I have everyone gets something.
Abby gets something.
Everyone gets something.
Abby gets something?
My manager.
Yeah, yeah.
Why?
Who do I care?
I'm going to be dead.
That's my point.
That's why I'm going to give it to charity, because what do I fucking care?
I care.
No, give charity.
Okay.
We should give it away.
Well, can I have something of yours?
You actually do.
What?
I can't tell you.
I think you're lying, dude.
No, you do get something.
Now we get to the topic of death, and I'm-
It's not death.
No, no, no.
It's just a beautiful way of-
You have to frame your life while you're here, and they tell you, you're not
young anymore.
You got to fucking set up a thing in case you go away.
So, in case this World War III happens in 2025 that we're in-
But when you see a celebrity die at 53, because I'm 53, right?
You go, because I feel so young still, and you just kind of go, oh, shit, it
can happen at any time.
Ricky Henderson died, the baseball player.
I know this episode will be out significantly after, but-
How old was he?
Young, dude.
I think he was 63, which fucking, that fucked me up.
I think he died.
Wow, wow.
He died of 65.
Yeah.
And he died of pneumonia, which never fucking happened.
Maybe he had pre-existing conditions, something else.
So, Bobby, this guy, the way you love football players, soccer players,
this guy was the man.
For you.
He was the, well, I mean, he was, he didn't play for anything that I love.
He was just, back in when I was a kid, he was, he was incredible.
Ricky Henderson was the fucking man.
Woo-hoo! Yeah! Woo-hoo! Yeah! Woo-hoo! Yeah!

Los Angeles Goes to WAR!!!!

I saw some of the something was showing out all like the tricks of the tunnels
in Vietnam that the Vietnamese would dig and they were super intricate, dude,
and how they would try to trick them to get them in or out.
But what they would do is they try to, like, flood them out a choo choo choo
channel tunnel.
Yeah. But look at the tunnel system that they had and they would flood them out
with water and bombs and all sorts of.
But then the Vietnamese had counter active for the weapons that the Americans
use.
So the thing that they would have, they would like, if it was a rope or a pole,
they would pull on the pole and it would get caught in a machine.
So then it would pull the soldier in while they were down there.
Yeah.
And they would have rotating spikes and or they would could they'd have they'd
have to crawl in backwards or like upside down because it was head first and
they would drown them upside down and backwards.
Imagine.
I'd be so close to claustrophobic.
Oh, dude.
Forget it.
I had an MRI yesterday.
I was claustrophobic.
I was freaking out.
I hate the machine.
And all you hear is like, one, one, one, one, one, one.
And Ho Chi Minh is the best trail maker.
Top trail.
Don't you think?
Look at that girl.
I'm on vacation.
She's in vacation.
Oh, my.
You know what?
It's actually looks pretty solid, though.
I mean, yeah, structurally, it is.
Structurally, yeah, yeah.
Then I would just be worried about fire or you know what I mean?
Something trapping you down there.
Look at that thing.
That's insane.
That's so crazy.
They created an entire network.
They could like hang out.
Yeah.
They could sleep for days and days in those things and just hide out.
We've never had like a like aside from like the British back in the day, you
know what
I mean?
Yeah.
We've never had like a country attack us.
You know what I mean?
I wonder what like a 9-11.
What do you mean?
We had the fucking 9-11.
Yeah, but not even in a traditional like war where there's like troops and you
know what
I mean?
Yeah, on our soil.
On our soil.
Yeah, we haven't had war on our soil.
I think we would destroy people, no?
They wouldn't even get to our soil.
I mean, even in LA, they're like, we've got MS-13, you know, we've got people.
Oh, you're saying use what we have.
Don't you think we would?
Yeah, go get the Crips and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
Blood.
Hey, bro, what the fuck, dude?
You Palestinian, whatever the, you know.
Fuck a Palestinian, bro.
Hey, Palestinian, bro.
Yeah, yeah, bro.
Or whoever am I.
What kind of Chinese are you, bro?
You know what I mean?
Dude, I'm me.
I'm from Ralph.
I'm from here.
Okay, good.
Move over, man.
Yeah, but who would they fight for?
That's what's interesting.
Who?
Who would these gangs fight for?
Well, if you're fighting, if we were in a war with Mexico, but we don't get the
MS-13,
I don't think.
We're never going to be in a war with Mexico.
Yeah, yeah, we'll destroy.
No, I mean, I think we would never be in a war with them.
Yeah, exactly.
Those are our dogs.
But if you were in a war with Russia, I think that most of the gangs in America
would be on
our side, no?
You say that.
But like, think about it.
Some of those gangs have drug ties, and those drug ties, they don't want the
fucking federal
government telling them what to do.
Mm, you're right.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They'd get in bed with like the cartel and whatever government agencies they
have power
over.
What a weird, in LA, imagine if we were like Red Dawn and we were attacked by,
oh my God,
it'd be insane.
Where would they hit up first?
I would be so scared.
Would you be scared?
Can you imagine if they're like, we're going to bomb LA, and they bomb downtown,
and you're
like, nobody's down there.
They hit the wrong part of the city first.
They're like, and then, and then we're going to bomb North Hollywood.
Yeah, no one's up there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, bomb skid row.
You won't kill them.
They're like zombies.
No, those are, they're undefeated.
Yeah, they're undefeated.
What does that say?
Is that what Newsweek thinks they're going to, that's where the centrifuge of
war would
be?
Oh, and a nuclear, you're talking, this is a nuclear bomb?
Nuclear bomb.
Oh my, forget it.
This is what happened, but it wouldn't even hit Santa Monica.
Oh, Westside safe.
Westside best side.
Yeah, but we're fucked.
Where we live?
No, dude, we're just, yeah, no.
Yeah, we're fucked.
We're in the fucking center of it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What are you going to do?
No, no, don't you think that, because we're on the other side of the hill, you
don't think
the hill would protect us a little bit?
Some of it.
I think the hill would get some of the radiation fog and smoke, but I think we'd
still, we'd
get a bad leg.
I'm in the yellow.
Yeah, you're in the-
Oh, you're done, you're done.
Yeah, yeah.
You're in Los Feliz or Silver Lake?
Los Feliz.
I think I'd become a shadow.
Yes.
Which is awesome.
You'd be, yeah, shadow.
Yeah, you'd do it.
Carlos shadow.
Yeah, Carlos shadow.
It's just interesting.
And his mouth is like this.
Yeah.
Wow, that would be, I mean, that would be the way to, you know what I mean,
destroy a bomb.
But that's what it says, nuclear bomb shows the impact of new gravity weapon of
the biggest
U.S. cities.
Wow.
Wow, that's scary.
Let's hope that doesn't happen.
Let's hope it doesn't happen.
Or I'm on the road.
Yeah, I want to be gone.
Yeah, I've always imagined that, like if I was on the road and I was in LA's
taken out.
Like, oh, well.
No.
I got two more sets tonight, so I gotta.
It would be terrible.
I mean, imagine, dude.
They wouldn't hit LA first, though.
Who would you worry about?
You're on the road.
Yeah, well, my wife and my dog.
That's number one.
This studio, you guys, actually.
Yeah, you first.
Okay.
Well, you'd be on the road, too.
Yeah, I'd be on the road.
And then what would you do?
Like, if I was, you were in Cleveland and I was like in Denver or whatever,
vice versa,
whatever you want to say.
And then, and we would be mourning, because, you know, I would lose so many
people.
You would lose.
So many people.
Right.
And then our cell phones still worked.
Mm-hmm.
And then, well, you think in a day we would call each other or a couple of days?
It depends.
I don't know.
See, you know, and who knows if we could get a hold of anybody?
You know how, like, they have, like, cell phones crash when all that stuff goes
down?
You know, like, 9-11, no one could, like, call anybody and the phones are down
and all
that?
I'm just thinking hypothetically, if, like, the satellites aren't down and we
could call,
would you, I think in the, within the first 12 hours, we would text each other.
100%, yeah.
Right away.
Where are you?
Are you okay?
You good?
No, I would text you.
Are you going to sell your house?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're going to keep your house?
And then what would we, what would you, I mean, honestly, what would you do?
Like, like, would the banks be working?
Like, could we get money out?
No.
No.
We're done.
Once it starts, it's over.
Oh, fuck.
That's what I'm saying, dude.
Load up.
That's crazy.
Get golden guns at your house.
I would relapse immediately.
I'd be there with you.
We would meet, I would, like, try to get to wherever, Denver.
Yeah.
Let's meet somewhere in the middle.
Yeah.
Let's do heroin in Missouri.
Yeah.
And then we'd just be heroin guys.
Fine.
Whatever.
Who cares?
I know.
You know what I mean?
If that's the end, that's the end.
Yeah.
I want to go out like a, dude, I had to do my will today, this morning.
I had to do, like, my living will.
I've done that.
Oh, my God.
And you have to decide, like, he literally was, like, step by step.
He's, like, if you are in a tragic accident and your brain is incapacitated,
right?
Like, you're brain dead, essentially.
How long do you want to be alive?
Ooh, how long did you say?
I had to do it today.
How long do you think?
I said.
Your brain.
I'm brain dead.
But there, but I'm, you know, I'm in a vegetative state.
But there's hope that I might come back or you never, you know what I mean?
But they ask you how long.
A month.
Interesting.
What do you guys think?
Zero minutes.
Jeremy, what about you?
One week.
One week.
George is actually right.
Wow.
You know, I did a week so family could come say goodbye to you.
But you said that there could be a possibility that you can be alive.
There is a possibility.
Why wouldn't you give more than a week, then?
Just one week.
I said one week they can come say goodbye.
Because I don't want to put the burden of me being in a vegetative state on
other people.
I want to put the burden.
I know you do.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm a burden guy.
You're 10 years.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm a 10-year guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're 10 years.
Yeah, I want everyone to come.
I know.
I said one week for the family to come say goodbye.
And then after that, it says drug, drug-induced disability.
That's a lot of money, though.
That's wasted.
That's what I mean.
Yeah.
But I don't want my family to have my money.
So just put the money.
Well, that was the next question.
After all that stuff was like, who gets your funds and all this bullshit?
So what'd you do?
Well, do I get any?
In the event.
In the event that.
I don't like that smile.
Do I get any?
Well, first of all, my wife gets all of it.
And then in the.
All?
Yeah.
In the event that she's not around.
She won't be.
Trust me.
Okay.
Okay.
In the event.
She's out.
Let's say both of us died tragically together.
Yeah.
It gets, it goes to my parents.
And let's say if my parents aren't alive, then it goes to my sister.
And if my sister's not alive, it goes to my dog.
And if my dog, no, my dog's not.
Okay, if.
And if you haven't eaten my dog by this point.
No.
It's, no, no, no.
It goes to then my sister.
And then after that, it goes to three or four different charities.
One of which being children's hospital.
They don't need the money.
Yes, they do.
Okay.
My bad.
Kids having cancer is the worst thing in the fucking.
There is literally no greater crime the universe commits than giving children
cancer.
Interesting.
You wouldn't need my money.
Interesting.
Interesting.
You would never give me any of your money when you're dead.
That wouldn't you.
You're in my fucking will.
You don't get a lot, but you're in it.
Well, then I'll change it.
Am I really?
Yeah.
How much do I get?
Everyone's in it.
Well, tell me how much I get.
Like 20 grand.
Fuck you.
20 fucking grand for all I've done for you?
You know which money?
I have 100 grand in the bank.
Well, then give me the 100.
No.
My mom, my brother.
We have the same thing, but I give everyone something.
I think your mom gets all of it, and if she's not around, Steve gets all of it.
No, that's all.
I have everyone gets something.
Abby gets something.
Everyone gets something.
Abby gets something?
My manager.
Yeah, yeah.
Why?
Who do I care?
I'm going to be dead.
That's my point.
That's why I'm going to give it to charity, because what do I fucking care?
I care.
No, give charity.
Okay.
We should give it away.
Well, can I have something of yours?
You actually do.
What?
I can't tell you.
I think you're lying, dude.
No, you do get something.
Now we get to the topic of death, and I'm-
It's not death.
No, no, no.
It's just a beautiful way of-
You have to frame your life while you're here, and they tell you, you're not
young anymore.
You got to fucking set up a thing in case you go away.
So, in case this World War III happens in 2025 that we're in-
But when you see a celebrity die at 53, because I'm 53, right?
You go, because I feel so young still, and you just kind of go, oh, shit, it
can happen at any time.
Ricky Henderson died, the baseball player.
I know this episode will be out significantly after, but-
How old was he?
Young, dude.
I think he was 63, which fucking, that fucked me up.
I think he died.
Wow, wow.
He died of 65.
Yeah.
And he died of pneumonia, which never fucking happened.
Maybe he had pre-existing conditions, something else.
So, Bobby, this guy, the way you love footbal