Name: Bobby Lee DITCHES Andrew Santino for Jake Paul??
Uploaded: 2025-03-12T18:15:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee DITCHES Andrew Santino for Jake Paul??' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee DITCHES Andrew Santino for Jake Paul??' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-12. Transcript available.

I'm so sick I can't podcast, but I can go to Miami for Jake Paul.
I'm so sick I can't podcast, but I can sit on a five and a half hour flight to
Miami for Jake Paul.
Interesting stuff.
I'm so sick I can't podcast.
Jake Paul, I'm on my way.
I'm on my way.
I'm so sick that I'm going to go to promotions for bad friends.
Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.
I'm so sick that I go out of my way, right, to risk my life and my health and
my family's lineage, right?
Yeah.
For my best friend and your family.
My family's lineage is in jeopardy already.
Don't even get me started, dude.
This guy goes to Jake Paul's party for the Super Bowl and goes the day before.
I'm sick, dude.
We can't pod.
And I say, are you still going to go to Miami?
No answer.
Yeah, right.
He was there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, no answer.
That's why he didn't answer.
Yeah.
I'm so sick that I bow to the king.
Jake Paul's the king?
Yes.
Jake Paul's the king.
Let me say something right now, dude, right?
You know, we're like in Game of Thrones, dude, right?
I went to the Lannisters, dude, right?
When I'm just a peasant, I could get my head beheaded, right?
You know, White Walkers are coming from the north, right?
Yeah.
And I risked my life and limb, right, to go down there to bow to the king,
right?
For us so that we can be saved.
And now he does this.
Do you understand?
Ring, ring.
Hello, Jake Paul.
Dude.
Oh, you need to meet in my Remy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll be right there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who else going to be there?
Yeah.
What?
Ring, ring.
Ring, ring.
Ring, ring.
Dude, I love stumping you.
You know that you weren't that sick.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
And also-
That's not it.
And also, the night before was with a lady friend hanging out.
With a lady friend, didn't get that sick, went on a flight, Jake Paul, Miami.
Okay.
First of all-
Our guest today is Chris DeStefano.
Yay!
I like you.
I love you.
But when I say this, right, right, um, um, lady friend always trumps work.
Yes.
Don't you think?
Lady friend always trumps work.
Did you bring us back any Celsius?
What?
Any Celsius?
Yeah, I got to order it.
Does he have to, Jake has something to do with that?
No, they're prime.
Oh, prime.
Prime, sorry.
Did you bring back any prime?
Well, let's get that back because the joke doesn't work now.
Do it again?
Sorry.
Uh, bring me in.
Did you, did you bring back any prime?
Yeah!
All right, explain to us, explain to us who was at the Super Bowl party.
By the way, you hate football.
Yeah.
Okay.
You look like a football.
So Carlos went with me.
You do have pigskin face.
Yeah.
Just, just in the face.
I don't know, man.
You look like a field goal kicked football.
Sorry.
All right, who was at the party?
You look thin, though.
You do look good.
T-Dog.
Are you being real, though?
No, I swear to God.
Well, as soon as I came in, I said, you look good.
You look thinner than I've ever seen you.
I thought maybe you're on some other big.
He is.
Are you?
We go, we go, we go, we go, we go, we bring up the photo of him from his
Instagram.
He posted on the set of Theo's movie.
You look good.
No, you really do look.
Everyone I know is like, bro, is Bobby losing crazy weight?
I was like, yeah, dude, he's on it.
Yeah.
There it is.
No, no, no.
It's the next one there.
He's standing up.
Look at that, dude.
Wow.
Skinny.
You look good.
Look at my belly, dude.
Oh, I mean, it is compared to David.
Yeah, David Spade does look like he has the hiv.
You look good, and if honestly, if I just blacked out the face with that hair
and that
outfit, you look exactly like my aunt Colleen.
Shout out, Colleen.
You look literally exactly like my aunt Colleen.
Dude, I'm already drowning on this podcast.
No, it's like Vietnam, dude.
It's like I'm just being pelted, dude.
This is Hamburger Hill.
I'm on Hamburger Hill.
There's no way out, man.
Well, what side would you fight on in Vietnam?
You're on Hamburger Hill.
South.
No bun.
No bun.
Protein style.
Yeah, yeah.
Protein style.
Yeah.
Wait a minute, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You do look fantastic in this photo.
You look thin.
You look good.
Are you being real?
Your skin looks good.
Yeah, man.
You look good.
But David Spade looks even better.
Oh, he always looks better.
He looks even thinner.
He's Twiggy Wiggy.
He's so skinny, man.
He looks like he has Siskel and Ebert jaw cancer.
Oh, my God.
You know Spadey's never, he never overeats.
He never has a bad month.
I've never seen him go, dude, I got to cut back.
Like, you and I have phone calls where it's like, buddy.
You called me.
Santino called me and he didn't know that Jasmine was in the car.
He called me and told me that he had to get back in shape because he was on the
road so
much.
And he looked at himself in the mirror naked at a hotel room on the road.
And he started crying and my girl heard it.
Dude, I got out of the shower.
I saw my stupid little ugly pale body in the head.
One of those big mirrors right as you got out of the shower.
And I looked at it, started crying.
Yeah.
Instantly was like, look at my little penis, my pale frumpy body and just bawling.
I was like, I got to go to the fucking gym, dude.
Yeah.
I just sad, fat boy.
On the road, you're eating.
You're not sleeping right.
Like you're traveling.
I couldn't get the head of my dick out of this tube.
What?
What?
What do you mean?
Oh, shit.
What do you mean?
Here we go.
Here we go.
What tube?
What?
What do you mean?
Well, the tube is the stem.
Oh.
The shaft.
Oh, it went in.
Oh.
Yeah, but I couldn't get it out.
Right.
It was like gum or something in it.
You're not circumcised?
I am circumcised.
Wait.
That's the tragedy of it all.
That's the tragedy.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, right.
It was like a turtle, right?
Like his head couldn't get out of the shell.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Stuck.
Right.
So then I had to do a thing where I was like, ah, like that.
And it made a sound like, pop, pop, and it came out.
And then I held it with my two fingers so that it wouldn't like, you know what
I mean, dry that way, you know?
Yeah, but look there, you could see, you got-
I don't know why I just shared that information.
Because you were like, you guys were sharing about, you know, being in the
mirror and stuff, right?
I just, this is what happened to me.
I don't think hotels could have years.
I'm drowning, dude.
I'm drowning already because it attacked me so badly.
No, you never look good in a hotel mirror.
It's disgusting.
Also, by the way, you're not drowning.
And if you do remember Vietnam, you ended up, you guys ended up winning.
You know what I mean?
Stalemate.
Stalemate.
Right.
But that's a win.
If a tie, a tie is a win.
Are you going to tie with the United States?
That's a win.
Yeah, man.
You love soccer.
That's a tie is a win.
Yeah, I guess a tie is a win.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, a tie is a win.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you know, when you both come, it's good.
Yes.
Yeah, that's true.
Right?
Sometimes you come, right?
And the other person doesn't come.
That's right.
Right?
And then you're like, I'm tired or whatever.
That's most of my sex life.
Yeah.
Your wife.
Muy bueno, por favor.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you, she was, I tell you.
If she had a cock, right?
I was so nice to her at the Hulu party.
Yeah.
Was it not?
100%.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I didn't like your face.
Why?
You think I was going to be too nice?
I wasn't hitting on her.
No, she doesn't care.
I was just looking at her and going, she's so beautiful.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Very nice.
Very important.
She is gorgeous.
Yeah, she absolutely is.
You got everything going for you.
You got everything going for you.
Watch this transition.
Look at this.
Yeah, yeah.
Special out on Hulu.
The guy is playing Madison Square Garden.
Madison Square Garden.
September 11, 2020.
On 9-11.
That's what it is.
Really?
Now, are you donating any of the proceeds to the fire, to FDNY?
If we can get ticket sales above 7,000.
Yeah, okay.
Yep.
Anything under that, I'm going to have to keep from, Poppy's going to have to
keep.
Now, do we get spots on that show or what?
We should.
100%.
Not being real.
We get spots on that show.
If you guys, I swear to God, if you were in New York, you could absolutely come
do spots
as long as I could promote you.
100%.
100%.
No, I'm kidding, kidding.
Tickets are going good.
Tickets are going good.
Stay positive.
Good.
September 11th, a memorable day for New York City.
Yep.
Are you nervous that if you don't sell out, that you'll look like a tragedy?
That, yeah, so, no, I'm not nervous because it's just been a dream of mine and
it's
going to be good.
And they say President Donald Trump might come.
Seriously?
Well, because all the presidents always go to the 9-11, so they were saying
that there's
a possibility that maybe they'll come at night.
Wow.
Wow.
Yes.
Does he like you?
Does he know you?
You guys know each other?
Son knows me, Trump Jr.
Wow.
Wow.
He said, he said, he never told me anything about his dad.
When everyone was, see, when everyone was getting Trump on the pod in New York
and out
here too, they offered, they said maybe he would zoom in with me.
So I said, I can't, no.
No one wanted to do this.
Oh, no one did?
No.
AOC, can we get her?
Yes.
You should get her in and I'll come run in and smell the seat.
No, no, like AOC, let's talk about her, right?
In a club.
Pass.
You're in a club.
Would you go, sir?
If I, I mean, look at my family.
Of course I would.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You would.
He's brown in that weird way.
That's what I want.
If you're, if you're, if you're, if you're from any U.S. territory, I want to
have sex
with you.
*outro music*