Name: Andrew Schulz's Problem with Squid Game
Uploaded: 2025-04-06T17:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Schulz's Problem with Squid Game' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Schulz's Problem with Squid Game' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-06. Transcript available.

I was talking to somebody about,
somebody went to that Euro sushi place.
And they said it was the best sushi.
And then I told them, I go,
Andrew Schultz didn't like it.
And they couldn't, no one can believe that.
You know what I mean?
- Nobody there even likes it.
- Yeah, that makes sense.
- Wait, wait. - It's all for Netflix.
- Yeah.
That does make sense.
You know how you visit a place?
You know how it's like, what is it?
Pat and Gino's in-
- Oh, in Philly?
- In Philly.
No Philly people don't like that.
- They're like Ishka Bibbles, right?
- Yeah, Ishka Bibbles.
Yeah, that's right.
They don't like that.
- This is Pat and Gino's of Japan.
That's Gino right there.
- Yeah. - He's old, bro.
- Yeah. - Gino's old.
- Now, did he come out and say hi to you?
- No, he was there and his son.
We got like the real-
- Oh, the real deal. - I bought a suit to go there
'cause you have to like dress.
They say not to drink.
You have to like respect it.
- Yeah, yeah. - And then we went there
and there's a bunch of f***ing assholes.
- Were you there with your wife?
- I was there with my wife.
- What did she think of it?
- She doesn't like wasabi.
And it was so much wasabi
that like we couldn't even eat it.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
They don't want you to drink.
Isn't it in a subway?
- Yeah, it's in a subway.
- I'm drinking. It's the subway.
- That's the logic.
But I had so much deference.
Here's like, all right.
You know how like Japanese people,
they only do something if it's perfect.
- Correct.
- Like they have so much shame.
- Yeah.
- You know, unlike the Koreans do half-ass shit,
but like the Japanese.
- Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
- Couldn't even keep their country as one.
- You know what I mean? Exactly.
- Couldn't even keep one country.
- There's no like North Japan.
It's one Japan.
- Japan.
- There are Japanese people still fighting World War II.
- We put two atomic bombs on them.
- Hey, hey, hey. - Who's we?
- Who's we? - America!
- Whose side are you on?
- Come on.
- Pearl Harbor was the right thing to do.
- All right.
- Let me tell you something.
- It's a sneak attack and you deserve it.
- It was a sneak attack.
- But they were trying to land, right?
Let's just be honest.
- Yeah.
- What?
- Just wanted to land the plane.
- They wanted to land the plane?
- They're just not the best.
- It's a bad flying joke?
- I'm just saying that they might not be the best.
- Yeah, yeah.
- They're good at flying.
They're not good at driving.
Let's just say that.
Okay?
- No, but my point is that they have to do everything the best
'cause they feel so much shame.
- True.
- Okay.
- Right?
- But can I go back to the movies though?
We make better movies, the Koreans.
- Koreans do make the best film.
I'm not gonna lie.
Korea's been on a tear right now.
- We're on a tear on TV shows, movies.
We're on a tear on it.
- The Squid Game thing is incredible.
- It's not just a thing, guys.
- He's in it.
- It's a franchise.
I'm not in it.
- You're not?
- Can I ask you like a kind of, can I ask you a racist question?
- Fuck you.
- I'm gonna be serious.
- Be serious and be racist.
I love it.
That's who you are.
- Because that is, okay, okay.
Are the numbers so we can tell?
- I don't even get what you're saying.
- That's so funny.
- Like the show, they got numbers on them, right?
- They tell you who's left.
- Have you watched the show?
Do you know what we're talking about?
- I've seen both seasons, yeah.
- You've seen both seasons.
Okay, and they got numbers on all the people.
- Yes.
- But is it so that we can tell?
- We can tell what?
- Well, who's 456 to 218?
- There's no fucking way we'd be able to tell.
- That's AI, I thought that's the same guy.
- Oh, I know what you're saying.
Stop, stop.
- Is it for Western audiences to be able to know?
- Oh, so you're saying if you don't have the numbers,
we're not gonna be able to tell what Korean is what?
- I don't know why you would jump to that fucking racist.
- That's a little much.
That's not what you're saying.
- Explain to what you're saying.
Maybe I was being racist, but explain to me.
- That was what I was saying.
- That is exactly what I was saying.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
- There is a similarity.
- You know, I have Asian eyes.
- Uh-huh.
- And maybe it's like the movie "They Live."
- Yes.
- What's that?
- "They Live" was a Roddy Piper movie.
- Oh, nice.
- And he puts on glasses and he can see messages
and signs and aliens through the glasses,
and that's what my little Asian eyes are.
- Ah.
- Yeah, yeah, "They Live."
It's a great movie.
It really is.
John Carpenter, I think, did it.
- Yeah?
What do we need?
Like, I don't see more when I open mine.
- Thank you for saying that out loud.
- I just thought that.
- People think that I see things through letterbox.
- Yeah, what do you see?
- Through letterbox.
- Like, do you see this?
- Like, I'm a Criterion Collection movie guy.
You know what I mean?
No.
- We are IMAX and you're-
- I'm trying to-
- You're not IMAX, dude.
You're not IMAX.
- Dude, you don't see IMAX.
- That's good.
- You could see, if you're looking at me,
you could see the sky, fuck you.
- Yes, I can.
- I'm trying to see if I actually see less like you.
I see just the same, and when I go like this,
I don't see more stealing.
- I see less.
- You see less.
- I see way less.
- Yeah, yeah.
- 'Cause you're doing a-
- No, no, stop.
- Can you see further?
- Look at him.
- I can see way further.
- Oh, so Asians can see further.
- Like a hawk, yes.
- Got it.
- Well, no, no, that's so they can see through you.
They can see the real soul within you.
- They can see what's going on.
- Yeah, we have that power, you know what I mean?
- Okay, go really concentrate
and tell me what I got inside.
- Go.
- Inside what?
- Inside, like-
- Okay, here we go.
- Whatever Andrew was saying.
I feel like you're opening them.
- I make noises if I do it.
- Oh, yeah, you have to.
- That's fine.
- I feel like you're opening your eyes more.
I feel like you're seeing less deep in-
- No, no, no.
You know, that's-
- Trust the process.
- Let me tell you something about-
- Yeah, my bad, I don't wanna-
- Guy, let me tell you something about-
- We're ethnicities, right?
We're the same.
- Yeah.
- And the type of person you are,
you make it different.
- Yeah, I guess-
- I see black, a black heart.
- You saw a black heart in this guy?
- Yeah, and you have colon cancer.
- Oh my God.
- Dude, I shit a lot.
Like, I wonder if that-
- Yeah.
- No, that's a good thing.
- You're the third guy, you're the third guy.
- Shitting less is bad.
- Okay.
- Shitting more is actually very good.
- Are you worried about that stuff
as we get up there a little bit?
- As an old white?
Yeah.
- Like, it is something that we should consider.
Prostate, colon, all that stuff.
The only ones that I think you can snag
for old white is prostate and colon.
Those are the two you have to be able to snag.
Old white, my dad just beat prostate cancer.
Bobby's dad lived to be 104, didn't have any cancer.
- Yeah, no AIDS, I've never seen a Korean with AIDS.
- Isn't that funny?
They don't get it.
- Name me one Korean with AIDS.
- Can't do it.
- You can't think of it.
- Can't do it.
- Oh, no, wow, I can't.
- Exactly.
- That is crazy.
- It's crazy, yeah.
- Is it like not over there?
- Yeah.
- Do you even care about these STDs and shit anymore?
Like, you're a married guy, it's like-
- Oh yeah, he's on the move.
- I got bumps all over my penis.
- Do you?
- Different mounds, different colors.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
It's a kaleidoscope.
- Wow.
- Do you really think about that?
- I pee green for some sort of, you know.
- You know, he's never been tested.
- Yes, I have.
- Fuck.
- When?
When?
- Four months ago, I got tested.
- Four months?
- Yeah, Dr. Cowart was serious.
- What happened that made you want to get tested?
- What?
- What happened that made you want to get tested?
- I just thought, he goes, "You think we should get tested?"
And I go, "I think we should."
- Oh, you'll speak back.
- Well, whenever an Asian does an accent,
I'm respectful and I do the aggregation.
- That makes sense, yeah.
- Can I ask you a question?
I was watching a Laird David clip where you were on the show,
and you used the accent, did he ask you?
Did he like come to you?
- Yeah, okay, so I'm going to tell you about Hollywood.
- Yeah.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
- So I got the role of like a merchant of weapons.
- Okay.
- But he was in LA, so I just called the director FaceTime
and I go, "Since he's in LA, I don't think he should need..."
He goes, "I want the accent."
- He said it to you.
- Yeah, and I go, "Yeah, but you know what I mean?
If it was in Korea, maybe, I was talking to him in England,
I want the accent."
- Are you telling me there's nobody in LA that's Korean
that doesn't have an accent?
- I know, but what I'm saying is that, why do I need one?
- So you don't like doing it?
You find it's been...
- I'll tell you who fucked me up about it.
- Who?
- Jon Cho.
- Oh, wow.
- The actor Jon Cho, yeah.
- Yeah, so one day I asked him.
- What number was he?
- 365.
- Okay.
- Yeah, he was 365.
- All day.
- Ronnie Chang was 202.
- Wait, Jon Cho is Hawaii Five-0?
- No, Jon Cho is...
We did Harold and Kumar together.
- Jon Cho.
- Can we look up Jon Cho?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was in the Star Trek movies at Sulu.
- I gotta be honest, those Koreans are handsome.
- Some.
- Yeah, no, they got some good looking fucking Asians over there.
But no, I don't think you're ugly.
I don't think...
- Fuck you.
- No, I'm being honest.
I don't think you're as ugly as you think you are.
- Yeah, he looks at me and I asked him, I go...
We were on sets, I forgot what it was.
And I go, "You ever do accents?"
He goes, "Yeah, I don't do 'em."
"Do you get offered?"
"Yeah, I just don't do 'em."
I go, "Why?"
He goes, "I just don't think we need to."
It's just an entire thing.
He goes, "I'm fine that you do it
'cause you do a lot of broad comedies
and I get it, but I just don't want to do it."
And it made me feel shame about it.
- Why?
- Because every role I get is an Asian accent.
- Hello, Mr. Johnson.
- Okay, the last five things you've done
didn't have an Asian accent.
- Mr. Johnson.
- Game of Thrones, the random Asian accent.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
"Wire Walker, Wild Walker come in."
You know what I mean?
And they're like, "Yeah, I mean, you don't need an accent,
but I don't know why I have one right now."
- You haven't done it in the last couple of films you've done.
You didn't do it, you didn't do it, look at that.
You didn't do it in the last thing you just did, Theo's movie.
You don't have an accent.
- I do a Southern accent there.
- That's even funnier.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I go, "Hey, man."
- Drugstore June, no accent.
- No accent there.
- Sweet Dreams, no accent.
Borderlands, no accent.
- Oh, the throwback, nothing.
Drugstore June, nothing.
- Magnum PI, nothing.
- No Magnum PI.
Yeah, you're right.
- You're too famous, I think, to do the Asian accent now.
- Yeah.
- I feel like you're too known outside of these projects.
- What about Reservation Dogs?
- Well, can you go zoom back?
Here's what-
- You were in Reservation Dogs?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Oh, I'm thinking of Reservoir Dogs.
- No, no.
- Reservation Dogs.
- Mr. Yellow.
- Good joke.
- That's so funny.
That's so funny.
- Well, they should have had one.
- Yeah, Mr. Yellow.
- Too many white guys.