Name: Bobby Lee Gets Spiritual
Uploaded: 2025-03-21T17:40:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Gets Spiritual' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Gets Spiritual' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-21. Transcript available.

- The wicked have been corrupt since earth.
Liars from the womb may have gone astray.
Their venom is like the venom of a snake,
like that of a serpent shopping its ears.
- Whoa, let me read you my favorite.
- Yeah.
- I'll read you my favorite.
- I have my favorite too, dude.
- Oh, you wanna go, dude?
Here we go.
- You're serpents.
- Oh, my favorite parable, dude.
Faroa's broken arm.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- Oh, the seventh day of the first month
in the 11th year.
- And I was 14 years old then.
- Really?
- By the way, a little side note.
- Oh.
- Okay, and that's when I lost my virginity.
- At 14?
- Oh, it's .
- Yes.
- Same thing.
- I lost, yeah.
- I have broken the arm of Faroa, king of the Egypt.
- Why'd he do that?
- Well, let me finish it, yes?
God damn, dude.
C.
- King of Egypt.
- C, dude.
It has not been immobilized for healing,
nor set with a splint to make it strong enough
to grasp a sword.
- When they say sword, they mean back then.
You know what I mean?
The sword is a symbol of dick.
- Parable.
- It's a parable, dude.
You know what I mean?
And you can't grasp yours.
You have to use two fingers, right?
We grasp.
- Yeah, we grasp.
- Who, Carlos has a little dick?
- No, no, no.
This is fucking pork.
- Fancy?
- Yeah, yeah, fancy pork.
- Yeah, but it's Spanish.
It's okay if it's little Spanish.
- I know, but he droogs out with three fingers.
- Really?
- He does?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Like a penguin hand?
- Yeah, and I don't know how you got your wife pregnant,
but that's a mystery.
- With style.
- Are you having a baby?
- With style?
- You had a baby already?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just jammed the gummy, your gummy penis into their vag?
- Wow.
- So gross.
How old is the baby?
- Two.
- Yeah.
- Okay, nice.
- Jules, would you read Chris DeStefano, our guest,
a parable of your choosing, please?
- Yes, please, thank you.
- Yeah.
- Go ahead, there you go.
Jesus is among us all, remember that.
- Yes.
- Okay.
- There it is.
- Usurpation of Athalia,
when Athalia, the mother of Aziah,
saw that her son was dead,
she began to kill off the whole royal family
of the house of Judah.
- You're very excited about that.
- That's fun.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But anyway, what'd you learn from that parable, Jules?
- That it's okay to kill your family.
- No, that's not what the parable was.
Somebody killed a daughter, right?
And then she killed the royal family, not her family.
- It's okay to kill your rival.
- That's great, that's very, is it okay?
- I think in certain instances, it's okay.
- So I can kill Ronnie Chang?
- Yes.
- Okay, good.
- I thought you did already.
- Yeah, no, no, no, no.
So Jimmy O. Yang, Ronnie Chang.
- Yeah.
- Dr. Ken, they're on my hit list.
- Margaret Cho.
- Yeah, who are your rivals that you're gonna kill?
- Who am I gonna kill?
I'm gonna kill-
- Schultz?
- No, no, I wouldn't kill Schultz.
I don't kill black people.
- Okay.
- I would kill-
I don't really have like a rival who's like me.
I mean, um, hmm.
- Hmm.
- Uh-huh.
- I don't know, who would I kill?
Just because, maybe I'd kill, um-
- I think kill's a harsh.
Let's reframe.
- Kill Ronnie.
- Okay.
- Okay, that's not funny.
You edited that part out.
I don't like it.
It's a play on words.
I don't like it.
- Yeah, you don't like it.
I don't like this, okay?
Um, you're in an elevator.
- Okay.
- You see people running to get in.
It's closing.
- Okay.
- Sometimes you put your hand in.
- Right.
- Right, to stop it.
- Right.
- But who would you let it close?
- Who would I let it, who's face?
- Who would you close on?
- Right in front of their face.
- So what I would do, I'll just,
and it has nothing to do with how I feel about them.
I would just do it for a laugh.
- Who would you do?
- Martin Feumster.
- All right, so you're in an elevator now.
Who would you, who would you?
Who's running toward?
- Hey there.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Sprinting towards me.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Um, I would let it close on Faheem Amwar.
- Why?
- Just 'cause I saw him last night and I loved it.
- That's it?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And I would just fucking yell something.
- Because he would, I'll tell you why.
- I would look at his eyes and I would say, never forget.
- Why?
Oh, 9/11?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I'm a hack, I'm a hack, I'm a hack.
- Yeah, yeah, no, I like it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but I like 'cause I love Faheem.
- Right, but so here's the thing.
The reason I would do it to him is he wouldn't be,
even when he's mad, he's not mad.
- No.
- He's too nice.
- And he was with a beautiful girl last night.
- Oh my, holy moly.
- Is that his girlfriend, I guess?
- It's a girl that he is seeing, yeah.
- She's beautiful.
- Holy moly.
- Holy moly.
- I hugged her so hard last night.
I hugged her so hard.
And I think he called me at one in the morning.
I swear to God, and I didn't pick up
because I think it's about the hug.
- Because you hugged her and then you were bubbling
from the other, the spit bubbles in your mouth.
- No, we did a head, like here's what,
we did a side hug.
- Yeah.
- But then her head hit my head.
- Yeah.
- And we touched heads like this, right?
And I think our head's fucked.
- You fucked her head?
- Yeah, yeah, 'cause I did cum.
- Yeah, you did?
- Yeah, I did cum, right?
- So she went, I went, right?
And then I saw his like, you know how Afghans get
or whatever, you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- They get sand crazy.
- Yeah, they do.
They really do.
- They get sand crazy, dude, right?
- They do.
- Right, right, right, right, right.
And they start thinking of crazy things,
you know what I mean?
Like taking a bag and putting some sort of contraption
in it and just putting it on the side of the road, right?
They get sand crazy, dude, right?
So what I'm saying-
- You think he's fucking her and he has to take off his C4?
Or do you think he-
- Yeah, yeah.
- You think he does it with it?
- Yeah, you know, I envision him putting a mask, right?
Having a pole, right?
And then having someone dressed like Luke Skywalker,
and he's going, you know what I mean?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, God.
- You remember that movie?
- Yeah.
- The New Hope?
- Yeah.
- On Tatooine?
- Why are we attacking such a nice guy?
- He's a great guy, my point is is that-
- And he's got a beautiful girlfriend.
- So we hit heads, I came, right?
He called at one in the morning, right?
- And I didn't pick up
because I knew that's what it was about.
- Right.
- Like, why'd you fuck my fucking girl's head?
- But maybe it wasn't about that.
It couldn't have been.
- Should I call him?
- Call him, call him.
- What do you think, should I call him?
- He's also a very handsome man.
- He's a handsome man.
- Wasn't he on SNL?
- He auditioned or I don't know.
- He should do it.
- But he's not always should do it.
He's the best writer on the west coast.
- Very, one of the funniest comics ever too.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I like him.
- Look at him, what a handsome man.
- Fahim at 12:11, he called.
- So here we go.
- What do you wanna talk about?
- I don't know.
I didn't pick up.
- You know, you actually don't pick up a lot
and it's a fearful.
- I never pick up, I love it.
- And I also have something to talk to you about too
after the phone call. - Okay, good.
All right.
- What is the thing that you wanna talk to me about?
- There was an episode you guys did two weeks ago,
three weeks ago when the fires were happening
and then you checked in on each person.
- No, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Please don't.
You wanna do it?
- Yeah, I do.
- Because I wanna say to people right now,
I have empathy, great empathy
for the people that lost their homes.
- You're letting me stay in your house.
- I'm letting you stay at my house because of the fire.
- Right.
- Because Kalilah's house was in Altadena
and they still can't get there.
- Right.
- So the dogs and you can stay at my house forever.
- Right.
- Okay.
- So Kalilah's house was set on fire.
- It got saved, but they can't go into the area.
- Got it.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Because of the lead.
What?
- Because of the looters?
- No, Kalilah's, what?
- I'm just asking.
- No, but that's because of looters, man.
- Okay, I'm asking why you can't go back, dude.
- Because of the fucking chemicals
and stuff that's in the air, man.
- Oh.
- God, dude.
- I'm talking about chemicals, man.
- Yeah, so.
- Anyway, so then what happened?
- So I was, I texted, I texted, I listened to-
- You're in New York.
- And I'm in New York and I hear this episode,
everyone, Andrew and Bobby are going to the people
who reached out to them.
And I reached out to Andrew and I have proof of that text
and I reached out to Bobby and I have proof of that text.
On Friday, January 10th-
- And I said that you didn't.
- The day after the fires, you said I didn't.
I said, "Hey, babe, how are you checking in on fires?
I love you," is what I said to him.
And then two hours later, he sent me back the text that said,
"Not great," followed by this picture
of an Asian man burning himself alive in a protest of Vietnam.
And that's what I was sent.
And then, and then I wrote, "I love you."
And then he said, "Love you too, bro."
- You know what, just have for you to read another passage, dude.
- One more, one more, one more.
- Goddamn, dude.
- One more, and that's it.
- I like reading the New Testament.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay, let me say you, parable 58,
cry out full-throated and unsparingly.
- Oh, that's enough.
- Lift up your voice.
- That's enough, I already know.
- Lift up your voice like a trumpet blast.
- Whoa, I know what trumpet means.
- Proclaim to my people their transgression
to the house of Jacob their sins.
Ooh. - Ooh.
- Like a nation that has done what is just
and not abandoned the judgment of their God.
They ask of me just judgments they desire to draw near God.
Why do we fast, but yet you do not see it?
Why do we fast?
Afflict ourselves, but you take no note.
See, on your fast, you carry out your own pursuits
and drive all your labors.
See, you fast only to quarrel and fight
and to strike with a wicked fist.
Do not fast as you do today
to make your voice heard on high.
Is this the manner of fasting I would choose?
- Mmm, what does that mean?
- They don't eat.
- Oh, it's Ozympic, they had Ozympic back then.
- That's the thing.
- They used the intermittent fasting values called, yeah.
- Was there a Karen Carpenter back in the day?
- A what is?
- A Karen Carpenter back in that time.
- Who's Karen Carpenter?
- Huh?
- Who's Karen Carpenter?
- You don't know Karen Carpenter?
- I know Sabrina Carpenter, I went to her concert.
- Am I saying Karen Carpenter wrong?
- No, you're saying it correct.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I don't know who Karen Carpenter is.
- Look, 'cause I only know Sabrina Carpenter.
- Oh, you're right?
- I went to her concert.
- Out of the Carpenters?
- Yeah.
- Sabrina Carpenter, I went to her concert with my family
left and I stayed.
- There was a band called The Carpenters.
And she was a drummer and a singer.
- And Jesus' father was a carpenter.
- Yeah, and she died from bulimia.
- From bulimia?
- Yeah, and I was trying to make a little,
try to riff on something and you didn't know.
So now it's kind of, it was a dead end.
- I'm sorry, hold on.
- You know what I mean?
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You like Sabrina Carpenter?
- I love Sabrina Carpenter.
- Oh, here we go.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Friends.
- Friends.
- Friends.
- Coming at me.
- Coming at me espresso.
- Yeah.
- With that me espresso.
- Yeah.
- With that me espresso.
- Mm.
- With that me espresso.
- Mm.
- With that me espresso.
- With that me espresso.
- Mm.
- Mm.
- Mm.
- Mm.
- Mm.
- Mm.